Jealous family?

woubette

New member
Sep 19, 2011
86
Media
1
0
Texas
Parrots
Rio-Pineapple GCC
Kai-Cinnamon GCC
My husband and daughter both say that I spoil Rio and Kai (pineapple green cheeks) too much. I think they resent the time and effort (and money) I expend on my fabies. True I spend alot of time on the internet (avian ave. etc.) because I am always looking for ways to enrich my fiddos lives. I spend ALOT of time with them outside their cages and I spend alot of money on toy parts because I make my own. They don't understand that making them is WAY cheaper. I know that I am "all about" my birds. I take pics of them almost daily and my Facebook is very pic heavy. I think everyone at work gets tired of hearing what new things my fabies did last night! I try to include my daughter (14 years old) in bird care and teaching her to handle the birds. Kai was supposed to be her bird but after being bitten severely one too many times, she refuses to have anything else to do with her. Kai has now become bonded to me (she will still bite the crap out of me but I endure it). Rio is completely bonded to me to the exclusion of everyone else. My hubby could care less about having birds and rarely interacts with them but when he does, Kai has never bitten him. Rio flies away from everyone but me. I try to balance time with my human family and time with my birdy family, spending time watching tv and everything together as a family (including the fids in this family time as well). Does anyone else have family members that complain about the amount of time and energy you spend with your birds? :confused:
 

Amber

New member
Jun 1, 2011
408
3
No, but as someone who's mother spends a lot of time and money with/on her dogs I can understand why your kids can get resentful. It's easy to feel like that is time (and yes, money) that could be going to family outings and the like. A good example is if your kid needs (or wants) something, and a lot of money is being allocated to the birds, and they feel little is being given to them. Once I wanted a new school jumper (and kind of neded one, really) but since a lot of money had been spent on dog chew toys the day before I had to wait. Now I don;t think that is such a big deal, but in my (then 14 year old) mind? Not fair at all, after all, wasn't I more important then the dogs?

Money aside, thats your choice how you spend it of course, if your kids feel like you spend too much time with the birds and not enough with them, I think you need to indulge them. They don't have any interest in the birds, and trying to bond and spend time with them over the birds is probably not something they are going to enjoy. Try allocating 'kid nights' where they pick an activity and you spend one on one time with them without the birds. Without the birds being key. You need people only family time too, you know. If your taking and posting pictures of your birds all the time, it's understandable they they feel left out.

Another irritating thing my mother would do when I was conveying important information to her would be to interact with the dogs. if I commented all I would get is "yeah I heard you". But when talking to someone no one likes being blown off my an animal. Just some examples.

Basically, your kids do feel like this for a reason. They are jealous of the birds, but their is a cause behind that. They probably feel like the birds get top priority (And I know that is not true, but that it what it can feel like)
 
OP
W

woubette

New member
Sep 19, 2011
86
Media
1
0
Texas
Parrots
Rio-Pineapple GCC
Kai-Cinnamon GCC
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread starter
  • #3
Actually, I do indulge them. My hubby goes hunting every weekend and I don't have a fit about that. We spend our weekdays off of work together. My daughter has basketball practice, church and friends all week long and gets home kinds late and usually is so tired that she showers and goes to bed. We spend time, we go places and we watch movies and do housework together. I don't complain when everyone else is out doing their thing. I am AT HOME with the birds and there if anybody needs me. I think it is kind of a double standard. They can be out doing what they enjoy doing but I get complaints when I'm AT HOME doing what I enjoy doing. Don't get me wrong, it isn't a war zone at my house over this. There is no fighting or arguing, just random comments dropped here and there.
 

antoinette

Supporting Member
Jul 6, 2009
13,114
Media
9
18
Sunny South Africa !!!
Parrots
African "Grey"
"Mishka"
Male
7 Years old
There are only three of us living at home now Steven, Mishka and myself.
Steven often used to joke about the way I treat Mishka, better than him.
From that day onwards, whatever I offered Mishka (yipe bones, pellets and veggies) Steven gets offered them to............ha ha

I was talking to him earlier today, he never replied, me, asked did he hear what I had said, he said no, I thought you were talking to Mishka......
Just goes to show they get spoken to and treated exactly the same.

