Trouble with Taming

Hello there~ I'm new to this forum so I apologize in advance if this should be posted elsewhere

some backstory; I recently rescued a couple of Cockatiels from a family friend, he impulse bought them and then wanted nothing to do with them when he realized they aren't as easy to care for as his doggos, while the plan was to rehome them to me from pretty early on into him having them I wasn't able to have proper space for them until about a week ago.
He had them for about a half a year prior to this. He had a pair, Kindred and an unnamed male { he never named them, Kindred and Casper are names I've given them } that he was trying to get to breed at first and the unnamed male passed away due to reasons I don't know of. He purchased Casper, both of these birds are from separate breeders from the flea market. He never interacted with them outside of occassionally changing out their water and food when they were empty, never cleaned their cage either, I spent an hour and a half soaking and scrubbing off the mess when I got them { don't worry the cage is big enough for both of them, it's why i kept it }

These are my first birds, and while I've done lots of research I can't seem to find any advice on what's going on with them?

They both didn't trust me for about the first day I had them, which is completely understandable, however Casper warmed up to me quickly and has been very friendly with me, willing to perch on my hand and arm if I tempt him with some millet. I've been trying to teach him to step up and he's seeming to get the hang of it, but Kindred get's very jealous that he's getting millet and she's not.

The problem is if I try to tame Casper while she's around she'll squawk loudly, eventually { after she's convinced herself to, because she's still very scared of me and my hands, will hiss at me if I move too close to her } she'll hop onto my arm, causing Casper to completely freeze up, not take any more millet, and often scoot away from her, even if that means scooting up onto my shoulder and huddling next to my head. If he doesn't scoot away she'll sometimes slap him with her wing, which sends them both into a flying frenzy around my room, and it often takes upwards of 30 minutes to calm him down enough to try again.

I don't really know what to do, I feel like if I lock Kindred in the cage while I work with Casper that's just kind of unfair to her, and I don't currently have a way to separate them, but everything seems fine with them until I start giving him millet, even if I don't make either of them perch on me and let them share a piece she'll often try to bully him out of eating it.

It's also extremely hard to put her specifically back in the cage after I let her out, because in order to do so I have to manage to first get Casper on my arm, then tempt her over with the millet, and then try to slowly put them both back in without her flying away, which means I often have to put them both away, not just her. Normally if I move at all with her on me she immediately freaks out and flies away

I'm very patient and this all doesn't at all bother me or discourage me, I don't mind having to try things again over and over, but I also recognize that I have little to no experience and there's likely something I'm doing very wrong. I'm pretty good at reading their body language and I don't try to push them to do things they don't want to do, I let them come to me instead, but I feel like I'm really missing something here

They're both very new and I don't expect anything of them, the only reason I'm even trying to tame Casper so soon is because he seems like he already trusts me and wants to be near me, often trying to fly to me if I let him out and just be near me. He wont let me pet him but he seems to like my company or at least is interested

Tldr; I recently adopted two Cockatiels and while I'm trying to tame one of them because he's friendly with me, the other will often interrupt the session and scare him away, whether it's through hitting him, squabbling with him, or simply bullying him away from the food. The other Cockatiel isn't at all friendly with me so I don't understand why she's this determined to bully him out of food, even if it means she has to sit on me to get it. I don't really know what to do other than lock Kindred in the cage while I tame Casper

Well, if it makes you feel any better, my adopted bird wouldn't step up for 3 months (and she knew how). Now, she trusts me to do whatever. Birds take a really long time to adjust to change and new people. As soon as you can, I would advise that you find a CAV (Certified Avian Vet) and get them established/ have routine tests like blood-work run. Even though they sound healthy, it is important to have a baseline for future comparison and birds are masters of hiding illness.

Now, in terms of your situation, it sounds like they are a bonded pair and that one is defending the other as his mate (because you are a perceived interloper lol). This is not an uncommon issue with pairs, and separating them is one solution, but you said you can't do that right now.

Have you had them DNA sexed? If this is going on and they are secretly (or not-so-secretly) mating, then I would make sure that they have proper calcium access etc, because, in order to pass an egg, the females need to have proper levels of calcium and adequate nutrition. There is some risk to a bird laying an egg as well---egg-binding is common in cockatiels and it can be deadly and/or lead to things like prolapse and emergency surgeries. Female birds can also lay eggs even when separated from a male (infertile, of course) but the likelihood increases when they are in the same cage.

I am sorry I don't have more advice, but I would say give it plenty of time. Perhaps moving the aggressor to a neutral location for training could help (especially if his mate isn't within ear/eye-shot). I agree that both birds need time out of the cage, so you will just have to do your best...

