Can't move pass his death, so devastated

Dudesmom

New member
Oct 13, 2014
3
2
I come here today because I know you will all understand the heartache I'm feeling over the loss of my sun conure "Dude" like no one else seems to understand and I need to get this out because we had such a tight bond I'm taking his death harder then any humans death. Dude was MY child we did everything together because I am a stay at home mom we were always with each other and whenever I had to leave the house he would ride in the car with me on my shoulder, he slept in the bed with me (he never wanted to be in his cage at night) and was always hanging on me throughout the day. I keep going back to the other day when he was playing and then stopped and just layed his head over on me as if he was hugging me and letting me know he loved me just as much as I loved him. I am an emotional wreck and am trying to hold it together during the day in front of my son and also at night when my husband gets home from work but I'm falling apart inside. Dudes death was a complete and total surprise and the only comfort I'm getting from his death is that he was right where he always wanted to be and that was with me. He died in my arms Monday afternoon and my world has seemed to stop from that moment on. My thoughts are not clear, I'm sick, sad, can't eat, worried about him and although my family is trying to be supported they are also trying to push me into showing our other bird Sunny all the love and the thing is I want to but I feel so guilty because when we brought Sunny into our home Dude was so protective of me and was very jealous and didn't want me around her and I don't know how to move past that. Dude was my rock, my everything and I don't know how to go about my days without him in them. My husband is also currently looking for another bird not to replace Dude but to help feel this void I'm feeling and I know his intentions are good but truthfully I'm not ready for that yet and my husband doesn't seem to understand.
Well I'm done venting I guess thank you for taking the time to read this and if anyone has any suggestions as to what helps you or has helped you with the grieving process please feel free to share that with me. Like I said earlier he wasn't just a pet bird to me he was My Child and I truely feel like I've lost my baby 😞😭
 

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Agapornis

New member
Oct 25, 2012
478
1
California
Parrots
Turquoise GCC - Fiji - Hatch Date: 8/14/12 and Yellow Sided GCC - Sundance - Hatch Date: 4/12/13
OMG, I am so, so sorry about your baby Dude. I am teary reading your post, as I would feel the same way you are feeling. All of us here understand what you are going thru! I hope when you are ready, you will get another bird. We are all here for you! Feel free to vent any time.
 

RavensGryf

Supporting Member
Jan 19, 2014
14,233
190
College Station, Texas
Parrots
Red Bellied Parrot /
Ruppell's Parrot /
Bronze Winged Pionus /
English Budgie
I'm so sorry. I can tell you that I do know that some leave an impression on our hearts as deep or deeper than we can feel with a human.

I've loved and lost several birds over many years, but NEVER have I had a bird who I'm more closely bonded with than my 20 year old Red Bellied parrot. Now, thankfully he is alive still, but MY POINT here is not to talk about "me", but I'm saying it to tell you that I understand EXACTLY. I share an extra special "soulmate"connection with this one bird, I can TOTALLY imagine, and don't even let myself think too long about that dreadful time in the future, because I know for a fact that it WILL be for me I believe, the type of 'beyond' heartache you are experiencing. The type of grief you experience only with the very closest of humans. In other words, I KNOW EXACTLY the kind of pain you must be going through.

It's hard with any pet let alone these extra special once-in-a-lifetime soulmate connections with a being whether it be human or animal, and it stands to reason how you feel when that is just torn away.

I hope there is at least a little bit of comfort in knowing that others know just how you feel. Please do your best to drink some water, force a little food down, and put one foot in front of the other. I know that is near impossible. I understand.

If you can't find an animal loss support group, try contacting your vet to see if they know of any, or also the cremation companies. Some have support groups and maybe can refer you to one near you. Try Peaceful Paws | Lake Elsinore Pet Cremation, Memorials | L.A. Pet Urns Take care...
 

jbirge

New member
Dec 9, 2013
25
Media
3
0
Montrose Colorado
Parrots
Double Yellow Amazon
I share your tears! My Amazon senses my sadness just gives me a what's wrong look and sits quietly on my shoulder.

