New Member, looking for advice (sad thread)

renrat

New member
Mar 12, 2012
14
0
Hello, everyone, My name is Scott. I have gone on the web to discover other parrot owners to talk to. Here's why. Last friday, I came home to find my dear little African Grey Alex had passed. Do not know why, she was just in the bottom of her cage. Didn't look like she had fallen or anything. What I would like from you is advice on how to handle this on an emotional level. I'm absolutely devastated by it, haunted by the memory of finding her that way, and distraught over the fact I will never hear her talk to me again. And of course, there is the guilt... "if I had only..." "I should have...." all of which is self destructive, I know.

I would like to know how others have handled this. She was only 17 and I was definitely not expecting to lose her.

Also, how long do you think I should wait before considering adopting another Grey? I absolutely want another one. I adored my Alex, and we definitely had a bond.

Comments? advice?
 

roxynoodle

New member
Dec 1, 2011
4,499
2
I lost my beloved Blue Crown conure in October. It was sudden and unexpected, and she just had a stroke. I was very devastated and still cry a lot actually. Bereavement can't really be sped up, much as we would like it to. I know what a horrible feeling it is, but the only thing we can do is cry and let it out, and wait for time to help heal us.

You should get another bird. I've since adopted 2, and it makes a big difference. But you do have to remember they are their own individuals and can't expect them to be the same as the one you lost. I debated over and over if I should get another Blue Crown, or something different so I didn't find myself comparing them. I got an amazon instead. And now I adopted the Grey I always wanted as well.
 

aliray

New member
Jan 28, 2012
2,269
1
Rotonda West , Fla
Parrots
yellow sided green cheek conure,Chiquita Quaker parrot Sweetie Pie, African red bellied parrot Tiki, spanish timbrado canary Lucas
I,m so sorry for your loss. loosing a pet is loosing a member of your family. whether it is a person or a pet grief is grief and the only thing that ever helped me was time. If you want another bird go get it, then you have something to hold and pet, and train and he will have his own special quirks and tricks. you will always miss your grey but he will always be in your heart Alison
 

cnyguy

Well-known member
Apr 23, 2010
1,021
464
Syracuse, NY
Parrots
Quaker parrot, Ralph
So sorry for the loss of your Grey. Many of us here know how heartbreaking it is to lose a much-loved parrot. Time will ease the pain of your loss. Two years ago, my Yellow-crowned Amazon, George, passed away at approximately 70 years old; he was with me for 40 years. It was several weeks before I could even look at a picture of a YCA. I can now enjoy all my good memories of George, though I still miss him terribly, and always will.


You'll know in your heart when the time is right for you to adopt another Grey; when you feel that you're ready, then that's the time to do it.
 

BillsBirds

Well-known member
Jan 9, 2012
1,371
40
Largo, Florida
Parrots
Timneh African Grey (Bailey), Lovebird (Elvis)
So sorry to read this. Having lost many birds, both suddenly and expectedly, I can tell you it never is easy. There is something very different about birds. No other animal speaks our language. No matter how much you love other animals, none will work their way into your heart like a bird can. I've had many birds since losing my Grey, about 10 or so years ago, but all small guys. I am just now letting myself feel like getting another Grey. You'll know when it's right. We can never replace our loved ones, but, others can help the healing process. And, if you can adopt a bird in need, so much the better. Please consider giving your love to a feathered friend who needs somebody. From a shelter or rescue.
 

Remy

New member
Jul 13, 2011
1,905
1
California
Parrots
Darcy (Golden-Collared Macaw), Puck (Caique - RIP)
I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be very hard on you. I'm sure you gave Alex a happy life. A lot of the time birds don't act sick at all before it's too late, so there may have been no way you could have known anything was wrong.

When you're ready, maybe you could adopt a bird that needs a home. Even though it won't be the same bird, having that companionship is really nice.
 

MikeyTN

New member
Feb 1, 2011
13,296
17
Antioch, TN
Parrots
"Willie"&"Lola"B&G Macaw,
"Dixie"LSC2, and "Nico" Scarlet Macaw.
I am sorry to hear your loss of your beloved Alex. It's not a simple thing to go through and I know what you mean by what if and such. Cause I asked myself the same thing when it happened. My Quaker escaped and climbed to the top of his cage and I was walking towards his cage to clean and he decided to jump towards me and the sickly dog I just adopted ran so fast after Cracker I couldn't stop him and I had to pull Cracker out of his mouth and he was gasping in my hand and twitching. He died moments later in my arms and I cried my eyes out. I was super depressed for days and couldn't function properly at work that I had to take early leave everyday for a week cause I was constantly emotional and crying at work. I hand raised Cracker since he was a baby and had him for 7 years so it was not a easy thing for me to go through. He is now resting in my garden. I finally had to suck it up because I know I need to be strong for my other animals as they needed me. That was 4 years ago and last fall I lost another one and I saved her once in the beginning of the year because she egg binded but she was damaged from the egg binding where part of her insides fell out and I push it back in and allowed her to heal over time, I knew if she ever tries to lay another egg it will kill her and it did. I kept my distance from her cause I was afraid of her bonding to me and wanting to lay eggs, she loves to fly to me and I had to cut all that off because I was afraid of losing her. So it was another painful moment for me to go through. But always remember they know how much you love them and always remember the fond memories you had with them before they pass into birdie heaven. I hope you find your peace and adopt another one in need of your love as your Alex did.
 

oled

New member
Jul 10, 2011
1,149
0
South Sweden
Parrots
Ville a double yellow head Amazon
So sorry, always sad whem a familymempas pass away.

