Grieving cockatiel, need advice please!

Hi, new to the forum but have seen quite a few posts with fantastic advice and can't think of a better place to get help.

Apologize for the long post but here it is:

I'm at a bit of a loss. My 8 year old cockatiel, Yorick, lost his cage mate Calvin unexpectedly 2 weeks ago. I decided to cage them together about 4 years ago (cage is 42" x 30" x 72") when it was clear they were happier together than in separate cages and they would frantically contact call if they were ever out of each other's sight. They were different species (Calvin was my Linnie) but I think it's safe to say they were bonded. Neither of them ever called for my Grey, Willow (she is 7).

Since Calvin's untimely passing Yorick has not been himself at all. While he was clearly more bonded to Calvin than to me, their daily out time was sociable with me. The first week after Calvin died, Yorick spent a lot of time calling and calling for his buddy (made me so sad). He and Willow would spend out time eating from the same dish, quite peaceably. He would step up and go "night night" when asked.

This week he has become aggressive with me, lots of lunging with open beak, wings spread. He even bit me for the first time in 8 years. In the cage, he is acting like he wants to come out -- wing flappies and a lot of pacing on perches. I have spent most of my time with him talking quietly and I was letting him out with my Grey under close supervision but it's becoming apparent that he wants to be friends with her and she wants nothing to do with him. Now, he tries to get very close to her, even dive bombing my head when she is on me (imagine the mayhem!). Their size difference just makes it impossible for me to want to risk this, and while Willow is the sweetest Grey you ever met, her body language tells me she is tolerating him -- barely. He is also landing on Willow's cage and lunging at me when I want him to step up - I am in deep fear for his toes if he keeps this up. This has never been an issue before (that is, he has always had the good sense to keep a safe distance from Willow, stepped up nicely when asked, and he has always been respectful of Willow's space - I can hardly blame her if she's upset when he lands on her cage or flies straight at her).

He is eating and drinking pretty much normally. Poops are normal. Pelleted diet with mash/fresh veg daily, seeds and millet on occasion. He is fully flighted and, unless there is some huge benefit I haven't thought of, I wouldn't consider clipping him.

I know every bird is an individual but does anyone have a similar experience? I have thought about getting another friend for him but I worry that if they don't bond I'm no further ahead for Yorick. Also, since I wasn't really prepared to add another bird to my flock without Calvin's passing, it's not fair to the new bird just to add him or her for Yorick's sake, especially if they don't bond. I can't even get any immediate help for Yorick as I would have to quarantine.

I'm not even sure what I'm trying to ask here. Do I get him a friend? Wait it out? Do I change his cage around or even move it so he's not so reminded of Calvin's absence? Or do I kept things the same for him so as not to unsettle him further? It's only been 2 weeks so perhaps I am too impatient but I feel so badly for him.

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

well get him another mate??? it will be a long process, but maybe its good for him. i don know... but yeah, wait for some time and see if he is gonna get over it, or is it making him worse. i think you should wait.....

just let him be and he'll work it out on his own time.
when & if he returns to normal, then maybe I would consider a new mate for him.

They do get over it in time without another mate. But if you want to you can get him another mate.

He would get over it eventually, but of course you can just get him a new friend. I understand why you must feel so sad for him. Same thing happened to me, but with my dogs.

I had a pair of cockatiels, Sally and Albear. After several years Sally sadly died, we think from being egg bound. We wanted to get another bird to keep Albear company. We bought a new young bird who after moulting turned out to be a boy! This bird and Albear did get on well but we really wanted to pair him with a female since he had been so close to Sally. Luckily when we explained this to the local pet shop they understood and let us return the Boy in exchange for a young pearl pied girl. This new bird Penny got on better with Albear and they enjoyed each others company. I don't think they were ever as close as Sally and Albear were but they were a pair in that they tried mating in the seed bowl. I think having 2 birds is always better so that they have company.
I think it would help the behaviour issues you are having with your grieving cockatiel to get a new partner as he is tryng to get close to your african grey as though he really wants to be close to a feathered friend. And if your Grey doesn't want that then a cockatiel would be better.

Thank you all so much for your replies! This forum is so great!

I think given everything I will wait and see how Yorick does before I consider getting him another friend. It's possible I haven't given either of us enough time to grieve.

Tinker I may hesitate to get a female tiel, I don't know enough about it but I worry that the egg binding, breeding etc is just something I'm not sure I am up for. I need to do more research!

Thank you all again for taking the time to reply - it means a lot to me.

he will be fine, dont worry!

If you don't know why Calvin died, then I would recommend making sure your current flock is healthy before even considering bringing in another bird.


