Unhappy bird and bad relationship...

I do not think you are an unfit bird owner at all. You have a really full plate with all the hours you work and still your main concern is your bird . You care about his diet, his emotional needs and his happiness. Clearly you are a fine owner. However, All the long hours and time away has caused his aggression to worsen and he is clearly unhappy right now and so are you. Sometimes it's in our pets best interest to find them a home that is best suited to their needs. It Sounds like your job is very stressful and birds pick up on our moods , so that could be adding to his aggression too. I feel for you and know what your going through is heart breaking. I hope you can make a decision that is best for Wheatley and yourself. If you truly want to make it work with him I believe you can do it. I think he is young enough you could turn him around and rebuild your relationship But he will need lots of your time and love. and with all the hours you are working that will be hard.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

Your Def. Not an unfit bird owner. I've been through the same thing with one of my Yellow-Sided Green Cheeks. Albeit one that I bred and handfed myself. Just cuddle the fool out of him of course he's gonna bite and be agressive just don't react to the biting . Give your mind a healthy dose of I'm gonna love you or bust mentality . Just keep in mind he might draw some blood but at least he can't snap your finger off like some of the birds I have. It took me a month of one hour a day cuddling to finally tame my GCC but eventually she did calm down and now she loves to give me kisses on the neck and she even falls asleep in my hands.

This is a tough one. I guess we need to remember that birds are very social animals and are always found together. If you are unable to spend the required amount of time you may want to have your bird sexed and then get a mate so that the birds can bond with each other and have healthy stimulation during the day. Not sure what size cage you have but the more your bird can explore the better. The downside is your bird may bond with the other bird and less with you but you would still have the enjoyment of having them around. Hope this helps. Remember, if your bird is not stimulated it will not be happy. They require continuous stimulation which either comes from you, another bird, or a ton of things that will keep it busy. Try getting a toy that has seeds in it that the bird has to work at to get the treat. I also use a combination lock with a colorful face as my bird spends weeks biting it and trying to get it apart. Stimulation is what keeps our parrots happy. Hope this helps.

The fact that you are posting this and have identified the problem, and are so stressed about his wellbeing makes me sure that you are a wonderful parront. I know how frustrating and upsetting it can be when you feel like you're failing them and theres nothing you can do.
But that said; something needs to change or things as they are will just get worse, and then if he becomes unmanageable you will find it much harder to re-home him or re-train him.
It is completely up to you to find the best solution for you both. and I really hope it works out that you are able to keep him because it sounds like you really love him, i cant even imagine having to re-home my baby.
If you are unable to spend more time with him, the above suggestion could work but i also share your concern that if they dont take to each other, then you will have double the problem and guilt; have you considered building him an aviary and letting him become a bit more independant so hes not stuck in his cage all day?

So sorry to hear your story, but I've know only a few birds that took an instance dislike to someone and never ever changed their minds, that bird found a home with a breeder and is now the proud papa of many a clutch of sweet babies but at last check is still a terror his-self, What I'm trying to say is this may not be your fault and you just may need time for your life to settle down into a calmer pace and then try for another love match and this time make sure it's a good fit. The best sellers and breeders allow you time to come and bond with your new bird and that you and the bird are at ease with each other. Also there is truth to the saying that sometimes a bird will pick you I have seen a usually bossy unruly bird see a person and his whole body langue change eyes pining showing real interest in one person in a room full traffic so there can be hope for you and another bird don't give up this time it just wasn't a match not anyone's fault take the time to find a really good home for your bird wait until life settles down and try again there is some bird out there just waiting for you to be it's paront. Love your bird and yourself enough to make the hard choice that is what makes us great guardians.

I totally feel your frustration and desperation and you are only wanting what is best for the bird. It sounds as if the breeder did not socialize him very well in the beginning for him to be so bitey with everyone. Was he handfed?

It will take a lot of time working with him which sadly you do not have at the moment. Birds pick up on our turmoil and moods and that could be a factor.
Does he spend time out of the cage? If he could be free in the house maybe he would eventually start coming to you. They really don't like staying in their cages much at all. They demand a lot of attention.
Getting a companion bird would probably be best but that would entail a whole new set of problems. You would have to cage them separately until they got to know and like each other and then that may never happen either. That in itself would require more time for them getting to know each other in neutral territory. after the quarantine period.

