Conure Ruining My Relationship

Hello,
I purchased a conure for my boyfriend about a year ago. I loved him from the start and always gave him attention. Eventually, his clipped wings grew back, which admittedly I was excited for. However, that wasn't as exciting as I hoped. Now, he will fly over to the couch and poop (after many months of successful training to not poop anywhere but his cage). When I try to pick him up to put him in his cage for 5 minutes or so to let him no he did something wrong, he just flies away. I wind up having to chase him through the house until I finally get so angry that I throw a blanket or hat over him so I can grab him and put him in his cage.
On top of that, he has an ear-piercing screech that irks me to the point that I will just cover him and ignore him, smacking the cage when he screams (I think I'm a little bi-polar, I can't help it). I've told my boyfriend the reason he is probably doing it is because he doesn't get enough attention, and I'm sure he knows this...he will give him like a half hour of attention a day, but from the little bit I've read on conures I don't think that's nearly enough. I work from home, so I have to hear his screaming all day every day. I can't do it anymore, it's literally driving me insane. My love for this bird is completely gone so he's not getting attention from me.
I tried to have an agreement with him that I would give him more attention if his wings were clipped because I am NOT chasing this bird through the house ever again. I know he loves this bird, but if he can't give the bird enough attention then why would he want to keep it? I've semi-jokingly told him that he's gonna come home one day and the bird will be gone...but I'm beyond my breaking point and I don't know what else to do. Has anyone else been in a situation like this?

Well...

I've taken in misbehaving conures that have been dumped for this sort of thing, and retrained them so that they behave better...

Does that count?!

Seriously, how much training has this bird had?! And who is doing it...

They don't generally come trained up to behave in captivity. That job belongs to the person who purchases them...

You get out what you put into it.

If he loves the little guy enough, consider re-homing him (the conure). It isn't a disgrace, just knowing what is best for all!

Welcome to the forum, and I am sorry that you're having problems with your bird. However, I actually AM bipolar and manage not to smack my bird's cage when he screeches... Maybe it's the medication, but more likely it's because I still have self-control and make my own choices about how I react to things (especially in a harmful or hurtful way). I don't mean this in a mean way at all, but it sounds like maybe you guys weren't entirely prepared for bird ownership and have mistaken the inability to flitter off when he doesn't want to do as you ask as being trained. Now that he is free to fly, well, he's just doing what he would have done from the start if he'd been able to. If you honestly can't stand him and don't love him, and your boyfriend doesn't love him enough to put the training in, then I would agree with perhaps rehoming him. You could also see if there is a bird store or rescue in your area that offers behavior training and pay to take him to someone who can help you work with him to make the situation liveable. It's kind of hard to know what to suggest since he's technically your boyfriend's bird, and it isn't really clear from your post how much your boyfriend cares about him and wants him in the home. The downside to buying birds for other people is that even if they've said they're up to the challenge, they are not making that decision themselves and, therefore, in their minds the responsibilty kind of subconsciously falls back on you, the person who actually went out and got the bird. I would suggest having a long, calm talk with your boyfriend (without any jokes about getting rid of the bird without his knowledge) and state what you need in order for the bird to stay in the home, be that having his wings clipped or the boyfriend spending more time with him. Then explain that if those needs can't be met, then rehoming him might be the best idea. If he really loves the bird a ton, he will agree with your "demands" and spend more time with the bird. If not, well, you have your answer on how dedicated he is to it and it may be time to search for a really good home for him with people who are better equipped to deal with him. I hope the situation turns out well for everyone involved, including you!

Eventually, his clipped wings grew back, which admittedly I was excited for. However, that wasn't as exciting as I hoped.

SO WHY NOT KEEP HIM CLIPPED SO THAT HE IS SEMI FLIGHTED. THE LAST 3-4 PRIMARY OUTSIDE FLIGHTS, CUT HALF WAY DOWN. HE WILL STILL HAVE SOME FLIGHT CAPABILITY, AND THE PROBLEM WILL BE SOLVED...

I wind up having to chase him through the house until I finally get so angry that I throw a blanket or hat over him so I can grab him and put him in his cage.

