HELP! I just brought home my new baby and she hates me!

Hey everyone.

For over a year, I've been preparing for my new baby eclectus. I spent forever collecting toys, getting her cage ready, finding a good breeder, getting large natural wood perches, etc. I have read and am a member of every forum I could get my hands-on, and have read every suggestion, article, and seen every video there is. I found a great avian vet. I even drove for 4 hours one way to interact with two different eclectus' to make sure they were the right parrot for me. I am familiar with their diets backwards and fowards, so needless to say, I was very prepared.

So I just brought home my female S.I. eclectus this past Sunday. She is absolutely beautiful. She eats a ton, and is very very happy. She plays with the toys in her cage, loves her large perch and seems to be doing well, except for one thing. She absolutely hates me.

She seems to not respond to women whatsoever. Whenever a man is near, she walks up and steps right up on them. She even has taken a particular liking for the man I live with, constantly cooing to him or squawking when she sees him. I can spend all day around her and she doesn't make a sound. Not a single noise.

If I get close to her, she fluffs up, lunges, and bites me. I don't pull away from her, but afterwards, I'll walk away so as not to push her too far, but I don't respond to the biting. I brought her to the avian vet, also female, and after the tests, I'm relatively sure I'm screwed on this bird every approaching me.

I know it's only been a few days. I've asked that the guys give her some distance because when she sees them, she runs to them like she's been abused. I have taken over feeding her. I constantly talk to her softly and calmly so she knows the sound of my voice, and it seems to get worse by the minute.

I'm just going to be patient and hope that she comes around, but around other females, she seems to act the same.

I'm just disappointed and at a loss. Has this happened to anyone else?

It seems she is a mans lady lol

My galah also prefers men, but don't get her wrong, I am her number one in every single way. I am the only women she likes, all others get the cold shoulder, a glare, or a tolerated pet. I am her sole care taker, I have control over who see's or doesn't see her. When she started to prefer my brother(even biting me) I told my brother he couldn't see her for a few months until it's sorted out. He dislikes birds, allowing her to prefer him was cruel.

I also highly recommend trick training with a clicker, be your birds only trainer. This will help you to establish a bond.

How to Clicker Train a Parrot - Clicker Training Parrots - Clicker Training Pet Birds

Winged Wisdom Pet Bird Magazine - About Trick Training And Its Benefits - Try Clicker Training your Pet Birds

start with simple touch training

[ame="http://youtu.be/qlcdRa5j-x0"]Touch Training Amazon Parrot - YouTube[/ame]

And remember, she is still new to you. Give her time to settle in.

Thank you for your response. I'm going to try and be patient with her. I've asked the guys to step back, to not respond to her and to let me do all the feedings and handling for a while. I want her to get comfortable with me.

I'll definitely will look into clicker training, and have thought before of doing it. It definitely seems like the right move. Hopefully she'll warm up to me soon. =/

Yes, I have been in your shoes with my Solomon Island Eclectus Joaquin. It is a experience I will never forget because of what we have been though. I am going to copy in my story of Joaquin and his adjustment. Before I do that I want you to know NOT ALL IS LOST with your baby. She will bond to you eventually and I believe you will be the best of friends down the line. Joaquin was a special parrot who at first bit me so much my hands were sore.

Limit interaction to just yourself for now while you go though the adjustment and bonding process. If you don't already have a separate sleeping cage and make sure she gets 12 interrupted hours of sleep. If you know how hand feed him warm wet mushy foods Eclectus love so much. These three things helped me pave the road for my Eclectus to bond to me.

The story I am sharing with you was written in 2004 for a college writing class. I am not going to take the time to edit the mistakes out and I have improved in my writing since this work. I just want to share it with you to help out. It is too long to put in one post so I will have to break up the story into two parts

Part one

Over the years the Eclectus parrot is became more popular in the pet market. Their beauty along with their gentle mellow temperament makes them excellent companions for humans. However, the Eclectus parrot is unlike the parrots normally found in captivity. A hand fed baby, raised by humans instead of the parent birds, normally imprints to humans, thus they develop trust and the desire to be around humans. Eclectus babies are different than the regular hand fed baby parrot. They tend to be very aggressive, lunging at the human parent during hand feeding. This is because they need to defend themselves and have a strong desire to hide in dark places. Experienced Eclectus breeders understand the temperament of the baby neonate Eclectus and with patience and consistency bring the baby through this rough period. There are two types of weaned baby Eclectus parrot personalities. The mellow well adjusted and the aggressive frightened baby. My experience has been with both baby personalities.