Hang in there!
 

Allee

Well-known member
Oct 27, 2013
16,852
Media
2
212
Texas
Parrots
U2-Poppy(Poppy lives with her new mommy, Misty now) CAG-Jack, YNA, Bingo, Budgie-Piper, Cockatiel-Sweet Pea Quakers-Harry, Sammy, Wilson ***Zeke (quaker) Twinkle (budgie) forever in our hearts
I'm so very sorry for your loss of your precious friend. There are no words to take away the pain you are feeling. Parrots have a unique way of bonding with their humans and such a beautiful experience carries a high price when we have to say goodby. Grief is a process and it's different for everyone. No one can tell you how much time you need to process your emotions. Only you will know when you are ready for your next bird. Try gently explaining to your husband that although his sincere gesture is welcome, you just aren't ready yet. Hugs and sincere condolences to you and your family.
 

Scott

Supporting Member
Aug 21, 2010
32,673
9,789
San Diego, California USA, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy
Parrots
Goffins: Gabby, Abby, Squeaky, Peanut, Popcorn / Citron: Alice / Eclectus: Angel /Timneh Grey: ET / Blue Fronted Amazon: Gonzo /

RIP Gandalf and Big Bird, you are missed.
My deepest sympathies for your loss of Dude. You are in close company with others who have shed tears and are still grieving over the absence of our feathered children.

You will find much wisdom within this thread. Please take care of yourself.
 
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mh434

New member
Oct 28, 2014
473
9
BC, Canada
Parrots
Yellow-naped Amazon "Sammy"
Love birds (4)
Green-cheeked Conure "Skittles" - now, sadly gone from my life
Blue-Crowned Conure "Tequila"
African Grey "Reno" - sadly, now gone from my life
It's awful losing one so close to you, especially when you are their world. While it may seem like no one else can understand what you're going through, take heart - we DO know what you're going through. I'm not afraid to admit I'm shedding tears as I write this.

I believe your husband has the right idea - just too soon. We need time to grieve, and to come to terms with the vacancy in our lives. Now, NO bird can ever replace your beloved Dude, but the huge amount of love you have to give to a bird is still there. It knows no bounds, believe me! Remember, there are a lot of loving feathery folks out there who have never known the kind of love you're able to give - and they need & deserve it, too.

Somewhere out there is another feathered soul mate, patiently waiting for you to find & rescue them.

The fact that Dude passed away in your arms, where he felt safe, happy, and loved, well...no one, not bird or human, could ask for a better way to leave this life. And, you will meet again. Re-read the Rainbow Bridge and take heart - your separation is only temporary.

I've lost many friends this past year (feathered, furred, and human) and it's never easy. My beloved dog Toby died in my arms just over a year ago. Our bond was immensely powerful, and his sole joy and wish was to be at my side, forever. I promised him, faithfully, that I would make that happen. He was cremated, and I've made provision in my will that when I die, I, too, will be cremated. My ashes & his are to be mingled and buried together, as one.

Take care, Dudesmom. Weather this storm - be strong for Dude, but don't be afraid to let your family know the depth of your loss and sorrow. Grief shared, is grief halved.

And, of course, it goes without saying that everyone here feels for you, and shares your sorrow.
 
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cnyguy

Well-known member
Apr 23, 2010
1,021
464
Syracuse, NY
Parrots
Quaker parrot, Ralph
Many of us here understand how you're feeling. Losing a beloved companion parrot is heartbreaking, and it's natural to grieve. When I lost George the YCA, my heart and my life felt empty and meaningless. Though George could never really be replaced, I soon knew I didn't want to be without a parrot ever again. When I began parrot shopping, it helped me a lot to visit with the birds in the pet stores. What helped the most was bringing Ralph the Quaker parrot home. That filled the empty places in my life better than anything else could have done.
 

WannaBeAParrot

New member
Jul 5, 2012
1,219
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1
2
SE Florida and Sullivan County, NY
Parrots
Cody-Blu, female Blue-Crowned Conure, Hatched - (approx) June 1, 2014, in a South Florida tree.

