Bird chose my husband - yes this is a problem...

Iridal

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Sun Conure - Mango (hatched May 2017)
.... because my husband doesn't really want to have a bird like this. He is cool with Mango being here, likes him, but is getting really irritated with the bird flying to him all the time. And it baffles me. I've done everything for the bird. I give him all the good treats, taught him tricks.... its breaking my heart and irritating my husband. Are we out of luck to reverse this? :(
 

BoomBoom

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Just like humans, birds will freely choose the object of their affection. Your husband is lucky to be liked by a beautiful and special creature, I hope he sees that :) When I get kisses from my sun conure I always say to him how lucky I am. And it's true!

You may be able to sway the affection towards your favor by being the person with the yummy treats. Be the only one to offer him his favorite nuts (in moderation). Be the one to always serve his his daily pellets, veggies and fruits. The one to give him the best scratches and to help him with his pin feathers. The one that spoils him constantly. I wish you the best of luck and my best regards to your bird.
 
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Iridal

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So, yes, he knows its "lucky". Still..... we can say that all we want, but honestly if its not a relationship somebody wants then it really isn't, and that doesn't make the "chosen" one a bad person. We thought the bird would bond to the person actually caring for him and teaching him. But my husband got in the habit of giving in to the bird to shut him up and now we suppose Mango likes the "easy parent". :(
 

Scott

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Iridal

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Hah oddly enough, the bird doesn't not trust me. He's actually significantly more likely to listen to me when I ask him to do something. He doesn't think he has to listen to other people about stepping up, not biting, etc. But he harasses the hell out of my husband for attention and ignores me for anything other than obedience when we need to get him to do something. It is actually very confusing. Everyone else I've read that had a problem with a "one person bird" had a bird that was aggressive to others. He's not aggressive to me. I don't understand it, but "teenager" seems appropriate. "Dad" is the fun parent. And I get stuck with the work.

I was so irritated with the situation I made husband scrub the whole cage yesterday instead of me, so I guess I got that going for me.
 

Scott

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Goffins: Gabby, Abby, Squeaky, Peanut, Popcorn / Citron: Alice / Eclectus: Angel /Timneh Grey: ET / Blue Fronted Amazon: Gonzo /

RIP Gandalf and Big Bird, you are missed.
Your Sun is about 1 year old, don't know when puberty engages with conures. If it is around this age, could help explain some of his behavior.
 

EllenD

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Awe, I'm sorry this happened to you, I know that must be frustrating, but it's true, parrots simply just choose their "person", and a lot of the time there is no rhyme or reason as to why they choose who they choose. It's not uncommon for them to choose the one person in the house that actually doesn't want anything to do with them, I know a few people who live with their spouse/significant other, and who decided that they wanted to get a parrot, while their other-half could care less. And of course their birds bonded immediately with their spouse who wants nothing to do with them at all, while they are the ones feeding them, getting them out of their cages every morning, giving them yummy treats, and in one particular case my friend doesn't work and stays at home all day with the bird. She lives with her boyfriend, who works all day while she's at home. They have no kids and can't have any, so she wanted to get a parrot, while her boyfriend literally said "go ahead, as long as I don't have to do anything with it or for it"...nice. So she found a breeder an hour away, and put a deposit on a hand-raised baby Green Cheek Conure, and she drove an hour there and an hour back 3 times a week for a month, spending between 1-3 hours with the baby during her visits. Her boyfriend only went with her one time, the first time when they picked the baby they wanted out. That's it. And the day she brought the baby home (while her boyfriend was at work) she said he was a bit skitterish, which I told her was normal, he just needed to settle in. She said he was just sitting in his cage all day long, not playing or anything, and he would come out for her and step-up for her, but was obviously not happy about it, so she just let him be in his cage to settle-in...As soon as her boyfriend came home (and he just wanted his dinner, he's kind of an ass, my opinion anyway, he wants his house clean and his dinner ready when he gets home, this guy is 25 and acts like he's living in the 1950's, pisses me off, lol), didn't the baby bird come right out and fly right to him, and stuck to him like glue the rest of the night. He was trying to eat and he got so mad at the baby bird on his shoulder that he put him back in his cage, shut the door, and said "this better not be all the time, this is already annoying"...And from that day on their bird just absolutely adores him to no end, and basically tolerates her. And he does nothing for this bird at all, he doesn't hate him I guess, I don't know, but he surely doesn't care whether or not the bird is there or not...He actually asked me once at a party if I wanted the bird! I was like "Well no, since he is Kris's bird you probably shouldn't be trying to give him away", and his reply was "He hates Kris! (laughing) He's my bird, and I don't want a bird!"...The entire situation has actually caused a lot of issues between them...

