Help me love my cockatiels

Hello! I've posted an introduction post in the new members forum (or whatever it's called) but I'll give a brief summary.

I currently have two cockatiels. A normal gray boy and a lutino girl (I think). I've only had them for about 3 weeks. Before I had them they had at least two different homes. The last home was for a couple years and they were fed and watered but nothing else. They were just left alone in a big cage with a couple dusty toys.
The family that had them got sick of taking care of them and so my husband said that we'd take them because he knew I wanted another bird.

The thing is.....I'm not really a fan of cockatiels. It's not the bird's fault, it's just that I've never met a lovable tiel. The ones I've met have all been untamed. Also they haven't been very playful and active.
These two mostly just sit on their rope perch. When they're not eating...they eat A LOT.
Every once in awhile they will do some soft whistles. They both seem to get excited when I whistle to them. They will crawl all over the cage like they want to get out.

When I open the cage door nothing happens. They just sit there. Lol. They don't ever even get near the opening. I come home for lunch every day and open the cage door while I eat. Today they just napped on the rope perch the whole time.
I try to be patient but it's really hard for me.

I did something "bad" today. I took a towel and grabbed the boy out of the cage. I know that's frowned upon but the opening the cage door thing is not working. So I took him in the hallway (out of site of the cage) and sat down on he floor. He didn't do too bad! I had him step up on a pencil and then my finger several times. There was a little bit of soft biting but nothing that hurt and I just ignored it and kept working. After a few minutes he seemed pretty calm and was stepping up fairly well. I was even able to stroke his chest a little bit.
So do you think what I did was ok? I hated having to grab him but it seemed it work in the end.

How would you do it? I'd like to bond with them because right now I'm just feeling sorry for myself being stuck with them. I know that sounds terrible but I can't help but be a little disappointed. If I would have known that my husband was ok with having another bird I could have picked something I really wanted! I've been dreaming of a little Quaker and now I feel stuck with the tiels.
So I'm hoping that I can force a bond between us. It's not fair to the tiels that I feel this way.

Hi Leah,
All of my birds except for 3 or 4 small ones are rescues or rehomes. Some adjusted quickly, and some are still very wary of us after several months. My yellow crown just left his cage for the second time in the 6 months we have had him. The door is always open, he just chooses not to come out. We are just letting him take his time with no expectations, as he is 14 years old and was parent raised and not socialized at all.
I don't think you can "force" a bond.
Trust is earned, and sometimes it takes awhile. I personally don't use a towel, but I know others do and are able to get results.

All I can say about our birds is that there is no greater feeling when they have a breakthrough. Seeing them taken care of, having lots of toys and attention,and knowing their lives are now better - that is an unbelievable feeling

Cockatiels are wonderful little birds..sometimes the bird you end up with is the one that steals your heart I am hoping that for you and for them.

Sorry, when I said "force" a bond, I meant force myself to bond with them not them to me...if that makes since.
I'm trying to force myself to be happy with what I got instead of wishing for something else.

I've read great things about cockatiels but unfortunately haven't experienced any. This is my second set of rehomed tiels and the first set was about the same. They were two senior boys and I was only able to half tame one after the other passed away.

I guess I just want that same bond that I had with my old gcc, Kiwi. He was a hand raised baby and very sweet, loving, and playful.

Leah00 said:

Sorry, when I said "force" a bond, I meant force myself to bond with them not them to me...if that makes since.
I'm trying to force myself to be happy with what I got instead of wishing for something else.

I've read great things about cockatiels but unfortunately haven't experienced any. This is my second set of rehomed tiels and the first set was about the same. They were two senior boys and I was only able to half tame one after the other passed away.

I guess I just want that same bond that I had with my old gcc, Kiwi. He was a hand raised baby and very sweet, loving, and playful.

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I'm sorry, I misunderstood that
It is so hard and so common that we wish for other things than what we have...I am so guilty of that.
Do you think you could explain to your husband how you feel, and let him know that you want to add a quaker? I think that if you get the bird you really want, it may change the way you feel about the tiels.

Please don't get a Quaker. Please don't get another bird. Being the parent of a bird requires a certain degree of selflessness, that I'm afraid most people don't have. They are not like cars, where you can get the right model, kind, make that you think fits. You have found this website, which is definitely a step in the right direction...but I doubt that anyone here will feel bad for anyone except the two cockatiels who you don't seem to want. I hope you have a breakthrough with them, and that you find the same joy that others do in making a connection with a bird, no matter what species. Things really have to be structured around what is good for them, rather than what you want. This site is a wealth of information for anyone who wants to have a meaningful and loving relationship with a bird.

