Broken Bond :(

Hi Guys

I'm new here and beside myself with grief, so I'm turning to you guys for some advice.

I have a yellow sided, green cheek conure; 4 years old and believed to be female (though not sexed). From her behaviour - shoving her bum into things, flicking her wings and trying to mate - I can safely assume that.

I know exactly what I've done. We were prepping her travel cage to take her to our parents' place for a few days and she got wind of it and refused to be put inside. Myself and my boyfriend had to regrettably chase her around to get her to comply. I felt awful, so backed off for a bit, but my boyfriend persisted and managed to get her inside.

Well, we left and came back and now she's giving me the ultimate cold shoulder by disowning me completely. She loves my bf to pieces, but when she sees me she stops still with fear and flaps about in a panic if I offer her my hand.

I can no longer let her out of her cage, when before she'd call for me and rush to my side; now she'll just sit at the back and watch me until I leave.

Once my bf lets her out of her cage, she will step onto my elbow (never my hands) and will try to sit as far from me as possible and will twitch in fear at every bit of movement.

It makes me ball my eyes out every evening that I've lost such a wonderful bond. She used to sit on my shoulders and cuddle into my hair, bother me for tickles every five minutes and cuddle up to my face when I asked for hugs; talk to me for hours and now I can't do any of these things.

Her condition improves over time in the morning (I encourage her with her favourite foods and take her to her favourite places, and she even cuddles up to my face sometimes and preens my hair), but all of sudden, she'll remember to be afraid of my hands once more and will gingerly step up and then flutter up my arm like the devil is after her.

She'll even stretch after my bf to get away from me.

I'm seriously struggling with this up and down rollercoaster. Can you guys give any tips?

:02::02:

reset your relationship with her, go back to a day 1 scenario. She had a scary thing happen to her what with trying to grab her so it makes sense she was put off.

Have your BF stop offering treats and only you offer treats. Outside of that take your time with her. Also note that she'll also be giving you a birdy tantrum and it's hormone time as well so she may have decided your bf may be a better candidate to give her babies than yourself. May take a little bit of time but she'll warm up to you again

Outside of that in the future if you need to travel with her again try slowly encouraging her into the travel cage in the future with a load of treats instead of suddenly picking her up and putting her in the travel cage especially if she isn't used to being in it

Thank you for you reply! I've asked my bf to wait for me tonight so we can let her out together. I'll keep on with the treats and will make sure I take things at a snails pace.

Day one is a bit awkward as she was always a cuddly bird; so I can't exactly revert to day one behaviour. I'll be sure to take things extra slowly.

Thanks again xx

And this too will pass. At least your certain of what would make your conure act like that. We have a member who's amazon flipped almost overnight , from best friend to a snorting devil monster, and only 2 years later has the parrot started to forgive him for his transgressions . Hang in there.

Triggs is right, not now, but when she has warmed up to you a little more, slowly introduce the travel cage.

Thank you! I'll certainly take on your advice. It's so sad - she's my best friend.

Was about to reply with the same, then a page refresh saved me some words!
Reset, regroup! Right now you are throwing too many negative vibes!
My JoJo’s travel cage is always out, with treats. He knows the cage equals being outside, which he loves!
FYI, my DNA’d male JoJo exhibits the same romance dances your little(name?) girl shows! So without DNA testing, or an egg, there it no real indication of sex!
20 bucks for a test!
Avian Services Center: DNA sexing and disease testing for all species of birds.

she still is really

we've all had temper tantrums and bad moods in our lives! Birds are just stubborn and keep them up longer. Like Wrench said one of the members has been dealing with an angry zon for 2 years now! (not something I'd like to be on the bad side of)

I don't think it will be that long, let your bf get him out and sit on the couch together...be a family, blood is thicker than water even adopted blood...I'm pretty sure your owner will forgive you and come over halfway through a movie or netflix binge. Your actually very fortunate that you have an advocate, most people don't get the other person is trusted and conveys that trust onto you. for the bird to see.

Also, I advise you to remain calm, the more you worry, the more your body and facial expressions and movements reflect that. I think if you treated it with less emotion then the bird wouldn't be picking up on your emotions, I know you feel them, just try to bury them a bit when interacting, sometimes "fake it till you make it" just simply works.

