Goodbye Charlie

dragontao

New member
Dec 30, 2014
8
0
I finally feel able to post about my loss, but I'm still struggling badly with it. Apologies for the length of the post, I guess I just have to let it out.

My African Grey Charlie passed away on 26th December 2014 at 11:06 PM. I got him as a 4 year old in early 1986, he'd been rescued from the foyer of an hotel where he was ill treated by several staff members.

It took a while to earn his trust but the bond we developed was just beautiful, though I was the only one he'd ever let handle him.

He'd never shown any signs of illness but in 2004 he developed aspergillosis. The first vet we took him to didn't know enough about birds but instead of referring him straight away. Eventually he saw a specialist who saved him with major surgery to his nose and he has had to be nebulised twice daily for the rest of his life, as well as being on a course of anti-fungal drugs (a shame VFEND wasn't available back then.

Unfortunately the asper came back again a couple of years later, this time internally. More major surgery but the wonderful vet pulled him through, though the pain medication left him immune suppressed and he developed pneumonia. He spent nearly 6 months in hospital in total and I visited him every day making a 110 mile round trip after work (the staff there loved his character even if he did try and bite them).

He suffered recurrent breathing problems and had frequent vistis to the vet in the following years, the asper also flaring up again in late 2013. Fortunately, with vfend now available he seemed to recover well.

Then on Christmas day he seemed to develop breathing problems briefly. He'd had a number of episodes like this and a fair few late night/early morning dashes to the vets as false alarms. Just a bit of quiet needed. So I put him back in his cage overnight, getting up regularly to check on him. The next morning he seemed fine. He was happy, his normal self and eating well on the 26th. Then at around 10:15 PM he started to display symptoms again. I prepared his carry cage and was going to ring the vet in the hope he was available because of the time of year (we only have two Avian specialists within a 70 mile radius). He was sat on my shoulder, slwly getting worse and then he was gone.

I was totally beside myself. He wouldn't have survived the journey to the vet in any case. 28 years with him and 10 years of almost constant care and very large sums spent on veterinary bills (I'd have re-mortgaged the house if necessary to pay for his care). Regular checkups during which he had to go under anesthetic to be scoped. Those 10 years of care made the bond even closer.

We knew he might not reach his potential lifespan because of the illnesses, but you still can't prepare yourself for that sudden departure and we'd hoped we'd have a few more happy years with him yet.

I know in my heart I'd given him a lot of love, care and a happy life, but it's still impossible to escape the feelings of guilt and worry that I'd failed him somehow. Was his original illness preventable (the vet assures me there were many possible reasons he could have fallen victim to aspergillosis originally and because he had illnesses when we first got him, his immune system was already weak). What if I'd been able to contact the vet on Christmas day? Was there something that could have been done? Should I have tried and not seen how he was overnight, taking a risk that it was just another false alarm.

He positively hated the vet, if I'd gotten him there on the 26th, his respiration was so bad he may have had a heart attack just through being handled and the stress might have killed him. I'd have hated for him to have died in that situation. I also think about the fact he could have been in the vet's overnight, still not have made it. I wouldn't have been with him and he might have died alone.

At least I was there with him at the end and he was in his own home, but it's difficult reconciling that knowledge and the fears of him dieing alone with the worry that he could have been saved and that I failed him.

The house is so quiet and empty without his presence. He had such an impressive vocabulary and was incredibly interactive. What's worse is, I've been hunting through old photos and searching for video of him and find I've actually got very little. 28 years and it feels like I took his presence for granted.

I found this forum because I was struggling to come to terms with it and wondered how others coped. I wish I'd found it while he was still around. I don't know many other parrot owners locally and very few people can understand the sense of loss as in their eyes it's just a bird, whereas I feel like I've lost a child and a best friend.
 

JerseyWendy

New member
Jul 20, 2012
20,995
24
My heartfelt condolences to the loss of your beloved Charlie. :(

HUGS to you! Please, don't blame yourself for anything. You gave Charlie EVERYTHING...and then so much more than that.

Fly free Charlie!
 

Sunset_Chaser

New member
Sep 25, 2014
1,000
2
Minnesota
Parrots
Bella (B&G Macaw)
2 Yellow Naped Amazons,
8 Lovebirds,
2 Green Cheeks,
2 Sun Conures,
2 Indian Ringnecks,
2 Quakers
So sorry to hear of your beloved Charlie's passing. Please know that my thoughts are with you in this difficult time
 

sonja

New member
Jul 31, 2012
650
0
I'm so sorry for your loss of Charlie. What a lucky birdie he was to have you as his family. And, it sounds like you were lucky to have him, too.
Rest in peace, Charlie. You are loved.
 

thekarens

New member
Sep 29, 2013
4,022
3
I'm so sorry for your loss. He was lucky to have you.

