New Owner Woes

So we've had our baby Schala for about a week now. I totally realize that a week isn't a lot of time, but I'm a little concerned about patterns that are already emerging.

How do you bond with a bird that doesn't want to? If she steps onto my finger, she flies away after about 10 seconds. If she's on her play stand, she flies away. She rarely takes any treats from us. She doesn't like cuddling.

I understand positive reinforcement training quite well, but this bird seems to have zero interest in attention, affection, or any kind of treat from us. I mean, I'm ok with a semi-independent bird that can entertain herself for a while, but I was kind of looking forward to a pet that enjoyed interacting with me at least a little bit.

Are there huge no-nos that I might be doing to push her away? I never yell at her or do anything overly forced (like forcing her to stay with me if she's uncomfortable). I talk to her when I can, I pet her gently when she lets me hold her, briefly as it may be. I'm really trying to do everything I can to show her that I'm worth trusting and that I'm worth hanging out with, but I keep coming up empty.

I just feel like I'm getting nowhere...

It's ONLY been a week! That's all this is about
Good news is, you haven't seen any "patterns emerging" yet... You have YET to see ANY patterns
What I mean is you have a bird who is still so new that she hasn't even had time to 'settle in' into the brand new environment, different people, everything is so different prior to what she saw only a week ago. It might seem a long enough time to you, but her birdie brain works a bit differently... She is thinking "Whoa!! Slow down there and let me get to know you and the environment first before I decide I can feel comfortable enough to trust and love you!"

If she doesn't want to even step up, don't pursue it right now. Spend time just being near her (but not closer than she wants), talk calmly and lovingly to her, don't stare at her directly in the eye, don't impose yourself onto her now.
Slowly over the next days and weeks, see if she will accept treats from your hand, step up and stay longer... but if she doesn't trust you yet, don't push it, and don't try too many times all day long You'll know it when she starts opening up vs if she still wants to be left alone.

The fact that she does know how to step up tells that me she is not "wild", so don't worry, she just needs more time. Some birds might take to a new environment and people sooner than others, but what you're experiencing after being home for only several days is not unusual. You'll see her real personality start to come out after she's confident in her new home and comfortable with you. You will "know" when that is... you'll see it in her actions and body language. THEN, you can start a little training with positive reinforcements more. If she hasn't started cuddling by then, try holding her close... Then again, if she's not ready yet she'll tell you, then you'll know to take a step back like before. Being a conure, she should eventually love cuddles anyway. Hang in there!

Some birds take longer than others to bond, and some just aren't touchy-feely individuals. Have you tried non-contact bonding? Our BFA is not a touchy-feely bird. He'll accept a ride on your hand (and step up on command), and will occasionally take a nap in your lap, but if you know whats good for you, you just don't touch him on his body. And it took years to even get him to this point (though he was older and never handled when we got him). He will however interact in other non-contact ways. He loves playing the whistle game, where he makes the "first part" of the cat call whistle and you make the "second part". A bird who can talk would be even better for this game, because you could teach them when you ask a certain question, they respond with a certain word and get a treat. It's like a game to them, and good, positive interaction. You may also want to try trick training as a way of bonding. Start simple and build your birds trust and show him playing with you is fun and rewarding. I have been doing trick training with Kiwi, and while he still doesn't want to be petted, he's certainly very interactive while chasing the target stick and retrieving small objects. And try including your bird at mealtime. Just bring him to the table on a small t-perch and offer him little bites of what your having (provided it's safe for birds to eat!). Parrots universally LOVE sharing meals with their "flock". It's probably one of the best bonding activities out there.

Last but not least, I think a week is way to short of a time to be any kind of discouraged. The poor baby is barely used to his new environment, let alone his new family. Just keep up the good work your doing with him, and in time, he will come around. Every bird is social in some way, and you will learn which ways your bird likes to socialize and doesn't as time goes on

Thanks for the replies.

I know I'm overreacting a bit. I'm just the kind of person who wants to do everything right from the beginning, and I just *feel* (key word) like I'm pushing her away more than I am reassuring her that we're fun to be with.

Just a little more info... She comes right to her cage door when I get home, so she knows that's how she gets out. The thing is, she is just using us. She knows that the humans open the cage door, and she'll step out of her cage onto our hand, but the second she's clear of the door, she bolts.

I'm realizing that every time she flies away, it's in the same direction. So finally I just let her go, and I think I realized what she wants: our doormat.

It has this intricate hashtag pattern to it (kind of like |||=|||=), and little twigs fall from our garden into the cracks. She just sat there for like 20 minutes finding the twigs, breaking them into pieces, and rubbing her beak all over it. Weirdo...

SO what's with the not looking them in the eye thing? Is that somehow imposing or threatening to them?

Staring them down is how a predator stares at prey animals. It might be more 'polite' to just gaze right now to make her feel even more at ease. It's not a big deal after they know you already.

Jen's right, not all parrots cuddle. Some species are definitely more inclined to be cuddlers, but even then there's no guarantee. Kiwibird gave you some good suggestions for hands off bonding.

Thanks for putting my mind more at ease. I think I may have gotten some unrealistic expectations after reading so many success stories of what wonderful birds conures can be. I think those stories may have left out some of the horror.

If Schala wants to be an independent bird, then that's cool with me. I just want to make sure it's not me causing her to behave that way vs. her just wanting to be a BBB (*****y baby bird, that's what we call her jokingly right now).

I appreciate all your advice. Thank you so much!

