Starting to grieve...

zakdat

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Jun 23, 2015
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Itā€™s unfortunate that my first post falls under the bereavement section. Melvin, an Indian ringneck parakeet, has been with me now for just over 8 years. I adopted him at eleven years of age after fostering him for 3 months. His previous owner took exemplary care of him for those first eleven years, but he was starting to become stressed as his owners had two children and a small active dog in an apartment. I had a lovebird, a budgie and two society finches at the time (oh, and a very understanding husband), and offered to foster him until either their home situation settled or it looked like heā€™d like to stay with us. Three months later, we were planning a move to another province and it was decision time. We took Melvin to his previous home, and after some initial snuggles with his previous owner, the dog and kids started running around. Melvin flew to my shoulder, tucked his head into my neck and started repeating, ā€œItā€™s okay, itā€™s okay.ā€ From that moment on, he was my buddy.

Fast forward 8 years. He has been through two moves, the death of the other birds in my ā€˜flockā€™, the birth of my four wonderful children and has been a wonderful companion the whole time. He has had periods of time where he didnā€™t get as much one on one time as he used to, and has never gone wild, gotten nippy or resorted to screeching. He has been everything I could ask for in a bird.

Last Friday I received some devastating news. Over the last year I noticed that he has been slowing down ā€” not flying around the house as much, wanting to climb more, and I thought we were starting the senior years, which I had experienced with my other birds. He also seemed to get out of breath when he did fly. He gradually got worse and worse. This last week he declined rapidly, so I took him to our vet. He has been diagnosed with a terminal abdominal tumor. It is large enough that itā€™s putting pressure on his lungs. His heart and lungs sounded otherwise clear. The vet thought that it was a congenital thing, rather than anything from his environment. She gave me some pain meds to keep him comfortable and we talked about when to bring him back in to be euthanized.

I am having a hard time dealing with this. I thought I would have a lot more time with him. I canā€™t imagine another bird that would fit our family the same way, and yet canā€™t imagine not having birds. Every morning I wake up relieved that heā€™s still alive, and yet dreading knowing that one morning he wonā€™t be. Right now Iā€™m committed to making his last days amazing ā€” lots of treats, outside time in his travel cage, and all of the snuggle time he wants (heā€™s suddenly gotten very snuggly and wanting lots of head scritches). Our vet called on Monday to check in, and seemed a bit impressed he made it through the weekend. Though he is so sick, he is still incredibly gentle, and being a complete pig when it comes to treats. In fact, he just heard me making a snack for the kids from two rooms away and started calling out, ā€œWant some? Want some?ā€ just in case I wasnā€™t getting something for him as well.
 

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Scott

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Aug 21, 2010
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RIP Gandalf and Big Bird, you are missed.
I am so sorry to hear Melvin received such a woeful prognosis. He is an exquisitely beautiful bird, and a beloved family member.

Are you entirely comfortable with the methodology of diagnosis? Might you consider a second opinion? I ask because over the years I've seen well qualified vets follow blind alleys and make false diagnoses with surety. I'm certainly not attempting to give false hope, but what if the mass is something more benign, ie a cyst or benign growth?

Where there is life exists hope, and in any case spend as much quality time with Melvin as possible. Unlike with humans in most regions, if he begins to suffer there is a compassionate alternative.

Please keep us updated, you will find a deep reservoir of empathy on this forum.
 

Mariar

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Aawww I am so sorry to hear about melvin...but you are doing such a wonderful thing making his last moments great..sounds like he had an awesome life with your family..cherish these moments to the fullest. My Amazon died on Mother's Day this year...changing that day forever for me...if you need to talk I'm here for you. Sending melvin and you lots of love and feathered hugs
 

Terry57

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I am so sorry to hear about Melvin. What a gorgeous boy he is, and I know your heart is breaking. I'm so glad that it worked out that Melvin joined your family, and I'm glad you have had the past weekend with him, to love him, cuddle him, spoil him.
I'm so glad you joined us, we get it, and will be here to support you when you have to make that heart wrenching decision.
Sending you and Melvin warm hugs.
 

Birdman666

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Sep 18, 2013
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Presently have six Greenwing Macaw (17 yo), Red Fronted Macaw (12 yo), Red Lored Amazon (17 y.o.), Lilac Crowned Amazon (about 43 y.o.) and a Congo African Grey (11 y.o.)
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I
Every morning I wake up relieved that heā€™s still alive, and yet dreading knowing that one morning he wonā€™t be. Right now Iā€™m committed to making his last days amazing ā€” lots of treats, outside time in his travel cage, and all of the snuggle time he wants (heā€™s suddenly gotten very snuggly and wanting lots of head scritches). Our vet called on Monday to check in, and seemed a bit impressed he made it through the weekend. Though he is so sick, he is still incredibly gentle, and being a complete pig when it comes to treats. In fact, he just heard me making a snack for the kids from two rooms away and started calling out, ā€œWant some? Want some?ā€ just in case I wasnā€™t getting something for him as well.

I lost my most bonded bird ever - a 38 year old blue fronted amazon, to the same sort of tumor about seven years ago. I went through this exact same scenario.

And if it were me I'D DO EXACTLY THAT... make his last days with you amazing. Let him die at home. I lost two days trying medical intervention that really didn't end up doing anything. I would have rather had her outside on my lap... YOU HAVE THE EXACT RIGHT IDEA, IN MY OPINION...

