How To Get Cockatoo Used To Husband

Hello Everyone! I’m a new cockatoo owner looking for advice. I posted a couple days ago with some questions about my new birds feather damage and got some great responses. I’m hoping you all could help me again!

My new cockatoo is super friendly to women but very apprehensive of men. We knew this when we got him, and I do all of the handling and care of him, so it hasn’t been too much of an issue. However, I’d like to get him where he can at least tolerate my husband in case he needs to look after him while I go out of town or anything.

I know birds often have a favorite person, and I don’t expect him to ever be as attached to my husband as he is to me. But, I’d like him to eventually allow my husband to at least pick him up without biting. And I realize this will take time and training.

I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with this issue and may have some advice on desensitizing him to men? Again, we are fully prepared for this to take some time and effort on our part. I have a lot of experience training dogs and horses, but not much with birds. So any advice is appreciated! Thanks!

Edited to add- we took him to the vet for a checkup last week and to ask them about his feather damage. The vet said he seemed healthy and in good condition, aside from his feathers. She said she thought it was most likely barbering but we did run a test for PBFD just to be safe. Results should be in next week. Also got his nails trimmed while we were there.

cockatoos are VERY social and can form multiple complicated bonds (despite perceiving someone as a mate--which is still somewhat problematic,albeit typical--this is what can often lead to aggression etc, as they are SO hormonal and so energetic). In the wild, they are flock animals even once they pair off. The very fact that you are the one doing all of the care is likely a huge part of your issue. Your husband needs to be equally associated with positive things--including your attention (which your bird clearly wants). You (and all others) also need to be sure that you pet on the head and neck only, provide 10-12 hours of sleep (12 for umbrellas and mollucans) and avoid access to anything shadowy, including boxes, drawers, under furniture etc.

noodles123 said:

cockatoos are VERY social and can form multiple complicated bonds (despite perceiving someone as a mate--which is still somewhat problematic,albeit typical--this is what can often lead to aggression etc, as they are SO hormonal and so energetic). In the wild, they are flock animals even once they pair off. The very fact that you are the one doing all of the care is likely a huge part of your issue. Your husband needs to be equally associated with positive things--including your attention (which your bird clearly wants). You (and all others) also need to be sure that you pet on the head and neck only, provide 10-12 hours of sleep (12 for umbrellas and mollucans) and avoid access to anything shadowy, including boxes, drawers, under furniture etc.

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Hi Noodles! Thanks for the feedback! So do you think it could be a good idea to have my husband takeover feeding him for awhile? So he associates him with something positive?

So if I have him out, say sitting on the couch with me, and my husband comes near our cockatoo will flare up and attempt to bite him if he comes in range. Also, if he’s playing in the floor and my husband walks by he will charge him and try to bite.

So far we’ve tried putting him in his cage for a time-out for a bit when he shows this aggressive behavior.

My husband has also spent some time just talking to him and interacting with him while he’s in his cage, to get him used to him at a safe distance, and feeding him some treats while wearing gloves for protection. He will take treats from him but tentatively. He also will play the guitar for him while he’s in his cage or on top of it, as our cockatoo loves music and dancing.

I don’t think he was ever socialized to men. He was always aggressive to his previous owners husband as well, so he just didn’t really interact with him much. He was at his breeders before that, who I’m assuming was a woman as well.

I have been trying to only pet on the head and neck, as I read that’s important! I’ve also been making sure he gets plenty of uninterrupted sleep. His big cage is in our living room, which gets heavy traffic. So I bought him a travel cage, which he likes, and I put it in a windowless room at night far away from noise. I put him to bet at dark, around 7:30-8:00. He generally will wake up around 7 in the morning, even in the dark, and be ready to get up.

I’ve read that stick training and clicker training can be helpful?

You've well identified the challenge and practical need for socialization with your husband. Parrots with multiple homes bring unknowable baggage and biases. Hard to know if he was mistreated by men or simply prefers women.

The process of bonding and building trust requires patience and dedication. This popular thread may help your husband become closer or at least tolerated: http://www.parrotforums.com/general-parrot-information/49144-tips-bonding-building-trust.html

Something to keep in mind is your bird is relatively new to you. Not terribly likely, but a small possibility exists he might wind up preferring your husband, though cockatoos are perfectly capable love and loyalty to two people.

JackieR said:

noodles123 said:

cockatoos are VERY social and can form multiple complicated bonds (despite perceiving someone as a mate--which is still somewhat problematic,albeit typical--this is what can often lead to aggression etc, as they are SO hormonal and so energetic). In the wild, they are flock animals even once they pair off. The very fact that you are the one doing all of the care is likely a huge part of your issue. Your husband needs to be equally associated with positive things--including your attention (which your bird clearly wants). You (and all others) also need to be sure that you pet on the head and neck only, provide 10-12 hours of sleep (12 for umbrellas and mollucans) and avoid access to anything shadowy, including boxes, drawers, under furniture etc.

Click to expand...

Hi Noodles! Thanks for the feedback! So do you think it could be a good idea to have my husband takeover feeding him for awhile? So he associates him with something positive?

So if I have him out, say sitting on the couch with me, and my husband comes near our cockatoo will flare up and attempt to bite him if he comes in range. Also, if he’s playing in the floor and my husband walks by he will charge him and try to bite.

So far we’ve tried putting him in his cage for a time-out for a bit when he shows this aggressive behavior.

My husband has also spent some time just talking to him and interacting with him while he’s in his cage, to get him used to him at a safe distance, and feeding him some treats while wearing gloves for protection. He will take treats from him but tentatively. He also will play the guitar for him while he’s in his cage or on top of it, as our cockatoo loves music and dancing.

