HELP!! I'm being oppressed! A Poppy Post

(slightly moderated: she means a cockatoo rant)

A true friend always understands, even when you're wrong





Hi, I've missed my feathery forum friends! The thing is, I've been so busy getting myself in trouble I haven't had much time to rattle my beak with idle chit-chat.

I'm ten, my hormone levels have reached all time highs, it's nature, what can I say? I'm a healthy cockatoo, not a slug, I like to scream and blow off steam. My mom says if I can't control myself I'll be packing my pellets and my piano. She's had to cover my cage so many times lately she's been calling me Mushroom instead of Poppy. Putting me in my cage and covering it is sort of a big deal, she has to stand on a chair to reach the top, it's good exercise for her though and kind of fun to watch. If I space them out, I can usually get four or five high octane, mind splitting screams in before I get the mushroom treatment. Ha! The Queen Of Scream? Jamie Lee Curtis has nothing on me, I reign supreme! It's not Jamie's fault, I have better equipment!

My dad and I had a serious talk, well he talked, I listened, mostly, he says if I don't get a grip soon, I'll be going to his apartment while he works so mom and the gang can have a little peace. Disruptive, that's it, he says I'm disruptive. Sleepovers are fun and I love Dad, but Mom's my best food hookup and my friends would be lost without me. I pretended to take him seriously, but I know it's just an idle threat. He'd never turn me loose without supervision. What I could do to his crib while he's away would make his neighbors cry.

In all seriousness, I see this as species discrimination. Harry swears and calls everyone ugly names, she gets by with it because she had a lousy childhood and some human taught her bad words.

Sammy is allowed to build nests in his cage with a bundle of sticks The Three Little Pigs would envy, talk about messy, that boy is a flying disaster area, he's the new kid so he gets whatever he wants. Oh, and he's a talker, he knows all the magic words like, Give Me A Kiss and Peek-A-Boo, and my favorite, I Love You, a Quaker with a syrupy Texas drawl, ridiculous, but Mom, she falls for it every single time.

Fine and dandy! The budgies get special toys for tiny beaks and the little monsters don't have Off Limits or No Fly Zones, what's up with that?

Sweet Pea always has the best spot to watch cartoons and no one, I mean no one, gets to pick on Sweet Pea, the little brat.

The dogs, ugh, don't get me started, spoiled rotten, all three of them. See where I'm going with this? I know when I'm being cheated, and it's been a long, hot summer. I've never bit my mom, but she's skating on thin ice. I've been punishing her by refusing to sing her favorite good night song before I go to sleep. I only take baths in my bowl immediately after she's cleaned my cage, so she has to do it all over again. I only eat fresh vegetables if she holds them for me. I will not throw a ball for her to catch and I'm limiting hugs to three times a day for now. She hates that!

Enjoy October, My Friends! Keep your humans busy, they're happier when you keep their minds occupied!

XOXOXX
Poppy aka Mushroom

Hahaha!! Oh Mushroom, uh.. I mean Poppy, you're such a funny gal! It's so difficult being a pet bird isn't it?! Ugh, hormones... no one likes that.

ps... your mom still loves you unconditionally, although she might act like she's going a bit crazy at times lol.

Allee, rotfl I love Poppy's personality in text!

I can't breathe.....laughing much too hard over here

Oh Poppy, you poor, poor Sweetheart! You can always tell mommy that Wendy's Ripley has a HUGE crush on you, and she'd be happy to send him your way - for double the entertainment.

Poor Poppy... Clearly your life is full of abuse and horror

JerseyWendy said:

I can't breathe.....laughing much too hard over here

Oh Poppy, you poor, poor Sweetheart! You can always tell mommy that Wendy's Ripley has a HUGE crush on you, and she'd be happy to send him your way - for double the entertainment.

Click to expand...

Finally, Someone who gets me! Yes, Aunt Wendy! I would LOVE a sleepover with that super-hot-red Ripley! We could have screaming contests, shower together, stay up late just to talk. I'll share a perch with that handsome guy anytime.

Just send him K.O.D! Mom likes surprises!

LMAO, oh poor Poppy! It's such a hard time, being a bird! That silly Kermit said it's not easy being green, but you can tell from how easy that silly Harry and Sammy have it that it's not easy being fluffy and white!

BAHAHAHA!!! That's great! I had to read mushr...I mean Poppy's thread out loud to hubby..we were both laughing out loud (literally).

Dear Poppy,
So let me get this straight...your hormones reach all time high at ten years old? Oh my, my little Peanut has a while to go! She requested a sleepover too...she thinks if she gets bonded to you there would less chance of her prolapsing again than if she bonds to her human daddy. She also said she can give you some tips to wrap your human daddy around your little talon so he will do anything for you! That serious talk was just an obligation...he didn't mean it I'm sure.

Your feathered friend,
Peanut

Hey Poppy, they say everything is bigger in Texas, and that includes a healthy Too's screams! But you never know what those non-feathered servants might do, so keep your humans close and your fellow avians even closer!