Was your bird DNA tested? I'm asking because it very well could be a situation that could change after he/she gets through puberty. If he's between 1 and 2 years old then he/she is going through puberty now, and once those hormones settle down a bit and the bird isn't being driven by them then his attitude may change completely. Just keep spending as much one-on-one time with him/her as you can, make sure that you are the one who always feeds him, gives him all of his treats, etc. Hopefully he'll eventually bond more closely with you than him. It's tough though, they are stubborn little buggers, and there's just no way to guess who they are going to "choose"...
 

GaleriaGila

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Yessssssssssssssssssssssss... they're as hot-headed and fickle as can be.
Those bonding tips above may help over time, as Scott said.
Or, as many of our seasoned members have found, the bird's heart may remain taken by another. Still, hopefully, you can establish a goo0d relationsip!
Good for you, for being so patient and tolerant, and for reaching out. Stick with us!
 
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Iridal

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Yeah I have to be honest with you guys, if this doesn't right itself, this bird may have to go somewhere else eventually. We will do everything we can to right the situation but if it destroys the harmony of the home nobody, including Mango, is going to be happy. The negativity will just ruin everyone. EllenD even said it has caused issues for his friends' relationship. Sometimes that's life. Maybe I'm a terrible person and you guys can all disown me if you feel that way but I know I personally can't handle a loud screaming bird that wants to cry every time my husband leaves the room that I have to do the majority of the hard work to maintain. I'm going to give him plenty of time but this can not be a 30 year solution, we will all be miserable.
 
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But my husband got in the habit of giving in to the bird to shut him up and now we suppose Mango likes the "easy parent". :(

This quote stands out to me. It sounds like your husband is "rewarding" unwanted behavior. It is very difficult to ignore a loud screaming parrot, but attending to the screaming to make it stop exacerbates the issue long-term.

Unfortunately, with parrots, changing behavior is a marathon, not a sprint. It can take months and months and months to alter behaviors.
A few tips:
-Always ignore screaming (both of you). Go to your parrot and give him attention when he is quiet.
-When he flies to your husband, have him put him back on the cage/stand immediately. No excitement, no yelling, no words at all. Your bird will learn that this behavior does not get him any attention.
-Spend at least an hour a day ALONE training and rewarding your parrot, with your husband out of sight.

At the age of one, your parrot is VERY young and will continue to go through many changes.
 
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Iridal

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Well I'm doing those things, the person I spend more training is my husband. Sigh.

Sorry, extra cranky today. We're in Maryland and I've spent all day ripping up carpet from last nights floods. :( Thanks for the help, things will look up soon I'm sure.
 
Apr 3, 2013
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Well I'm doing those things, the person I spend more training is my husband. Sigh.

Sorry, extra cranky today. We're in Maryland and I've spent all day ripping up carpet from last nights floods. :( Thanks for the help, things will look up soon I'm sure.

Not fun. I am in Maryland also. Little water in the basement, but it's unfinished and all concrete
 
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Iridal

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Yeah we had a storm door fail and flood the guest room. Obviously all water restoration is backed up so we're on the DIY team. So tragic though. :(
 

Gxg

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Not to sound insensitive - but may I ask WHY you decided to get a Conure Parrot? I have 2 (brother/sister from the same clutch) and one of them didn't connect with me as much when I got them - but now that same one (the girl) ALWAYS flies to me and sits on my shoulder when I come home. Sometimes it's bothersome but I have adapted to it since I knew that going into buying a parrot, I was not simply getting a dog - I was getting an intelligent creature with the mind of a toddler - and kids aren't to be controlled as if they are robots.

