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Old 07-07-2018, 11:12 AM
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StephBlurton StephBlurton is offline
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Parrots:
7 year old Male Jardines 2 year old Male Turquoise Green Cheek Conure
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Re: Attitudes and responses to other members.

Quote: Originally Posted by Mayden View Post
Okay, this might seem a bit naggy and horrificly long/repetitive but I'd appreciate people reading and maybe taking it on board too.

This is basically a post about "attacking" others on the forum for actions they've done or thought about doing regarding their fids. There's many examples that have gone round in my time of being on the forum and this is so far my least 'aggressive' forum that I've been on, but it still occurs. So this here is a little lesson in forum etiquette, manners and how to successfully teach someone a lesson about bird care WITHOUT scaring them off - encouraging them to come back for more help if they need it.

I think it's really important to take the approach of "the damage is done, so lets make sure the lesson is learnt to avoid it happening again".

The idea of blaming someone for something they have done regarding their fid because of ignorance is absurd. I appreciate that everyone should read up the best they can before getting a parrot but some things we just have to learn by asking questions or by our own mistakes. The best way we can help people out is for them to ask questions and for us to respond in the best way we can and encourage them to come back if they still don't understand or have more questions - surely this is the best thing for the fid?

I've been on the recieving end from said attackers in the past after rescuing a ducorps cockatoo and housing him in a parrot cage that was (undoubtly) too small for such a large too, but large enough for him to stretch and clamber around ect. The cockatoo was being housed in a travel cage 24/7 at the time, which as most of you know is not adequate. His tail feathers were barbed and matted from the water and bars on the cage, he couldn't stretch except for a wing at a time that got stuck through the bars so in my opinon, getting him out of there in ANY cage as an upgrade was better than leaving him to be sold off to some idiot in said travel cage.

I asked on a forum for help - he was my first 'parrot' (having owned budgie's before) and I wanted to make sure I was doing right by him in every way possible. I posted pictures of him in his cage with his new toys, eating etc and ALL I got back were people attacking me about the size of his cage. Seemingly to completely ignore the story (I was 18, had just been given a sizeable sum of money from my mother and spent it ALL getting him out of there and in that cage with appropriate toys etc) but no, their focus wasn't on me getting him out, it was his cage.

(Link to the cage if anyone is interested - currently Merlin's cage now - Montana Brazil)
Here's a picture of him in it! (Before a ton of toys were added and perches changed to natural wood with bark he can strip etc.)


So instead of getting help, I was attacked, made to feel I'd done a horrible thing, ended up in tears and regretting getting him and it temporarily put me off forums or even speaking about him. I only wanted to know if I was going about bonding with him etc, correctly and if anyone could identify which cockatoo he actually was. Instead I was attacked and will never touch that forum again - I learnt nothing, other than people can be incredibly nasty. I appreciate that you may be anxious that a bird is at risk by someones actions but attacking and being aggressive is NOT the way to get somebody to learn what they have done is wrong.

Anyway; moral of my story is - please, PLEASE, do not attack anyone on this forum, berate them, put them down for their actions. They're asking for HELP to improve their birds lives and what is done is done, the best thing you can do for all involved is to offer encouraging words and help them to now do what is best. You cannot change the past, but you can permanently damage the future if you go in all guns blazing. The person will feel attacked by a community and will leave with no answers, just more anxiety and the welfare of their fid is then at stake. Is that really our goal? No, it's not.

I know some do it because they get on their high horse regarding their knowledge on birds. I know some do it out of panic and rush to get their message across. Some just don't realise they're being aggressive or think it's necessary to get their message across. It isn't.

If you think back to your best teachers in life, I'm sure it'll be the ones who took the time to sit with you, explain things thoroughly, point out your mistakes and NOT get angry with you for them, but explain how to go about it better next time.

Please guys, just take into consideration that we are human, we make mistakes and we're all here trying to learn. So let's get rid of all that nastyness, intended or not and encourage others to learn - and come back to learn some more!

thank you soo much for this post. i am new to the forum, and quite frankly in quite a similar situation you found yourself in so many years ago. i came here looking for help and honestly the first thing i thought was the fear of the hateful backlash i was going to get for my decision to take on a challenging bird like Wilbur, who clearly needs someone more advanced with training than i am. i feel a little less intimidated now and i hope i can either get thr help i need for him or at least find him a better home. i just want the best for him.
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