It is obvious you have your bird's interest at heart so don't beat up on yourself. You will have to do what is best for your bird and yourself. It is good that you recognize and are trying to deal with the problem. Just do what you feel is in the best interest of your bird and if that involves rehoming to someone who can give him the attention he needs then don't be ashamed to do it. Just be careful as to whom he goes to or he could end up worse off because not everyone will tolerate his biting. Ask a lot of questions and make sure they are capable of working with and spending the energy and time required to bring him out of this behavior. The average person would probably just stick him in a cage and forget about him. That is why he would need to go to someone who is capable. Good luck in your decision.

friedsoup said:

So sorry to hear your story, but I've know only a few birds that took an instance dislike to someone and never ever changed their minds, that bird found a home with a breeder and is now the proud papa of many a clutch of sweet babies but at last check is still a terror his-self, What I'm trying to say is this may not be your fault and you just may need time for your life to settle down into a calmer pace and then try for another love match and this time make sure it's a good fit. The best sellers and breeders allow you time to come and bond with your new bird and that you and the bird are at ease with each other. Also there is truth to the saying that sometimes a bird will pick you I have seen a usually bossy unruly bird see a person and his whole body langue change eyes pining showing real interest in one person in a room full traffic so there can be hope for you and another bird don't give up this time it just wasn't a match not anyone's fault take the time to find a really good home for your bird wait until life settles down and try again there is some bird out there just waiting for you to be it's paront. Love your bird and yourself enough to make the hard choice that is what makes us great guardians.

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I totally agree with this. Let the bird pick you. This little guy just seems like he may never get past this and it is not your fault. When your life takes a calmer turn you should definitely try again because you are a great parront and no matter how hard you try with this one it may never work.

I'm sorry, I don't really have any advice for you, I just wanted to give you some encouragement. I'm so sorry to hear about all your problems!
You aren't an unfit owner at all! It seems like you really honestly care about Wheatley and want what's best for him and that makes you a great owner I really hope things improve for you and you figure out what is right for both of you.
Sending positive thoughts your way!

I don't think you're an unfit owner at all.

I think it sounds like the rest of your life is becoming overwhelming (and depression makes EVERYTHING overwhelming!) so Wheatley's behavior on top of it all is just too much to deal with.

Listen, I get it, so much! It's not the bird's fault, they're just being little wild animals because they are little wild animals. But that doesn't mean it can't drive us over the edge on occasion! We're only human!

Kazi has driven me to tears before. Angry tears and I've put him in his cage before, in anger, because I just couldn't take one more second of it. Parrots will try your patience as well as any toddler!

I don't have any solutions for you, my conure knowledge is marginal at best. But I hope something works out for you guys. Try not to beat yourself up, though, that's only going to make the depression worse. It's ok to visualize them on skewers occasionally, I think

I just reread your post and you are feeling a LOT of desperation and guilt. I truly believe you loved this bird and tried to have a relationship but it sounds like maybe you two are not a good match at all. Having said that, I think the breeder shares a lot of responsibility because she probably didn't socialize him at all (the biting everyone).
YOU seem overwhelmed and yet you are still trying to have a relationship with him which is very admirable. I think you should sit down and relax and close your eyes and imagine that he is in another home being taken care of. How does it make you feel? Do you feel relief or do you miss him terribly? Really think about it. Also imagine your other option of getting a second bird and the added responsibility. Then try to imagine that your life has smoothed out and you do have time to spend with him. Do you still want to? Sometimes a bird and owner are just a mismatch. It seems that neither of you are happy with each other. Don't be afraid to try again when your life smooths out because I think you are a wonderful PARRONT. This little exercise just might help you make a decision as to what to do.

It seems that you have come to a very stressful time in your life and the worrying about your relationship with Wheatley is taking an extra toll on you. A person can only take so much stress before it starts to affect your health. I truly hope you can come to a conclusion that is best for you and your bird.

You know...the first thought that came to mind when I read your post was...Wheatly was not the right one for you...he didn't pick you...as painful as this may sound.

Because of this, no matter what you have tried, Wheatly has apparently made up his mind and it doesn't sound like anything you do is going to change it.

Sure, birds will pick up on stress...but if you are a good match, it won't become an issue...at least, it hasn't for me.

Honestly, there are times when I only have maybe 15 minutes to have our Franklin out it's the best 15 minutes of my entire day/night. Don't get me wrong his physical needs are met, I clean his cage, but sometimes not daily, but every day he get's fresh clean water and fruits/veggies. He loves his cage and all the toys in it and he definitely uses every square inch of it.

