Would love to find the woman who took "Kramer"

mafiadanes

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I'm new to this forum but not 100% new to feather babies. I recently rescued a scarlet macaw and a shamrock macaw. Having big feather babies back in my home have brought back many memories of my Kramer-baby, a Moluccan Cockatoo, that I had to sadly re-home years ago.

It would have been around 2000-2004. I was in Huntingtown, MD. I had my baby for many years and he was very sweet. He would lay on my chest and fall asleep to me singing "You are my sunshine". I finally became engaged and moved in with my fiance and Kramer was not his biggest fan. Every day when he came home, Kramer would attack him. He would stomp his cute little foot, crest all tall, wings out, and scream at him. It caused such tension in the home and I was given an ultimatum. Sadly, I choose the wrong male to keep in my life.

The day Kramer left, I sobbed. I sobbed for weeks on end. I didn't charge anything for him, his cage, or his toys as all that mattered to me was him finding a good loving home.

I would be cleaning the house months later, find a feather, and start my sobbing all over again. I'm getting teary-eyed now just writing this. He was my 1st love, my first baby. I had visions of when I got married, that I would have my Kramer-bird walking down the isle with everyone.

The lady that came broke my heart that day but I don't think she even realized it. As she was carrying him out, she said, "Come with momma", and that broke my heart because I was his momma; not this strange lady that was taking him.

I am blessed that she took him and can only hope he was happy.

I've seen on this forum where someone has to re-home a baby and everyone keeps asking them if they are really sure they want to do that. They tell the person to sit down and talk to your baby and make sure that is what is best for both of you. I really wish I had someone to say that to me that day.

I am not looking for Kramer for any other reason than to see how he's doing and if he's happy. Pictures would be awesome. I'm hoping someone recognizes my story and I can just be assured that he is good.

I don't even have photos of him from before as I finally left that relationship very abruptly and had to make the choice to leave everything behind as I just needed to get away from that relationship. It kills me to think I choose an abusive man over a loving child so long ago.

I plan to make up for it with my two new babies who will never go anywhere else but with me but I will never forgive myself for that decision made years ago.
 

Birdman666

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Do you have any former contact information? Perhaps, if you have something to go by, we can track her down. I'm not sure you can PM me yet, but you can PM a mod, and they can forward the info to me.

Why am I reminded of that classic line from Planet of the Apes, the original version (the good one that had a point to it)... "YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE WHAT YOU FIND!"

I did rescue/rehoming and rehabbing for many years. And I understand people's situations change, and sometimes they make decisions they come to regret. That's why I always ask people to think about it first.

Once you give them up, they're gone.
 
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mafiadanes

mafiadanes

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The only thing I know is that she lived in Calvert County, Maryland as well. I don't have any more of my paperwork or contact information on her as I pretty much left everything behind when I finally left. She was a woman who seemed sweet enough but didn't stay very long. I don't blame her though as I was a wreck. She was in and out of my home in less than 5 minutes with everything. I lived in Huntingtown, Maryland (in Calvert County) at the time.

There's a lot of truth in your words about "Might not like what your find", but if I DID find out something that I didn't like, I would try my best to remove him from that situation and bring him back. Hopefully, I find him doing wonderful and in a loving home though.
 

Birdman666

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Presently have six Greenwing Macaw (17 yo), Red Fronted Macaw (12 yo), Red Lored Amazon (17 y.o.), Lilac Crowned Amazon (about 43 y.o.) and a Congo African Grey (11 y.o.)
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The only thing I know is that she lived in Calvert County, Maryland as well. I don't have any more of my paperwork or contact information on her as I pretty much left everything behind when I finally left. She was a woman who seemed sweet enough but didn't stay very long. I don't blame her though as I was a wreck. She was in and out of my home in less than 5 minutes with everything. I lived in Huntingtown, Maryland (in Calvert County) at the time.

There's a lot of truth in your words about "Might not like what your find", but if I DID find out something that I didn't like, I would try my best to remove him from that situation and bring him back. Hopefully, I find him doing wonderful and in a loving home though.

That really isn't enough to go on... without even a name... it would be sheer luck finding anyone after all this time. With a name and former address you might be able to skip trace.

But the sad fact remains that most M2's get rehomed 7-10 times in their lifetime. There is no sugar coating that statistic. I love them dearly, but I wish they'd never been introduced to the pet trade...
 

GreatBlue320

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I'm so sorry you had to rehome Kramer. Please try to forgive yourself - I'm sure you felt it was the right decision at the time.
 

Kyoto

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I am so sorry for you, and I completely understand how you feel.

I too had to "abandon" my babies under similar circumstances… I had to leave my relationship and my ex refused to let me take any of them. He won't even send me photos, let alone allow me to come see them. I miss them every day.