Leah, thank you for taking in Tayshaun and Wallace. They are gorgeous and so lucky to have a chance at a better life with you. Imagine sitting in the same boring cage day after day. All they had for comfort was each other (and food).

Now, suddenly, they're in a new place with odd sounds, new smells and strangers. Plus they're prey animals, so naturally will be very leary.

Have you tried buying millet and offering it through the cage? Little by little, albeit with lots of patience, you can work on earning their trust. It could take many months, though.

Sometimes that bird that isn't necessarily the one you would have picked, turns out to be your dream-bird, if you offer lots of love, patience and kindness.

Another member named MonicaMc has posted numerous tips on how to build trust with your birds. I wish I could link some of her previous posts but I'm on android and can't do that from here.

Hopefully someone will come along and help us out with that.

hi leah! try to keep working with them. next time though, instead of the towel, try asking him to step up from inside the cage see how he does. if he seems distressed, then take a step back and let him get used to you at his pace. he seems like he is fairly trusting to let you touch him and to even step up on his first time out! that's promising!

tiels make amazing pets once you earn their trust. they can be so incredibly tame. most arent as playful as GCC or lovebirds or quakers, but they play in their own way. try some simple foraging toys, or here's a hit with my tiels--plastic drinking straws, particularly the bendy ones. fold them and loop them together into a chain and watch how much fun they will have with them! they dont really roll around and like to lay on their backs or wrestle around like GCC can, but they can realllllly love those head scratches and once you've earned their trust, they will become a favourite shoulder buddy.

i have two tiels, one from a breeder who was handfed and one rescued off kijiji who was not tame when i got him. and looking at both of them-- you can't tell the difference!






oh, and of course, loving the drinking straws... you can cut them up and place them in a dish for them to pick out and play with too

thats okay, i need to grab bamboo out sometimes too... hehe!!
but he sat on your finger, and stuff so it shows hes not upset about being grabbed out.
to me, it seem the are curious about you, they seem to likethe attention, but they are realy scared o come out..... and dont worry about the "bond" thing. its very hard to not love a bird
wait up for some time, and you'll see yourself getting all lovesick
its okay, you guys will be just fine

It's just gonna take some time for that to happen. I've had A LOT of tiels and some of them just aren't to be handled. I have one just like that as he's the meanest one I've ever encountered. BUT with that said, I could tame them as I've done it in the past. But now days I let them play in the aviary and let them be if they don't want to be handled. Sometimes over time they can become friendly towards you like a pair of mine as they used to be very mean towards me and now days I can handle them just fine but that took a couple of years to do. But Cockatiels are one of my top favorite birds of all time but of course I raise them too and my babies are sweet little angels.

You have to ask yourself why should your two cockatiels like you? They don't want to come out of the cage because the cage is their safe area. Food is provided there and predators can't get them. They don't talk your language so they have to depend on their instinct on their continuing survival. Remember, birds are prey which means they are low on the food chain and get eaten by predators. Humans are predators. We eat things that don't get out of our way. Doesn't matter if you are vegan, you still have certain behaviors that reveal you are a predator. Our forward facing eyes are made for stalking. Our teeth our made for tearing and grinding. Our hands are made for gripping.

Can you image what your feelings would be if you were approached by a grinning T-Rex? Now, imagine being in a cave with a T-Rex wandering around outside. You wouldn't leave your cave, either.

If you want to be friends with your birds then act like a friend. On their level. Get in their minds, learn what makes them tick, and modify your behavior around them. All teachers understand that each individual will progress at their own rate. They also understand not all the students are rocket scientists. Some will take longer than others to learn even the most basic of concepts.

And people who train animals are aware of this, too. They understand and accept that all their students have their own individual quirks. They learn to modify their training to do what is best for that individual animal. They realize there are some animals who will not want to be the best performer, and find some behavior they are good at and work from there.

Remember your birds don't understand you simply want to be their best friend. They have no concept of being cuddled or getting scritches by the human hand. You have to ask yourself how you can be a good teacher to your birds and start from there. Also, getting a different species does not guarantee you'll get a tame and loving bird. He or she will have the same instincts for survival.

