It breaks my heart but I don't think I can take care of them anymore

[Wefly]

Hello, I never thought I would be doing this, but I think I need to rehome at least one of my birds. I just don't know what to do. To say that animals are my passion is an understatement...my love of animals- birds in particular- is part of my soul. I wanted birds since I was a child, and got my 1st birds (finches) a few days after I turned 15. I legitimately took better care of them than I did myself. Clean water, fresh food, nail clippings, vitamins- the whole deal. Almost every night I would put my finches to bed and gently talk and sing to them until they fell asleep. It was around that time that I began to struggle with myself. These past few years (I'm 19) I started to really struggle with severe depression anxiety, and as hard as I've tried to keep up with it, it has seriously affected my ability to take care of my birds. I don't want this post to be about me, but I feel its necessary to give background before asking for advice. I love them so much, I have cried into their feathers and had tears licked off my face. They have seen me try to sleep on a hard day and stopped screaming to let me sleep. For the better parts they have been a source of joy and love in my life when I needed it. When I couldn't find a reason to get up in the morning, they were my reason- so I could make them breakfast. Sharing oatmeal with my conure encouraged me to eat when I was falling. For all they have given to me, I find myself unable to clean their cages, keep their water fresh, and keep their meals consistent and nutritious. My conure always chirps and begs to come out of his cage, jumping at every opportunity to come and talk or play, but he rarely comes out of his cage for more than 15 minutes- most days he just comes out for a minute or two while I fill his dish or change his water. The bee bee partakeet rarely comes out at all. I hate to accept it, but depression and anxiety really alter a person's life. My failure to care for my birds is not for lack of love, interest, or responsibility- so please don't reduce this to a matter of laziness. My family sometimes helps me care for my birds, but at the end of the day I am having trouble taking care of myself yet alone 6 birds (conure, bee bee, 3 finches, 1 dove). The last thing I want to do is give them up, but its for the best. I'm going to do everything I can to get to a place where I can take care of them and keep them, but at this point I will consider rehoming them. I am charging a small rechoming fee- it just makes me more comfortable knowing you are willing to pay for a bird and it's care. 75$ for the conure, 50 for the bee bee, and 30 for the finches. I will donate the rehoming fee to an animal related charity, and will show you the receipt to prove it. I am willing to travel a quite a distance to rehome them, but I will not ship. Please be able to show me you can give them a better life, before I agree to the new home. Also, any advice is greatly appreciated- I could definitely use some. I will try to keep them and change things, but in the meantime I am accepting offers for homes. Thank you for reading and for any help:41:

 

[Christinenc2000]

Hardest thing to do is give up something you love. With any luck one of our dedicated members will help you . You can not mail so anyone interested can mail a mod and forward to you .

I am sorry you are going thru this

 

[Aquila]

I don't know if you'd be willing to travel down to Philly, but I could probably be able to take in one.

 

[Scott]

Thank you for joining and having the courage to share your situation with total strangers. I highly respect your maturity and insight. Should rehoming be necessary, you seem to have a plan with great integrity.

I assume you are under the care of a therapist and psychiatrist. That is a rhetorical statement and I don't expect you to acknowledge or discuss your treatment publicly. Close relationships with animals can be very beneficial as they are often a focus for getting "outside" of ourselves. The key is balancing what is practical for you, your birds, and family. I wish you the very best in your quest to care for yourself and your beloved birds.

 

[OutlawedSpirit]

First I want to applaud the fact that you can realize and admit that it is too much for you to handle right now. I think that shows great pet ownership, that you are able to say they need more when you cannot provide everything they need.

On the same note, I want to first say that I do not know your exact situation and I don't need to, but have you considered whether or not you are actually falling to provide the cafe they need or if your head is just telling you you aren't? I am not saying you are wrong, but I have mental health issues and I know the kinds of thought processes that depression can create. Sometimes it can make you feel like you can't do things that you can. Like I said, I am not trying to say you can, I would just hate for you to give up your beloved birds if it is just a feeling rather than a reality.

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[Dopey]

I'm sorry you feel you have to rehome your fids.

On my bad days my fids just get seed and pellets. And they are the reason I get up some days. When I was at my worst it was my cats and my dog that got me up. And after I fed them I had to go back to bed.

I know your water dishes need to be changed often but maybe you could get a system where you only have to change the water once a day. (I.e. a water bottle.)

There are some fids that don't get out of their cage daily EVER. Don't beat yourself up over this.

I don't know if you are on meds but if you are you may need to change them.

Ask for help if you need it. Maybe some day you will be able to pay it forward when someone else needs help.

I can't take on more fids right now but I hope things work out for you.

