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Old 06-17-2019, 06:00 PM
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Does anyone else “always” feel guilty?

I think I’m a pretty good bird parent. The Sass is out every day, and the majority of time it’s for most of the day. I try to always have Mommy & Me time where we talk, love and cuddle. I spend ridiculous amounts of $$ on toys. Fresh water, yummy food and veggies are the routine. Yummy treats daily are a given. Foraging is the most common F word in my home. SassyByrd is part of our work crew and family and is always included in everything. I’m not patting my own back, just trying to demonstrate that I cover the basics with my girl. But deep inside, I know I could be doing more. That I should be doing more.

It has gotten to the point that I actually almost feel anxiety. I “should” be harness training her. I should work on clicker training daily. I should stop reading and have more 1;1 time. The shoulds are never ending. Plus my hubby has cancer with a not so great long term outlook. And I am in constant pain (having hip surgery Monday). I am only in my 40s and I feel like I am having a hard time checking all the boxes in SassyByrds life already! SassyByrd is with me until my end. No doubts there. But I sometimes wonder, if I had known before adopting SassyByrd, about this non ending feeling of guilt, would I have still gone down the fid parent path? Am I just being weird here or does anyone else ever feel like this?
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Old 06-17-2019, 06:04 PM
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Re: Does anyone else “always” feel guilty?

500% there with you--- I always feel guilty...I know Noodles has a better life than many birds, but I feel like I COULD be doing more...the harness training thing has been rough for her and I feel like I need to get back on that horse, but it's so stressful!
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Old 06-17-2019, 06:27 PM
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Re: Does anyone else “always” feel guilty?

In both of your cases, know that guilt, like fear, is a worthless emotion! It's an out-shoot from the fight or flight response that cripples Humans with any number of emotional constrains because we just do not make a choice!

Your babies are happy and healthy!
Smile at that simple joy!
Hold it tight every time you find a worthless emotion stealing your energy, weakening you!

Harness training is not for everyone! We would never undertake the effort because we live in Red Tail Hawk territory claimed by five different families!!!
What I see as important is recall training! There are so many possible events that having that training in place is a life saver for your Parrot.
But I digress!

Continue to love your babies deeply. Know that when you need a comforting moment of a friend that never judges, they will be there for you!
Leave guilt behind you as you have much more important things to do!!!
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In each Morning's early light; there is a promise, an Amazon makes!
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Old 06-17-2019, 09:20 PM
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Re: Does anyone else “always” feel guilty?

I absolutely understand, and have moments where I feel that way as well. You have nothing to feel guilty about - SassyByrd has a wonderful life with you. It is an ongoing, long-term relationship and those require give and take from everyone involved - follow her example and enjoy the moments. I guarantee that Sassy is not judging or feeling deprived, but simply enjoying what you can provide and time you spend with her. A pak-o-bird is a nice compromise for going outside safely so she can enjoy the outdoors if you feel that she’d benefit from it. Harness training is not for everyone and may be more of a long term plan? Training is an activity to do with her, but there’s nothing that says it has to be done everyday....do it when you both can enjoy it rather than as an obligation .
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Old 06-17-2019, 09:54 PM
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Re: Does anyone else “always” feel guilty?

I to wish I could have more out of cage time with Bingo.
But many times when I go to puck him up he just moves away from me not wanting that one on one time I want to give him.

I let hem set the pace always...
He let's me know when he wants to sit with me and it's clear as 48 point headlines.
instead of trying to force time out he may not want I always stop for a quick scratch of the head/neck and loving words so he knows I am not ignoring him.
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Old 06-18-2019, 05:23 AM
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Re: Does anyone else “always” feel guilty?

In a word, no. I have had my BFA for 36 years. I love him almost more than anything. I take the best care of him I can, including excellent food, lots of time together, toys and stimulating activities. He comes with us to our summer home. ( My vet has a couple that leave their bird with him for 3 months every winter while they go to Florida home. I could NEVER do that)

That being said, I really never get guilty. Maybe it is because my vet has told me several times that Sammy would probably not be alive had he lived in the wild. We go on vacation several times a year, and Sam boards with the vet. I do feel bad about leaving him, but know that we need the time away and he loves staying there with all of the other birdies. Sam is very well adjusted, and will eat and play when we are at work. I find his toys chewed and on the floor when we come home. I guess he has gotten used to his lifestyle, and is healthy and happy.
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Old 06-19-2019, 12:48 PM
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Re: Does anyone else “always” feel guilty?

Yep! I feel guilty a lot of the time! However,there ARE times when Amy just wants to stay in his house to just snack or bang a toy or just veg out lol. During the nice weather ( like now) we go out together,if its just to hang out on the deck or take a ride thru town or go see his buddies at the pet shop and get a toy or a bag of snacks.
This weekend will be a special treat for BOTH of us! He loves rides in the car so we will be heading out to see Al and Geri and Salty on Saturday. If you ever had an opportunity to see Salty and Amy interact you'd think they have been friends for ages.
So don't beat yourself up. Like what has been stated, Sassy is in perfect hands!


Jim
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Jonesy, a cute Goffin 'too
that had to be rehomed :-(

And a Grey 'teil, BB...a.k.a. The Beebs
that was 18 weeks old 5/20/2016,






Rest in peace,my precious Smokey..4/2015 at 28 years young
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Old 06-19-2019, 01:22 PM
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Re: Does anyone else “always” feel guilty?

I feel guilt about my boys a lot also... but I also feel very proud of them and how well cared for they are. I try to focus more on the second and not dwell on the first, all I can do is my best. My biggest guilt is that I should have them out of their cages all the time and work on harness training daily. I work from home and the boys don't get along well with each other. I have to take them out one at a time, and sometimes if I'm super busy with work or in meetings, then both of the boys have to be in their cages and it breaks my heart.

I think just the fact that we love our fids so much means we will always want MORE for them. That's what leads to the feelings of guilt. Thing is... as with EVERYTHING in life, no matter how much of something one has, someone else ALWAYS has "more". Be it skill, love, admiration, courage, strength, money, whatever. If you always feel dissatisfied with what you have because of what you don't have, then you will never be satisfied.

I tell myself this... sometimes I listen to myself... sometimes... not so much.

So yes, I truly identify with how you are feeling. Don't beat yourself up, Sassybird is happy, healthy, and very lucky to have you!
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Old 06-19-2019, 01:57 PM
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Re: Does anyone else “always” feel guilty?

I do feel guilty. All the time. About everything! Here's what I tell myself though:

You have to cut yourself some slack. You are human and you are living your life. Things happen that are out of your control and you're doing your best. If this were a friend or your bird maybe, you'd never make them feel guilty for that. So it's okay to have off days, maybe off weeks, or even off months. Th point is you're still fighting and that's worth everything to your bird.

At some point, negative emotions like guilt cease to be productive. It's okay to feel a little guilty, but don't let it stop you.
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Old 06-19-2019, 07:02 PM
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Re: Does anyone else “always” feel guilty?

I love this place.
It's my mental-health-anti-guilt-hang-in-there place.

I have done my best with His Majesty for 35 years now, and he is still dissatisfied and indignant about the inadequacy of the conditions here.

Thank you, PF!
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