IF HE ISN'T TRAINED OR EXTENSIVELY BONDED YET, THEN KEEPING HIM FLIGHTED PROBABLY ISN'T THE BEST THING IN MY OPINION, ESPECIALLY IF HE GOES THROUGH THIS EVERY TIME THE CAGE DOOR OPENS...

On top of that, he has an ear-piercing screech that irks me to the point that I will just cover him and ignore him, smacking the cage when he screams (I think I'm a little bi-polar, I can't help it).

YOU CAN HELP IT... IT'S NOT AN APPROPRIATE FORM OF DISCIPLINE!!
SCREAMING PROTOCOLS ARE POSTED IN THE TRAINING SECTION. USE THEM PLEASE... YOU WILL MAKE THE BIRD EXTREMELY PHOBIC BY HITTING THE CAGE.

I've told my boyfriend the reason he is probably doing it is because he doesn't get enough attention, and I'm sure he knows this...he will give him like a half hour of attention a day, but from the little bit I've read on conures I don't think that's nearly enough.

I work from home, so I have to hear his screaming all day every day. I can't do it anymore, it's literally driving me insane. My love for this bird is completely gone so he's not getting attention from me.

CONURES TEND TO BE LINE OF SIGHT SCREAMERS. IF HE'S CLIPPED, AND SITTING OUT ON A BOING, OR A PLAYSTAND IN THE SAME ROOM WITH YOU THE SCREAMING WILL LIKELY STOP COMPLETELY!

I know he loves this bird, but if he can't give the bird enough attention then why would he want to keep it?

OR MORE TO THE POINT, WEREN'T YOU THE ONE WHO BOUGHT THE BIRD AND GAVE IT TO HIM?!

No matter how hard my conure bites my husband, he has never once acted aggressively or even joked about sending the bird back. They are essentially like having a child. They WILL have behavioural issues, and it's a matter of trying to work through them.

It's not always fun and games, and neither is it with other pets. Birds are flock animals and need attention from everyone in the family in my opinion. Suggesting the bird should only be the responsibility of your boyfriend (particularly since you work at home and could give the bird an amazing life) means that you should really consider finding it a better home. You have to both be in it or neither of you are. You need to work WITH your boyfriend, not against him.

I'm sorry but this post has me very upset.

Hi welcome to the forum. Look, not every animal is appropriate for every person. My fiance and I got ferrets together. I had ALWAYS wanted a ferret and did a lot of research...three years neglecting the ferrets later... turns out that ferrets are not for us. We gave them to an elderly couple who could give them the time and attention that we didn't. Those poor ferrets deserved better than us. Sometimes giving the animal to someone who's better suited to care for it is the BEST THING TO DO. It sounds like you are not a bird person and need to give it to someone who is. Give the bird a better life with someone else, he deserves better.

Im not trying to be offensive, but a bird isnt a "PET." My wife bought our conures for her, honestly it was almost an unplanned thing. We did minumal research and learned as we went along.

They actually bonded to me, id say between her and I, the bonding is 90% my way and if im not home they kind of "settle" for her, lol.

The OP is giving off a very "inconvenienced" vibe. I dont like it, and I'd like to hear back from her and have her explain exactly what she thought this conure was going to do with a HALF hour of interaction per day?

I love my birds. When i say that, i mean i care for them like family. I think of them as my children basically and I worry for the the same, Im very protective over them. A half hour a day seems scheduled. I even scoff at the cards on the bird cages at the big pet stores that say a conure is an INTERMEDIATE bird that needs ONE HOUR of interaction per day . . . If im downstairs (where my conures stay mostly), theyre out of their cage and usually hanging on me or watching me, like they are now. I work 11 hours a day, itd be awesome to work from home and hang with my birds all day. Thats a perfect opportunity to bond/train your conure, instead of complaining theyre too loud. Its screaming because that half hour that your BF squeezes in just isnt enough and your bird is bored/lonely.

I havent trained my birds, i guess weve learned eachothers boundaries just spenging time together. They poop in spots id like them not to, but i just clean it up and move on.

I would say this bird needs to be rehomed... does your BF just WANT to have a bird as a pet, or is he (as well as the OP) willing to accept it into your "flock" and treat it like something thats gonna live 20+ years, and not like a hamster?