Joaquin, a Solomon Island Eclectus male parrot, was weaned and ready to bring home at four and half months. Visits were conducted every other weekend from the time he was eight weeks old, so my family and I were not strangers to him when we took him home. After being in my house for several days the baby Eclectus started to become very aggressive. Qui-Gon, my first Solomon Island Eclectus male parrot, was never aggressive or frightened to live in my home. He was a sweet baby who never lunged or bit. However, Joaquin became aggressive very quickly, biting down on any hands that came near him. My hands were so sore from the bites they ached. Upon observing his behavior it was noticed that the baby parrot was very frightened of everything around him. He was unable to interact with us because of his fear. It seemed that, once in our home, Joaquin took an instant dislike to us. Even after I was the person solely caring for him, he did not act secure. My heart was breaking seeing Joaquin so miserable.

The experience with Qui-Gon did not prepare me in any way with knowledge of how to handle Joaquin. Qui-Gon was such a good baby that there was no work required on my part to bond strongly with him. He seemed naturally well socialized to humans and liked anyone who interacted with him. He desired to be with humans. Joaquin was nothing like this. He bit hard when I had to handle him and he ran from me at the first opportunity. Soon I realized I would need to help Joaquin learn to trust and gain confidence.

Joaquin’s breeder is a well-known experienced breeder. It was a mystery why Joaquin’s personality as a baby was so aggressive. Learning on the Internet with the information of other Eclectus owners, I found that even if the upbringing were of high standards, some Eclectus babies would still need further work by their new owners to bring them though the aggressive period. Without this realization Joaquin’s future for pet quality would be comprised. There was no choice for me but to teach Joaquin the skills he required living in a world with humans.

It began with gaining his trust. When handling Joaquin, moving slowly and praising him when he did step up on command was very important. Even if he bit me during the act of stepping up onto my hand, I praised him for it. Eclectus also responded well to “intensive love therapy.” This was accomplished by wrapping him up in his soft Pooh baby blanket, setting him on my chest so he could see my face while talking softly to him. Joaquin responded very well to my singing. It seemed to calm him helping him to relax with me. These sessions were done at least twice a day. Even though Joaquin was weaned and was eating on his own, hand feeding him warm wet hand rearing formula was important. This assured he ended his day with a full crop of warm nutritious food, making him feel more secure in the surroundings and establishing a better bond between us. Using my fingertips, I also hand fed him several times during the day, offering warm wet fresh chunky foods he normally got in his cage. Even though Joaquin could bite me very hard, he was ever so gentle when he ate from my fingers. He never bit me when I hand fed him. Because of the two types of hand feeding, Joaquin’s weight became more stable. He even started to gain weight.

Part two to follow

Part two

Even with “intensive love therapy” and extra hand feedings, Joaquin still exhibited behavior of aggression and fright. The only comfort was his appetite was normal and robust. Joaquin loved to eat and did not stress in this area. This non-improvement in our relationship began to affect me negativity. The depression I experienced while dealing with this problem was beginning to win. The depression would cause me to cry because of how miserable I felt dealing with Joaquin’s problems. Joaquin had been living in our home for three weeks and there was no improvement in his aggressive behavior, except for hand feedings. Feeling like a failure with Joaquin’s adjustment and care, I was ready to return him to the breeders. Finally the well baby bird check up appointment arrived and he was brought in to see an extremely capable Avian Veterinarian in the area.

Dr. Tammy Jenkins took one look at me and knew there was a problem. My whole body image spoke of defeat, exhaustion, depression and despair. Before she examined him, we spent 45 minutes talking about the problems I was having with Joaquin. Dr. Jenkins is the type of veterinarian that has no problems telling you what you are doing wrong but she also will share with you what you are doing right. Her no-nonsense attitude can come across as harsh to some individuals but her knowledge and experience is most valuable. She told me “Rebecca, you are so good with parrots that I know you can bring this baby around. If you return him to the breeders, his next home might not have someone in it that can handle parrots as well as you. This would compromise his future.” Her words made me reflect and think about what I really wanted to do with Joaquin. Suddenly returning him back to the breeders was no longer an option, no matter the outcome. It was my mission to make this work. It was my mission to teach him not to be so afraid. It was my mission to gain his trust and hopefully his love.

