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  #101 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2020, 04:51 PM
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Re: Bird Purchase Mistake - Help!!!

o think its great to be do open an honest about your situation, and about your doubts. Thus us a very human story.

Its absolutely important to post ups and downs, and struggle. This touches people who might get a bird, people who just got a bird and might be struggling, and sll if us who want to help.

The responses from me and from other people they are honest to, and an important part of the narrative , they all come from people who want to help, and have parrot experience.

At this point, my perspective based off yiur words, is its time to rehome. You have a deep gut feeling that you aren't a match. I think you are only fighting that because you do have a heart, you do want to fo whats best, and its hard to give up. You can be the fist step in helping him have a better life. The home you might give him to sounds great. Can they come and meet him? If they are aware he has confidence issues, and a hard start snd are ok with that. Why wait, you haven't changed your mind in a month, and have trusted your judgment and intuitive side in the past. And feels like this whole situation makes you sad.


I hope you encouraged the other family to join us, so many burd stories, and good tips, and new ideas, or out if the box ideas that can help when one gets in a rut.
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  #102 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2020, 06:03 PM
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Re: Bird Purchase Mistake - Help!!!

Noodles and Laura. With all due respect. Stand down. Megz has repeatedly said she’s not ready to give up on having a relationship with Jasper and therefore our only job is to offer encouragement, suggestions when we are asked for them, and positive input. There’s no doubt in my mind that she wants the best for him. It is not up to you two to decide what that means.

Megz-please keep posting your updates. Although I know you’re struggling, I commend you for continuing to try with Jasper and I love seeing the little improvements you’re telling us about. If it doesn’t work out, you will never regret giving the extra effort, and knowing for sure.


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  #103 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2020, 06:15 PM
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Re: Bird Purchase Mistake - Help!!!

INGER,

Your input, and perspective has value. As does Noodles and myself, and anyone else.

This is not a vacuum , its a discussion and a conversation.

I speak my truth, you speak yours
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  #104 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2020, 07:15 PM
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Re: Bird Purchase Mistake - Help!!!

Quote: Originally Posted by Inger View Post
Noodles and Laura. With all due respect. Stand down. Megz has repeatedly said she’s not ready to give up on having a relationship with Jasper and therefore our only job is to offer encouragement, suggestions when we are asked for them, and positive input. There’s no doubt in my mind that she wants the best for him. It is not up to you two to decide what that means.

Megz-please keep posting your updates. Although I know you’re struggling, I commend you for continuing to try with Jasper and I love seeing the little improvements you’re telling us about. If it doesn’t work out, you will never regret giving the extra effort, and knowing for sure.


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I have encouraged her to keep the bird since day 1 (which still isn't my call, as it isn't my reality)...I am just saying, it isn't really a "wait and see" situation, as another life is involved. I feel like a decision needs to be made and I will support whatever that decision may be...as long as it is a decision. I completely respect Megz for her honestly and I have been honest as well. I have voiced my opinion, but obviously it is just that.

Last edited by noodles123; 10-17-2020 at 07:21 PM.
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  #105 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2020, 07:32 PM
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Re: Bird Purchase Mistake - Help!!!

Meg,
I just recalled another situation here simular to yours. A member suffering the loss of a much loved bird, got a baby quaker.

With much agony , and emotionally charged thread. I think we all encouraged her to keep the bird. But she and her family came to the decision to re home to a carefully selected person.

It was the best decision for her, and for tge bird and for the new owner. It was a very happy outcome.

Your choice either way is fully supported by me.

My previous post was in support of your feelings, as some of my earlier posts were trying to urge you to go against your feelings and wait. But you have waited, and expressed you still feel the same way.
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  #106 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2020, 09:32 PM
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Re: Bird Purchase Mistake - Help!!!

Quote: Originally Posted by Laurasea View Post
Meg,
I just recalled another situation here simular to yours. A member suffering the loss of a much loved bird, got a baby quaker.