Pritti (Cherry-Head Conure) -- Fly in Peace my beautiful boy. Forever I'll love you.
I feel your sadness for the loss of your precious Dude and am shedding tears for you. We are all different here in how we will struggle with the loss of a beloved parrot, but we have in common is that we understand exactly how strong and special and unique the bond is with a bird. We all know how lucky we are to have this experience. It will surely be very difficult as it is now for a while longer, but it will get easier in the sense that you won't think about Dude and missing her all the time as you do now. Having been through this recently and feeling absolutely devastated to the point I wondered how it would ever pass, to about 3 months later now, I still miss him everyday, but the feelings don't occupy me all the time like a fresh wound. So you'll need time. Time to grieve, time to think of things and times with Due that immediately take you away and make you smile, time to decide when it's right for a new fid. Like cnyguy, after a month I found it soothing to visit some parrots and spent time with them and looking at petfinder.com to start preparing to adopt a birdie in need of a home. When you are ready you'll know, but please please try to make yourself smile by thinking of the funniest, cutest, sweetest things that Dude did with you. You are "allowed" to smile and have good memories. Please don't feel alone, there are so many here who have been or are currently going through this and can offer emotional support.
 

Terry57

Moderator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Nov 6, 2013
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Spruce Grove, Alberta, Canada
Parrots
Hawkhead(Darwin),YCA(Dexter),VE (Ekko),OWA(Slater),BHP(Talli),DYH(Calypso),RLA(Kimera),Alex(Xander)CBC(Phoe),IRN (Kodee,Luna,Stevie),WCP (Pisces),CAG(Justice)GCC (Jax), GSC2(Charley)
I am so terribly sorry for your loss of Dude:(
I also cried when reading this, your pain came through in your every word.
I hope that your husband will understand that you are not ready for a new baby to enter your life yet. It sounds like he is desperate to help you to feel better, and I know it must be hard for him to watch you suffer so. I am hoping that he will understand and just let you get to that in your own time.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
 

Chipper10

New member
Aug 6, 2013
20
0
Portland, OR
Parrots
Green cheek conure
I am very sorry about your loss of Dude. I truly belive he wouldn't want to see you sad though. It sounds like he had a great life with you and passed in peace. When you're ready, maybe you could adopt a bird that could use your love and companionship
 

PEM

New member
Nov 28, 2013
8
0
Studio City, CA
Parrots
33 year old-Double Yellow Head Amazon. "Romi"
I am so, so saddened by your loss and I too would be devastated if I lost my Amazon Romi. She fills my life. Unlike you, I have no human children and no other animals and I am not married. Try to take comfort in the fact that you are surrounded by your human family and maybe when you feel that you can, you could give more attention to your family's other bird that doesn't understand why you are so sad; instead of getting another parrot right away. I sometimes wonder if I am going to be able to handle the loss of my "child", but then again I also think that it would be more devastating for a parrot to lose their human first. We are their lives and if a human dies before their parrot, nobody can explain to them why their "life mate" is gone and their world collapses. In a perfect world my parrot and I would go at the same time, but if I had to choose, I would choose to be the one left behind because as a human, eventually I could process the loss, whereas some parrots never do. Be proud that you made Dude's life so wonderful that he showed you how much he loved and appreciated you everyday and that he never had to be without you. In a world with so many people that abuse parrots, you are very special indeed to have loved your baby so much.
 

goalerjones

Well-known member
Oct 24, 2011
1,390
30
Parrots
Hahn's macaw, RIP George, Jenday Conure
DM, were you able to get a necropsy done to find out what happened at least?
 

critterman

New member
Jan 1, 2011
230
2
Maryland
Parrots
Crimson bellied conure.
Dudesmon I am so sorry for your loss of your baby. I understand as I have been there also many times over the years with the loss of several old dogs and cats and 2 parrots. Our animals are our children and the pain is so real and more than some can understand. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Let your comfort be that Dude knew you loved him and he loved you. He is indeed at Rainbow Bridge waiting for that day when you both will be together again never to be separated again. Prayers here for you.
 

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