You are being fair to everyone at home, guess they just want more of your attention. Perhaps try sit with them when seeing to the birds as well.
 

suebee

New member
Jan 13, 2011
2,394
3
lmao my son started with the, bird complaints

but when ever i get nut something i get him something, but since nut goes to bed around 7pm i remind him his allowed to stay up late etc

and yes ppl at work hate it when i start a sentance with, an my little nut......
 

osnyder

New member
Sep 26, 2011
303
0
Philadelphia
Parrots
Stitch the Blue Crown Conure
I read your first post earlier and was thinking about how to respond, but now that I've read your clarification I'm feeling where you're coming from more, and I agree-- it's a double standard. In my "old age" I've become way more of a feminist than I really had intended, and the truth is that moms are not always "allowed" to do what they want, figuratively speaking. So of course we're not talking about being literally forbidden to do things, but the subtle sublimation of your desires and independence-- being "selfish" or "neglectful" because we continue to have our own interests. I take issue with that.

So what to do? Just ignore it. Taking you at your word, you're an involved mother that pays attention to her family's needs. If that is accurate, then when someone makes a comment, smile and ignore, or politely disagree. In my house this happens a lot-- just like you, we're not talking World War III-- just smart little comments. You know in your heart if it's true. If you know beyond all doubt that you're not doing anything wrong, then don't sweat it.

I really feel for Amber, mind you, because it sounds like mom in that situation sometimes brushed her off and was distracted from her needs at times. As a child who had her emotional needs frequently neglected, I know how much that can hurt can cause lasting resentment and pain, so I am very, very careful to avoid this as a mother. I'm not perfect, but it's something I'm deeply concerned about and so remain conscious of at all times.

Now, If I'm doing something (reading, working, whatever) and we're sitting on the couch and my kid asks me to get him a glass of water he may very well get brushed off, and if he accuses me of neglecting him he can stuff it :) With the deeper and bigger things, that's a different story.

My husband's favorite thing to say is "you spend too much money on the birds." My response lately has been: "Yes well how about YOU go spend some money on the birds? Geordi could use a nice play stand for the TV room. I sent you a link, what about it?"
 

Amber

New member
Jun 1, 2011
408
3
woubette, no offence was intended, I don't think you put your birds over your family at all, but sometimes to younger children it can feel that way. :)

I really feel for Amber, mind you, because it sounds like mom in that situation sometimes brushed her off and was distracted from her needs at times. As a child who had her emotional needs frequently neglected, I know how much that can hurt can cause lasting resentment and pain, so I am very, very careful to avoid this as a mother. I'm not perfect, but it's something I'm deeply concerned about and so remain conscious of at all times.

The thing is though, she actually didn't. She was a fair and good parent (for the most part anyway :54: Their are a few things I could say that she did in her personal time that impacted on me negatively, but that's her choice.). But it did FEEL like that at times when you are not old enough to really comprehend it. :) We were tight on money, so sometimes we had to wait for things if we didn't need them immediately. if I had said I wanted that jumper before she bought the dogs stuff she would have happily got it for me, but as her spare spending money for the week was gone (And no use dipping into savings if I could wait until next week) I had to wait until next week. these things happen.

But it did cause animosity and jealousy towards the dogs (not only with me but with my step sisters) when coupled with how my mum PRIZES her dogs. Of course we always came first, and she was (and is, I wouldn't be getting through uni without her help) a great parent, but you can see how easy it is for "why does the frigging DOG (or other pet) get this (wether it be object or attention) and I have to wait" mentalities to happen, even when old enough to get the household economics (which I really didn't grasp until I moved out and started working) and why money was tight sometimes.

It doesn't help that I am not really a dog person either I guess. I DO love dogs, they are just not my ideal pet. And the breed mum has (pit bulls) does not really tickle my fancy to be honest (I do like pits and related breeds, but I prefer not so highly strung dogs)

I guess what I'm saying is that most parents would never deliberately brush their kids off for their pets, but it can feel that way to children sometimes.

Don't get me wrong, I do love the dogs and always have, but for awhile their was that jealously stuff happening. Imagine that, being jealous of a dog!
 
OP
W

woubette

New member
Sep 19, 2011
86
Media
1
0
Texas
Parrots
Rio-Pineapple GCC
Kai-Cinnamon GCC
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread starter
  • #8
Thank you for your insights on this....it really bothers me when they make the comments. We, the humans, have different schedules, my hubby works dayshift and Hannah is in school while I work the midnight shift so I sleep during the day. I can only spend time with the fids in the evenings before I go to work, which coincides with Hannah coming home from school. So maybe I can see her point cuz I am always doing birdy time when she gets home. I also spend alot of time on the computer and I think the hubby really hates the inventors of Facebook! LOL Guess I will have to make more of an effort with the humans cuz I can't make less of an effort with the fids!
 

Most Reactions

Latest posts

Top