 

[Kyoto]

his sounds almost like what Skittles the sun conure's dad Jonathan (Skittys_daddy) went through growing up. Hopefully he can chime in and help you feel a bit less alone.

I also suffer from severe anxiety and know a bit how overwhelming it can be to care for them properly - but at the end of the day, they need you. It's your responsibility, and I think you are carefully looking at all of your options.

If you are still under your parents' healthcare, try to make use of it. I wish I had at your age. Now I'm married, need meds and can't afford them but that's another story.

Best of luck to you, no matter what you decide to do. This place is very supportive.

 

[wrench13]

To me, rehoming a dove and some finches would not affect me much, I am not really into them and I dont know how much personality they have. But the Conure and the BeeBee?
That would affect me a lot. My Maxie was a BeeBee ( Brotogeris) and he was a great pet and a real parrot personality , too! A snuggler, and loved scratches, he was a talker and a whistler, and I still miss him terribly. Conures same deal. I just hope after you re-home them that the missing them wont make your depression worse. Wish I could take them, but Salty is in a one parrot household.

 

[1Spongebob]

I have suffered from severe depression since 1988 & I know exactly how you feel. If it wasn't for my birds & dogs I probably would never get out of bed. Anti-depressants & mood stabilizer have helped a lot.
As to re-homing, you should be proud of yourself for putting your birds' needs first. I bought 2 macaws from the same family after a huge job change after 31 years left the birds spending all day in their cages. It broke their heart, but I'm disabled & home 24/7 & the birds are out all day with me. I keep them updated with photos & funny stories & that eases their pain. Perhaps you could request updates from whomever adopts? Orr you could give it a couple of months & try a med change.

 

[BeatriceC]

I'm going to echo a what others have said. If you are not under the care of a doctor or therapist, perhaps you will consider it. I've dealt with depression most of my life. One thing I always have to remind myself is that depression is an insidious monster who's greatest weapon is lying to you. Depression lies about what kind of person you are and what you are capable of doing. While I agree that if you really aren't capable of caring for your birds it is a wise and mature decision to find new homes for them, it might actually make your situation worse, and that is something to consider as well. I can't tell you how many mornings in the last 30 years hat the only reason I got out of bed was that I had kids and animals who needed me to care for them. Even very recently my birds were what saved me when I had to send one of my kids to the opposite coast of the country to live with his father. Whatever choice you make, please make sure you know that no matter how it turns out you are making wise and loving choices for everybody and doing your best in a bad situation.

 

[glutes]

My sister was in a similar situation. She had two sugar gliders. She loved them dearly, but when her OCD took over, the gliders suffered as well. A question you need to ask yourself: are your birds getting what they need?


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[SirEdwin89]

Have you considered something temporary? I have suffered from Major depressive disorder, and type 2 mixed bipolar disorder since I was about your age. It sucked, and to this day it still sucks, but I will say (and it took me a few years) that finally finding the right medicine combo made a world of difference for me. amphetamine salts, Welbutrin, and Venlafaxine turned out to be my "happy combo", and before I found it my wife kids and I had some really dark moments. However, for most of the past 2 years things have been really good. Sure, there are still down days, some of them are *really* down days, but most of them now aren't. Personally i'm not a fan of finches or doves, but giving up your Nanda, that's a big loss.

Anyway, I wanted to make an offer. Personally, I really don't think you should sell your Nanda, I think that's likely to be a negative catalyst. However, I would be willing to foster (him/her) for you. That way, whenever you can get yourself under control, he will be ready and waiting for you. We can even sign a non-sale agreement (so you legally know he/she is still yours.)

Anyway, I'll have a mod PM you my email in case you want to discuss it more, and if it looks like it may be something worth addressing farther I can give you my number.

 

[glutes]

Have you considered something temporary? I have suffered from Major depressive disorder, and type 2 mixed bipolar disorder since I was about your age. It sucked, and to this day it still sucks, but I will say (and it took me a few years) that finally finding the right medicine combo made a world of difference for me. amphetamine salts, Welbutrin, and Venlafaxine turned out to be my "happy combo", and before I found it my wife kids and I had some really dark moments. However, for most of the past 2 years things have been really good. Sure, there are still down days, some of them are *really* down days, but most of them now aren't. Personally i'm not a fan of finches or doves, but giving up your Nanda, that's a big loss.

Anyway, I wanted to make an offer. Personally, I really don't think you should sell your Nanda, I think that's likely to be a negative catalyst. However, I would be willing to foster (him/her) for you. That way, whenever you can get yourself under control, he will be ready and waiting for you. We can even sign a non-sale agreement (so you legally know he/she is still yours.)

Anyway, I'll have a mod PM you my email in case you want to discuss it more, and if it looks like it may be something worth addressing farther I can give you my number.