Cjardi I know the screaming can be irritating. One day I forgot to feed me tiel and he screamed for 3 hours. I was so New to yield I didn't even know he was screaming. High pitched whistle sound till I googled and figured out he was screaming.

I just did the basic trying to figure it out and I checked his food. At first it looked fine but on closer inspection it was just empty shells. I fed him and he stopped screaming. Lesson learned.

That was only a few hours and I got frustrated so I can only imagine how it must be for you.

Think of it like a baby crying though. You don't make it stop by hitting it's crib.

Birdman has a lot of experience and if you decide to give it another shot I am sure the screaming mods will work.

If you were just venting on a particularly bad day and you decide to keep the conure the experienced ppl here can help you. If you really can't take it anymore maybe a new home is a good ideal.

You should never ever EVER have an untrained flighted bird; that combination leads to countless accidents that more often than not mean a lost or dead bird. As everyone else has said, you need to take a step back and think about if being owned by a bird (that really is how it is) is right for you. If not then I am positive you can easily find a great home for your conure...he sounds like a fabulous bird that is terribly frightened and feels somewhat neglected (hence the screeching and flying away). Thankfully, this forum is a great place to get the tools you need to enrich his life and make him, you, and your boyfriend much happier in the long run.

Re-Homing of a Bird (Please Read) before making the decision....
Parrots Bill of Rights

If you want to keep him, you'll have to put a lot of work in. And, in my opinion, you need to get him clipped ASAP, work with him while clipped, then give him his wings back when you have a wonderful well-behaved conure on your hands.
Tips for Bonding and Building Trust
Clicker Training for Parrots.

This forum is full of many people who care a lot about birds and I hope you understand the many folks (myself included) that are very upset by your approach to the situation but we are glad you are reaching out for help. Remember that parrots are intelligent creatures who need a lot of love and patience to thrive and not everyone can provide the time and sacrifice required and that is totally okay! I do hope you find all the tools you need to improve his life!

JosephN79 said:

Im not trying to be offensive, but a bird isnt a "PET."

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If that was in response to my comment, I hope you might re-read what I wrote as I think maybe you overlooked the rest of what I said in my reply (seeing as its in the same ball-park as yours).

Sorry for the misunderstanding, I don't want to start conflict just trying to clarify that I in fact stated having a bird is more like having a child as well. Maybe my use of the word pet was inappropriate, and for that I am so sorry if it offended you.

Ann333 said:

Hi welcome to the forum. Look, not every animal is appropriate for every person. My fiance and I got ferrets together. I had ALWAYS wanted a ferret and did a lot of research...three years neglecting the ferrets later... turns out that ferrets are not for us. We gave them to an elderly couple who could give them the time and attention that we didn't. Those poor ferrets deserved better than us. Sometimes giving the animal to someone who's better suited to care for it is the BEST THING TO DO. It sounds like you are not a bird person and need to give it to someone who is. Give the bird a better life with someone else, he deserves better.

Click to expand...

LOL, My wife and I dodged the ferret bullet by seconds! Grace of God, sister asked us to babysit her ferret for a weekend. Worked! Never had that urge again!
Side note, one of my many daughters, vet tech, also worked at a really decent pet shop. They had a ferret get loose over night. It killed every animal it could get to!

Dear cjardi003, I do understand what you are going thru really. Paddy my GCC drew blood the first time I got near him. He was a rescue now he's a sweetheart. Everyone comments how good he behaves. It took a lot of work about 90 minutes daily for 2 months. Unless he's been abused you can train him to be sweet. You really need time clipped till he's trained. Talk with your boyfriend see if he's willing to put the work in. If not it would be kinder to rehome. Hope this helped. Bonita

Kyoto said:

JosephN79 said:

Im not trying to be offensive, but a bird isnt a "PET."

Click to expand...

If that was in response to my comment, I hope you might re-read what I wrote as I think maybe you overlooked the rest of what I said in my reply (seeing as its in the same ball-park as yours).

Sorry for the misunderstanding, I don't want to start conflict just trying to clarify that I in fact stated having a bird is more like having a child as well. Maybe my use of the word pet was inappropriate, and for that I am so sorry if it offended you.

Click to expand...

Technically (and legally) they are pets, just pets that need the attention of small children, so I don't think your wording was inappropriate at all. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I would guess JosephN79 was probably aiming the comment at the OP who may have underestimated their new companion's needs rather than you (we all know how much you love your darling!)