Fly free Charlie and may you meet again!
 

veimar

New member
Feb 5, 2014
1,150
4
Chicago, IL
Parrots
gcc Parry; lovebird Coco; 3 budgies (Tesla, Franky and Cesar); cockatiel Murzik, red rump parakeet girl Onyx
Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss... I'm in tears. We grow so deeply attached to our fids that they are like children to us. Charlie had wonderful 28 years of his life with you. Gosh, I cannot even think of 28 years ago - I was just a little girl back then, and having a beloved pet for so long makes it unbearably painful to loose him. All people here can relate and understand your sorrow.
Hugs to you!!! Stay strong. He is flying free happy now, and you'll meet some day! Heaven without birds would be boring place.
 

4dugnlee

New member
Apr 27, 2014
1,133
3
Ohio
Parrots
Sassy - 13 y.o. Blue Front Amazon, Cisco - 6 y.o. Sun Conure, Peanut - 8 y.o. U2
Fred - 2(?) y.o. Cockatiel, Ginger - 3 or 4(?) y.o. Cockatiel
So sorry for your loss! Thoughts and prayers your way!
 

Allee

Well-known member
Oct 27, 2013
16,852
Media
2
212
Texas
Parrots
U2-Poppy(Poppy lives with her new mommy, Misty now) CAG-Jack, YNA, Bingo, Budgie-Piper, Cockatiel-Sweet Pea Quakers-Harry, Sammy, Wilson ***Zeke (quaker) Twinkle (budgie) forever in our hearts
I'm so sorry for your loss. What an incredible journey the two of you shared. Twenty eight years sounds like a very long time, but with a beloved companion the time we have with them is never long enough. Taking care of an animal when they are ill creates such a strong bond. I know the pain is intense, and it hurts even more when you feel like no one understands. I don't think people intend to be cruel, they don't understand because they have never had the joy or the bond an animal companion offers. In time you will be able to remember all the laughter you shared with Charlie. Give yourself time to grieve and take care of yourself. After reading your story, I honestly don't believe you ever took a single second of Charlie's life for granted. He was lucky to have such a devoted, loving caregiver.

Fly Free Little One, you will be remembered always,
 

Terry57

Moderator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Nov 6, 2013
47,515
Media
47
Albums
13
38,728
Spruce Grove, Alberta, Canada
Parrots
Hawkhead(Darwin),YCA(Dexter),VE (Ekko),OWA(Slater),BHP(Talli),DYH(Calypso),RLA(Kimera),Alex(Xander)CBC(Phoe),IRN (Kodee,Luna,Stevie),WCP (Pisces),CAG(Justice)GCC (Jax), GSC2(Charley)
I am so sorry for your loss. Your pain is evident in every word you wrote, and made me cry. Charlie was so lucky to have you for a parront, you did everything for him you possibly could. You did not fail him at all, and you were there for him while he crossed the bridge. My deepest sympathies to you.
Fly free, Charlie...you are loved.
 

Minimaker

New member
Jul 29, 2014
540
0
Illinois
Parrots
GW Macaw-Sailor, Goffins Cockatoo Mako, GC Conure-Tazzy, Turquoise Conure Yuki, Budgies-Percy, Annabeth, Elsa
Poor dear, there are never any words that ease the pain of a beloved companion animal. Virtual hugs to you in the hopes that you'll be better in time. Just take care of yourself and don't blame yourself when it's obvious you went above and beyond to care for your baby.
 

strudel

New member
Sep 30, 2013
1,939
Media
5
1
So sorry on the loss of Charlie. He was loved and had a happy life. There's no point in "what ifs", even if you might have done something differently, something else would have popped up. That's life and we can only do our best. You did, and Charlie knew it, I'm sure.
 

miloslave

New member
May 17, 2010
408
2
South Africa - Cape Town
Parrots
Mustache Parakeet - Milo
CAG - Charlie
I can't imagine what you are going through right now and how empty and quiet the house must seem. I wish i could send you strength to get through this. You know you have done everything you could for him. Cherish the memories and know that where he is right now he is disease free, breathing easily and flying freely.
 