Such a kind thing of you to offer.


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[kcarly11]

I understand what you're going through. I currently have severe depression and anxiety and an eating disorder. I've been inpatient 3 times and I think without my birds I would be impatient again. They're my motivation to stay in outpatient treatment because who would let them out if I wasn't there? I have a sister and she could, but she doesn't have as much time as they need.

 

[Piasa]

Your post makes me so sad. I wish I could send you lots of joy and energy!

You have been given lots of good advice. I won't overwhelm you with more. Just remember what good you have done for your birds. They recognize this and they love you! You've made a big difference in their lives. You are so brave to consider what you are doing, and very loving.

I hope you can find a good temporary foster situation, so you can at least take back one of your birds when you have your strength again. Like birds, we are resilient creatures. Life can really suck, but somehow we're all still here.

I'm in PA and if you need someone to drive one or some of your birdies to a new place for you, I would be happy to help with neighboring states.

I hope the right solution comes to you, and that it brings you peace.

 

[Storiesoffrankie]

very brave for posting this, if you think this is the right thing then good on you for focusing on yourself.
I am only 20 and am also going through the same thing. I am chopping and changing my mind on whether I need to re home my current Green Cheek Conure..
I have never "given up" on any of my pets, no matter what the situation.
But in order for me to get better, I know I need to focus on myself.
My GCC defiantly makes me laugh, get out of bed, talk/sing/whistle .. but then when I think about all the thoughts I have about worrying about what hes doing, thinking, eating etc ... I just know that I could be using that energy into bettering myself..
Think of it this way, when you are on a airplane, they always say put your oxygen mask on BEFORE you assist anyone else with theirs (including your own children)
This is all simply because it comes down to:
YOU CAN'T HELP ANYONE, BEFORE YOU HELP YOURSELF.
Hopefully you can find a temporary home for them., because YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS . Then you can visit them, or maybe even bring them back home when you feel as though your head space is better.
Good luck to you though, please let me know what you end up deciding to do.
Thank you for sharing this with us too. You are very brave and clearly want what is best for your babies.
Take Care

 

[ConureFamilyDad]

Hi, we know how you feel and it must be really heartbreaking, but you are probably doing the best thing for both you and your pals.

We're a bird couple and also reside in New York and would gladly take in another bird if you feel yours do need to go to a new home.

We would also be glad to take one in even temporarily too as a favor to you if you find you don't wish to give any of your pals up permanently!

 

[Rival_of_the_Rickeybird]

I am very moved by this community's response here. I wish you the best.

 

[GaleriaGila]

Just my story...
I didn't have the additional mental health issues, but maybe this will be of interest?
My story...
I got him in 1984. I was soon fearing getting evicted due to his noise, and my family at the time HATED him. I recall struggling to make a decision, sitting on the floor of my townhouse, watching him race and skip and frolic around on the tile floor, and then run to me GRINNING, so proud to be showing off for me. I would just stare at him and be amazed: imagine --- a real parrot in my house, and it loved me! I felt so guilty and inadequate and afraid at one point that I had him in his travel cage and was planning to take him back to the bird store. I opened the front door and couldn't go through. Closed it. Sat down. Took my little love out and promised him we would stay together.
I didn't really believe it, but I wanted to. Eventually, I did. I was in college back then, and at least I could spend a lot of time with him.
Then there were were years (about 25 of them) when 5-6 days a week, I was gone at 7:30-ish and back at 6-ish.
Some did and will consider me wrong and think I should have re-homed him. My husband at that time detested the bird. My current ol' man tolerates him with good humor. No, the bird wasn't responsible for the first marriage's ending!
Anyway, here is what I think made it work.
I moved and got new jobs maybe 5 times or so. BUT...
Every morning, he had at least ten minutes, and every evening, he had 20 or so. I have always kept him on a natural light schedule, in a separate room, so sometimes those times together were in the dark. During the day, he had a big window looking out on something interesting, a television on one of his favorite channels (Music channels, CNN - he loves talking heads), a biggg cage, lots of fun foods, and a few toys that I changed out regularly).
He KNEW he could count on those two crummy sessions a day. Somehow we both made it.
I'm now retired and times are good again. Side-note... when I first started being able to spend much more time, he was strangely aggressive and jumpy. Eventually we settled down.
I don't know if I am doing a service or a dis-service in even suggesting you keep your bird. I do know I can't imagine life without mine at this point.
Good luck to you in making a decision. And welcome to the Forum... you'll get lots of empathy and advice here.
I selfishly/foolishly(?) hope you can keep your little loves.
BESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST of luck to you. We're with you no matter what.

 

[bkparrot]

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Its never easy but at least you realize that you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone. I can help with taking in the conure. I am located in Brooklyn.