I didn't read everyone else's comments in the thread, but I can assume they said nearly the same thing as I'm going to. The problem is TIME not you!

Bird take A LONG time to trust people. And that's not weeks- it's months and months. Lukah didn't step onto my finger for nearly a month when I first got him. And after that it was only for a treat and then he would hop right off. I'd say it took nearly 6 months for him to start to really trust me and almost 9 months to fully trust me.

Give it time, be patient. I know you see people snuggling their birds and some birds are more trusting right off the bat, but he will warm up to you. I promise. I've had Lukah almost a year and he still is far from snuggly and is EXTREMELY wary of new people or even people he's met multiple times.

He's just being smart and cautious- when he realizes how great you are and finally gets around to realizing how great being petted and loved on is you won't be able to get him to leave you alone!

skygoneblue said:

Thanks for the replies.

I know I'm overreacting a bit. I'm just the kind of person who wants to do everything right from the beginning, and I just *feel* (key word) like I'm pushing her away more than I am reassuring her that we're fun to be with.

Just a little more info... She comes right to her cage door when I get home, so she knows that's how she gets out. The thing is, she is just using us. She knows that the humans open the cage door, and she'll step out of her cage onto our hand, but the second she's clear of the door, she bolts.

I'm realizing that every time she flies away, it's in the same direction. So finally I just let her go, and I think I realized what she wants: our doormat.

It has this intricate hashtag pattern to it (kind of like |||=|||=), and little twigs fall from our garden into the cracks. She just sat there for like 20 minutes finding the twigs, breaking them into pieces, and rubbing her beak all over it. Weirdo...

SO what's with the not looking them in the eye thing? Is that somehow imposing or threatening to them?

Click to expand...

Also it's good if they're using you. If they didn't have a use for you they would never care about us! hahah Lukah uses me for pets and snuggles and food but that's the point of it all really

I kinda bypassed everyone's message, read just minor but nothing is like what I'm about to suggest. If you can bring the bird with you in a smaller confined room, it will be easier for you to train without the bird flying away from you each time. That's a way to train a flighted bird! But there's other ways but you just have to take your time and be patient. Just about every owner is gonna give you a different opinion on how to train but I have personally trained hundreds of birds in my own way. Hope you find a way that works for you!

If she's so interested in the twigs, then why not make sure the twigs are bird safe for her to chew on, go outside, grab some fresh ones, then hold the twigs for her?

Birds can also find toys and attention to be rewarding. Here's a video I took of an Umbrella Cockatoo getting rewarded with attention for doing a desired behavior (walking towards a block, walking past the block, picking the block up and tossing it...). As you can see, no food was used in this training experiment!


[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22aAorUrwrI"]Stevie Bird the Umbrella Cockatoo with Lara Joseph - YouTube[/ame]


Stevie Bird's FB Page
https://www.facebook.com/stevie.bird.58?fref=ts




The trick is to find what *YOUR* bird finds rewarding! It is possible to create food motivation, but likewise, some birds are more motivated by other things within their environment!

That's actually something I have taken advantage of already. I let her play on the doormat, and I occasionally put a stick between my fingers for her to take. She takes it willingly, destroys it, and moves on.

Then keep at it! Maybe even try pairing food with the twigs? Millet and sunflower seeds are popular treats, as well as nuts and dried fruits.

You sound so much like I did a month ago that I had to reply! I brought Mango home on March 22nd, and was having all of the same issues/reservations that you're having.

What I can tell you is that it can be a sloooooow process, even if others luck out with a bird that bonds quickly.

Mango went from wanting nothing to do with me to now lifting her foot up when I come close to her in anticipation of stepping up..it's adorable lol.

I started out with hand feeding a lot of treats just to get her comfortable with me. Initially this was through the bars, then inside the cage, then I made her come towards me at the opening of the cage.

From this point she started spending more time on top of her cage and I discovered that she's more willing to "step up" from the top of her cage then from inside..even now. I respect that and let her cage be her safe zone.

Then I took the advise of someone on here and took her away from the cage. I was having the same issues as you where she would immediately fly back. At first I just took her into a bathroom close to the cage and talked to her and scratched her head, gave her treats etc.

Now I can walk past her cage with her on my shoulder and she doesn't go back to her cage! Even if I want her to lol!

I understand wanting things to progress already because I was in the same boat, but I feel like I've made a ton of progress and it's really only been about five weeks!

Good luck!

Thanks Lisa.

Actually I guess I should clarify. She doesn't fly back to her cage. She hates being in her cage, from the looks of it. She clings to the door and chirps to be let out. When we finally open the door, she eagerly steps up onto our hands, but only as a means to an end. She then promptly flies AWAY from the cage, toward the doormat or whatever other random object she's chosen to be fascinated with at that moment.

She is clipped though, so it's really just a slow plummet to the carpet. It's funny, but we don't want it to be a habit that she forms. We want our hands to be safe, good places for her. Not just things that open her cage door.

If that's the case then sit on the floor with her. Just keep playing with her and she'll get . Used to it soon enough.

trying to put this politely, but maybe at the moment it's finding exploring it's no environment more interesting than interacting with a person that it still doesn't quiet know, and I'm no way implying that your are boring or whatever. everything is so knew and different for it, its just decided to explore the environment first rather than the person. give it time, let the bird settle in and let it get itself acclimated in its new environment, from what you have writtern it doesn't sound like you bird hates your guts but is more interested in other things