My bird hates me and I'm getting frustrated :(

A month or so ago, I got a rose crowned conure, Tristan. I got him for us and also as a buddy for my GCC, Libby. So far, they have gotten along OK. They preen, but eventually fight, so we keep them fairly separate most of the time. We are hoping that they will grow out of that eventually.

Unfortunately, Tristan doesn't like me that much. He will hang out on my shoulder and accept rubs sometimes - usually only if my husband is too far away for Tristan to flutter to him. He much prefers to be around my husband although he still will not step up for him, and will only come out of his cage if he feels like it, and only by stepping onto a shoulder.

Usually he just runs away from me or flutters away from me (he's half clipped). I try not chase him, but sometimes I need to get him. And I don't want him to become 100% dependent on being with my husband, either. I don't mind if we don't end up as best buds, but I want to be able to pick him up, have him step up, give him a treat, and so on, without him freaking out.

I'm not sure what else to do. Tristan is not particularly food motivated so bribing him is difficult. Compelling him to spend time with me seems too stressful to him to be worth, and my husband is not particularly helpful, choosing the path of least resistance.

Try not to get discouraged yet. Tristan just needs more time to develop trust I think. He was in another home before yours, right? He may not have had the best life before you and doesn't know if people are trustworthy. Or he may need more time to trust a new person.

I often suggest singing or dancing for birds, and I know some people feel silly doing this, but really, conures like silly. They don't care either if you aren't a good singer. Really, my birds are my only fans, trust me! Another silly game birds like is peak a boo. You can hide under a blanket to do it, or even behind the couch. Or under the kitchen table if he is on top of it. Once he gets the idea, he will come running to the edge of the table to peak back at you.

My mentally disabled cousin was here today and I told her if she sang to Pete, my amazon, it would make him really happy. She wouldn't do it at first, but then she did, and the birds did get a little calmer about her presence. They were pretty concerned about her at first because she is kind of uncoordinated, and she is very scared of birds. So she was trying to climb over furniture and falling down in an effort to not walk near them. But, eventually I got her to sing to them, and even to come close to Merlin and help get over her fear, and the birds relaxed a lot more as well.

The important thing to remember is to take things slow and steady. Enjoy each little triumph, but don't push too hard. Let the bird decide what the pace should be. I've had 2 birds that settled in immediately, 2 that took days, and weeks and months to get to that same point, and some parent raised budgies that took a few months.

I got him from the breeder, who said she hand raised him and spent time with him but didn't really work with him. As in, she'd stick him on her shoulder to do dishes, but that was about it.

Do you think he'll come around eventually? If I knew that was likely I could be more patient. But with what they say about birds choosing people and being one-person birds, and Tristan having "chosen" my husband, I'm afraid that it will only get worse... OR at the very least won't get much better.

The other thing I thought of doing was essentially starting over, and treating him like a brand new, not-tame bird. But then that might be taking three giant steps back to take one step forward, you know?

It's doubly frustrating because while I was there picking up Tristan, I saw a sweet little CAG that was apparently normally shy but was really into me. I don't have the funds or cage for a CAG but sometimes I feel like I made the wrong choice and should have made it work with the CAG instead of taking Tristan home.

Yes, I think in a few more weeks you will see how far you've come. And in a few months you will be surprised you even wrote this post And as the years go by you will wonder how you ever lived without him.

Conures can have a favorite person, but they aren't usually centered on only that person. My Nanday has only met one person she doesn't like at all. That person hates birds so much though it like seethes off of her! My Blue Crown didn't like people with mental illnesses, although she actually only really hated one of them, my ex fiance. The others she just didn't talk to.

Thanks for the reassurance. I have him on my shoulder right now, sharing an apple, so that's a good I think!

Going back to the beginning never hurts! It's always better to go too slow than too fast.

In addition to what Roxy has advised maybe this link will help as well.

Parrot Food, Pet Bird Food, Macaw Food, Cockatiel Food | Teaching & Learning | Lafeber Pet Bird Food

ZoeS said:

Thanks for the reassurance. I have him on my shoulder right now, sharing an apple, so that's a good I think!

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That is good! See, that's one of the little triumphs to enjoy!

I don't always agree that parrots choose their owners but i do believe a parrot does bond better with people they feel most comfortable with. Then there is the trust building as well. I always notice a change in my companion parrots if i am stressed about something. So if you are apprehensive at all around your bird then yes he will feel that.

My Nanday did choose me, and I'm sure that is why she was one of the birds that came into my home like she'd lived here her entire life. I got my Blue Crown as a baby from a breeder. It took us time to develop the relationship we did. Pete was not immediately thrilled with me. He didn't want anything to do with me at all for 2 days. At the 4 day mark we were able to at least touch each other. I had to do a bit of starting over with him after a vet visit that frightened him. My cuddly boy was nipping me and throwing food at me, which went on for 3 days. I backed off and we made friends again. Merlin either loved me right away or saw me as her savior from the airport/plane experience.

So, I'm not a bird whisperer that all birds love when they see me. We all have/had great relationships, but they were built over time. I do not have the communication with Pete and Merlin that I have built with Rowdy for more than 11 years. But, we will get there.