How Do You Say Goodbye?

OutlawedSpirit

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How do you say goodbye willingly, even when you know it's what's best? No one passed to the bridge, but I didn't know where else was appropriate to post this.

Tomorrow I'm taking Gus, our CAG, to a friend who lives over 3 hours away. My wife and I decided it was best for him to find a new forever home.

He is really her bird and she is his person. However, she is always busy and very early home. Even when she is, she is not necessarily a "bird person". So she doesn't give him the attention he so desperately wants from her.

I have tried to give him extra attention. He's always out of his cage when I'm home. I've even given him more one on one lately than Bo to see if I could make him happier.

But I'm not his person.

So I sat my wife down and told her that her isn't happy ther way things are and she either needs to give up some of her extra activities to spend more time with him or we needed to find him a new home where he could bond with someone who could.

So we decided to rehome him. It breaks my heart because I love Gus and he is a great bird, but no matter what I do, as long as my wife is there, he's always going to want her affection and not get it, and I don't think that's fair to him.

It breaks my heart to let him go, but it breaks my heart even more to watch him longing for her.

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wrench13

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Do what is best for the parrot - words to live by, so don't feel that bad. We hope Gus loves his new home.
 

Allee

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It makes me sad for all of you to read this. I’m sorry it’s come to this but I admire you for choosing what’s best for Gus, that takes courage. I just have to mention I absolutely respect your decision but I also know Gus has a great set of parents even if the time spent with his favorite human isn’t quite enough presently. I know you’ll make the best possible decision for him, I hope the situation at home can be resolved, if not, I hope he finds a great new home, either way I wish you well.
 

mh434

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IF you are confident that his new home will be a wonderful one, and IF you know he will be loved & get the attention he deserves, then celebrate his new life. With luck, his new parronts will allow you "visiting rights" from time to time (you could even insist on this as a condition of his re-homing), so you can judge his happiness, and get to visit him, just once in a while at least.

My wife recently left me, right out of the blue, taking our CAG "Reno" with her. I loved that bird with a passion, and still do, but in all likelihood I will never see him again. There was no "closure" for me.

I never got the opportunity to say goodbye to the "red-butt chicken" I loved.

In a way, I envy you the possibility that you can still visit Gus, if you work it right. That option will never be open for me, and I (and all the rest of my flock) miss Reno terribly. He was their "leader".

Nonetheless, I feel terribly for you - it's a very hard decision to make! In the end, though, it's Gus' welfare that is paramount, and you're acting in his best interests. Hopefully, his new life will be long, happy, and filled with love and wonder.
 
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OutlawedSpirit

OutlawedSpirit

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I definitely think that his new home will work great for him. The friend that is taking him only works part time, and is home most of the time when not at work because she it's a homebody that enjoys sewingand making other crafty stuff.

The only other birds that she has are finches and canaries she breeds as a hobby so they aren't birds that take up a great deal of her time like another parrot would.

However I know she would do well with a parrot because she used to have several but lost them to her wife when she went through a divorce last year.

I don't have to worry about asking or demanding visitation rights as part of the agreement. I talk to her often, and even though she lives 3-4 hours from me, her door has always been open to me if I am down that way.

I really do think this is the best thing for Gus since I can't seem to give him the kind of attention he truly craves, and my wife isn't interested in spending the time with him anymore. It just hurts to let him go.

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Casper223

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I'm reading this post, and am really conflicted with it.....First I agree with Wrench in doing what's best for the Parrot "Gus" and also I agree with Allee in that I admire you for trying to do the right thing.....

