Rehome Syd to a 12 year old?

After a failed rehome last Easter I have quietly put the word out for Syd's new home. It breaks my heart but health issues means this cannot be ignored and his future is so important to me.
Today a family contacted me. Their 12 yr old girl is desperate and asks after him each day but her mother has only had canaries as a girl herself. They are animal people and the girl has a gecko already. She seems very nice and just Mum will make an initial visit in a few days to meet Syd and talk to me.
I have real misgivings only because Syd now more or less past puberty doesn't seem to me a bird for a young girl. Am I being silly?
What thoughts would you have? What questions would you ask? I realise that Syd will have his own view and of course that will be my first consideration but any advice would help me so much. Thanks everyone!

I think possibly one of the most important things to establish is what will happen to Syd in 6 years when this little girl is ready to leave her parent’s home.

Mmm I am worried that this is being led by the daughter and not the parents. I actually think a young budgie would be better for her.

KawaiiTori said:

I think possibly one of the most important things to establish is what will happen to Syd in 6 years when this little girl is ready to leave her parent’s home.

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I was wondering the same thing -- I got a Jenday conure at about her age and sure enough, 5-6 years I was off to college and had to rehome my conure! I would NOT recommend rehoming to a pre-teen unless she and her mom have a for sure plan lined up when she gets older, starts dating, social life, travels, moves out, college, etc...

Be sure to get an answer on that as Syd could live 20-30 years with this family.

My heart hurts for you, and I know you have Syd’s best interests in mind but I’m sure it’s very difficult. <hugs>

I agree - Syd may do beautifully with a 12 year old and she may be very responsible, but I would want to know what their longer term plan is. They may actually have a plan....which would be a very positive sign. If not, perhaps wait for other interested parties.

Thanks I was worried I was getting paranoid. I really want him to go to a forever home and we are so bonded it may be hard for him initially. I worry just how understanding a youngster might be, and prepared to learn how to care for him properly. He is very pampered in many ways at present. He's grown into such a lovely natured, chatty and active comic I would hate the change to alter his character.

He can be nippy and sometimes noisy but it's difficult to convey that without scaring people off.

If the parents were keen on Syd himself, that would be one thing. But I worry that 12yo is a bit young for the commitment of a young GCC.

She's just getting into teenager years herself - her social life is changing. She will likely have O-levels and A-levels soon. She will be progressing onto the next stage of her life within a few years. That may or may not entail a boyfriend/girlfriend who might not want a bird as part of the package.

And if the parents aren't 100% on board, who is going to have the money to go the extra mile if a medical emergency arises? A 12yo won't have the money to hospitalize a bird for days, and an adult who isn't fully invested might not want to dip into savings for a small creature.

And what might happen to Syd if she decide (as she should be able to freely do) that she wants to hang out with friends instead of being tied down to a little conure? What happens if her schedule comes down to studying for exams, chilling with friends, and taking care of a bird that needs a schedule with regular attention and a solid sleep schedule? It won't be her fault for making the decision to study and be with friends - that is an important part of her development, learning social skills and building relationships.

I'm speaking as someone who was that kind of precocious girl. I read all the books in our public library before my parents gave in and let me have a rabbit (we already had chickens for eggs). Then when my sister's horse retired, I also got a horse with her. I went to uni at age 16 on the other side of the country, and I went to live overseas permanently on the other side of the world when I was 20.

If possible, I'd try to see if there's an alternative home for Syd. Something with stability for the next 20-30 years ideally. But a home that will be able to dedicate time to him, instead let life stages accidentally push him to the back burner of concerns.

If worse comes to worst, then Syd would be able to survive the next ~6 years there and see what happens next. For all we know, the mum or dad might grow to like his little GCC spirit!

Devil's advocate here.



I got Alex when I was 11 and never once did I ever remotely consider rehoming him. Not thru college, relationships, I wont rehome him when we have kids ourselves. Alex got me thru a LOT and I don't think I would have gotten thru the rough patches in my life without him. He is completely and utterly: my best friend.



My mom even joked that in a survival situation not only would I not abandon him, but I'd put his needs over my own, and those of whoever else was in my survival party. Alex comes first. Always has, always will.



There are good kids out there who would make fantastic bird friends. Have an open mind, but ask a lot of questions.

bug_n_flock said:

Devil's advocate here.



I got Alex when I was 11 and never once did I ever remotely consider rehoming him. Not thru college, relationships, I wont rehome him when we have kids ourselves. Alex got me thru a LOT and I don't think I would have gotten thru the rough patches in my life without him. He is completely and utterly: my best friend.



My mom even joked that in a survival situation not only would I not abandon him, but I'd put his needs over my own, and those of whoever else was in my survival party. Alex comes first. Always has, always will.



There are good kids out there who would make fantastic bird friends. Have an open mind, but ask a lot of questions.

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I agree with This. I got a pregnant mare at ten years old. I was the sole care giver for her, even when I was sick. Trained and broke the filly. My parents never regretted it.

On the other hand I haven't met many tweens that are up for it.....

Guess you gotta follow you gut..
Good luck, I hope you find or have found the best home for your baby.

Again thank you so much everyone. It has let me see that my questions are indeed really important and may cover things they haven't even thought about. I will update if/when the Mum visits.

bug_n_flock said:

Devil's advocate here.



I got Alex when I was 11 and never once did I ever remotely consider rehoming him. Not thru college, relationships, I wont rehome him when we have kids ourselves. Alex got me thru a LOT and I don't think I would have gotten thru the rough patches in my life without him. He is completely and utterly: my best friend.