The same comes with the responsibility of having a bird - you don't always know what to expect just like kids. And birds are among the most highly disregarded group (constantly given away because folks didn't fully research what they were getting into) - so again, I am curious how much research was done before you got that creature. I know trust doesn't happen automatically and sometimes they attach to whom they attach - and if you're not careful, you do damage being upset it doesn't attach to you as you'd like it too like it's a toy.

Buying a conure's parrot is like adopting kids - kids who bring issues with them.
 
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crazyforfeathers

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Yeah I have to be honest with you guys, if this doesn't right itself, this bird may have to go somewhere else eventually.

Luckily, you won't have to resort to that. All you need to do is put in the work that comes with taking a parrot home. People here do it every day. You can too.
 

clark_conure

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A crossover Quaker Scuti (F), A Sun conure named AC, A Cinnamon Green Cheek conure Kent, and 6 budgies, Scuti Jr. (f), yellow (m), clark Jr. (m), Dot (f), Zebra(f), Machine (m).
Are you sure it's a male? Birds can tell human genders apart. When I was a kid my female cockatiel loved sitting on my dad after I went to bed and when we got a male....he liked sitting on mom....just something ask.

try playing more with the bird I guess instead of obedience....get a ball and play soccer on the floor, I dunno whatever his/her interests. It might also be something like his smell or clothes....put on one of his shirts and his aftershave or shampoo or whatever...might be a smell thing. Worth a shot.
 
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Iridal

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Gxg - I have written and deleted two responses because yes, you came off as insensitive, and I am irritated and don't want to speak out of turn. So I will leave it at this - I did the research. I love animals. This is not my first bird. I came here for help and support, not judgement.

For those of you with kind words and encouraging patience, thank you. Mango is calming down a bit and not being so clingy to my husband, which is calming everyone down quite a bit.

Clark - No, and that has occurred to me as well. Mango may be a she. We haven't had a DNA test yet but it is on the horizon.
 

EllenD

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The only thing I can say to you is yes, my friends with the similar bird issue that you are having have had a lot of issues between the two of them due to their bird not choosing the one of them that they wanted him to...However, that being said, they have committed to the bird and even though they've discussed rehoming the bird, they realize that they can't do that. They decided to bring him into their home and their family, and they knew going into it that this could happen. They also realize that if they were to rehome him and get another hand-raised, baby bird, that it might do exactly the same thing. So they have stated many times that they are committing to her spending as much time with him as possible and doing everything for him, such as getting all of his meals for him, giving him all his treats, hanging all of his toys, taking him outside on his harness, etc. And this is how it is when she is home alone with the bird AND when they are both home with the bird. The only time that he does any of these things or really spends any time with the bird at all is when she is not home and he has to...And she says it helps as time goes on, but it's a marathon, not a sprint.

She told me once that she feels horribly about "punishing" him, or even making it seem like it's the "wrong thing to do" whenever he flies to him or chooses sitting with him, etc. It's like she's trying to change his natural emotions and feelings...I understand what she's saying...

Any way you put it, this situation is a tough one, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it. The best advice I can give you is to just remember that he's only a year old, it's a marathon, not a sprint, do everything you can with him and for him, and just always keep in mind that he may do a complete 180 once he hits puberty.
 

eagle18

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Not to sound insensitive - but may I ask WHY you decided to get a Conure Parrot? I have 2 (brother/sister from the same clutch) and one of them didn't connect with me as much when I got them - but now that same one (the girl) ALWAYS flies to me and sits on my shoulder when I come home. Sometimes it's bothersome but I have adapted to it since I knew that going into buying a parrot, I was not simply getting a dog - I was getting an intelligent creature with the mind of a toddler - and kids aren't to be controlled as if they are robots.

The same comes with the responsibility of having a bird - you don't always know what to expect just like kids. And birds are among the most highly disregarded group (constantly given away because folks didn't fully research what they were getting into) - so again, I am curious how much research was done before you got that creature. I know trust doesn't happen automatically and sometimes they attach to whom they attach - and if you're not careful, you do damage being upset it doesn't attach to you as you'd like it too like it's a toy.

Buying a conure's parrot is like adopting kids - kids who bring issues with them.

That doesn't mean she has to accept or live with that behavior.
 

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