My conflict starts here....Let's say Gus is 60% towards your wife
and now lets say Gus is 35% attached to you, so thats 95%
Lets just say Gus is 5% towards other people this is 100% of Gus' Loyalties & Love

Your Wife becomes your X and steps out of the equation......That puts 60% of Gus love and loyalties back on the table. Please explain your thought pattern of a 3rd person who say holds maybe the 5% now overcomes the 35% you now hold. My thought is, Do you really Feel Gus would rather the 5% love and Loyalty over who is his secondary person, a person he loves, and shares loyalty with, and shares a bond with over someone he doesn't know at all, and has to relatively start from ground zero from. Please understand, I'm not trying to be negative here, and I also want whats best for Gus, but in my way of thinking, I cannot see someone starting from ground zero with Gus as a positive for Gus. I see you as someone Gus knows and trusts being able to improve your relationship with Gus in your x-wifes absence. Please don't get me wrong, or misunderstand the point I'm trying to make, because it's hard for me to put feelings to words. Let's just say for a moment......Hypothetically, your wife had a car crash...God forbid....Her bird was Gus, but you were also part of Gus flock but not his primary person, would you say, ohhhh I'm not his favorite person, let me give Gus away, or would you do like most of the people on earth would do, and put one foot in front of the other every morning, take baby steps, and step up and try to make up the difference for the absence of his mother (Favorite Person)

Let's just use another scenario, You and your wife have a child....His name is Gus, In a blink of an eye, Mom is no longer in the picture for whatever reason.....Would the lone parent just put the Child Gus up for adoption??? again, there must be something I'm missing here, or maybe it was the way I was raised....But the single parent takes over as primary, and grows that relationship as mom and dad, let me assure you, it happens everyday, all over the world. Again I may be missing something here, but from reading this post, it's very disturbing to me. Feel free to ignore my post all together, or even just delete it if it suits you, It was intended to be food for thought. In my honest opinion, I think you should not make a decision of this magnitude in haste.
 
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OutlawedSpirit

OutlawedSpirit

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Thank you all so much for your kindness and words of comfort. It's so nice to have people that understand. So many people just ask if I'm going to sell him for enough to get my money back out of him.

Like seriously? This has nothing to do with money. And even if it was, to get "get back what I put into him" like so many people say, I'd never find him a home. In just the last year, between the vet, fresh food, pellets, seed, a new cage, toys, perches, the list can go on, I honestly don't want to know what I've spent.

It just makes me so angry and hurt that people ask that, like would you sell your kid cause you need money? Neither would I! This is about doing what is best for Gus and making sure he is physically and emotionally taken care of.

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OutlawedSpirit

OutlawedSpirit

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Bo - DYH ~ Gus - CAG ~ Twitch - Linnie ~ Apple - Pineapple GCC ~ Goliath - Quaker ~ Squish - Peach face Lovebird
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I'm reading this post, and am really conflicted with it.....First I agree with Wrench in doing what's best for the Parrot "Gus" and also I agree with Allee in that I admire you for trying to do the right thing.....

My conflict starts here....Let's say Gus is 60% towards your wife
and now lets say Gus is 35% attached to you, so thats 95%
Lets just say Gus is 5% towards other people this is 100% of Gus' Loyalties & Love

Your Wife becomes your X and steps out of the equation......That puts 60% of Gus love and loyalties back on the table. Please explain your thought pattern of a 3rd person who say holds maybe the 5% now overcomes the 35% you now hold. My thought is, Do you really Feel Gus would rather the 5% love and Loyalty over who is his secondary person, a person he loves, and shares loyalty with, and shares a bond with over someone he doesn't know at all, and has to relatively start from ground zero from. Please understand, I'm not trying to be negative here, and I also want whats best for Gus, but in my way of thinking, I cannot see someone starting from ground zero with Gus as a positive for Gus. I see you as someone Gus knows and trusts being able to improve your relationship with Gus in your x-wifes absence. Please don't get me wrong, or misunderstand the point I'm trying to make, because it's hard for me to put feelings to words. Let's just say for a moment......Hypothetically, your wife had a car crash...God forbid....Her bird was Gus, but you were also part of Gus flock but not his primary person, would you say, ohhhh I'm not his favorite person, let me give Gus away, or would you do like most of the people on earth would do, and put one foot in front of the other every morning, take baby steps, and step up and try to make up the difference for the absence of his mother (Favorite Person)