When to concider geting a new is individual, you just wait until it feels right.
 

BillsBirds

Well-known member
Jan 9, 2012
1,371
40
Largo, Florida
Parrots
Timneh African Grey (Bailey), Lovebird (Elvis)
Oh, Mikey! What a horrible experience that must have been. I had a cockatoo that had been savaged by a dog, and lived for a couple of years, but, eventually died. After the attack, she was never right. The vets thought she died from post attack issues. And, I recently lost a beloved Budgie to a prolapsed cloaca from trying to lay an egg. I know how you feel. It's never easy.
 

MikeyTN

New member
Feb 1, 2011
13,296
17
Antioch, TN
Parrots
"Willie"&"Lola"B&G Macaw,
"Dixie"LSC2, and "Nico" Scarlet Macaw.
Bill, it was very traumatic for me to go through, especially Cracker, he was my baby....I'm getting emtional just talking about him.....
 
OP
R

renrat

New member
Mar 12, 2012
14
0
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread starter
  • #11
It is interesting how I think how I'll never hear her voice again, and how odd that is considering she was not "human"... definitely unique to companion parrots. I've never had a child, but I imagine this may be like losing a child.

I do hope she knew how much I adored her. I'm finding she meant more to me than I realized. I DO know that I want another grey in my life.

Thank you all... it helps knowing others out there feel as I do. They aren't just "birds"... I think the word I read once "fids" (feathered kids) is really appropriate.
 

MikeyTN

New member
Feb 1, 2011
13,296
17
Antioch, TN
Parrots
"Willie"&"Lola"B&G Macaw,
"Dixie"LSC2, and "Nico" Scarlet Macaw.
I see all my animals as my kids so people that don't get it think I'm crazy having to care for so many animals on a daily basis but we really don't mind it but we did say once our dogs pass there will only be two dogs at the most, not 3. And we're going with smaller breeds so we don't have to keep the dogs and the cats apart.
 

Cliffordsmom

New member
Mar 6, 2012
454
1
Oklahoma
Parrots
Sun Conure (Clifford), two budgies (Odin and Diana), and CAG (Bongo)
If someone thinks my animal is not like my child I tell them they are wrong because: I feed it, water it, talk to it, sing lullabys to it, read to it, teach it, potty train it, take it to school (dog training), bathe it, scold it, put it to bed, wake it up, nurture it, Play with it, clean up after it, hire a babysitter for it when I cant be there, and I absolutley adore it more than anything in the world.
 

Mayden

New member
Apr 22, 2010
2,540
12
UK.
Parrots
Merlin & Charlie (Senegals)
I lost my Wonsy 2 years ago this Feb just passed. I won't go in to details as I've had a pleasant evening and I become very hateful to myself for what happened. But when I lost her, I felt I'd lost my everything, Wonsy was just a sweet little budgie who meant the world to me. I'd had her for just 2 years but I really did feel like I'd lost something which resembles a child to me - I imagine it offends many people who have children if I'd say that to them, but like cliffords mom said, we care for them just as we would our own babies, it just so happens that ours have wings and a beak.

Time is a healer, and I now have 6 budgies and Merlin my senegal. When Wonsy passed I had 4(including her) and stupidly went and got another hen the next day. I made a mistake doing that, I tried to fill a hole in my heart for Wonsy by buying more and more budgies. I love them all dearly but really I should just have Arthur, Bruce and Toko.

Merlin has helped me heal, no doubt, but I would cry so much about Wonsy, I don't think I've gotten terribly upset since having Merlin as I kinda see it as, the love I had for Wonsy being put on to Merlin? I like to think that Wonsy has forgiven me for not getting her help fast enough by the way I am with Merlin now. At least that's what I'd like to think.


I'm so so so sorry for your loss, please don't feel rushed into buying another Grey too soon, take your time in this decision and take your time to grieve too. People suffer horribly from the death of a child and need time and support for this - don't see yourself as anything different, even if noone at home understands, pretty much all of us here have lost a fid at some point and know how much it hurts.

Thoughts are with you. xx
 

mnkeastman

New member
Jan 6, 2012
509
2
Parrots
Pixie-White Capped Pionus
So sorry to hear of your loss and the other sad losses of precious babies here :(
 

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