It's highly unlikely I'll ever see Kizzy again.

Ladyhawk

New member
Apr 30, 2017
489
18
Parrots
Kizzy - (most likely) female blue-fronted Amazon, hatched on May 1, 2017; Gabby - Male double yellowheaded Amazon, hatched, April 1, 1986; died February 22, 2017
She was like my child and I spent all day every day raising and interacting with her. This is a hole that will never be filled.

Within the space of a year, I lost my life partner, one of my best friends and my adopted child. So what if two of those beings had feathers? I tend to trust animals more than humans. The only other being with whom I'm close is my mother and she's not getting any younger.

Right now I am full of self-loathing and paranoia. I have no idea where to go from here and I, too, am not getting any younger. I feel old. The chronic illnesses have taken their toll. Between those illnesses and the state of the world, I see nothing to look forward to.

I don't know where to go from here.
 

Jottlebot

Member
Aug 29, 2012
507
14
Shropshire, UK
Parrots
Orange-winged Amazon - RIP Charlie,
Spock - Common Mynah,
McCoy - Alexandrine
Ladyhawk, I'm so sorry to hear of your losses.

As you know yourself birds are found a good while after they go missing, but I appreciate that isn't much comfort to you now.

This is going to be a difficult time of year for you. You need to be kind to yourself, even if that wicked little voice is telling you you don't deserve it. This is when you don't listen it, you listen to us.

Seek out the things and the people who just lift the heartache even a fraction, even if only for a second.

You have a capacity to love a creature that has only been in your life a matter of months (so far) and that is a true gift. In time you may realise you owe it to yourself and someone else to make use of that capacity again.

Your story, honesty and humanity has reached out of these posts and touched numerous people here, myself included. I would have spared you the pain of this current tragedy if I could have, but never doubt there have been extra checks, extra teaching to family members and extra care taken by others as a result and accidents will have been prevented because of you. I'm just sorry it's come at such a high price.

I worry when I see hopelessness, there is a future, you are in it and you will smile again. It sounds to me like you know what a fight is and how to battle on. Is it fair? No. Should you have to always be the one fighting? Absolutely not. You're hurt, wounded even, but you're needed Ladyhawk, let yourself heal.

Take a timeout from the world for a bit if it'll help, but we'll all be here, this is a community and you're a big part of it.
 

itchyfeet

New member
Nov 1, 2014
1,013
7
Middle Earth
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Ethyl the cockatiel, Henry & Clarke the IRN's, and Skittles the lovebird (my daughters)
Oh Ladyhawk :( I want to write more but I am working at the moment....just want to encourage you to keep using this thread, we are all thinking of you are there will be members who have been through similar circumstances.....
 

gracebowen

Active member
Jan 14, 2015
1,439
3
San Antonio
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Cora lovebird
Sky parakeet
No one knows exactly how you feel but I know you are hurting.

A year ago my Conure Jade managed to find a plumbing access hole in the floor under my tub and escape.

I still miss him.
 

itzjbean

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Jan 27, 2017
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Oh Ladyhawk, I am so so so sorry for your recent losses, especially the loss of Kizzy.

The grand mystery of life sure can give us a lot of heartache and pain as well as such joy and love. But I like to think that these battles we face all mean something. Taking Jottlebot's advice and taking a step back from life and letting yourself heal from this seems to me the path for you now. Let yourself heal from this, and remember we all here love and support you.
 

T00tsyd

Well-known member
May 8, 2017
1,256
862
UK
Parrots
Green cheek conure - Sydney (Syd) Hatched 2/2017
There are times in life when it feels as if there is no longer any point. What I will tell you is that there is always a point. From this you can become stronger and love again. You are never alone and while things look as black as can be now you will gradually get stronger and see all the beauty that surrounds every one of us.

There is no quick cure for a broken heart but those you have lost loved you as you loved them. It may be that you may not see Kizzy again, that is something you may well have to come to terms with but try to focus on the good times, the happiness you gave each other and always leave a small corner of your heart and home open in case she eventually makes her way back.

