Why birds are better than marriage

GinaF

New member
Aug 13, 2013
218
0
Utah
Parrots
B&G macaw
Birds vs marriage

[FONT=&quot]1. [/FONT]Birds donā€™t fart and blame it on the dog when the dog wasnā€™t even in the room. They also donā€™t do it in the car and lock the windows, leaving behind a pustular stench that rivals the city dump and brings a whole new meaning to the term ā€˜revoltā€™. I call this hobby ā€˜JCingā€™ because thatā€™s usually the first words out of my mouth when the aromatics waft passed my nasal cavity, causing bodily fluids to seep out every orifice of my head. Itā€™s actually not your eyes watering or your body trying to ready itself for the act of vomiting. Itā€™s your brain trying to rid itself of the toxic mass that just hostilely took over.

[FONT=&quot]2. [/FONT]Bringing home another parrot isnā€™t immediately going to cost you $20K in legal fees and half of everything you own. You also won't have to find alternative sleeping arrangements. Now Iā€™m not saying itā€™s without repercussions. However those ramifications are usually less financially devastating than if you try this crap with a human. Most of the time they just wonā€™t talk to you for a few days. If it were that easy to get a human to shut up, Iā€™d bring home a new one every week. Though, I will state that heavily depends on what area of the country you live in. I just happen to live in Utah for now, but I will point out that I was born in NSW, Australia.
[FONT=&quot]3. [/FONT]Youā€™re allowed to lock your bird in a cage when heā€™s pissing you off. Try that crap with a human and thereā€™s likely going to be some legal implications following random acts of violence.
[FONT=&quot]4. [/FONT]Their gifts are way cheaper and easier to obtain. Bring home a 2x4 for your bird and youā€™re the greatest person on the planet. Bring home a 2x4 for your husband and youā€™re an ass, as it usually means you want him to build or fix something.
[FONT=&quot]5. [/FONT]Birds dig chick flicks. Iā€™ve yet to see my bird wander into the room and change my Lifetime movie that Iā€™d been watching for over an hour to some stupid sports broadcast and make me suffer through it. In fact, the likelihood that the bird will cuddle with me while I cry over the sad parts is MUCH higher.
[FONT=&quot]6. [/FONT]Birds appreciate my time of the month. They have entire seasons. Enough said on this.
[FONT=&quot]7. [/FONT]Birds understand that itā€™s a pain in the butt to wash so many dishes. Theyā€™re happy to eat off the same plate and save me the effort.
[FONT=&quot]8. [/FONT]You can actually teach a bird to be quiet.
[FONT=&quot]9. [/FONT]Birds are easier to entertain and keep happy. They donā€™t go through some mid life crisis, spend all your savings on a Porsche and try to act half their age. A few random pieces of wood and plastic, a phone book to shred and the occasional walnut and life is awesome.
[FONT=&quot]10. [/FONT]Birds donā€™t hog the bed and steal the blankets in the middle of the night, leaving you grasping the corner for dear life with icicles dripping out of your nose. They also donā€™t snoreā€¦ at all.
 

MikeyTN

New member
Feb 1, 2011
13,296
17
Antioch, TN
Parrots
"Willie"&"Lola"B&G Macaw,
"Dixie"LSC2, and "Nico" Scarlet Macaw.
:18::18::18::18::18::18:

That's too funny to read!!!!! :)
 

JerseyWendy

New member
Jul 20, 2012
20,995
24
I'm dying laughing here, mainly because as I was reading your first paragraph, my American Bulldog, who is laying right next to me on the couch, rear end facing me.....let one loose that left me gagging. :09:
 

MikeyTN

New member
Feb 1, 2011
13,296
17
Antioch, TN
Parrots
"Willie"&"Lola"B&G Macaw,
"Dixie"LSC2, and "Nico" Scarlet Macaw.
LoL@ Wendy.....have yours realize what he's done then turns around to sniff at it then walk off??? My dogs did that and I was laughing so hard...
 

faeryphoebe1

New member
Feb 1, 2013
1,021
Media
1
5
San Antonio, Texas
Parrots
Trixie, Sunny & Gonzoā™”ā™”ā™”
Gina, I love your threads! The one about what our birds have taught us and the "Quit that screaming, screaming and screaming," have had me laughing all weekend. This one has me laughing as well. Are you a writer? Your stories are quite entertaining.
 
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GinaF

GinaF

New member
Aug 13, 2013
218
0
Utah
Parrots
B&G macaw
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread starter
  • #6
Gina, I love your threads! The one about what our birds have taught us and the "Quit that screaming, screaming and screaming," have had me laughing all weekend. This one has me laughing as well. Are you a writer? Your stories are quite entertaining.

Sadly, I'm not. Perhaps I should have been.

This has become my outlet. It's a method for me to attempt to keep tabs on what's left of my sanity and a documentary that tracks precisely the point where my cheese slides off the cracker and they commit me.

I've written others that are posted in the macaw section. I should have probably consolidated them all into one thread. You need to read the one from the other night, "Excuse me. Can you turn that down please?" It's the part where Blue discovered her feeders were actually megaphones.
 

BillsBirds

Well-known member
Jan 9, 2012
1,371
40
Largo, Florida
Parrots
Timneh African Grey (Bailey), Lovebird (Elvis)
Please don't take this the wrong way. But, from how you describe things, you have much better taste in, & judgment of, birds than men. I cannot identify with any description you've just outlined. Men are not all like that! Plus, women are not always the perfect mates one might seem to think. Otherwise, I, too, love your posts & stories. And your sense of humor! :);) BTW, birds DO snore!
 
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JerseyWendy

New member
Jul 20, 2012
20,995
24
LoL@ Wendy.....have yours realize what he's done then turns around to sniff at it then walk off??? My dogs did that and I was laughing so hard...

Oscar won't even flinch when he passes gas. But when something exits Ziva's rear, she will literally zip off in warp speed. :54:
 

Captsteve

New member
Jul 17, 2013
398
1
Crestview Fl.
Parrots
Goffin Too, U2, Scarlet Mac, B&G Mac, DYH Zon, CAG and a
Birdbrained Wife!
Gina,

Please take care of that one good brain cell!! You come up with some great stuff with it!:respect::worship2:
 

JDlugosz

New member
Jun 25, 2013
163
0
Parrots
Bronze Wing Pionus
[FONT=&quot]1. [/FONT]Birds donā€™t fart and blame it on the dog when the dog wasnā€™t even in the room. They also donā€™t do it in the car and lock the windows, leaving behind a pustular stench that rivals the city dump and brings a whole new meaning to the term ā€˜revoltā€™. I call this hobby ā€˜JCingā€™ because thatā€™s usually the first words out of my mouth when the aromatics waft passed my nasal cavity, causing bodily fluids to seep out every orifice of my head. Itā€™s actually not your eyes watering or your body trying to ready itself for the act of vomiting. Itā€™s your brain trying to rid itself of the toxic mass that just hostilely took over.

Ever hear of [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Connovation-Ltd-SkunkShot-Gel/dp/B0006A7EDU"]Skunk Shot[/ame]?
 

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