I don’t think he was ever socialized to men. He was always aggressive to his previous owners husband as well, so he just didn’t really interact with him much. He was at his breeders before that, who I’m assuming was a woman as well.

I have been trying to only pet on the head and neck, as I read that’s important! I’ve also been making sure he gets plenty of uninterrupted sleep. His big cage is in our living room, which gets heavy traffic. So I bought him a travel cage, which he likes, and I put it in a windowless room at night far away from noise. I put him to bet at dark, around 7:30-8:00. He generally will wake up around 7 in the morning, even in the dark, and be ready to get up.

I’ve read that stick training and clicker training can be helpful?

Click to expand...

I apologize for the run-on sentences to come...to tired to correct them LOL, but I have a lot to say, so hang in there...

It sounds early for stick training to me--for your husband anyway-(since you have an adult re-home and when your motive is to reduce fear/aggression)---I PERSONALLY am not a fan of it unless adequate time had passed for building trust (and not as an alternative to relationship building)--you could start it now, but your husband shouldn't probably try it unless it has been..like...4 months of daily/stress-free exposure and positive associations without being pushy are a must (BUT WITHOUT SPOILING YOUR BIRD).... and, assuming it works for the bird in question(my re-homed U2 is VERY scared of sticks and I think it can thwart their sensitivity to biting, depending on the bird-- but that is definitely just a personal opinion--stick training does work for many birds---just seems a bit pushy when used prematurely by people the bird doesn't trust). Again- many parrot owners use it with great luck, but my U2 just wasn't ready to accept me early on and now she hangs upside down from my fingers, swings off of me, and is very gentle with me...THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN STOP WORKING WITH HER LOL! Just to be clear.
My U2 preferred men when I got her as an adult re-home. It was all about trust and building positive associations and not excluding her because a certain person came around. I AM a huge believer in ABA for parrots and, as someone who specializes in that for people, I know it has worked wonders for my bird. She is great with me now..but wasn't initially..Took 3 months to step up for me (even though she knew how and did it sooner for my boyfriend--who happened to have a beard exactly like her old favorite person)....among other things...but now, she is so sweet to me 98% of the time (still crazy, but sweet-ish)-- you still have to read them, as they will respond to your reactions. A lot of times, if mine is in a mood as jerks her head at me, I loudly (in a silly voice) react in a playful way, and it seems to change her tone (but we have very very very solid trust). I am just saying that because you can't always take a cockatoo bluff for real, but it depends on who you are, where you stand and how you react. Your husband should not try to call bluffs at this point lol....I think you just need to spend a lot of time --reserve the best treats for your husband...make sure your bird doesn't see him as a threat to his/her attention etc...and make him as positive as possible..it will take time....Allow your husband to bond with the bird with AND without you around as well...again --low stress, favorite treats etc.

Your husband needs to just live his life while talking quietly around the cage--not close-up (just like,,,5-10 feet away) and associating himself with goodness-- don't force eating out of the hand or up-close contact etc (don't put the bird in a situation where it hesitates--that is fear---just have husband bring treats to the dish if there is any hesitation)....and I HATE GLOVES....so do many birds...I used to think they were okay, but really think they cause fear issues for many birds..and they are great practice for biting (which you don't want).

Thanks for both of your advice! I like the idea of having my husband give him his favorite treats. That seems like it would help associate him with something positive. I’m also going to start preparing his food in the morning, but then have my husband deliver it to him. So he starts to associate him with getting fed.

I think Noodles also mentioned having him interact with my husband when I’m not present. I think that sounds helpful too! We have tried that a little. I feel like a big part of the problem is our cockatoo is very possessive over my attention. So maybe removing me from the interaction would be a beneficial! He loves attention, so I feel like if I’m not around, he would prefer my husband’s attention to none at all.

I don’t have a ton of bird experience, but to me, it seems more like possessiveness than just fear? I’m still trying to figure out the root of the behavior. I do think he may be a bit fearful, but he will accept treats from my husband, and doesn’t panic if he’s standing near his cage or anything. He is very attached to me, and wants to hang out on my shoulder all the time. I think he is concerned when my husband approaches that he will usurp my attention. If that makes sense?

Interaction with you around could make your Too aggressive at times, but you have to be intuitive about it---1. DO NOT let him chase off your husband (don't put anyone in a situation where your too could do that-- but if your Too does, be prepared to stand your ground without harming the bird or scaring it). 2. DO not be a jerk LOL and 3. try not to sugar coat things too much, without rubbing your relationship in his face-- he (bird) needs to get used to it, but in a gentle way...you need to understand that timing is everything and a solid relationship between bird and husband will take you farther than you think if you can get one going.

Cockatoos are literally the most difficult birds, so please just be very patient...and do look up ABA (applied behavior analysis)- the Chloe Sanctuary guy who comes up on Youtube when you Google ABA for parrots tends to be overly sexual with his petting, but otherwise, he does a good job.

Basically, you don't want to prove that bad behavior makes your husband run away. At the same time, you don't want to prove to your bird that your husband is cause for bad behavior--- you want to make him seem like a non-threatening fun person, while making sure you keep a bit of distance in terms of the whole "mate" thing...

A lot of the videos on ABA relate to kids with autism, but it applies to everyone...

This isn't the best video-- but...it gives you an idea (again---def not the best lol!!! [[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMhTUecZjbo"]Coffee With The Critters - What is Applied Behavior Analysis? - YouTube[/ame]