Ok. So, this is the hardest thing I'm going to ever write, I think (I hope) but I need to, to get past this. I'm sitting across from my hubby, trying - pretending - to work, and I just can't. This is my first post and I can see from reading a lot of threads here that this is a community that is tight and supportive, and a lot of you have been where I am. I wish I could write my condolences in every thread. I don't even need condolences for myself...in fact I shy from them them...I just need to have someone understand. Because this is my first post, it's not just bereavement, but I'm going to ask what you all think of my situation as it played out. I hope that is OK. My bird was such a healthy happy baby, I really never felt a need to search for parrot forums before!
My green cheek conure, Theo, came to me by accident 7 1/2 years ago. I went to buy cat food, and as I was walking by him, he kept following me along his long cage. I could *feel* someone looking at me -- sort of like when someone you know drives up next to you and keeps pace until you notice them waving, you know? I'd been thinking about a bird, as my best friend has 7. I turned to look at him and that was it. I wanted to adopt, but I loved him, so I bought him.
Over the next years, he amongst other things helped me stay calm through my IVF procedures. He even traveled to CT with me when I had my procedures, and met my friend's 7 birds (she is an embryologist and is the one who got me pregnant.) I know he got VERY irritated at me for ending up bringing a baby home, but at 6 1/2 years old my daughter was just starting to win him over. He loved to snuggle, LOVED my husband to death, loved to crawl down my mother-in-law's shirt front into her ample bosom and disappear (lol), and loved me to sing "Loving you is easy 'cuz you're beautiful" in the shower (I know...pretty bad song choice) and loved to mumble in my ear.
Last Friday afternoon, I was walking by his cage, and something in the way he was looking at me had me go back to unlock his cage and pick him up. Normally he only hangs out uncaged if I'm working next to him, as we have other animals and people walking around. Also normally he rides my shoulder. This time I put him on my finger. I walked 5 steps out of the room, and tripped on the carpet because I was wearing my rubber-soled running shoes. I stumbled into the wall, and suddenly there were feathers everywhere and he was flapping on the ground. I screamed out of the house, got his carrier, scooped him in, and rushed to the avian vet. I thought he died on the way, but we got in and after an hour to calm him down, they X-rayed him. He had a fractured spine, and worse, a displaced spinal cord. Just thinking about this makes me sick to my stomach. The Dr. gave me a guarded prognosis and said there was a cockatiel that came in weeks before, who he didn't think was gonna make it, who was improving greatly. He said "I'm not thinking the same thing with Theo, his fracture is not as bad, as long as the spine repairs."
After a long night online looking for scant info on bird fractures I was able to pick him up Saturday with a bottle of prednisone, with instructions to follow up in a week and call if he didn't poop by Sunday morning. Saturday was okay, he scooted around his aquarium tank, ate his food (pellets I dipped in water, because that's what he used to do) even flapped his wings and jumped across the cage. Sunday he was in good spirits in the morning, watching my daughter bathe and even tweeting at my husband when he walked in. But, I noticed he was only eating fruit and he still hadn't pooped by 9am. I called the Dr. and they told me to massage his cloaca every 2-3 hours, either by picking him up or rolling him on his back. By our conversation I didn't feel extra alarm -- they told me the cockatiel had also not pooped by Sunday morning (he had had his accident on a Friday too) but had finally pooped by Monday and sometimes birds will just hold it in. They told me to bring him in first thing Monday AM if he still hadn't pooped.
I did as the Dr. said, and it seemed to agitate Theo more when I picked him up to massage him than it did when I picked him up to dose him earlier, so I started doing his massages on his back in his cage. At this time I was searching frantically on the internet, and found this forum. I found one person who had a senegal with a fractured spine but I was so freaked out I couldn't bear to write publicly, so I tried to e-mail the owner privately and this site wouldn't let me because I was a new member
Sunday night, I was panicking because Theo just seemed not as energetic. He was still eating, took his meds, still moved around, but something was off to me. I warred with myself over letting him be peaceful at home or rushing him to the ER that night. I knew if he didn't poop soon his spinal cord was not letting him and I knew they couldn't do anything about that on Monday, I was just praying that he would poop and I decided to just check on him once during the night (an acquaintance who does wild bird rehab in CA told me I should try not to disturb him too much so he could rest.)
My husband, daughter and I whistled and sang "twinkle twinkle little star" to him before bed, which always made him sleepy, and he shut his eyes...I sang "Loving you" but I couldn't finish. I checked on him once and he seemed comfortable and actually looked better than when he went to sleep...in the morning I cut him an apple and went to check on him...I swear I heard him moving around. I looked, and he was gone. He had moved from his preferred spot and his head was resting in his food dish. He looked so small and sad.
I picked him up and layed him in the middle of the cage with the little blanket my daughter had made for him, and his apple slice. I told my family, and we said goodbye. I couldn't bear to take him to the vet until the next day, although I told them he died. The Dr. spent half an hour with me and told me he wasn't surprised. I asked him why Theo died when the worse off cockatiel lived, and he said although the fracture wasn't as bad in Theo, the spinal cord was probably worse and he likely died not from blockage, but from a cerebral hemorrhage that started in his spine.
To say I'm devastated is an understatement; I've barely been alive these past three days. I see birds in every texture, my crying is broken only by 5 minute intervals. I've never been like this, not even when my mother died. My husband is totally supportive although not the natural bird lover I am; he cried not just for Theo but because he couldn't give him the love Theo wanted from him -- although he did feed him, talk to him and hold him, he didn't as much as Theo wanted. He told me he never felt comfortable with such a fragile creature. Well, as it turns out, he didn't break him; I did. I know it was an accident, but who knows what Theo thought. I broke him, and now he's broken me.
