Advice? the next step...

Firstly i apologize if this makes no sense, i am having issues making sense of it myself which makes it hard to type out! I am, just hoping someone has had a similar experience or can make sense enough to give me some advice.

Hmm.

Home feels incomplete, quiet and a bit lonely without a bird in the house, my dogs are keeping me sane... ish. While i am still hoping Barry returns i have glanced over the idea of getting another bird after Nelson anyway. It hasnt been very long, i know, which is why its been a thought but apart from keeping an eye on the bird listings nothing has been done about it. The lady i got Nelson from has offered me a male plum head or a female moustache and if i was offered a free bird a month ago, no questions i would have jumped at the chance. However it has been about a week since the offer and i still dont have an answer but i am having trouble figuring out the reason. Now im sure if i got one i would fall in love with it but a part of me says its not fair to get any old bird just for the sake of having a bird right? I havent had any experience with either species which makes me wary plus Nelson was my dream bird, how do i go from that to something i have never given much of a thought to? Maybe its just too soon? Both birds need a loving home, the plum head is a bit of a runt apparently and the moustaches mum plucked her in the nest. That gets me thinking maybe one of these birds needs me? The other thing is that the moustache is a female. All of my animals are male, i have always chosen male. Im not sure if its just in my head that i dont get on with female animals as well or if its actually true. I would love to even just go and meet the two birds but she lives a while away...

Anyone with experience with either a plum head or moustache? I would love to hear more about them.

I guess the question is do you think i should seriously consider one of these little guys or just stay birdless for a while? I cant afford to buy another big bird right now (vets bills among others and after having just finished paying off Nelson) but even if i got another bird now i would still look at getting another big one once i have the money thing all sorted. I have two cages empty (hopefully one if Barry returns), a ton of food going to waste also. I just cant convince myself either way. My heart doesnt seem to be in either decision. I get home every day and feel empty with no bird but why have i not decided on one of the other birds i have been offered?

i dont have an answer for you and i am so sorry this has been left on your plate...
i feel so bad because you have been there with advice for me..

watch some you tube videos of them...maybe one will make you smile, or giggle.... i am not familiar with either of those birds unfortunately.
as i said before in another post, i am a big believer in everything happens to us for a reason. Definitely do some soul searching...and i am sure whatever you decide will be what you need.

If you are unable to decide on one of them, it may just be too soon. Your feelings have to be so raw still after everything you have been through. I think you will know immediately when the time is right
I am still praying that Barry finds his way back to you.

I don't think there's any such thing as "the right time" only "the right time for you." For some people it's immediately, for us it was a couple years after our grey died. When you're ready you'll know.

I did have a juvenile Plumheaded Parakeet years ago for a little while. Long story short, even though he was hand fed, he stayed pretty much on the wild side no matter how I tried, so he ended up going to an aviary situation (which he needed) and supposedly became a breeder.
They are in the same family as the Ringnecks and Alexandrines. I think my Shelby was pretty typical in that they are a species that generally doesn't like to be touched. I think if one was tamed enough it could sit on your shoulder, step up, and fly to you, but not cuddle. Mustache used to be really popular in the US some years ago but not anymore. I don't know their personality, but I know the whole genus is pretty much generally hands off type of birds. Really gorgeous though!

Regarding if it's too soon or not, you personally will know when, as we're all so different in that regard. If it were me, and saying money was not an issue, I'd probably get another one soon. For me, I think it would help me as I was trying to get over my loss. Many people feel they want time to get over someone (or a pet) completely FIRST before moving forward. Neither way is wrong... Maybe these birds (plumhead and mustache) are just not jumping out at you because there is meant to be a certain different bird in your future? I don't know I'll be following your story here. Stay strong girl! I know you will!

I agree with the above posters. You've been thru a traumatic experience, not once but twice.....give it time.

when the time is right you will know when to start searching for the next pet.

After Safari died, I searched high and low for another bird, and never found the 'right one'....then it dawned on me, that 'good things come to those who wait'....

......so I'm waiting for the right bird to come along, I know there is a special one out there for me, and I can't wait to bring it home.....I'm sure I'll be balling that day....tears of joy.

I sure hope for your sake Barry comes back.

We adopted a female mustache in December. She has been a great bird so far. Very loving and smart. she loves to chew and forage. We would love a male mate for her but they are not very popular here in the states.

here's a pic.

I'm so sorry you're going through so much. I keep hoping to see a post saying Barry is home. I had a huge empty cage for three years before the right bird found me. It's a personal decision that is yours alone. What a beautiful bird the mustache is and I'm sure you would give it a fantastic home, but you should do what's right for you, when you are ready, whenever that is.

I am so sorry you are going though this very difficult time. I can understand the house being not nearly the same and too quite without any parrots. Before Valentino was due to come home in December that October my 17 year old Noble macaw Mihijo died of a heart attack. I took his death very hard and almost didn't take Valentino. I went two long dark months without any parrots in the home.

His breeder Wendy is a very compassionate person who was instrumental with helping me though some of my grief. It was when she told me that Valentino could help me heal my heart and after a lot of thought and living birdless I decided to take delivery of him. That was the right decision not because all the planning, payments and preparation we went though to get Valentino but because it felt right.

I will say this because I think it is important. My RFM was my dream bird. I have wanted a RFM since 1997 and it took all these years to finally be in a place in my life where I could have one. All that anticipation, heartache, depression I suffered because of my grief, was worth all I wen though. Valentino is a wonderful companion and I do not regret him. I have to admit that even after all this time of having Valentino with me I do not feel as bonded to him as I have with my other boys. I was bonded and loved each bird differently but for what ever reason it is taking me a long time to bond fully to my RFM. Valentino does help heal my heart but for what ever reason I am taking my sweet time bonding to that boy.