labell

New member
Feb 17, 2014
1,988
5
East
I am so sorry, there are no real words to comfort at a time like this. Do know that many of us here have experienced this devastating loss as well so can feel what you are going through. Hugs to you!:(
 

Scott

Supporting Member
Aug 21, 2010
32,673
9,789
San Diego, California USA, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy
Parrots
Goffins: Gabby, Abby, Squeaky, Peanut, Popcorn / Citron: Alice / Eclectus: Angel /Timneh Grey: ET / Blue Fronted Amazon: Gonzo /

RIP Gandalf and Big Bird, you are missed.
I'm very sorry you've lost Charlie. Chronic illness and care tighten the bond and amplify the loss; know your experiences are shared by many. Please don't second guess as your heartfelt dedication was exemplary and touching to read.
 

RavensGryf

Supporting Member
Jan 19, 2014
14,233
190
College Station, Texas
Parrots
Red Bellied Parrot /
Ruppell's Parrot /
Bronze Winged Pionus /
English Budgie
Your story was heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing with us during this tough time. You've joined a group who truly understands your feeling of losing a precious loved one. We're here for support. Take care.
 
OP
D

dragontao

New member
Dec 30, 2014
8
0
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread starter
  • #17
Thank you so much everyone who has taken the time to reply. It does help that there are people who understand the loss and the bond that exists.
 

goalerjones

Well-known member
Oct 24, 2011
1,390
30
Parrots
Hahn's macaw, RIP George, Jenday Conure
Dragon, thanks for being able to share your story with us.

Illness plagued pets and people form very deep bonds that go deeper than any regular untested bonds. It also becomes an identity of sorts. The feeling of failure is understandable by all of us, but it presupposes that we are omniscient.

It hurts right now. That pain will dull over time and you'll be left with the memories that you were devoted. That you loved with your whole heart (and wallet). And that you really didn't abandon or fail your friend. It was the end of his time, but you bought him extra time with your love and care.
 

mh434

New member
Oct 28, 2014
473
9
BC, Canada
Parrots
Yellow-naped Amazon "Sammy"
Love birds (4)
Green-cheeked Conure "Skittles" - now, sadly gone from my life
Blue-Crowned Conure "Tequila"
African Grey "Reno" - sadly, now gone from my life
Your love for Charlie is clear, as is the sadness at his passing. That he was with you when he left was a blessing - you were his world, and his greatest love, and none of us could ask for more than to be with those we love most, at peace, when we die. That was the greatest gift you could give him, despite it being the hardest for you.

Sometimes, there's nothing left that anyone can do to prolong their lives. It's too easy to slip into the "What if...?" mindset, but you know, in your heart, that you did everything humanly possible for Charlie.

If it helps, know that we all share your grief. God knows, we do!! Many of us have been through it, and know exactly the pain you're going through. My wife and I have had a bad year ourselves, losing 6 of our closest, loving feathered friends, despite all the love, care, and veterinary treatments available.

Each time we lose a little loved one, they leave behind a sudden, foreign, inexplicable void - a vacant space where there should be life, silence where there should be familiar sounds, a stray feather or toy without an owner.

You could not have done more, you could not have loved him more. Despite your truly heroic work, sooner or later, it would be his time.

You are, truly, a hero in my eyes. There is no doubt in my mind that Charlie thought so, too.

Please, please, consider rescuing another parrot when you're able to. It's difficult to think of now, I know, but remember - doing so will never diminish the bond you and Charlie had (nothing can ever change that!), but it will give another wonderful parrot the opportunity to experience the love and dedication you have to give. After all, they all deserve it, and you are one of those truly extraordinary people who has boundless love to give. It would be a shame to let some other poor bird languish in an unhappy home, when you can make its life as warm, loving, and wonderful as you did for Charlie.

Our hearts are with you.
 
Last edited:

Taw5106

New member
Mar 27, 2014
2,480
25
Texas
Parrots
Buddy - Red Crowned Amazon (27 yo)
Venus - Solomon Island Eclectus (4 yo)
Buzz CAG (2 yo)
Sam - Cockatiel 1997 - 2004
Tweety - Budgie 1984 - 1987
Sweety - Budgie 1985 - 1986
Virtual hugs sent your way. He was family and it's so understandable for the deep loss. You came to the right place. You did what you could and used resources available, please don't beat yourself up thinking you didn't do enough, you went above and beyond. He was definitely loved, remember that.
 

Most Reactions

Latest posts

Top