That's all I really want to say, I hope some of this information helps anyone else who is unlucky enough to be feeling the way I am. I'm glad for one thing, and that is that I found this forum.
Goodbye baby bird, I love you more than you can ever know
My green cheek conure, Theo, came to me by accident 7 1/2 years ago. I went to buy cat food, and as I was walking by him, he kept following me along his long cage. I could *feel* someone looking at me -- sort of like when someone you know drives up next to you and keeps pace until you notice them waving, you know? I'd been thinking about a bird, as my best friend has 7. I turned to look at him and that was it. I wanted to adopt, but I loved him, so I bought him.
Over the next years, he amongst other things helped me stay calm through my IVF procedures. He even traveled to CT with me when I had my procedures, and met my friend's 7 birds (she is an embryologist and is the one who got me pregnant.) I know he got VERY irritated at me for ending up bringing a baby home, but at 6 1/2 years old my daughter was just starting to win him over. He loved to snuggle, LOVED my husband to death, loved to crawl down my mother-in-law's shirt front into her ample bosom and disappear (lol), and loved me to sing "Loving you is easy 'cuz you're beautiful" in the shower (I know...pretty bad song choice) and loved to mumble in my ear.
Last Friday afternoon, I was walking by his cage, and something in the way he was looking at me had me go back to unlock his cage and pick him up. Normally he only hangs out uncaged if I'm working next to him, as we have other animals and people walking around. Also normally he rides my shoulder. This time I put him on my finger. I walked 5 steps out of the room, and tripped on the carpet because I was wearing my rubber-soled running shoes. I stumbled into the wall, and suddenly there were feathers everywhere and he was flapping on the ground. I screamed out of the house, got his carrier, scooped him in, and rushed to the avian vet. I thought he died on the way, but we got in and after an hour to calm him down, they X-rayed him. He had a fractured spine, and worse, a displaced spinal cord. Just thinking about this makes me sick to my stomach. The Dr. gave me a guarded prognosis and said there was a cockatiel that came in weeks before, who he didn't think was gonna make it, who was improving greatly. He said "I'm not thinking the same thing with Theo, his fracture is not as bad, as long as the spine repairs."
After a long night online looking for scant info on bird fractures I was able to pick him up Saturday with a bottle of prednisone, with instructions to follow up in a week and call if he didn't poop by Sunday morning. Saturday was okay, he scooted around his aquarium tank, ate his food (pellets I dipped in water, because that's what he used to do) even flapped his wings and jumped across the cage. Sunday he was in good spirits in the morning, watching my daughter bathe and even tweeting at my husband when he walked in. But, I noticed he was only eating fruit and he still hadn't pooped by 9am. I called the Dr. and they told me to massage his cloaca every 2-3 hours, either by picking him up or rolling him on his back. By our conversation I didn't feel extra alarm -- they told me the cockatiel had also not pooped by Sunday morning (he had had his accident on a Friday too) but had finally pooped by Monday and sometimes birds will just hold it in. They told me to bring him in first thing Monday AM if he still hadn't pooped.
I did as the Dr. said, and it seemed to agitate Theo more when I picked him up to massage him than it did when I picked him up to dose him earlier, so I started doing his massages on his back in his cage. At this time I was searching frantically on the internet, and found this forum. I found one person who had a senegal with a fractured spine but I was so freaked out I couldn't bear to write publicly, so I tried to e-mail the owner privately and this site wouldn't let me because I was a new member
Sunday night, I was panicking because Theo just seemed not as energetic. He was still eating, took his meds, still moved around, but something was off to me. I warred with myself over letting him be peaceful at home or rushing him to the ER that night. I knew if he didn't poop soon his spinal cord was not letting him and I knew they couldn't do anything about that on Monday, I was just praying that he would poop and I decided to just check on him once during the night (an acquaintance who does wild bird rehab in CA told me I should try not to disturb him too much so he could rest.)
My husband, daughter and I whistled and sang "twinkle twinkle little star" to him before bed, which always made him sleepy, and he shut his eyes...I sang "Loving you" but I couldn't finish. I checked on him once and he seemed comfortable and actually looked better than when he went to sleep...in the morning I cut him an apple and went to check on him...I swear I heard him moving around. I looked, and he was gone. He had moved from his preferred spot and his head was resting in his food dish. He looked so small and sad.
I picked him up and layed him in the middle of the cage with the little blanket my daughter had made for him, and his apple slice. I told my family, and we said goodbye. I couldn't bear to take him to the vet until the next day, although I told them he died. The Dr. spent half an hour with me and told me he wasn't surprised. I asked him why Theo died when the worse off cockatiel lived, and he said although the fracture wasn't as bad in Theo, the spinal cord was probably worse and he likely died not from blockage, but from a cerebral hemorrhage that started in his spine.
To say I'm devastated is an understatement; I've barely been alive these past three days. I see birds in every texture, my crying is broken only by 5 minute intervals. I've never been like this, not even when my mother died. My husband is totally supportive although not the natural bird lover I am; he cried not just for Theo but because he couldn't give him the love Theo wanted from him -- although he did feed him, talk to him and hold him, he didn't as much as Theo wanted. He told me he never felt comfortable with such a fragile creature. Well, as it turns out, he didn't break him; I did. I know it was an accident, but who knows what Theo thought. I broke him, and now he's broken me.
That's all I really want to say, I hope some of this information helps anyone else who is unlucky enough to be feeling the way I am. I'm glad for one thing, and that is that I found this forum.
Goodbye baby bird, I love you more than you can ever know