With much agony , and emotionally charged thread. I think we all encouraged her to keep the bird. But she and her family came to the decision to re home to a carefully selected person.

It was the best decision for her, and for tge bird and for the new owner. It was a very happy outcome.

Your choice either way is fully supported by me.

My previous post was in support of your feelings, as some of my earlier posts were trying to urge you to go against your feelings and wait. But you have waited, and expressed you still feel the same way.

That’s not what she said. She said that she is giving it more time because that’s how she rolls.


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  #107 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2020, 09:34 PM
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Re: Bird Purchase Mistake - Help!!!

Quote: Originally Posted by noodles123 View Post
Quote: Originally Posted by Inger View Post
Noodles and Laura. With all due respect. Stand down. Megz has repeatedly said she’s not ready to give up on having a relationship with Jasper and therefore our only job is to offer encouragement, suggestions when we are asked for them, and positive input. There’s no doubt in my mind that she wants the best for him. It is not up to you two to decide what that means.

Megz-please keep posting your updates. Although I know you’re struggling, I commend you for continuing to try with Jasper and I love seeing the little improvements you’re telling us about. If it doesn’t work out, you will never regret giving the extra effort, and knowing for sure.


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I have encouraged her to keep the bird since day 1 (which still isn't my call, as it isn't my reality)...I am just saying, it isn't really a "wait and see" situation, as another life is involved. I feel like a decision needs to be made and I will support whatever that decision may be...as long as it is a decision. I completely respect Megz for her honestly and I have been honest as well. I have voiced my opinion, but obviously it is just that.

It can certainly be a wait and see decision. We don’t know what’s best for that bird. How many people here have rescues who chose them? A ton. If those birds’ previous families had done anything differently, then the stars would not have aligned for that opportunity to choose. Stop pushing.


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  #108 (permalink)  
Old 10-17-2020, 09:50 PM
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Re: Bird Purchase Mistake - Help!!!

Quote: Originally Posted by Inger View Post
Quote: Originally Posted by noodles123 View Post
Quote: Originally Posted by Inger View Post
Noodles and Laura. With all due respect. Stand down. Megz has repeatedly said she’s not ready to give up on having a relationship with Jasper and therefore our only job is to offer encouragement, suggestions when we are asked for them, and positive input. There’s no doubt in my mind that she wants the best for him. It is not up to you two to decide what that means.

Megz-please keep posting your updates. Although I know you’re struggling, I commend you for continuing to try with Jasper and I love seeing the little improvements you’re telling us about. If it doesn’t work out, you will never regret giving the extra effort, and knowing for sure.


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I have encouraged her to keep the bird since day 1 (which still isn't my call, as it isn't my reality)...I am just saying, it isn't really a "wait and see" situation, as another life is involved. I feel like a decision needs to be made and I will support whatever that decision may be...as long as it is a decision. I completely respect Megz for her honestly and I have been honest as well. I have voiced my opinion, but obviously it is just that.

It can certainly be a wait and see decision. We don’t know what’s best for that bird. How many people here have rescues who chose them? A ton. If those birds’ previous families had done anything differently, then the stars would not have aligned for that opportunity to choose. Stop pushing.


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We have different perspectives--a living, breathing creature (human or animal) is not a "wait and see" situation. Inger- I am pushing for a choice (not one way or the other-but A CHOICE). I work with kids in foster care, and I have worked with re-homed and unwanted parrots. Whether intentional or not, there is a consequence when intelligent beings bond and then are forced to break that bond. That is why I emphasize the importance of an early choice.
Whenever a bird is given up, it hurts them and the longer they are bonded, the more severe the damage. The same is true of children. If you have to do it, the earlier, the better.

You are pushing just as hard.

No human or animal deserves to feel like a question mark.

Last edited by noodles123; 10-18-2020 at 11:47 AM.
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  #109 (permalink)  
Old 10-18-2020, 09:59 AM
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Re: Bird Purchase Mistake - Help!!!