The end came very rapidly. She essentially stopped eating, and lost a tremendous amount of weight very quickly. She was too weak too stand or hold her head up. BUT SHE DIED ON MY SHOULDER, WITH HER HEAD TUCKED UNDER MY CHIN... knowing she was loved!

Every living thing dies. Can any living thing ask for more?!

http://www.parrotforums.com/amazons/44788-pecker-my-head-eye-socket-bird-rip.html

So, as long as he's still eating, it hasn't progressed to the point where death is imminent... at least going by my experience.

So you could have weeks or months yet... make the most of them.

When the end comes, it comes very quickly. You'll know. He'll stop eating, and his posture will be off. He'll be too weak to mask it. That's when it's time. NOT BEFORE!

And now I'm crying...
 
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Mariar

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Thanks birdman now I'm crying
Wish I could go back and not have had doolie pass at the vets
 

Flboy

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I am so sorry! I am sitting at work, and am having to hide tears! It really really hurts! Love him till he squeaks, then more!
 

SoCalWendy

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Wow it really hurts to read your post. Your an amazing parront, and he is very lucky to have you. Just love him... It's all you can do at this point. Personally, knowing is better then to have them pass away suddenly. None of this is your fault, so all you can do is love him. I am so sorry.
 

Kyoto

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I had the same thing happen to my most beloved little budgie Midna. I also regret not allowing her to go naturally... I miss her to this day. She was such a little fireball. She passed away at the age of 8 years old after having her for 4 years. I miss that little budgie so much.

I am so sorry about your baby. Enjoy the time you have with him, you are going to miss him even more than you realize <3
 

Doublete

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RIP "pineapple" lovebird
Ugh I'm sorry. Crying for you.
 
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zakdat

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Thank you. I felt like I needed to talk with like-minded people. I'm the only bird person in my family or my group of friends, so I don't know that they get how deeply devastating this is.

Unfortunately I'm pretty sure the vet did an accurate diagnosis. I felt the tumor, and it is very dense. Paired with the fact that it has grown so big so fast, I'm pretty sure it's malignant. Regardless, the vet trip seemed to really stress Melvin out (for the first time - normally it's no problem for him) to the point where he was panting, his tail was bobbing and his wings were hanging out at his side. I'd be scared to try to bring him back in. Luckily the pain meds seem to take the edge off - he acts a bit more like himself with them, and so far it's been really easy to administer. Soaked into a piece of bread, his eyes flash and he says, "Mmmm, good," the whole time he eats it.
 

RavensGryf

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I am so sorry to hear :(... As Mark (birdman666) said, every living thing dies... and when it comes to our pets, they are family, like children to us, we wish they could be with us forever. We keep having animal companions despite this... I think it holds true the saying "better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all". This applies to our beloved animals too. Take care, I know the time ahead will be very difficult emotionally.
 
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zakdat

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We had to take Melvin into the vet to be euthanized today. His condition had deteriorated rapidly over the last couple of weeks, and he seemed to be in pain despite the medication he was on. We had an awesome couple of weeks though. He got to eat pretty much everything he wanted. Because he couldn't fly anymore, I would walk with him around the yard and he'd lean forward and spread his wings. He got to spend a lot of time outside climbing in the apple tree. In the evenings after the kids had gone to sleep, he would hang out with me, sitting either on my knee or crawling up to my shoulder, whispering in my ear, "Gimme kiss?" followed by kisses on my glasses.

I'm going to miss him so much. He was so incredibly gentle and stayed that way, even when I was busy with my four small children. He would call out, "Come here," every time he wanted out of his cage; I would open the door and he'd fly to his stand in the diningroom, begging, "Want some? Want some? That good? GOOD!" for whatever food the kids were eating. In the shower, he'd cluck like a chicken under the spray, and growl when he felt I was hogging the water too much. At the end when he was at the bottom of his cage, he'd play peek a boo with me while I sat with him. I can't imagine another bird like him. He was wonderful. I'm going to miss him so much.
 

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Birdman666

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Presently have six Greenwing Macaw (17 yo), Red Fronted Macaw (12 yo), Red Lored Amazon (17 y.o.), Lilac Crowned Amazon (about 43 y.o.) and a Congo African Grey (11 y.o.)
Panama Amazon (1 Y.O.)
Yeah. That's how it was with my bird as well. When the end comes they just deteriorate very rapidly...

And like I told my bird. "You're tired. It's time to sleep now."
 

RavensGryf

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I'm so sorry. It's difficult, but you made the decision out of love. Many of us know what it feels like to make this tough decision. Take care.
 

Doublete

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RIP "pineapple" lovebird

Mariar

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I'm so sorry you had to do that. Melvin was a very special bird...it's never easy doing what u did, but u did it for him. I've had to euthanize a few pets...it's painful. Fly free Melvin !
 

Scott

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RIP Gandalf and Big Bird, you are missed.
My deepest condolences for the passing of Melvin. You provided him with an exemplary home and showered him such love and freedom following the diagnosis. Relieving him of pain was the kindest act even as it hastened your own sorrow. I am so sorry.
 

BoomBoom

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What a special bird. You are very lucky and he is very lucky to have you. Your story really hits me right in the feels. I wish you and your flock all the best.
 

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