If Mom keeps up with the mushroom cover, you may have to resort to the nuclear option: emptying the food dish with your beak and scream directly into the bowl. It might resonate loudly enough to have her say uncle and call a truce. But why tempt fate with those fickle humans, so try lowering the scream a few octaves and learn a few clean words from Harry. It's a sure way to bolster the cuteness factor and score a few brownie points!

Your true Too friends, Gabby, Abby, Squeaky, Peanut, Popcorn, Alice, and Big Bird!

Hello there Poppy!

Charlie here. I must tell you I have noticed that our hoomans does not appreciate all the effort we put into perfecting our sounds. I, for example, have noticed that Milo have a relatively weak war cry, which he also does not use nearly often enough. He seems to only do it when mommy starts to sing. Talk about nails on a chalkboard! (Mommy's singing, that is) Milo's equipment also seems a bit under developed, so, I spent the WHOLE of yesterday, very selflessly, working my feathery little butt off, perfecting and amplifying his war cry for him. Mommy said something about earsplitting, she obviously have not heard her own singing yet.

So, Poppy, don't you mind, your hooman does not appreciate the hard work we have to put in. But I get you, and I send you a whole lot of love and support. And about that "disruptive" comment, just ignore it and keep up the good work!

Lots of love

Charlie

Puck said:

LMAO, oh poor Poppy! It's such a hard time, being a bird! That silly Kermit said it's not easy being green, but you can tell from how easy that silly Harry and Sammy have it that it's not easy being fluffy and white!

Click to expand...

Thanks for the tip, Michelle! Where's the green food dye? Do you think I could pass for a Quaker? Never mind, I could never talk like those chatter boxes.

4dugnlee said:

BAHAHAHA!!! That's great! I had to read mushr...I mean Poppy's thread out loud to hubby..we were both laughing out loud (literally).

Dear Poppy,
So let me get this straight...your hormones reach all time high at ten years old? Oh my, my little Peanut has a while to go! She requested a sleepover too...she thinks if she gets bonded to you there would less chance of her prolapsing again than if she bonds to her human daddy. She also said she can give you some tips to wrap your human daddy around your little talon so he will do anything for you! That serious talk was just an obligation...he didn't mean it I'm sure.

Your feathered friend,
Peanut

Click to expand...

Awww, Peanut, I'm glad I made your parronts laugh, my mom hasn't been herself lately, I'll try to cheer her up too. You're welcome to come for a sleepover any time, Girlfriend! I hope you're feeling lots better. You have a really cool dad, my pops is hard to fool, I blame Harry, she gives birds a bad name.

Leanna, sorry about the 10 year warning. Hopefully Peanut will have a better experience. Seems like hormone season lasted longer than usual this year.

Scott said:

Hey Poppy, they say everything is bigger in Texas, and that includes a healthy Too's screams! But you never know what those non-feathered servants might do, so keep your humans close and your fellow avians even closer!

If Mom keeps up with the mushroom cover, you may have to resort to the nuclear option: emptying the food dish with your beak and scream directly into the bowl. It might resonate loudly enough to have her say uncle and call a truce. But why tempt fate with those fickle humans, so try lowering the scream a few octaves and learn a few clean words from Harry. It's a sure way to bolster the cuteness factor and score a few brownie points!

Your true Too friends, Gabby, Abby, Squeaky, Peanut, Popcorn, Alice, and Big Bird!

Click to expand...

Hehehe, thanks for the food bowl tip! I can't wait to try it out! My mom is stubborn, she hasn't called a truce yet! You may be right though, I hate having my cage covered when all I want is to be heard.

It's good to have flocks of friends, we need to stick together. You guys and girls have the coolest names!

Your Buddy, Poppy

Hey Poppy!

Silus here. You are going about it all wrong!!! Getting the mushroom treatment is a good thing!

I often exercise my RIGHT to scream but the best part is getting mushroom capped!

Ya see, as soon as I get covered, I get real quiet and my plan moves to phase 2. I slink around in my house and begin taking out all the shiny things I can find that hold my house together. Muah ha ha ha!!

Those big Pluckers that feed me think they can control me but it always falls into my secret plan for world domination!!! I am currently hiding under my mushroom cap pecking this message out to you. We must band together and rise up!! We can rule the world!! Use all you have,I find the cuteness factor works great, it lulls them into a false sense of security. Soon we will rule the wor...Oh, A NUT!!!!!!

Oh, Poppy, you keep up that screaming and don't you let Mommy off for a second! I'm doing extra screaming, too, even in the morning when Mommy and Daddy aren't up yet, because we have to establish who's boss all over again. They MOVED my CAGE. Can you believe that? I didn't agree to that! Now I can't ambush them and the slobbering hounds every time they pass! They're ridiculous. They keep asking me how I like the new spot. I can't see the TV! I can't ambush the hounds! And I have to watch Daddy cook instead of screaming for him to come back and keep me company. So I scream anyway. That'll teach 'em.