Rehabbing a too

So, I inherited (and I will explain inherited in a minute) an umbrella cockatoo from a stranger off the internet, for free. She said she purchased her from a lady only the day prior, and the lady was desperate to rehome her for reasons that had to do with the husband - made him sound like he was basically going to kill the too, more or less, if she didn't get rid of it. The lady who purchased her, had to rehome her less than 24 hours later because her daughter ended up being severely allergic to her, unfortunately. And clearly the bird was in a state, so she just wanted her to find a loving home, hence why she gave her to me free. When I received her, she was very timid and shy, but she clung to me right away, let me pick her up and cuddled me for what felt like ever. Her feathers were very dirty and just generally unkempt looking, her tail feathers were completely matted to one side, so I'm almost wondering if she was kept in a cage too small for her. The truth is, we don't know anything about her previous whereabouts, only that based on how she looked and her demeanor, she was either neglected and/or abused. And I do question how much she was passed around. She appears to be in her teens to possibly early 20s. She took about a week to warm up to our household, and ever since then we've experienced some serious behavioral issues. When we first got her, she hid in her cage and wouldn't come out. She also acted like she had never seen a toy before and was deathly afraid of them. It took more than 2 and a half weeks for her to understand what they were for, and a few more weeks before she would actually chew them and play with them. Before that, she just stared at them and touched them, just curiously. She would not let anyone near her after that first day of clinging to me, so we just let her be while she warmed up. She didn't want anyone near her and would not allow anyone to handle her at all. She knows step up, but she won't let anyone pick her up, even still. She ended up choosing my sister as her mate, which escalated the behavior, but because my sister isn't her main caretaker we were able to break that successfully. Then she chose my other sister as her mate, lol which again we successfully broke. But even after, we can't seem to stabilize her. We've had her a few months now, and some things have gotten better, but others are still an issue. We had a big issue with her biting and attacking randomly without warning - basically she'd send mixed signals, acting as though she wanted pets, and then suddenly turning on you in a second with no viable trigger, she does this pretty consistently. She still does this, but the biting has been reduced to warning bites, or near-bites, like lunges, so in a way it has improved. When she gets this way, she goes back in the cage for a time out. There is also screaming, all the time, that has actually gotten worse. Lately she's been wrecking her cage, chewing all her perches up, ripping her food and water dishes down, just utterly destroying her space. She also doesn't understand how to bathe herself, it's the most sad, awkward thing I've ever seen. I can't get her into the shower or even near a sink, she is deathly afraid of the bathroom and running water. I've tried misting her lightly with a squirt bottle but quickly realized she was also deathly afraid of that too, so I wonder if someone used water negatively with her? I think this is much of her frustration, she's unable to properly bathe.
The screaming is so bad now, that my family is making me foster her out until I can get into an apartment that allows pets. It's not the normal too screams that we've been seeing the last while that we've had her, it's constant, and nothing seems to appease her. I'm really committed to rehabbing her and KEEPING her. I love her and I can't give up on her. I can only imagine the kind of life she had before me, and I really don't want to keep shaking up her existence, I want to give her the consistent home she so deserves.
I don't really know what I'm doing wrong. She had virtually the entire day that was her out of cage time, and a jungle gym for her to spend time on during that. We've reduced her out of cage time due to increased incidents. I can't really get her to eat anything beyond her food and grapes, which I use as treats. She won't eat any veggies or other fruits. She is very picky, she tried blueberries once, I thought she liked them but then never touched them again, and did the same with bananas and strawberries. She wouldn't even try mango, kiwi, pineapple, apple, raspberries, or watermelon.
She doesn't like peanuts so that isn't an issue for us.
Any suggestions anyone might have, I'm desperate to keep my too.

that part about finding an APT that will allow a 2 made me think of this recent thread.
you may need to read, i had to rehome my 2 for an APT move
http://www.parrotforums.com/cockatoos/73161-u2-apartment-possible.html

First of all, a warm welcome to the forums and thank you for offering a home to a needy Too. Over all, your Too's behavior sounds typical. Of all the parrot species, the large Toos seem to have more trouble adapting to life with humans. It isn't uncommon for Toos to be passed from home to home throughout their long lives. Along the way, many Toos develop chronic behavioral issues that make them even more difficult to rehome.

Toos are beautiful, many have endearing, loveable personalties, everybody wants one, until they take them home.

Since you know little about your Too's background it would be very wise to make an appointment with a certified avian vet for a thorough health check including blood panels. This will give you a starting point for your bird's rehab plan and a good CAV will be happy to advise you.

Toos are extraordinarily destructive and very messy, my female Too's cage often looks like a crime scene in spite of constant human housekeeping efforts. This is a good thing, believe it or not, keeping your Too busy and engaged with physical activity is good for their brains and bodies. It's unrealistic to expect a Too's cage to be immaculate, instead, provide the largest cage possible and fill it with a variety of safe toys, Toos love to chew, soft wood blocks, birdie bagels, ropes, rattles, rattan, paper......you'll know you've done well by the mountains of debris at the bottom of the cage or play stand.