Be kind to yourself, you have done all you can to find her. I am certain there are many like myself wishing for the miracle you seek. Give yourself time to recover and believe me you will - I know from personal experience. It's hard but you will get there. Much love!
 

wrench13

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I know your pain, but don't give up hope yet, it springs eternal.
 

texsize

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I feel so bad for you and your situation.

Having something bad happen does not mean your are a bad person.

Everyone has bad things happen to them.

I have found when bad things happen to me, eventually something good will come of it. Call it the silver lining syndrome if you like.

I worked for the same company for 19 years strait out of college. at 19 years I was laid off. It felt like my world had ended. I could not image doing something else. I did not know anything else.
But I learned from that that I was good for more that what I had been doing. That I could do things that I had not thought I could.
And when I ended up going back to the work I had left (4 years later) it gave me a wider perspective and gave me an appreciation of my old job that I could not have gotten any other way.

Try to hang on.
wes
 

sonja

New member
Jul 31, 2012
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I'm sorry you are having such a rough time, but know that it will pass. Things will get better. Maybe not in a way you can even envision right now. Grab onto friends, and online friends count, too, and let them help you through this time. Because it will pass.
 

LordTriggs

New member
May 11, 2017
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Rio (Yellow sided conure) sadly no longer with us
times come along to test us and try to make things as hard as possible for us. right now you're facing a large challenge with everything. You know as much as anyone else rough times pass, we dust ourselves off and we keep on. Though these tests never have to be faced alone, cling on to anyone who will let your right now, you have family, you have friends and for what it's worth you have everyone here. I'm sure you've seen yourself that parrots can come back weeks and even months after they perform a houdini act, possibly even coming back with some new words! Though if you don't see her the best you can do is hope that Kizzy was found somewhere by someone with even a fraction of the love you have to give
 

GaleriaGila

Well-known member
Parrot of the Month 🏆
May 14, 2016
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I second each and every word above.
I will add this: I hope and pray, and even demand, that you hang in there and love again because you are quite simply too fine and tender and good-hearted a person to deny these qualities to future loves. Somewhere out there, somebody, and somebird, needs you.
I know this with all my heart.
 

AmyMyBlueFront

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Apr 14, 2015
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Amy a Blue Front 'Zon
Jonesy a Goffins 'Too who had to be rehomed :-(

And a Normal Grey Cockatiel named BB who came home with me on 5/20/2016.
I'm soo sorry for your heart hurting Lady..SOMETIMES life just plain old SUCKS.Everyone of us has been dealt with unthinkable blows in their life,and I am living one right now...never in my life did I ever think I could be this low.
This forum and this "family" are all I have at this moment.
We are not only here for our feathered family,we are also here for each other.

Kizzy IS a remarkable girl! You have taught her so well,she will find her way back home I pray..all she needs to do is follow the love emitting from your heart!!

In the mean time,WE are here for you..please don't give up hope so soon!



Jim
 

Kentuckienne

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Oct 9, 2016
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Roommates include Gus, Blue and gold macaw rescue and Coco, secondhand amazon
Love is love. Losing a parrot isn't simply as sad as losing a human companion ... in some ways it is harder. I echo the ideas that you never know, Kizzy might come back in some unexpected way, so don't give up. I believe from experience that things will get better. Even if it doesn't seem like it now, things will get better. Right now you are in the dark pit of sorrow, and it might seem endless, but it isn't. If you could step outside of time and look at your life now, as a path through time, you would see where the dark begins - and you would see where it ends. Right now you can't see the end of it, but trust that the end is there. The pain might never go away forever, but it will abate. I believe this. The light will begin to seep in again, and the grief will lift, and things will get better. Mary Oliver wrote a poem with the line "each calendar square is a prison yard that I pace" and that is where you are now, in a prison of pain, and you don't have the key that will open the door. That doesn't mean the door will never open. It will.

It will.
 