Flboy said:

Was about to reply with the same, then a page refresh saved me some words!
Reset, regroup! Right now you are throwing too many negative vibes!
My JoJo’s travel cage is always out, with treats. He knows the cage equals being outside, which he loves!
FYI, my DNA’d male JoJo exhibits the same romance dances your little(name?) girl shows! So without DNA testing, or an egg, there it no real indication of sex!
20 bucks for a test!
Avian Services Center: DNA sexing and disease testing for all species of birds.

Click to expand...

Oh no!! Well that just confuses things! I'm going to call her a "she" as that's what I've come to associate her as.

Her name is "Cuddles".

She does the conure strut with her head all squared off and her chest puffed out, all across her perch and when she reaches the end, she leans all the way off. It's quite comical to watch.

I've never been too keen on the DNA testing, as it involves pulling a feather.

I'm aware I'm throwing too many negative vibes and I'm trying desperately to reign them in

some awesome points raised by fiboy and clark

she'll pick up on your tension making her feel something will happen, a deep sigh along with a loosening of your muscles will help her and you to relax and definitely chilling out with her during a good netflix binge (stranger things 2 starts up on friday) is a good opportunity for her to come over and chill with you without you worrying her

and deffo have the other cage out, with some treats in it. Maybe even turn it into a sleep cage for her when at home? A lot of people seem to do that with Pak-o-birds (at least I plan on doing that)

clark_conure said:

I don't think it will be that long, let your bf get him out and sit on the couch together...be a family, blood is thicker than water even adopted blood...I'm pretty sure your owner will forgive you and come over halfway through a movie or netflix binge. Your actually very fortunate that you have an advocate, most people don't get the other person is trusted and conveys that trust onto you. for the bird to see.

Also, I advise you to remain calm, the more you worry, the more your body and facial expressions and movements reflect that. I think if you treated it with less emotion then the bird wouldn't be picking up on your emotions, I know you feel them, just try to bury them a bit when interacting, sometimes "fake it till you make it" just simply works.

Click to expand...

Thank you so much - I'll try all that everyone has suggested here. I will do anything to have the bond back that we had last week!

It's very strange, Cuddles would usually trust me over my BF, but now our roles are reversed.

I'm feeling far more positive after all the help people have given here, so I won't give up!

xx

My male conure also rubs his butt on me at times, it's natural for both sexes, it feels good to them. Just ignore it but don't assume anything by it.

LordTriggs said:

some awesome points raised by fiboy and clark

she'll pick up on your tension making her feel something will happen, a deep sigh along with a loosening of your muscles will help her and you to relax and definitely chilling out with her during a good netflix binge (stranger things 2 starts up on friday) is a good opportunity for her to come over and chill with you without you worrying her

and deffo have the other cage out, with some treats in it. Maybe even turn it into a sleep cage for her when at home? A lot of people seem to do that with Pak-o-birds (at least I plan on doing that)

Click to expand...

I will certainly try this; thank you!

I'm hoping that our relationship won't rely too heavily on food, as it did not before now.

I'm more confidant that things will be stronger even, now that I have spoken with you all.

Thank you again. x

good to hear you're feeling better sometimes we all need a little vent

DNA testing.. Go with a blood drop! I paid our vet 5 bucks for a nail trim and he cut one just a little short and we put a droplet on a sample card.
Give Cuddles some time before this though!!

Flboy said:

DNA testing.. Go with a blood drop! I paid our vet 5 bucks for a nail trim and he cut one just a little short and we put a droplet on a sample card.
Give Cuddles some time before this though!!

Click to expand...

or a feather loosed of its own accord

LordTriggs said:

Flboy said:

DNA testing.. Go with a blood drop! I paid our vet 5 bucks for a nail trim and he cut one just a little short and we put a droplet on a sample card.
Give Cuddles some time before this though!!

Click to expand...

or a feather loosed of its own accord

Click to expand...

Can they DNA test based on this? I was always under the impression that they required a blood drop?

if memory serves it can be done by feather but it needs to follicle to be intact much like a human hair. Check with whoever you're sending the sample too, of course getting a vetto acquire the sample may be a better outcome

when you get your bird out, have lots of new toys around the settee and on your lap with the best treats that she /he likes, it will help.

I don't know much but always read/hear make everything a positive experience.

You would have to train her over time to get her used to the travel cage, make it fun, add toys and treats, let her go in and out without shutting her in for a while maybe then start shutting the door for short periods and let her back out.

You can never loose with time and TLC so I'm sure you and her will become really close again. I'm in a few battles of the will with my Parrot lol, remain vigilant I look forward to your, Yay she's forgiven me post good luck x