Since you said these are your first birds, I have copied and pasted some information I wrote in another post about common household dangers. If you already are aware of these things then disregard this part of my post, as I know it is unrelated to your original question

"Teflon/PTFE/PFOA/Fluoroplastics are hidden within and on many items that heat. These release deadly fumes (unscented) that kill birds very quickly. Things to consider: hair-dryers, curlers, curling irons, ironing boards, space-heaters, self-cleaning ovens, rice-cookers, air-fryers, some microwave popcorn bags contain a clear-coat of Teflon/fluoroplastic, drip-trays, some humidifiers...Basically, if you heat it, call the company and tell them the full names for the aforementioned abbreviations (PFOA/PTFE) as well as the full names of each (which I cannot spell---polytertafluoroethyline? is one...) + ask about Teflon. You will have to be put in touch with the manufacturing side of things, so it may take a few days to get an answer. Teflon/PTFE/PFOA can be mixed into metals during the molding process, it can show up in the form of a colored or black surface coating, it can be woven into heat-resistant/stain resistant fabrics, and it exists in a clear-coat (even found in mascara...not that that ever gets heated). Many internal components on heating devices are coated but you can't inspect visually and expect to be able to see it. These types of heated appliances containing fluoroplastics have killed birds on separate floors of a house when used, so get rid of it (walls, doors do NOT protect).

In terms of household cleaning etc, you cannot use standard cleaners/chemicals with a bird (no Bleach, windex, lysol, pine-sol, air freshener, etc). Basically, if it has a scent, you shouldn't use it. Fabreeze, glade plug-ins, perfumes, heated oil potpourri, carpet cleaners, flea shampoos, nail polish remover, sharpie markers, paints, hot glue guns, acetone, shoe polish, paints, aerosols....all can kill birds. Candles (scented or non) are also very dangerous due to the particles they put into the air...Doesn't matter if they are organic lol. Car air freshener tags etc have also proven deadly (regardless of the specific scent, although pine scents are particularly dangerous).

The lungs of birds are VERY sensitive, so things that are fine for mammals and humans are not safe for them to inhale. Even smoke from grills or burning oil/butter/food can be deadly. Do not assume that something is bird safe just because you used it around your bird a few times prior and he/she was fine. Sometimes death can occur instantaneously (within minutes), other times it takes longer...just depends on the bird and the toxin etc.

Birds hide illness (as prey animals) so they do not show symptoms unless very ill. Consequently, considering all of their health issues, ridding your house of teflon, scented products, and chemical cleaners will spare you money, guess-work and heart-ache. I use an avian safe disinfectant called F10 SC (the yellow/clear kind) to clean everything (where I would have used bleach, Windex or Lysol before). F10 is a concentrate that, when diluted properly, is safe around birds (you don't have to rinse once dry as long as the dilution ratio is correct). Vinegar +water is another safe option (as long as you don't heat it in a dishwasher/coffeepot, and then there is GSE (Grapefruit seed extract) + water."

Actually: I have no problem with one birdie staying in the cage while the other behaves nicely.
They learn a LOT form just watching!
(mokey see- monkey do)

So that is allright
If Casper want to be nice to you that is just fine.
Maybe Kindred will warm up to you a bit later, especially if she sees that Casper is doing great and getting the hang of the houserules.


I love your patience and the fact you are willing to let the birds decide when it it right for them to learn things.
Great work!

Sone parrots are stubborn, Imean reallly really stubborn. Picka taming method and STICK with it, even if itis months. They con give stubborn lessons to a rock. The one day it will click andyou will amke progress,

Welcome to forum. Congratulations on your two rescue rehomed cockatiels! I have to put up two of my birds when I work with my rescue, as they bully her. You can move to a different room to work with one. Safflower seeds are a big hit with a lit of birds and allows you to feed them one at a time, you could try those. Everything takes time, work, and patience.

Thank you all so much for the feedback, I think she just needed to get a little more used to me, day by day she gets better at interacting with me because I think she's slowly coming to understand that I'm not going to hurt her

I think what the problem was is that they're both very food motivated, but since Kindred is scared of me and she normally has to interact with me to get millet and she was being aggressive out of fear; its probably why she only comes to me if Casper does, in a way he's letting her know that I'm not going to hurt her if she comes over, but then she bullies him out of the millet since she tends to get it less often than him

Today they've been very good at sharing and shes gotten far less scared of me, still hisses if I stick my hand in her cage with her to clean but I don't mind, I don't try to interact with her in there yet because I know she's not ready to do that sort of thing and I've been letting her out of the cage before I clean anyway, which has helped a lot. I really want her to take her time, so I'm happy it seems like it's no longer going to cost Caspers time too { though I know parrot progress is like a roller coaster, and they could definitely get worse tomorrow, but that's ok too as long as they're not hurting each other }

Welcome to the forum. Birds are for sure food motivated. One of the key essentials in training them is also having food around to reward them. A way to their heart is through their tummies! Moving to another location would also help. Continue the good progress made with them. It'll take patience and time. They'll want to go at their pace and time. They seem to already be comfortable and settling in!