OP
Ladyhawk

Ladyhawk

New member
Apr 30, 2017
489
18
Parrots
Kizzy - (most likely) female blue-fronted Amazon, hatched on May 1, 2017; Gabby - Male double yellowheaded Amazon, hatched, April 1, 1986; died February 22, 2017
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread starter
  • #14
I still wish I could cover more of the local area by foot, but my stamina is low and I tend to hit the wall. Hard. Low blood glucose or simply fatigue can stop me cold.
 

AmyMyBlueFront

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Apr 14, 2015
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Amy a Blue Front 'Zon
Jonesy a Goffins 'Too who had to be rehomed :-(

And a Normal Grey Cockatiel named BB who came home with me on 5/20/2016.
If I may ask..How did Kizzy escape??



Jim
 

Scott

Supporting Member
Aug 21, 2010
32,673
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Goffins: Gabby, Abby, Squeaky, Peanut, Popcorn / Citron: Alice / Eclectus: Angel /Timneh Grey: ET / Blue Fronted Amazon: Gonzo /

RIP Gandalf and Big Bird, you are missed.
I firmly believe in a duality of outlook: Keep the hope of reuniting with Kizzy alive, and nurture the thought. Also recognize the situation and work towards accepting and forgiving our human frailties.

It is still far too early to abandon hope; sending fliers, corresponding, and following up on leads is still fruitful.
 

Anita1250

New member
Oct 19, 2017
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Blue Fronted Amazon 35 years old
My OWA Rocky got out of his cage on the way to my step-sons house on a freezing day in February 1983. He promptly flew away and was missing for six days in a cold NY winter. We searched and called people and put up signs to no avail. We finally gave up looking and unhappily resigned ourselves to never seeing him again. We were devastated.

Two days later, we got a call from a woman that said there was a big green bird in a tree outside her house. We raced over with the cage and a food can. Sure enough, it was Rocky. She let us go up on the porch of her second floor, and I shook the food can. Rocky flew over and I grabbed him and put him in the cage. Lucky for him as the next day it snowed.

Rocky lived for almost 30 more years with us before he passed at 46 years old. The funny thing is that he was clipped. He was such a strong flyer, however, that he was able to get lift and speed with only half of his wings.

I am devastated for you because I know how it feels to think you did something to cause a beloved bird to be missing. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we cannot stand in the way of what is meant to be. Keep up hope, however, because we also do not know what is to come. Perhaps you will find your Kizzy the way we found our Rocky. I hope and pray every day that you will find whatever will give you peace.
Anita.
 
OP
Ladyhawk

Ladyhawk

New member
Apr 30, 2017
489
18
Parrots
Kizzy - (most likely) female blue-fronted Amazon, hatched on May 1, 2017; Gabby - Male double yellowheaded Amazon, hatched, April 1, 1986; died February 22, 2017
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread starter
  • #18
If I may ask..How did Kizzy escape??

Jim

I was going to answer your question. I had written at least a full page, but I decided I'm not ready to talk about it. I'm sorry.
 

AmyMyBlueFront

Well-known member
Apr 14, 2015
6,315
Media
4
3,034
Connecticut
Parrots
Amy a Blue Front 'Zon
Jonesy a Goffins 'Too who had to be rehomed :-(

And a Normal Grey Cockatiel named BB who came home with me on 5/20/2016.
If I may ask..How did Kizzy escape??

Jim

I was going to answer your question. I had written at least a full page, but I decided I'm not ready to talk about it. I'm sorry.

I understand completely Lady..and I'm soo sorry for being inconsiderate to your feelings at this time..please forgive me!




Jim
 

Carl_Power

New member
Oct 3, 2017
542
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England
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Quaker Parrot
Awww im so sorry your going through this. Had a few broken hearts myself and its really really difficult but there is always light at the end of the tunnel even when we believe there isnt. You are in my thoughts and i hope every day Kizzy returns to you. Ive read storys of even Parrot experts having their birds escape. It can very easily happen to any of us because we are only human. I will keep praying for Kizzy's safe return or atleast she is somewhere safe and loving. Dont give up just yet or beat yourself up because its not good for your health and we care about you. One day you might have her back or even a new birdie that will be very lucky to have you. Big hugs and try to relax and rest a little. Were here for you and Jim whatever you guys need x
 

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