I passed up every conure I met for over a year...before I found Franklin. None of them had that "feeling" I was looking for....until Franklin - he was IT...I just knew from the moment he saw us. When the gal took him out for us, Franklin took to us like a fly to honey...it was instant love, love, love! Franklin has been nothing but a bundle of joy for us,

I think that even with your stressed out lifestyle if you had the "right" personality bird for you...then you'd find comfort and relaxation every evening when you came home and the first thing you want to do is run to his/her cage, have him/her climb onto your finger, give him/her a kiss and let him/her hang out with you while you cook dinner, read a book, be on the computer...what ever...I even bring Franklin in the bathroom with me when I want to soak in the tub, I have a perch for him and he'll hang out while I soak the stress away.

I truly believe that you are an EXCELLENT parrot owner and Wheatly doesn't know how lucky he is to have you.

Maybe get out and meet some other conures, find the one that "picks you"...you'll know...trust me...you'll know. And soon you'll be on parrotforums telling us how amazing your parrot is.

As for adding a companion bird to Wheatly...nawww...personally I wouldn't, I don't think it would help matters...if I were in your shoes...I'd lovingly re-home him and find a parrot that doesn't bite you at the starting gate.

My heart goes out to you as I've been in your shoes. I've had to rehome a few pets because we just weren't a good fit, and I'm happy did for both myself and my rehomed pet.

Good Luck with what ever you decide to do.

Toni

Totally agree with Nakiska. Good advice

Sometimes it's not us, sometimes it's nothing we can do, sometimes it's just not the right fit. We can be the best pet parent in the world and if it's not the right fit, it's not going to work out. The right fit, after an adjustment period, will bring you joy and happiness when you spend time with them, even after they've been little you-know-what's. There will be some semblance of harmony within the atmosphere, even during stressful and trying times.

I think you're a great Parront, but I think Wheatley may be better suited with either someone else, or even as a breeding bird at a breeders (I do not advise you to get a mate, however, or even a second GCC at this time). I don't think you should necessarily give up on the idea of ever having a bird, I just don't think that Wheatley is the one for you. As their guardians, it's important that we give them what is best for them, rather than what we ourselves want.

Good luck and I hope you figure it out. I know that this is not easy. I've been there, both with a bird, and other animals.

Occasionally, a parrot and a parront are just the wrong match for each other, and rehoming may be the best option for both of them. Your situation is a difficult and stressful one, and I don't think you're a bad parront-- just overwhelmed. Getting another bird probably isn't a good idea-- it would mean more work and worry for you, and the second parrot and Wheatley may not get along, bringing on more stress and worry.

It's certainly possible that you could find a more compatible parrot, and as the others here have said, it often works best when the parrot chooses you. Maybe that will be possible for you in the future, perhaps when your life is a little less hectic.

All the best to you and Wheatley.

GregPara said:

This is a tough one. I guess we need to remember that birds are very social animals and are always found together. If you are unable to spend the required amount of time you may want to have your bird sexed and then get a mate so that the birds can bond with each other and have healthy stimulation during the day. Not sure what size cage you have but the more your bird can explore the better. The downside is your bird may bond with the other bird and less with you but you would still have the enjoyment of having them around. Hope this helps. Remember, if your bird is not stimulated it will not be happy. They require continuous stimulation which either comes from you, another bird, or a ton of things that will keep it busy. Try getting a toy that has seeds in it that the bird has to work at to get the treat. I also use a combination lock with a colorful face as my bird spends weeks biting it and trying to get it apart. Stimulation is what keeps our parrots happy. Hope this helps.

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Thank you! I have a very large cage that could easily fit another green cheek, but I worry that Wheatley would show aggression towards another bird as well. I also worry that a second bird would be double the effort, and that they would both feel neglected.

Foraging toys are great, he loves them! I have several foraging wheels and balls, and I give him some treats to forage for every day before I leave for work. I also put little scraps of paper in his pellets so that he needs to dig for his pellets. I think it helps him.

If I had a tard and the money, I would get one of those big Suncatcher aviaries and get several conure friends for Wheatley who could fly and play all day in the sun. Sigh... Someday, I hope.

dishgal1 said:

I just reread your post and you are feeling a LOT of desperation and guilt. I truly believe you loved this bird and tried to have a relationship but it sounds like maybe you two are not a good match at all. Having said that, I think the breeder shares a lot of responsibility because she probably didn't socialize him at all (the biting everyone).
YOU seem overwhelmed and yet you are still trying to have a relationship with him which is very admirable. I think you should sit down and relax and close your eyes and imagine that he is in another home being taken care of. How does it make you feel? Do you feel relief or do you miss him terribly? Really think about it. Also imagine your other option of getting a second bird and the added responsibility. Then try to imagine that your life has smoothed out and you do have time to spend with him. Do you still want to? Sometimes a bird and owner are just a mismatch. It seems that neither of you are happy with each other. Don't be afraid to try again when your life smooths out because I think you are a wonderful PARRONT. This little exercise just might help you make a decision as to what to do.