For three days after the well baby bird check up, my interactions with him was very limited. All that was done was service Joaquin’s basic needs. Clean the cage, put food in his dishes, hand feed him with the syringe, shower him, just enough effort to make sure he still lived. No longer was he wrapped up in his Pooh blanket and cuddled, the singing stopped and no conversation took place. Pushing my presence upon him no longer took place. My heart could no longer take his constant rejection. Some physical changes also were deployed. He no longer was given the sweet and colorful Pretty Bird Eclectus blend pellets. Because my sister watched TV until one o’clock in the morning, a roosting cage was provided for him to sleep in a non-used bedroom. It was quiet and dark thus providing Joaquin with undisturbed rest.

About two days later Joaquin’s attitude changed so drastically. The baby Eclectus no longer bit me. He started displaying behavior of wanting my company. When the cage was approached, instead of running to the back he would run to the door. His excitement was so new it amazed me. Still keeping it slow, I did not push his desire to interact with me. His trust in me grew so very quickly that there is no answer to what turned the bird’s behavior around. After trust was established, the steps of socialization were started. These were small steps accomplished by taking him on errands. Joaquin accompanied me to the bank, Target store, video rental store, post office, and any errand that was quick. After he felt comfortable with riding in the car and going on these little jaunts, the time spent in public was increased. Joaquin’s confidence grew enough for him to spend all day at the Renaissance Fair in his harness. That is correct; Joaquin could be trained to wear a harness with a leash. As time went by our bond grew stronger. One day it became apparent to me I never told Joaquin that I loved him. After realizing this, guilt and shame filled me. When he accepted me, I learned to accept him even though he will never be remotely like my first Eclectus Qui-Gon. Not only do I love him but I have also learned to like him. This is important for any relationship to succeed. With consistency and patience, Joaquin grew into well-adjusted, socialized loving parrot companion. Because of his gentle nature and incredible empathic abilities, it is my desire to qualify Joaquin to participate for pet theory for people. His current talents would help the sick and infirmed; in some small way, heal physically and emotionally.




Hopefully my story can help you understand that the relationship with your baby girl WILL get better with work and dedication. I have no doubt that she will be your best friend.

Thank you SO much for this! I can't thank you enough.

This story has completely resonated with me. The feel of rejection despite how much I already love her is exactly how I'm feeling. I went to the bathroom, I cried, I looked in the mirror, and I decided we're going to start over and she's going to get a different mommy this time.

I went out there with some pellets I know she absolutely loves. I put a few in her bowl and she ate them (she eats like crazy and the vet said in that sense, she's absolutely healthy). I showed her the ones in my hand through the bars, and I held one just outside the bars. She was timid at first but ended up coming up and snatching it out of my hand. After a few of these, she started to get a bit more gentile.

I figured I'd give her some space and take it slow with her. Right before I left, I got a squawk from her identical to the ones she makes for the man I'm living with and my dad. It was validation for me. She has never made one sound with me without one of them present.

I will continue to take it slow, give her space, and be the only one who feeds her and gives her attention for now. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you sharing this. I have confidence that she can get better now. =)

Its all about patience and perseverance, stick to it, NEVER give up and keep moving. Our 2 Zon's are completely bonded to my wife and at most will just sit on my shoulder, but I am determined to get them to like me. Just today I gave one of them a long misting session and he let me pet him while sitting in the window drying off. Yes its baby steps but I'll take it!!

Emmylou, I am very glad my story helped inspire you to look at your Eclectus baby and situation a bit differently. Sometime is helps just to know you are not the only one who is or has experienced a hand fed parrot seemly not taking to them.

Patience and consistency will be the key..that and feeding her warm wet foods from your hands to gain her love though her crop.

Please keep us posted as to your progress with your baby. Let me know if you have any questions.

In my experience consisting of 2 eclectus parrots (1 male and 1 female) They warm up to you gradually. Babies can be tough. I handfed Echo from a little baby and she still resented me at first. In fact I was so fed up with her nasty behavior as a baby that I sold her. However 4 days later the lady said she couldn't keep her so I refunded her. After that I stepped up to the challenge and started with positive re-enforcement and clicker training. Echo took right to it. In practically a week of training her aggression and screaming went from out of control to well behaved, quieter, and friendly. Birds in the wild always have to do something to get their food. They spend most of their day looking through, digging up, and scouting out food. When it is just handed to them they don't have much else to do besides play with the same toys and come out every now and then. Now Echo looks forward to training time. It's exercise and food for her and fun and entertainment for me and others. She even has incorporated her tricks into everyday playing and what not. She's always having fun stacking her food toys on top of each other or shoving cardboard piece through the cage bars. I think it's worth a shot. And I don't really believe in the whole gender thing. I think as long as you show her kindness, food, and talk to her she will come around. Just try to have men in the family not interact with her as much for right now until she starts to bond with you. Don't expect immediate results, give her time.