Wow, thanks for all the responses everyone. I know smacking the cage is one of the worst possible things I could do, I just get really really irritated sometimes and it's the only thing I could think to do when I'm busy. To be honest, coming on a parrot forum I thought people would be upset at the fact that I recommended clipping his wings (unless I left that out--but that was my first attempt at compromise)--but getting the exact opposite reaction from all you bird lovers gives me confidence to come back into that talk. He pushed it off when I brought it up and compared it to that of declawing a cat (he wants to declaw our cat, but I don't really want to because I don't want to have the cat's toes amputated)...so he asks if I'm not willing to declaw the cat why am I willing to clip the bird's wings?
Yeah, it's cute when I'm washing dishes and he comes and flies on my shoulder, but I get scared when he comes flying and I'm cooking with hot grease. One day he even landed on top of my Ajax can Which could be REALLY bad. All these reasons are why I want him clipped but the boyfriend doesn't want to--so I keep him locked up when it's just me at home. I even mentioned today that it's not fair for the bird to not get attention just because I don't want to chase him through the house. So I think the easiest solution here is to clip his wings and try to slowly bond with him again!

Oh, and he is a bird lover. He had a cockatiel that tragically died while he was in the hospital. He did a lot of research before deciding he wanted a conure and we talked about it for quite some time--so it wasn't just something I randomly decided to do.

Cjardi the thing with wing clipping is that it can be temporary. The feathers will grow back. When I got my tiel Jet 2 months ago he was clipped so bad he couldn't even glide. He flies now. My budgie Ace was clipped well and could fly short distances. Even get lift. His primary flight feathers are coming in and he will be fully flighted soon. My new budgie (needs a new name) came fully flighted.

cjardi003 said:

Wow, thanks for all the responses everyone. I know smacking the cage is one of the worst possible things I could do, I just get really really irritated sometimes and it's the only thing I could think to do when I'm busy. To be honest, coming on a parrot forum I thought people would be upset at the fact that I recommended clipping his wings (unless I left that out--but that was my first attempt at compromise)--but getting the exact opposite reaction from all you bird lovers gives me confidence to come back into that talk. He pushed it off when I brought it up and compared it to that of declawing a cat (he wants to declaw our cat, but I don't really want to because I don't want to have the cat's toes amputated)...so he asks if I'm not willing to declaw the cat why am I willing to clip the bird's wings?
Yeah, it's cute when I'm washing dishes and he comes and flies on my shoulder, but I get scared when he comes flying and I'm cooking with hot grease. One day he even landed on top of my Ajax can Which could be REALLY bad. All these reasons are why I want him clipped but the boyfriend doesn't want to--so I keep him locked up when it's just me at home. I even mentioned today that it's not fair for the bird to not get attention just because I don't want to chase him through the house. So I think the easiest solution here is to clip his wings and try to slowly bond with him again!

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I think clipping and re-visiting training/bonding is the best solution if you're dedicated to keeping him. My bird is clipped, never been flighted in fact (to our knowledge, he is a rescue). He's happy, healthy and has NO problems getting around as he has been given tools to communicate his needs.

As for smacking the cage, I know how frustrating they can be and how tempting it may be, but you have to exercise some self control. If you want to smack something, smack the desk, a chair or whatever inanimate object that's close by and is indifferent to you striking it. And try to remember, as you re-establish a bond and positive relationship with your bird, the screaming will lessen.

I'm glad you are willing to help out and try to make life for your fid as good as possible. I think your solution is the best one for your situation, so long as you are in agreement wth each other.

I understand what a tough decision it is to clip or not clip, especially with a cat in the house since you'll have it in the back of your mind. For us we feel that even though clipping may make training easier, we just can't risk it with one of our cats being VERY interested in making a meal of our gcc. Still trying to find ways to give our baby more time with us while we do our day to day activities without engaging crazy Linx sized Dougal (35 pound cat) has been a challenge in itself. Bird ownership is HARD, but I think you'll find it totally worth the effort once things start to improve.

Best of luck with your sweet birdie. Thank you for seeking advice.

I think it would be a good idea to show your bf this entire thread, and get his opinion, since it's his bird.