My mom even joked that in a survival situation not only would I not abandon him, but I'd put his needs over my own, and those of whoever else was in my survival party. Alex comes first. Always has, always will.



There are good kids out there who would make fantastic bird friends. Have an open mind, but ask a lot of questions.

Click to expand...

I was 12 or 13 when my neighbor brought me a days old baby English Sparrow that I successfully raised by myself to adult birdyhood and then had a budgie which lead me to what I have now. I think you need to talk to the young girl as well as the parents...this could go either way


Jim

I wouldn't re-home to a 12 year old, or an 18 year old...Unless there is a 25+ year-old established care-taker who wants the bird and plans to keep the bird forever (who KNOWS about birds)....This includes all of the lifestyle changes etc. If the mom thinks a bird is going to be more low-key (or even on the same level) as a dog, then I would run.

Not sure if this will help you or not to decide, but wanted to share this perspective with you. My daughter is 12 years old and has never had a pet of her own, but fell in love with the Pineapple Conure at the store. I have owned all types of birds and animals. I went over everything that she would need to do to take care of her bird and told her this bird could be with you for 20-30 years. She mentioned college and I told her if she lived in her own apartment she could take him with her, if not, then I would keep him with me.

My suggestion is to ask the Mom the question about when your daughter goes to school are you willing or can you take care of him until a time when the daughter can take him back. If not, then you have your answer.

My daughter is doing an amazing job with ours and she is dedicated to his needs and care. They are always together and when she is at school, he is in my office while I work.

Hope that helps. Good Luck!!

I would track down LordTriggs!
http://www.parrotforums.com/members/29976-lordtriggs.html
This might be just the thing you three need!

Flboy said:

I would track down LordTriggs!
http://www.parrotforums.com/members/29976-lordtriggs.html
This might be just the thing you three need!

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Sadly that was the rehome that didn't work out.

There are exceptions to every rule and stereotype, but Stephen (Anansi) wrote a beautiful and thought provoking post for youngsters considering birds: http://www.parrotforums.com/new-mem...-students-should-ask-before-getting-bird.html

bug_n_flock said:

Devil's advocate here.



I got Alex when I was 11 and never once did I ever remotely consider rehoming him. Not thru college, relationships, I wont rehome him when we have kids ourselves. Alex got me thru a LOT and I don't think I would have gotten thru the rough patches in my life without him. He is completely and utterly: my best friend.



My mom even joked that in a survival situation not only would I not abandon him, but I'd put his needs over my own, and those of whoever else was in my survival party. Alex comes first. Always has, always will.



There are good kids out there who would make fantastic bird friends. Have an open mind, but ask a lot of questions.

Click to expand...

And I'll be Devil's... prosecutor?

The Op is in the UK. Among single 18 year old home-leavers, whether students or full-time workers, only those with very wealthy and generous parents or other benefactors are are going to have enough money to rent somewhere that allows a conure, has no flatmates who will complain to the landlord about a conure, and has enough space for a conure to get enough exercise without pooping all over the bed in the only private room in the shared house. One or the other but not all three. The average home is much smaller, dollar for dollar, in the UK than the USA, so the kind of places that are cheap enough for a single 18 year old are unlikely to be suitable. So it's not good enough to be sure that any particular 12 year old would make the bird her top priority, it's also important that if the parents are not going to keep the conure themselves with all its needs met when she moves out, then they must be very wealthy, not in danger of losing their wealth, and a stable, high-functioning family that won't end up estranged from or disowning their child for any reason by then. I'm sure that sounds extreme but trust me, the housing situation is pretty dire for 18 year olds with no family support NOW, and in six years it could be even worse. I'm currently looking for a new place to rent, as a single adult with a similarly sized and volumed parrot, as is my boyfriend in another city, and we both commented yesterday that most adverts specify "no pets". I have an established career and decent salary by now but if I had been 18 this year when my mum planned to give Bo to an aviary, then whether I was a student or in an entry level job, it would have been cruel for me to take him to the kind of tiny, cramped, mouldy, barely-regulation-meeting dive tthat I would have had the qualifying salary for and which would also accept a bird.

While I didn’t have a bird through high school, I DID have them through undergrad AND grad school, which I would argue is much more difficult considering you’re juggling school, internships/work, finances, their needs, other pets needs, AND your needs all at once some days without sleep or sanity.

There were many days in which my family saw/interacted my kids more than I did, which killed me a bit inside... but I never once considered giving them up because I knew that it would only last a little bit longer and that they had time out everyday.

I guess my point is that as long as she and the parents know what they’re getting themselves into (occasionally angry, bitey, perpetual two year old), and that they have a plan about what to do once she graduates high school and moves to college, then then getting Syd should work... but we all know nothing is guaranteed.

*Also, her level of maturity has a lot to do with the future of this situation. If she isn’t just impulse buying/temporarily obsessing over having a bird, then great! If she is, well... hopefully the parents will step up in taking over Syd’s care or contact you.*

T00tsyd said:

Flboy said:

I would track down LordTriggs!
http://www.parrotforums.com/members/29976-lordtriggs.html
This might be just the thing you three need!

Click to expand...

Sadly that was the rehome that didn't work out.

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Oh, click!! Now I remember, I had a rather serious memory issue in that timeframe!

Well the Mum came this morning and loved him, but we spent a lot of time talking about the pitfalls. I didn't want her to fall in love without some research into just what is involved and I wanted her to understand it would be as much her commitment as her daughter's.

She is going to talk to her husband and let me know her thoughts. Her daughter knows nothing about it so far. I have asked her to do some of her own research and she will contact me again. She seemed very pleasant but interestingly apart from accepting his favourite sunflower seeds from her he was wary.