Quote: Originally Posted by Inger View Post
Noodles and Laura. With all due respect. Stand down. Megz has repeatedly said she’s not ready to give up on having a relationship with Jasper and therefore our only job is to offer encouragement, suggestions when we are asked for them, and positive input. There’s no doubt in my mind that she wants the best for him. It is not up to you two to decide what that means.

Megz-please keep posting your updates. Although I know you’re struggling, I commend you for continuing to try with Jasper and I love seeing the little improvements you’re telling us about. If it doesn’t work out, you will never regret giving the extra effort, and knowing for sure.


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Yes. This. I don't want to have regrets either way. I don't want to wonder if I should have kept him or not. When our vet asked about him and how it was going (knowing it has been a hard start) she told us to give it more time. She said we'll come to know if we are a good fit or not. Yes my gut is still unsettled but there is still that wondering as he does make small improvements. I do think the loss of my previous bird is factoring into that, as a previous comment said my gut was crap right now. I took that to heart.

I read all your comments again and I know they ALL come from a place of care. It is just helpful when the comments keep us in mind as well. Pressure to do one thing or another just isn't going to work. I grew up in an environment where my every decision (and I mean every decision) was questioned so that just causes stress. So, my decision right now is to stay the course and wait and see. We have back ups and ideas for him if need be, that I feel could fit him well. But I don't want to have regret the other way either. Right now he has his daily routine. I can tell you exactly what he will do every day. That routine does not include us.....yet. If that continues, then I would feel like maybe he would need someone/something else. It is painful to go from the cuddle buddy of my life (and he had his issues too) to a creature that so far, seems to have no interest in us. That though is why we want to wait. Grief is affecting our judgment and my gut. It's a little bit of a mental battle but we are not ready just yet, to give up on, but it is a mental battle.

So, I can say straight out, being told we must rehome him immediately or risk psychologically damaging him, feels very stressful. That does not mean I don't understand where that advice is coming from - from love and care and honesty. It's just not helpful in this moment. You can imagine that it is painful to desperately want to make a connection with this little guy and have no idea if you actually are. Again, he is upstairs in his favorite spot, away from us. He does a little circuit. My husband usually works up there during the day but had Friday off, and now of course the weekend, but he is doing his circuit. And not a living soul is up there. He starts the day with his mini cage, then the back room upstairs, back to the big cage, and sitting on the little cage while we watch TV. Tiny moments of interaction that we encourage and sometimes wanted to be petted (from him) but not much more interaction than the beginning.

Some improvements - has a routine, less fear of us in general, will signal he wants something from us (get him over the top of the stair for example). I have taught him so far -
-To go potty before he leaves his cage. I taught our other bird the same thing and eventually to just go potty in his cage. That I do through a use of sign language and speech. He already knows he cannot leave his cage without going to the bathroom and he does it. That will eventually lead to knowing he should go back to a cage to go potty.
-To step up (he is still inconsisent). If he wants something, he will step up.
He also know some of our phrases so far. FYI. I tried clicker training and it just is not natural to me. I tend to use things that work with my special ed kids - praise and a mix of rewards. I praises you five times but now I am just so happy, I am going to share this millet with you. Works pretty darn well and it feels natural to me.

I can keep trying to give updates, but they will be up and down, because honestly, this is not easy and not a walk in the park. Some days, I just want to throw up my hands and others I don't and that is just how it feels.

Please don't get upset with each other. I appreciate people recognizing that the pressure isn't helping us but just remember that bird people are special, and you are all special because you love birds. You all see the world a different way than most.
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  #110 (permalink)  
Old 10-18-2020, 10:38 AM
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Re: Bird Purchase Mistake - Help!!!

" I can keep trying to give updates, but they will be up and down, because honestly, this is not easy and not a walk in the park. Some days, I just want to throw up my hands and others I don't and that is just how it feels.

Please don't get upset with each other. I appreciate people recognizing that the pressure isn't helping us but just remember that bird people are special, and you are all special because you love birds. You all see the world a different way than most."

HUGS
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