Diet is extremely important for all parrots, including Toos. Toos LOVE junk food and have a built in sensor to identify healthy foods, if it's healthy, they hate it and refuse to swallow it. It's my personal opinion or guess that Too caregivers often offer anything to a Too to get them to stop screaming. Be creative and be patient and don't allow your Too to choose a menu. Chop, dice, slice, crush, steam, bake but keep offering fresh veggies and a little fruit on a daily basis. Toos like foods they can hold, find healthy birdie bread recipes with nutritious ingredients. Don't give up. Make meal time fun, it should be a daily highlight for your bird and for you.

Hormones, Toos are dramatically effected by hormone levels, once you understand why your sweetheart is suddenly behaving aggressively, screaming obsessively and being an all out terror it's easier for both of you to deal with and there are things you can do to slightly lower the levels. You may want to discuss this with your CAV.

Even apartments that allow pets may not welcome an Umbrella Too. My Too flock calls morning and evening, every day, she is actually one of the quieter Toos but when she cranks up the volume or sings the song of her people, she can be heard from a park a block and a half away, I'm not kidding or exaggerating. She knows the sound of my car and I can hear her greeting over the engine with the windows rolled up. My girl was a chronic screamer, after five years she's learned to use her inside voice most of the time but she's still a Too and insanely loud when she wants to be. If you really plan to keep your Too for the long haul and I sincerely hope you do, you may want to consider a remote dwelling or private island rather than an apartment.

Learning a Too's body language helps to build a bond and it will also save you from a nasty bite. Until you know your Too extremely well the signals they give can be confusing, their personalities are often comical and mercurial, a happy Too can become a furious Too in less than a second. Physical contact with a Too can often be overstimulating for the bird and this often leads to aggression on the Too's part. The trick is to know your Too well enough to understand when it's time to back away.

Thank you for reaching out, I'm glad you found the forums, we have some successful human-Too relationships among our forum members, we want you to succeed. Best of luck, keep asking questions.

I'll second what Allee said - first, welcome! And thanks for seeking help with your girl! I also agree that her behavior sounds fairly typical, and is why 'toos get passed from home to home to home. But, mostly I want to say, there is NO apartment that will be appropriate to keep your girl in. You and/or she will be kicked out so fast, and it will be just one more home lost by her. A 'toos normal vocalizations can be heard across large acre properties with single family homes. The best bet is to find a place as far from other homes as you can get, and then hope for accepting neighbors, because they will *still* be able to hear her.
You've really taken on a huge handful, but if you are committed and reach out for lots of help, I hope you are able to make it work and she'll finally have her forever home.

Welcome aboard, thanks for the wonderful introduction and your willingness to provide a "forever home" for this hapless Umbrella.

Allee beautifully framed the reality of life with a large too. Her "baggage" from past homes is unknowable, so progress will be slow, though the ultimate reward is beyond description.

A method to bettering her diet is to pose yourself as one of her flock while eating. Create two identical bowls of vegetables and fruits and start eating yours in her presence, making demonstrative visual and aural sounds, such as "Mmmmmm."

Can you take her to an certified avian vet for a baseline checkup? Finding or ruling out pre-existing conditions may remove obstacles from progress.

Thanks so much for the info. I just found this forum and I love it. I got a too yesterday. This is his third home in the last week and a half. He’s very quiet only eats if I hold the bowl,and only drinks if I hold the water bowl. I rocked him to sleep last night. He lays on my chest snuggles his head in and sleeps. How long should it take before he relaxes and becomes independent? He does talk however hasn’t here yet. Thank you.

PYoungrt said:

Thanks so much for the info. I just found this forum and I love it. I got a too yesterday. This is his third home in the last week and a half. He’s very quiet only eats if I hold the bowl,and only drinks if I hold the water bowl. I rocked him to sleep last night. He lays on my chest snuggles his head in and sleeps. How long should it take before he relaxes and becomes independent? He does talk however hasn’t here yet. Thank you.

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A second cockatoo (the OP's too as well!) on it's 3rd home in a week?! Poor little babies. And you know they've been rehomed many times before too. Parrots are such social creatures with strong ties to their social group and who typically stay in the same flock their whole life. How traumatizing that must be for what is effectively a toddler (mentally) to be rejected from home after home and in all likelihood experiencing at last one home at some point where they were severely mistreated

My advice to you and the OP is that it could take a good long while for such a bird to calm down and really trust you. In general, cockatoos tend to be louder and more destructive than other parrots. Even happy, well adjusted too's are excessively loud and enjoy tearing up anything and everything they can (my dads little goffins who was bought as a baby and has never been mistreated a day in his life is a big time screamer and a destructive force of nature). They also tend to be the most attention-needy of the parrots kept in captivity for pets. An emphasis on independent play and self rewarding activities is essential to a well adjusted cockatoo. Loud, destructive and attention needy- it is just what they are and it doesn't mesh well at all with many human households. What you need most is an abundance of patience and an abundance of acceptance for what a cockatoo is and any potential behavioral/trust problems these specific birds may have due to their pasts. Oh, and I don't think an apartment would ever work for a known screamer. My parents have been trying for 40 years with their cockatoo to get him to "quiet down" but it seems nothing short of a muzzle could shut him up Accepting the noise and working your life around the noise is a big part of cockatoo ownership. A rental house with no shared walls and good pet damages coverage on your renters insurance policy would be a more suitable living arrangement