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Old 08-13-2009, 07:55 AM
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Bond forming

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"Many members often ask similar questions so perhaps a preemptive strike against some of them would be in order.

There are several issues that are no problem to re-explain fresh to each new parrot owner - but then there are others where it feels like a little part of me dies each time I read the questions. I'd like to address the latter ones here. I apologize in advance for any points that seem abrupt or harsh, but reality-checks and tact don't often work well together. But let me also say that this is not directed at any one person... it is directed at MANY, as I have seen this question over and over and over:

"I have had my new parrot for 12 full hours and he is not ready to commit himself completely to me in a deep loving relationship for the rest of his life yet! What's wrong with him?"

Perhaps I'm exaggerating a small bit - but not much.

What does it mean if someone dives into a relationship to quickly? We have not-so-pleasant names for it when a human does so. What would it sound like if a guy came home after a first date angry that he didn't get [the physical intimacy he expected]: "I bought her dinner, gave her flowers, and we spent the whole night together, but she wasn't going to devote her life fully to me and put out yet! What's wrong with her?!" A bit of a sickening sentiment isn't it?

Why should it be less sickening when it's in reference to a parrot? Such sentiments say nothing about the parrot, but rather something about how the person sees the parrot: as property, as an object, not as another being with which to build a relationship.

Strong bonds take time, effort, and patience. I really am at a loss on how to respond to people who expect them to form over night. I can't help but contemplate how this is also a statement on our society in general where most marriages end in divorce and many people are not treated the way they should be but are rather treated only as objects and property.

Wake the hell up people, if you want sudden and immediate, unconditional and unquestioning love from something that will do exactly what you want when you want without requiring any investment from you then either get a stuffed plush-toy or find religion; or perhaps seek out the root of the problem which, if the psychologists are right, lies in your own self-esteem or self-image"

Last edited by Spiritbird; 10-16-2010 at 10:30 AM.
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  #2 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2009, 08:46 AM
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Re: Bond forming

GREAT GREAT GREAT Post ... AD is perfectly right. And I have to back him up on this. New owners of parrots can expect to have their healthy parrot from anywhere from 1 to 100 years. There is no need to rush the physical bonding of this relationship.

Think about this: as humans, when we first meet someone how long does it take us to trust whole-heartedly that new individual. And on the flip side of that, think how easily that trust could be lost.

Parrots are no different than humans when it comes to this aspect. Did many of you know that many parrots form mated pair bonds that LAST FOR THEIR ENTIRE PHYSICAL LIVES! These creatures are devoted to their mates, and their flocks because, it is a necessary means of survival for them.

My wife and I are going to be having a baby soon - I am so looking forward to getting to know our child - learning what she will like, what she isn't going to like, how she will want to be comforted when she is sick, or hurt. I can't wait to watch her grow-up and be with her every step of the way. Are these things going to be accomplished in a few hours, or even in a few days, after her birth - no! These are things that are going to take, arguably, a LIFETIME to learn and I don't want to rush through these steps and just have her give her trust to me, because I haven't earned it.

This is the mentality that all new parrot owners should take. Don't rush to form the trust bond, you just might miss the pleasures of the "ride" if you rush to the destination.



P.S. I am making this thread a "sticky" because I really think this topic is THAT important!
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Old 08-27-2009, 11:16 AM
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Re: Bond forming

I couldn't agree more with both of you wise fellows. As a new parrot guardian I can both feel and see evidence of the bonding process evolving. Trust is a fragile thing, be it between people or parrots and guardians. I feel so humbled by and greatful for the opportunity to be a whitness to Rosie's maturation. Our current world is full of "instant gratification" efforts - this does not work when it comes to mother nature and parrot bonding. Parrot bonding is real and there are no divorce courts (although some may feel there are). Hence the Parrots Bill of Rights.
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Old 09-11-2009, 01:12 AM
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Re: Bond forming

it took 3 long years before my amazon would let me pick her with out biting me, I never gave up and now we have a loving relationship that I would not trade for any thing, all good things come in time and a few bite along the way

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Old 09-16-2009, 04:08 PM
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Talking Re: Bond forming

I guess I shouldn't be suprised that people think they should get instant love from an animal but they are obviously people that know nothing about relationships. I'm also not suprised that people think they can divorce an animal. I just don't understand how anyone can do that! All of my animals are part of my family! I couldn't give up any of my cats or hammys or even Tumbala (even though he's very new to our family...he's now part of the family). They are like my kids! Tumbala's first owner had him for 9 1/2 years. I would think they had to be bonded. He slept with her at night! But she gave him up because her boyfriend said it was him or the bird and she chose him. They aren't together anymore but she never came back for Tumbala. She just dumped him on an old lady that couldn't give him the attention that he needed. That's how we got him...lucky us! He will be ours for the rest of his life. Even if we are having a few issues...we will work those out over time. I was lucky because Tumbala really wanted to be with me but my husband is working really hard and patiently to gain Tumbala's trust. I know he will get there eventually. Again this seems to be a long post so I will end this with a quick question...What is the Parrot Bill Of Rights?
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Old 09-16-2009, 06:01 PM
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Re: Bond forming

Bill of rights:
Parrots Bill of Rights
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Old 01-13-2010, 09:57 AM
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Re: Bond forming

I totally agree with this! I worked with my conure in the store for a few months before i could get the money to buy him. I want to ensure that it would work out between Dusty, and my family so my family would come with me every few days to meet him. I also read just about all conure related things I could find. A lot of people don't realize the commitment they are jumping into.
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Old 06-17-2010, 03:41 AM
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Re: Bond forming

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post as well as the Bill of Rights. Excellent things to go by. Some people wonder why Im on this forum before I even have my bird well theres the answer! Research and knowledge is one of the most important things before bringing any animal home, especially one with particular needs.
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Old 06-17-2010, 10:36 AM
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Re: Bond forming

Quote: Originally Posted by Beilana View Post
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post as well as the Bill of Rights. Excellent things to go by. Some people wonder why Im on this forum before I even have my bird well theres the answer! Research and knowledge is one of the most important things before bringing any animal home, especially one with particular needs.
"High Five" to you......
Wish many more people would follow in your footsteps
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Old 08-26-2010, 03:04 PM
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Re: Bond forming

I'm following !
I've had birds in past and although I loved them and spent time with them etc I realise now I never really respected them for the beautiful creatures they are
they were in my home but not part of my home and I belive now that this is where the problems that led to them being on sold stemed from
I'm not proud to admit that but I know that by being able to admit it I will not make the same mistake again
I look forward to sharing my life love and family with my alexandrine baby once he is ready
I will not make my own mistakes again and will promise to work my hardest to Be his forever home despite whatever problems come our wAY
I know I always have the forum and it's lovely members for guidance
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