Let me just say this... Eclectus aren't a "one person" bird, so rest assured that your problem is something that can be worked with. Although they may tend to pick and choose who they warm up to, that doesn't mean that they won't enjoy a person's company. Socialization is key with any bird whether it is an eclectus or another. I can tell you right now Nalani picks and chooses who she likes. She tolerates my mom but loves my brother and I. We just tend to spend much more time with her. He took part in clicker training and working with her cage aggression compared to the amount of time my mom put in. Some friends Nalani adores, others she won't even "step up" to.

So here's my recommendations:
1. Like cooperarabian said, clicker train her. It'll help build bond and trust. I know eclectus (especially the females) tend to be a bit more stubborn, but that doesn't make them not trainable. Work with her with simple tricks like touch training. Let her become more familiar with your hand and your company. Some of her aggression may be due to distrust.
2. Let her lean on you for support and guidance. Take her outside (with the proper equipment: harness) for a nice little walk, or even a bike ride if she is comfortable enough. Have her experience something that is outside of her "realm" of comfort. This is also great for building socialization skills. She won't be as terrified of the "outdoors" as most birds that are solely kept indoors. Plus a little vitamin D never hurts

I know it's not a lot of tips, but Nalani had a lot of aggression issues with my mom and dad. All it takes is a bit of tender loving care and patience. It may be frustrating at first, but just know that it isn't personal. She isn't behaving the way she does for some unreasonable grudge. All she needs is a bit of reassurance and trust. I promise you, the work put in is worth it. Eclectus aren't just beautiful, but they are so loving and caring in their own way. It just takes a little more effort and time. It seems like you're more than willing to put in the work, so I am not worried. You are faced in the right direction and hopefully will see improvements soon.

Thank you all so much. All the advice I was given is definitely what I'm implementing. The men have been keeping their distance, and I've been feeding her some warm food and leaving her cage open, but otherwise just being in the room and talking to her and giving her space. She is eating really really well, she's playing with her toys, and she's clearly not afraid. She just hasn't learned to trust me yet.

I have confidence that with time and patience and persistence, she's going to realize that I'm here to stay and that she can depend on me. Right now, she's just wary of me, as to be expected from a new baby.

Yesterday, she was constantly lunging at me and puffing up anytime I was near. Today she hasn't done it nearly as much, only lunging one time. I'm giving her space to let her set the pace. When she starts to feel more comfortable, I will definitely begin clicker training and touch training her.

I am just counting my lucky stars that I have a new baby who's happy, healthy, and her only real problem is distrusting me. It could be a whole lot worse.

Congrads take it slow and easy. Your baby is still settling in and needs time to adjust to you and it's new surroundings and all the others it is meeting. PATIENCE is the key. Good luck. It will take time but it will work out.

Great job on making changes in how you interact with her.

I was wondering if there is anything about your looks that could have her on edge. Do you wear glasses whereas the males in your house and her hand feeder do not, for example. Sometimes it is the littlest thing that can annoy/worry them.

It can be the opposite too. I mean there can be certain characteristics they prefer or maybe it's a person's demeanor. Sometimes when I allow a visitor into my bird room my two most outgoing, Rose and Sully, will immediately fly to that person's shoulder. Other times they wait and watch.

Birds are very observant. She will notice if you are aware when she is uncomfortable and when you take a step backwards and reassure her.

If I could make one suggestion it would be, don't try to touch her or hold her yet. Let her make the first move.

The guys in my house do wear glasses, but I didn't notice the breeder in glasses. They both had short hair? Maybe that was the problem?

I'm going to let her come to me for sure. I'm not going to force her. Yesterday, I sat with her but about 5 feet away from the cage with the cage door open. She ate and then she decided she wanted to come out, so she came up on the door of the cage. She bit me a few times, but ended up stepping up on my hand and I put her on her large manzanita perch. I was so excited!

Today she's definitely back to where she was before, but repetition is key. I'm doing all the feedings still. The men have stepped back. She is definitely wary and clearly stressed. I'm going to give her space and let do everything on her own time.

In every other way, she's such a sweet baby. She will step up, she eats all the time, and she seems to not be afraid of anything. I don't want to freak her out at all. I'm just glad she's happy.

Did she for sure bite you or was she just using her beak to step onto your hand?

Is she raising the feathers on her shoulders?

Kathy makes a good point. Most birds will test the stability of your hand with their beak before stepping on it. Are you holding still?