It seems that you have come to a very stressful time in your life and the worrying about your relationship with Wheatley is taking an extra toll on you. A person can only take so much stress before it starts to affect your health. I truly hope you can come to a conclusion that is best for you and your bird.

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Thank you for your help and support. Wheatley was handed by a breeder, but I didn't get to pick which baby I took home. Wheatley seems to both love and hate us. He's always out of the cage when we're home, and he sticks to my boyfriend like glue. He'll fly after us if we leave the room, and he'll flock call to us if he's in his cage. But he'll still attack and bite almost every day. We feel very impressed and happy if he goes a whole day without an angry outburst. I've thought very siously about reforming him, but it's very hard to know what he feels about us. For all I know, my boyfriend and I are the only people who he'll ever see as his flock... or maybe, there's someone out there who he would just adore and be an angel for.

I think I would feel both sad and relieved if he were gone. Sometimes he can be my little buddy, but I get attacked and bitten every day. I'd be very happy if he could go somewhere where he would be happier, but I would be VERY picky about the home I gave him to.

Thank you all for your wonderful advice and support. It really helps to hear that I am not a terrible parrot owner. I never feel like I'm good enough for my pets. I read and learned so much about conures before I brought Wheatley home, but as with all highly intelligent animals, they have built-in personalities that you couldn't possibly prepare for. Who would have thought that a little 2 ounce bundle of feathers can cause so many front feelings, both good and bad?

echoskybound said:

I have some confessions to make, and I’m hoping that everyone here will understand. I apologize if this is very long, but I need some help and support. I’ve been debating about talking about this with you guys for months, because I’ve been trying very hard to fix everything, but I'm having trouble.

I’ve struggled with my green cheek conure, Wheatley, since the day we brought him home from the breeder over a year ago. The very first thing Wheatley did when the breeder handed him to me was bite. He bit me, he bit my boyfriend, he bit the breeder, he was just bitey. I was not instantly in love with him the way I anticipated I would be, but it was okay because I knew that I needed to build a bond. I took the biting as a playful or exploratory behavior for a baby bird.

However, the biting never stopped. Even after the whole stack of books on behavior, training DVDs, reading bird trainer blogs and podcasts and video seminars... I just don’t know what to do. I’m still trying to find a new technique every day, but he doesn’t take long to find another reason to get angry at me. One day, something doesn’t bother him, then the next day, he hates me for it. I’ve been trying really hard to eliminate the things that make him stressed and angry, but they just keep coming.

When we got Wheatley, my boyfriend and I worked normal 40 hour weeks, which I considered to be even a bit too much time to leave a bird alone, but he is always out of the cage with us when we were home. However, our jobs (at the same company) slowly started demanding more time... 9 hour days turned into 11, 5 day weeks turned into 6 or 7. Now, with our 60 to 70 hour work weeks, it’s all I can do to keep Wheatley’s cage clean and prepare fresh fruits and vegetables for him every day. He has started screaming and becoming very cage and food aggressive, on top of his already moody and bitey personality, not surprisingly as a result of lack of social contact. I feel miserable thinking about this poor social animal being locked up alone for so many hours every single day. I thought about getting a second green cheek, but I worry that that would just be doubling the work in caring for them and it would soon lead to neglect. I also don’t have space for a second cage, and I worry about the idea of housing birds together. I’m absolutely ashamed to be in this position, and I can’t tell you how much I HATE my job for sucking my life away like this... but I’m really stuck here. It’s really heartbreaking knowing that he is probably not happy... he just seems so full of anger all the time. Sometimes, it’s like he doesn’t want to see us at all. He will attack us for even opening his cage, which is very strange, because when we DO leave him alone, he screams and screams like he’s desperate to contact us.