Let's just use another scenario, You and your wife have a child....His name is Gus, In a blink of an eye, Mom is no longer in the picture for whatever reason.....Would the lone parent just put the Child Gus up for adoption??? again, there must be something I'm missing here, or maybe it was the way I was raised....But the single parent takes over as primary, and grows that relationship as mom and dad, let me assure you, it happens everyday, all over the world. Again I may be missing something here, but from reading this post, it's very disturbing to me. Feel free to ignore my post all together, or even just delete it if it suits you, It was intended to be food for thought. In my honest opinion, I think you should not make a decision of this magnitude in haste.
Trust me, this decision was not made in haste. I would never just jump up and say "let's get rid of X bird!" For the record, I honestly find that assumption rather insulting, but that is neither here nor there.

If you read my original post, I said that I have tried to get Gus to bond more with me. I have even gone as far as to give him more attention than I have given my own birds lately, to see if he would be happy and long for his person a little less.

Nothing I have done has made a difference. I have talked to my wife at length about the affect her lack of attention is having on him. We both agreed that rehoming him and starting from ground zero would be best.

The reason starting from scratch it's best is because then he is essentially bonded to no one. The friend that is going to take Gus lives by herself so there really is no one else for him to choose to be his person there but her. With my wife out of the picture, Gus doesn't have to deal with the emotional pain of seeing his person but not getting the attention he wants so badly from her.

So no, this decision was not made in haste or as an impulse. Please fully read a post before making assumptions.

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mh434

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African Grey "Reno" - sadly, now gone from my life
OutlawedSpirit, it's hard to even imagine money being considered as a factor in this, isn't it? It's like being forced to give up a child - "how much is the child worth?" doesn't even compute to me, and not to you either, for which I salute you!!

It's ALL about what's best for Gus - his future, his happiness, and the love and care he will receive in his new forever home. In my view, as in yours apparently, those are ALL that matters.

Gus is a lucky bird, having a parront who is wise enough to see that re-homing will ultimately be the best for him, no matter how hard and heartbreaking it is for you.


You're going through a LOT of pain & heartache, to ensure that Gus has a wonderful life. I see no "conflict" there.
 

Casper223

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How do you say goodbye willingly, even when you know it's what's best? No one passed to the bridge, but I didn't know where else was appropriate to post this.

Tomorrow I'm taking Gus, our CAG, to a friend who lives over 3 hours away. My wife and I decided it was best for him to find a new forever home.

He is really her bird and she is his person. However, she is always busy and very early home. Even when she is, she is not necessarily a "bird person". So she doesn't give him the attention he so desperately wants from her.

I have tried to give him extra attention. He's always out of his cage when I'm home. I've even given him more one on one lately than Bo to see if I could make him happier.

But I'm not his person.

So I sat my wife down and told her that her isn't happy ther way things are and she either needs to give up some of her extra activities to spend more time with him or we needed to find him a new home where he could bond with someone who could.

So we decided to rehome him. It breaks my heart because I love Gus and he is a great bird, but no matter what I do, as long as my wife is there, he's always going to want her affection and not get it, and I don't think that's fair to him.

It breaks my heart to let him go, but it breaks my heart even more to watch him longing for her.

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This is the post I read in making the post.... is there another?


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GaleriaGila

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How do i say goodbye? I guess I'll have to let you know someday...

Meanwhile, sharing experiences like this... it is a great honor and a real learning experience and a welcome preparation for that day in the distant (I hope) future when i say goodbye, however it happens.

We here have shared some good moments in our time here. Thank you for another!
 
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OutlawedSpirit

OutlawedSpirit

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Bo - DYH ~ Gus - CAG ~ Twitch - Linnie ~ Apple - Pineapple GCC ~ Goliath - Quaker ~ Squish - Peach face Lovebird
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How do you say goodbye willingly, even when you know it's what's best? No one passed to the bridge, but I didn't know where else was appropriate to post this.

