noblemacaw
New member
- Sep 23, 2011
- 1,056
- 3
- Parrots
- Valentino - Red Fronted Macaw - Hatched August 12, 2012
For some reason I picked this section to put my thread. I think it is because I am grieving all over again and what I found out made me feel like someone sucker punched me in the stomach.
I can't even tell you why I checked the web site but the need to check it was niggling at me something fierce. I brought up Julio's rescue but at first I just checked in to what events and things the club/rescue was doing. I recognized some people in some of their event pictures but I was comforted by how much these people care about parrots and do so much to help them.
Then I went to the adoption page to look to see who was still there and who was new. It has been a LONG time since I have been to the site because after Lupe brought Julio back to them I just had to make that break. As I was looking I noticed JULIO IS BACK UP FOR ADOPTION!
He is listed as Julio/Sir John and they used the same picture as before when I went about adopting him. I know it was very very hard for Lupe to drive all the way back to Kansas to return him. The trip was very hard and for a long time Lupe didn't tell me much about what happened. She did tell me that she was told his first foster mom was thrilled to get him back and had decided to keep him. That is why I listed his status in my tag line because I was so happy the outcome ended up so well.
I feel like I am grieving all over again and cannot explain why. I now cannot bring myself to give up Valentino because he is MY parrot and I alone am responsible for his care, welfare, emotional well being and health. I will do what ever I can to be able to keep my beloved Valentino. I WISH so bad that I insisted I keep Julio as well. I just didn't know this would happen and was very very happy to learn foster mom was going to keep him as her daughter really loves Julio and they had a special bond. Now I feel so guilty for what has happened. Julio deserves a home and people to call his own, he deserves so much more. I am not sure what to think. Did Lupe lie to me? Did the rescue lie or rather shield the truth from Lupe of their true plans for Julio? Was she only told what she wanted to hear? Did Lupe tell me what I wanted to hear? It is very confusing and I have sat on knowing this for a while but of late I have been having dreams about all of this telling me it weighs heavily on my mind.
A part of me feels like a horrible person for not fighting to keep Julio harder. For not thinking up a solution or a way to be able to keep him. I feel guilty and sick to my stomach and my urge to contact them to get him back is very strong. I don't have the adoption fee, a way to drive down there (its 7 hours one way and I am narcoleptic) or the means to take back on Julio's care because he has to see the vet often for some health issues we were working on reversing.
I know I cannot just rush down to Kansas and get Julio. I know if I did that I would have trouble supporting him until I am back on my feet. I don't know if I am going to have to move out of state for a job or stay here in MN. I don't know a damn thing and I cannot help Julio.
One small comfort I have is the club/rescue has a lot of good people and I know Julio's needs are being taken care of. I think what bothers me the most is my inability to keep him with me and Valentino. They did give each other companionship when no one was home and both these birds did have a bond. I know Julio is not the only bird where he is at so he has other parrots for companionship and his needs are being met. I feel so badly that Julio does not have a home or people to call his own.
I feel very blessed for being a member of this form. The people here are very instrumental for understanding what I am and have gone thorough. No where else was the brutal truth told to me even if it was very painful for me to accept. This community I value to much it is only here when I can write things that I cannot speak to others in my support system about.
Thank you all for understanding where I am coming from, being very supportive, not holding back what needs to be said and most importantly for accepting me and knowing I am a parrot lover just like you all are.
I can't even tell you why I checked the web site but the need to check it was niggling at me something fierce. I brought up Julio's rescue but at first I just checked in to what events and things the club/rescue was doing. I recognized some people in some of their event pictures but I was comforted by how much these people care about parrots and do so much to help them.
Then I went to the adoption page to look to see who was still there and who was new. It has been a LONG time since I have been to the site because after Lupe brought Julio back to them I just had to make that break. As I was looking I noticed JULIO IS BACK UP FOR ADOPTION!
He is listed as Julio/Sir John and they used the same picture as before when I went about adopting him. I know it was very very hard for Lupe to drive all the way back to Kansas to return him. The trip was very hard and for a long time Lupe didn't tell me much about what happened. She did tell me that she was told his first foster mom was thrilled to get him back and had decided to keep him. That is why I listed his status in my tag line because I was so happy the outcome ended up so well.
I feel like I am grieving all over again and cannot explain why. I now cannot bring myself to give up Valentino because he is MY parrot and I alone am responsible for his care, welfare, emotional well being and health. I will do what ever I can to be able to keep my beloved Valentino. I WISH so bad that I insisted I keep Julio as well. I just didn't know this would happen and was very very happy to learn foster mom was going to keep him as her daughter really loves Julio and they had a special bond. Now I feel so guilty for what has happened. Julio deserves a home and people to call his own, he deserves so much more. I am not sure what to think. Did Lupe lie to me? Did the rescue lie or rather shield the truth from Lupe of their true plans for Julio? Was she only told what she wanted to hear? Did Lupe tell me what I wanted to hear? It is very confusing and I have sat on knowing this for a while but of late I have been having dreams about all of this telling me it weighs heavily on my mind.
A part of me feels like a horrible person for not fighting to keep Julio harder. For not thinking up a solution or a way to be able to keep him. I feel guilty and sick to my stomach and my urge to contact them to get him back is very strong. I don't have the adoption fee, a way to drive down there (its 7 hours one way and I am narcoleptic) or the means to take back on Julio's care because he has to see the vet often for some health issues we were working on reversing.
I know I cannot just rush down to Kansas and get Julio. I know if I did that I would have trouble supporting him until I am back on my feet. I don't know if I am going to have to move out of state for a job or stay here in MN. I don't know a damn thing and I cannot help Julio.
One small comfort I have is the club/rescue has a lot of good people and I know Julio's needs are being taken care of. I think what bothers me the most is my inability to keep him with me and Valentino. They did give each other companionship when no one was home and both these birds did have a bond. I know Julio is not the only bird where he is at so he has other parrots for companionship and his needs are being met. I feel so badly that Julio does not have a home or people to call his own.
I feel very blessed for being a member of this form. The people here are very instrumental for understanding what I am and have gone thorough. No where else was the brutal truth told to me even if it was very painful for me to accept. This community I value to much it is only here when I can write things that I cannot speak to others in my support system about.
Thank you all for understanding where I am coming from, being very supportive, not holding back what needs to be said and most importantly for accepting me and knowing I am a parrot lover just like you all are.