I had a pair of tiels that had been a pair for I don't know how many years. They were already in a flock setting with some female cockatiels (one their daughter), I added another hen into the mix (she was given to me). She had lost her mate about a year previously (no doubt due to owner ignorance - she was the third animal I've taken in from this family), so when she saw another male, she was head over tails for him! She followed him around everywhere, tried to beg for his attention and did all she could to get him to notice her! Being that he already had a mate, he would ignore her or try to chase her off (he'd chase her down a perch, she'd run from him, he'd return to his spot, she'd follow him back, etc).

When his mate died due to liver failure (despite medications), he was heart broken. He mourned. He cried. It was horrible to listen to, and I could do nothing as I could not bring his mate back. After a bit, he started serenading the new hen and trying to win her over. At first, she was rather confused because she had resigned herself to not being able to get him and she was unsure about his new behaviors. Eventually though, they did become bonded and would preen each other. They preen each other more than I've seen the male preen his mate. Only issue is that the male is a bit of an over-preener when it comes to allopreening... which he may have gotten from his first mate because he's missing half the feathers on his own head!

Thanks Cassiepengo! I sense he is improving day by day.

Monica, thanks also for your reply. Sorry I did not mention that Calvin had cancer, vet said inoperable. His prognosis of course wasn't good but I guess it was unexpected to me because he seemed to be stable, if not improving. I would be further inclined to quarantine a new bird to protect my current flock rather than the other way around. Having had parrots for quite a few years, I know the drill!

Having said that, it seems you have been down that sad path of animal neglect more than once - pains me to see it. I don't understand why people don't research when it's so easy nowadays. I'm sure I've talked more unsuitable candidates out of getting parrots once they discover I have them, but when I speak with them it's so clear they have no idea the work and devotion it takes to keeping them, I can't help myself...

Thank you for telling me about your tiels - I'm sorry for your loss - it's never easy, is it? I loved your story of what happened, though -- a regular Peyton Place! I'm glad he eventually tried to win her over and she didn't spurn him in the end.

I wonder if he's feeling overwhelmed in his giant cage - would you consider moving him into his original cage (it's 24x24 versus his current cage 42x30) so the space doesn't seem so empty? Or perhaps rearranging his current space so he's not so reminded of Calvin's absence?

Thanks again.

I've seen people lose a bird for an unknown reason and immediately rush out and get another bird.... mean while the birds they had before the new bird could have whatever the first bird died of. They then put the new bird in danger of getting sick with whatever the first bird died of. Being in a new environment may also cause a dormant illness to surface.

Sorry though to hear it was cancer. My bourke parakeet has cancer on her right foot, and we did operate to try and remove it (didn't know it was cancerous then), but it's only grown back. I actually wanted her foot amputated, however my a-vet didn't feel it was necessary, hence why the cancer came back...


And yes, quite a few of my birds came to me from not so great places. At least both of my conures came from good foster homes, but I don't know how their first homes treated them and I do believe the bourke came from a good home... but the rehomed tiels? Infuriates me the kind of places they came from!


You can try rearranging the cage, or using a different cage... maybe some new toys? Foraging opportunities?

Thanks Monica. I am benefitting from your experience for sure, and you must encounter so many people who make poorly informed choices (to put it mildly). It's heartbreaking how people can mistreat a living being. I'm infuriated as well!

I'm sorry about your bourke - a long, long time ago I had a whippet who had cancer which we removed but it came back with a vengeance. So frustrating - I hope something can be done for your girl.

I'm really in no rush -- Calvin simply can't be "replaced" and I'm loathe to get another bird "just" to keep Yorick company. I'm going to try rearranging the cage first and switch out his toys - thanks. Yorick is a lousy forager but he fares well with small treats wrapped in tiny cupcake liners that I stick between the cage bars in different places.

Funny, today he actually began singing and talking -- the talking being something he hasn't done AT ALL since being housed with Calvin. He talked a lot for the first few years I had him (Mostly, "Yoooorick! Pretty Bird!" and "Peekaboo") but his infatuation with Calvin, seems he let Calvin do most of the talking (mostly singing, "If you're happy and you know it click your beak" and his own special song about being a Green Bean I made up for him especially). Ah, he was the only one who bit me regularly but I still miss his devilish ways.

Sorry, I'm babbling on. THANK YOU so much for taking the time to help me. Yorick and I thank you deeply.

Ya, I've seen a lot of stupid things...


It's fine! Let us know how Yorick fares!

great!! if hes geting better, then thats cool!! he will miss his mate for some time, but they get used to it..