Having Kyo has helped ease the pain just a bit, but I still think about my lovebirds and budgies, and my cockatiel Joey who I found out from a friend passed away the very day I brought Kyo home. I tear up thinking about it.

<3 I really hope you find Kramer. Nothing hurts more than not knowing...
 

riddick07

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I hope you come across the bird. The chances don't seem high with the information you have but you never know.

I checked with Jeanne to see if she ever had a Moluccan named Kramer come through the rescue but the answer was no. Obviously his name could have changed at some point making it even harder to know if any of them could have been your guy.
 

SilverSage

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I have been through the heartbreaking situation of having to choose between a man and an animal, and choosing the man. In my case it was the right choice (completely different situation, and there was no ultimatum), but it still hurts me to think about.

My suggestion is to reach out and post on Craigslist and Facebook pages for the area the woman lived in. Call any shelter and rescue groups as well. Give out your contact info (choose wisely because once it is out there it is out and you can never give it back). Be sure you really want to do this. Make it clear you are not looking to take him back, or even see him if the new owner (even if it is not the same lady, because honestly it might not be) doesn't want you to.

Best of luck, my heart goes out to you.
 

Flboy

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We got our Bongo because some creep guy gave his soon to be an ultimatum! A win for everyone, we got everything, only cost was a 5 minute drive! Bongo got a wonderful, safe home! Our daughter worked with a veterinarian, and the woman came in hysterical, not knowing what to do!
I say creep, because, in my opinion, anyone who gives that kind of ultimatum over something that precious to you is, shall we say, a wee bit insensitive, self centered,... Feel free to add to the list!
 
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Birdman666

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Yeah, well, I've gotten that particular ultimatum at least three times now...

It's not as unusual as you might think. In fact, I can pretty much set my watch by it, because at some point it's coming.

But the bottom line for me is this, someone who loves and understands me, would understand the joy they bring to my life, and wouldn't make those sorts of ultimatums... ALSO someone who is THAT unhappy about my birds, is probably going to be unhappy staying with me long term. So that's just one of those "it's a bad fit" things. I wish you all the love in the world, but it's time to move on... "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! HE PICKED THE BIRD!" [SOB!] " YOU DON'T REALLY LOVE ME..." [Insert High Drama here.]

Yeah. I've had that particular conversation once or twice. And I didn't so much choose the bird, as you chose NOT to engage in power and control, and manipulation games, starting with "Prove you love me more than your birds." Here's the deal. It doesn't mean I don't care. It means you need to deal with your insecurity issues, if we are ever going to build anything meaningful. Then we'll talk.

I learned a long, long time ago: If someone wants to completely redecorate you, change your house, your furniture, your clothes, your car, your job, your pets, etc. What they really want is "someone else."
Trying to turn you into the someone else they've been unable to find is not fair, and it certainly is not love... Real love means warts and all. And doesn't mean reminding you every day, that I'm with you in spite of that ugly wart on your face, I mean WHO ELSE would ever... blah, blah, blah... UGLY WART... Blah, blah, blah... UGLY WART... (repeat ugly wart at least 20 times per day.)

That's control, and manipulation, and mind games. (S)HE... WHO MUST BE OBEYED!!! (Either sex, doesn't matter, it's the same game. The only way to win that one is not to play it anymore.) There are other fish in the sea, and sooner or later one of them will just "get" me, and will appreciate me for who and what I am, instead of degrading me for all the things I am not, never was, and never will be.

You wanna hear the funniest one I ever got?!

I'm a single parent, right... I once had a woman "suggest" that perhaps what I should do is give up custody of my daughter to my ex, and then I could have more kids with her. Because she wanted a family of her own, but did not want to GET STUCK WITH raising another woman's child!

As you can well imagine, that went over in a big way...

ALL YOU CAN DO AT THAT POINT IS EXCUSE YOURSELF FROM THE TABLE, AND JUST NEVER COME BACK. (And laugh about it later.)
 
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ToMang07

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Women get into relationships thinking men will/can change. Men get into relationships thinking women won't change.

Both are wrong.
 

Birdman666

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Presently have six Greenwing Macaw (17 yo), Red Fronted Macaw (12 yo), Red Lored Amazon (17 y.o.), Lilac Crowned Amazon (about 43 y.o.) and a Congo African Grey (11 y.o.)
Panama Amazon (1 Y.O.)
The key is to find someone who you enjoy having around, who also enjoys being around you, and has reached that point in their lives where they don't try and "play pretend," and can just be themselves around you, while also accepting you for who you are.

It sounds so simple.

But it's actually a pretty tall order these days.
 
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mafiadanes

mafiadanes

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the sad fact remains that most M2's get rehomed 7-10 times in their lifetime. There is no sugar coating that statistic. I love them dearly, but I wish they'd never been introduced to the pet trade...