My job has become a harsh environment that has caused me a lot of anxiety and depression, I’ve seen a decline in my health, and the long hours have made it unbearable. Wheatley’s growing aggression has brought me to tears on many occasions. The other morning, Wheatley was in a bad mood, so I left him alone while I prepared his food. I spent half an hour preparing a nice meal for him that I was really proud of, with his favorite home-grown sprouts and fruits and veggies, and even cut the berries into little pieces so they would be easier to eat. I was happy with the healthy little meal I made for him and was looking forward to him enjoying it. When I opened the food latch on the cage and started putting the bowl in, he flew over, slipped through the door, and attacked so aggressively he knocked the bowl to the floor. I felt so much pathetic self-pity when I saw the lovingly prepared dish I made for him all over the floor, and he was very aggressively screaming and attacking me. I got so upset, I shoved him back into the cage and cried. I felt so sad that our relationship was so bad, and that I spent my very-limited free time on something that was not all over the floor. I’ve always had the “it’s not the bird’s fault” philosophy, but I admit... that day, I was really angry and upset with him. I’ve been finding myself getting angry and upset at him way too much lately. My stress and anxiety has made me way less patient with Wheatley, while at the same time he has become less patient with me because he gets less attention. Some days he’s so angry at me that I just don’t even want to see him, and it can be hard to try to spend time with him because his behavior can be so discouraging.

Please be honest with me... have I become an unfit bird owner? I’m ashamed to admit how many hours I work now, and how it’s affected Wheatley’s behavior, and how my previously patient attitude towards him has worn thin. I feel really regretful. I admit, I’ve never felt so much sadness and stress and anger with a pet before, and I’ve never felt so hated by a pet. My boyfriend tries to assure me that he thinks I take excellent care of Wheatley.... he gets very carefully prepared fresh foods every day, high quality pellets, I hand make all of his toys, I made perches for him all over the house including a special shower perch, he has a full spectrum light that keeps his feathers shiny, he gets to fly all over the house, he gets special treats in foraging toys every day, I got the biggest cage I could possibly afford and I scrub it clean like crazy. His health might be well taken care of.... but do I take care of him emotionally? I feel like we just stress each other out, and I don’t think we bring each other happiness. I have to admit.... I just don’t feel very fond of my bird. I’ve tried so hard, but we just don’t have a good relationship.

What are my options? Should I hire a professional parrot behavior consultant? Should I get another companion GCC to keep him company? Should I consider that I’m just not a fit bird owner and look for a better home for him? (and an obvious solution... get another job. I’m working on that one.) I don’t know what to do, and I’m so upset and don't know what's best for him.

Thank you so much for your help and support.

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I really don't think you are a bad owner and you say he keeps biting not everyone would recommend this training method but i will because its working on my 18 month orange winged amazon bobby its designed to get you closer to your bird and stop him or her to stop biting its called the power pause just move your hand close to him or her until he or she fells scared and keep your hand there until he or she's feathers have puffed out again and the bird seems relaxed again then use the clicker to click then but dont reward take your hand away and do this over and over for 15 minutes a day until your able to touch the bird without he or she biting you i picked this method up from www.mybirdtips.com check it out and here is a link to the power pause method http://www.birdtricks.com/PowerPause check it out and give it a try i hope this helps you

paulhanlon said:

I really don't think you are a bad owner and you say he keeps biting not everyone would recommend this training method but i will because its working on my 18 month orange winged amazon bobby its designed to get you closer to your bird and stop him or her to stop biting its called the power pause just move your hand close to him or her until he or she fells scared and keep your hand there until he or she's feathers have puffed out again and the bird seems relaxed again then use the clicker to click then but dont reward take your hand away and do this over and over for 15 minutes a day until your able to touch the bird without he or she biting you i picked this method up from www.mybirdtips.com check it out and here is a link to the power pause method http://www.birdtricks.com/PowerPause check it out and give it a try i hope this helps you

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Thank you! I'm a huge fan of Birdtricks and I've definitely worked on the power pause technique. I think the power pause works very well for a bird that is scared, because it allows you to approach a bird who is fearful of you or of hands, etc. However I've had trouble getting the same technique to work when Wheatley goes out of his way to attack me. Wheatley loves being with us sometimes, he steps up happily and sits on our shoulders, but then snaps and goes after us. I tried I different technique where I would reward him if he DIDN'T go after my hand for doing things like feeding, cleaning, etc but I don't think I was doing a very effective job. I'm really not very good at being able to tell when he is about to do a divebomb attack, because I'm really not sure what it is that makes him do that. I keep trying to eliminate things that upset him, but it seems that I'm still doing something I don't even realize I'm doing that really upsets him. I also don't know what to do about the times when he is just sitting quietly and happily on my shoulder, then suddenly attacks or goes after my face/hands when it seems there was no trigger.

As with any bird, he's just responding to his environment, and he IS reacting to something I'm doing, something in the room, a sound, a color, etc. It's just really hard when I've been trying for months to figure out what it is. He has quite the attitude, and he thinks he's way bigger than me, haha... I think he attacks me to discipline me for something.