Good luck. You can learn a lot from these two birds.

It was good of you to try to give the cockatiels a better life. I'm sorry you aren't happy with your husband's decision. I would suggest reading everything you can find about Quakers before you bring one home. Like any species, until a bird bonds with you and trusts you, you will have a sad relationship. Even getting a baby quaker doesn't guarantee the bird will behave the way you expect him to. It takes time and dedication and a lot of patience to care for birds, I think that's why so many are looking for homes. Give the cockatiels more time to adjust to their new surroundings and get to know them, you may find you already have the birds you really want.

You could always find a home for them with someone who does want them and who will take care of them. Birds are too sensitive and intelligent to be in a home where they're not wanted. If you truly can't see yourself in it for the long haul then perhaps find someone who will.

Kalidasa said:

You could always find a home for them with someone who does want them and who will take care of them. Birds are too sensitive and intelligent to be in a home where they're not wanted. If you truly can't see yourself in it for the long haul then perhaps find someone who will.

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I'm not sure if I could. That's something about me, once I take on a responsibilty I stick with it.
The ONLY way I would rehome them is if I somehow found someone who really wanted them and who I completely trusted to take care of them. I just can't see that happening in my area. I don't know anyone who even has birds except for the people who have already pawned them off on me!

I have read a ton of information on both cockatiels and quakers (and many, many others). Google searching is what I do in my spare time. My husband teases me for how much time I spend on bird websites.

I'm going to buy some millet today and see if I can get them to eat it when I offer. The female is the "pretty" one but for some reason I feel closer to the male. Maybe because he looks like the senior tiel that I had almost tamed.

I also think it might help me to start trying to convert them away from their strict seed diet. Maybe I'm crazy but I feel a bond over feeding healthy foods. Lol. There's just something about preparing food for an animal that makes me feel closer to them.

Check out the diet and recipes section of this forum. An easily accepted and easy thing to make is bird bread, you can grind up some pellets and add all sorts of good things to the mix...veggies, fruit, nuts, pollen...the list is endless. You can put alot of love in bread

Keep trying to find something you like about them. In your last post I can already sense an improvement in your feelings

Remember, birds are very sensitive to our emotions and they can sense when you're angry or when you don't want them Think about how it would feel to be totally dependent for food and safety on someone who doesn't like you. You'd also rather hide in your cage, not so?

MomtoPercy said:

Keep trying to find something you like about them. In your last post I can already sense an improvement in your feelings

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Haha! Yes. There is already a little bit of a softening towards them. Especially the male who I got to hold yesterday. It was cute how he kept cocking his head at me whenever I would talk to him. And it was encouraging how quickly he started stepping up.
Also I've spent way too much time online today (I'm at work) looking at new bird toys and different brands of pellets.
Which is a great sign because previously I was spending most of my online time reading quaker sites and classifieds.

Well I hope they would start to warm up to you and for you to get close to them. Tiels are just too precious!!!

Hello, Leah00! You've already gotten some good advice as regards handling your cockatiels and gaining their trust. I'll just add a little something from my own experience with the one cockatiel I owned.

I had my Suzie for around 17 years before he (originally believed to be a girl, hence the name. Smh) died of kidney disease. But in those 17 years, Suzie and I became incredibly close. And one of the things that we bonded over was whistling games. As you pointed out, your own cockatiels perk up when you whistle to them. Thing is, cockatiels LOVE to whistle. And they truly appreciate a good whistler.

So there were 2 whistling games I played with Suzie. Well, really 2 variations of the same game. In one, I would whistle a tune to him, then wait for him to repeat it. At which point I'd whistle the tune back, with a variation that increased the complexity. We could go on like that for quite some time.

The other version, which Suzie much preferred, was when he would whistle first, then wait for me to copy him. And then he would make his tunes progressively more complex. This would continue until he did something ridiculously complex and I, of course, would screw up. He would then go back to an incredibly basic version, much like we might if dealing with a small child. Lol! I really miss him.

But I mention this story just to point out that you might have stumbled onto something the other day when you were whistling. Try it out. You might be surprised at what can build a bond between you and your bird. Please update us on your progress!

Leah00 said:

Also I've spent way too much time online today (I'm at work) looking at new bird toys and different brands of pellets.

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Aha! You're being sucked in by the cuteness of your tiels! Good for you! .