That's so sad to hear because I had never met a more loving or personable larger bird in my life than Kramer. When I got him, the other owners couldn't give me any history on him as they didn't have him very long and he apparently wasn't fond of them which confused me because he latched on to me immediately. To think I was already owner # 3 and I too let him go is heart-breaking. I hate that mistake I made.
 
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mafiadanes

mafiadanes

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I checked with Jeanne to see if she ever had a Moluccan named Kramer come through the rescue but the answer was no.

Thank you so much for checking. Any little bit helps and you never know... that lady may even be a member of a forum such as this. I know she did have other larger birds and had experience and that was part of why I let him go.
 

Birdman666

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Presently have six Greenwing Macaw (17 yo), Red Fronted Macaw (12 yo), Red Lored Amazon (17 y.o.), Lilac Crowned Amazon (about 43 y.o.) and a Congo African Grey (11 y.o.)
Panama Amazon (1 Y.O.)
They are one of the most personal birds out there, but they are also very needy. And they have a very real tendency to become Scream N Plucks when their needs aren't met.

Unfortunately, most people don't, or simply can't, meet their needs.

And that's why.

A happy, full feathered M2 is a wonderful thing. And, unfortunately, also somewhat rare.
 

Weezerj

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I would contact vets in that area and give them your name and contact information as well as the back story and what you are trying to do (not get the bird back but just re-connect and make sure he is doing well).

The vet can then give your information out if he knows of a M2. That person can then decide if they would like to contact you or not.

Good luck
 
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mafiadanes

mafiadanes

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We got our Bongo because some creep guy gave his soon to be an ultimatum! A win for everyone, we got everything, only cost was a 5 minute drive! Bongo got a wonderful, safe home! Our daughter worked with a veteran, and the woman came in hysterical, not knowing what to do!
I say creep, because, in my opinion, anyone who gives that kind of ultimatum over something that precious to you is, shall we say, a wee bit insensitive, self centered,... Feel free to add to the list!

I could add a lot more to that list but I'm pretty sure that language wouldn't be liked very much on here. :p I found out quite a bit about the man once I moved in with him and things started to change. Unfortunately, I re-homed Kramer PRIOR to knowing all that.
 
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mafiadanes

mafiadanes

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... I once had a woman "suggest" that perhaps what I should do is give up custody of my daughter to my ex, and then I could have more kids with her. Because she wanted a family of her own, but did not want to GET STUCK WITH raising another woman's child!

I'm sure she lasted an all 5 seconds after THAT comment! It's funny because when I was younger (and naive) it seemed I had let that controlling man completely turn my life upside down. Once I left and then even more so when I had my own son (single mom again), I finally realized what they were doing and now have no issues putting my foot down for what I need and believe in. ANY man in my life now has to no only "put up with" my 3 Great Danes, my now 3 birds, my sugar gliders, and my rat, but its a must that he also enjoy them, otherwise, its too much drama and strife.
 

Birdman666

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Presently have six Greenwing Macaw (17 yo), Red Fronted Macaw (12 yo), Red Lored Amazon (17 y.o.), Lilac Crowned Amazon (about 43 y.o.) and a Congo African Grey (11 y.o.)
Panama Amazon (1 Y.O.)
... I once had a woman "suggest" that perhaps what I should do is give up custody of my daughter to my ex, and then I could have more kids with her. Because she wanted a family of her own, but did not want to GET STUCK WITH raising another woman's child!

I'm sure she lasted an all 5 seconds after THAT comment! It's funny because when I was younger (and naive) it seemed I had let that controlling man completely turn my life upside down. Once I left and then even more so when I had my own son (single mom again), I finally realized what they were doing and now have no issues putting my foot down for what I need and believe in. ANY man in my life now has to no only "put up with" my 3 Great Danes, my now 3 birds, my sugar gliders, and my rat, but its a must that he also enjoy them, otherwise, its too much drama and strife.

Exactly! That is not even an option that is open for discussion. Sorry if you find it inconvenient.

(And actually we were done after two seconds, but I wanted to finish my glass of wine before I left...) Honestly, how can you respond politely to something like that?!

Ummm..... NO! And thank you, but we're done here. (And trust me, lady, any guy who would do that to his kid IS NOT the kind of guy you want to start a family with...)
 
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denaw

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I too had to make the sad decision to re-home my DYHA in 2003. Mine for a completely different reason as my son was diagnosed with Wegner's Granulomatosis and nearly lost his life because of it. It's a very rare disease that has no cure, but he was on Chemo and Steriods for 3 years after being released from the hospital and the Dr. said Absolutely NO birds. I Know my Elvis went to a Great lady and Great Parront who now has her 2nd DYHA...My son was in remission for 7 years before he had to do another round of Chemo in 2012 and again this year in June. He is a grown man now and has his own home so I am So ready for a BTM to be a part of my family.
I Hope you do find a Happy ending with Kramer! Good luck to you!
 
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