Tomorrow I'm taking Gus, our CAG, to a friend who lives over 3 hours away. My wife and I decided it was best for him to find a new forever home.

He is really her bird and she is his person. However, she is always busy and very early home. Even when she is, she is not necessarily a "bird person". So she doesn't give him the attention he so desperately wants from her.

I have tried to give him extra attention. He's always out of his cage when I'm home. I've even given him more one on one lately than Bo to see if I could make him happier.

But I'm not his person.

So I sat my wife down and told her that her isn't happy ther way things are and she either needs to give up some of her extra activities to spend more time with him or we needed to find him a new home where he could bond with someone who could.

So we decided to rehome him. It breaks my heart because I love Gus and he is a great bird, but no matter what I do, as long as my wife is there, he's always going to want her affection and not get it, and I don't think that's fair to him.

It breaks my heart to let him go, but it breaks my heart even more to watch him longing for her.

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This is the post I read in making the post.... is there another?


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No, but if you read it, I do not see how you can say it was a decision made in haste or how it is disturbing. I would appreciate it if you would explain how it is a disturbing decision made in haste. After trying to get him to bond to me more, and it not working. And after trying to also talk to my wife about needing to spend more time with him, and her blatantly saying she was not willing to give up other activities to make more time.

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Casper223

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No, but if you read it, I do not see how you can say it was a decision made in haste or how it is disturbing. I would appreciate it if you would explain how it is a disturbing decision made in haste. After trying to get him to bond to me more, and it not working. And after trying to also talk to my wife about needing to spend more time with him, and her blatantly saying she was not willing to give up other activities to make more time.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk[/QUOTE]

Outlawedpirit, I owe you an apology, somehow I confused your post with a couple going through a divorce and re-homing their baby. I guess it's been weighing on my mind a good bit, and in briefly reading through your post, I did assume that was you.... Please pardon my opinion, as two different posts and two different couples ran together. I wanted to post a reply the other day on the other post, but wasn't sure how to word my reply, when I seen this post, I entered my two cents, however wrong situation. Thank you for enlightening me to my error of confusion sir....
 

mh434

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Oct 28, 2014
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BC, Canada
Parrots
Yellow-naped Amazon "Sammy"
Love birds (4)
Green-cheeked Conure "Skittles" - now, sadly gone from my life
Blue-Crowned Conure "Tequila"
African Grey "Reno" - sadly, now gone from my life
Outlawed Spirit, regardless of all of the foregoing, my heart breaks for you! The sorrow of losing a bird (as I just did a few days ago) to their end-of-life is so very difficult to bear, but to be forced to willingly make a decision to re-home them would be even more difficult.

Sadly, I may be forced to make a similar decision soon, and the pain of possibly having to make that decision weighs on me every minute of every day. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I worry constantly. I have a substantial flock, my wife left me a few weeks ago and, as I work full time, there are not nearly enough hours in the day outside of work for a single person to care for their basic needs much less give them the attention they need. I fret about that every minute of every day. I'm living in the faint hope that somehow, any day now, something will change to improve things. In reality, I'm afraid I'm just "whistling through the graveyard".

Yet, you are faced with this, right now. I feel your pain, and wish you well. You have a great heart, to be willing to take on all this pain to help Gus get the best life you can get for him. No bird could ask for more love than that.
 
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OutlawedSpirit

OutlawedSpirit

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Bo - DYH ~ Gus - CAG ~ Twitch - Linnie ~ Apple - Pineapple GCC ~ Goliath - Quaker ~ Squish - Peach face Lovebird
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Just wanted to post an update on Gus:

I got an update the first night Gus was in his new home and again last night. Yesterday, my friend was so excited that all day he only bit her 7 times. I had to laugh because she knows birds so she was so enthusiastic about it. She said he's already paying with his toys and talking so it sounds like he's settling in great for it having been only his first full day with her. It makes me feel so much better about my decision to know he seems happy where he is at now. I think they will really be great for each other.

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