You are still grieving. I think you still hold hope that Berry will come home. You have always posted such fond things about that little parrot and I could tell you really enjoyed and love him. If the silence and lonlyness begin to weigh you down I would suggest visit and interact with the birds Nelson's breeder offer you. Maybe one of them will be right for you, maybe none will feel right. Would it be possible to go and see the two parrots?

Even if you decide to pass on the offered birds I believe in time you will either get Barry back or another parrot will find you. I wonder if it was possible if nelson's breeder would help give you another Eclectus. If you cannot handle getting another Eclectus (My SI Joaquin died in 2005 and to this day I cannot have another Eclectus) I am very sure another bird of some kind WILL be yours.

I pray that Berry will find his way home to you.

Take care.

I've been right where you are. George my Jenday, and first bird, was an escape artist. He got out a total of 5 times, but we got him back every time. However the last escape he must have ingested something poisonous. He died in my arms the night after he returned.

I was devastated and said no more birds, just too painful. Then my wife said I should think about getting another bird about a year later. She said my personality lent itself to having a bird. Then began the research. I wanted to choose my next bird (George was a rehome), and I wanted to know what I was doing this time from toys to cage size to diet.

Short answer, grieve. Adjust. THEN re-evaluate the idea of bird ownership with a clear mind.

I too am hoping for the safe return of your Barry.

I think you should go meet the two birds you are considering. You will not know if one touches your heart, unless you do.

I have met two moustache (Derbyean) parakeets in my time. Both were quite lovely, beautiful little birds, and their owners each said that they had nice relationships with them.

I think there was a lot of wisdom in RavensGryf's (Julie's) post. The extended ringneck family isn't famous for being touchy-feely or cuddly. Correct me if I'm wrong, but what you're wanting right now is someone to cuddle? You likely won't get that with a Plumhead or a Moustache, especially if they've had a hard early life.

That's not to say a PH or a 'Tache won't or can't grow to be a loving companion, but they might not fill your expectations right this instant. You need to look inside yourself and decide what it is you need right now. There's nothing wrong with getting a cuddly, teddy-bear bird (eg. a young Galah) now and a more challenging one later. There's also nothing wrong with taking in a bird that 'needs' you - so long as you're realistic and understand all the giving will be on your side for a while.

I have to disagree with those who say 'Wait until you get over your loss'. Why would you do that? It's not as if you're evaluating potential husbands here after just being widowed, we're talking about pet birds! If you're lonely and want another bird, get one! Whichever bird you get will find its way into your heart in one way or another. My biggest worry is that you might have a very specific need for a cuddly bird right now that won't be as pressing later on. Only you can answer that. I'd hate to hear that you'd got a Plumhead (I so want a pair of Plumheads!!!!) and were sad because you couldn't get near it. If you can, see the two birds on offer. You're not stupid - quite the opposite, in fact - you'll know if you'd like to bring one or both of them home with you. You'll also know that it's not one particle of disrespect or lack of acknowledgement to Nelson or Barry, who were both unique and therefore irreplaceable. Go with your heart and you won't go wrong.

In the meanwhile, I'm still praying that Barry might return and make you smile again. XX

If you are uncertain, don't. You'll know when it feels "right". As for what you "should" do, there's no right answer. I recently lost "my" dog, ie my special princess I'd had since she was a puppy. I had sort of decided not to get another dog (I've still got my other one, I was just going to stick with him by himself) but I ended up adopting another one quite soon afterwards. I just saw her up for adoption, we went to meet her, my dog liked her (and he's got "issues" so that was really something) and home she came. I didn't want "a dog" but we met somebody we could give a home to. When you meet your "new somebody", you won't feel so uncertain about the decision.

Everyone grieves in their own way, and in their own time. Like RavensGryf said, some people need to wait until they completely get past the grieving, (like me. As you already know, Sophia, it took me 2 years after the death of my dear Suzie before I was in a place where I could get another parrot.) while for others, taking in a new parrot sooner can prove therapeutic. You'll just need to find which of those categories fits you best.

But if you do want to try taking in another bird sooner rather than later, I would suggest going to see a variety of birds first. It may very well be that neither of those two birds is calling out to you, whereas another might.

Just know that whatever choice you make, and however long you decide to wait, whichever bird you eventually choose will be fortunate to have you in its life.

Betrisher said:

It's not as if you're evaluating potential husbands here after just being widowed, we're talking about pet birds!

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Hehehe hahahaLOLOL!!!

Great post too Trish I also am longing for a pair of Plumheads, but only IF... it ever becomes feasible for me to have an aviary someday.

I keep hoping Barry shows back up... Or you see a post where someone found him.

But, that is the Barry situation, you're not talking about forgetting Barry and giving up on him, but bringing a bird without a home into a home with a bird. Maybe neither of these birds are the right one for you to connect to. But meeting them doesn't hurt. Just have your head remind your heart that its about the right bird, not filling the aching empty spot.

When you meet them and if there is a connection to one, ask yourself if you would have considering adding them if Nelson and Barry were both at home waiting. If you still believe you would have that connection, then its totally your decision to make.

Adding a new bird doesn't mean replacing anyone, believe you have enough love in your heart for another dozen birds in your lifetime.

Best of luck and keep posting... I think its safe to say everyone wants to know you're doing okay and we all are hoping to hear Barry has returned with quite a story about his adventure.

You've been through a lot lately- everyone grieves differently and everyone takes as much, or little, time as they need....don't rush into anything if it doesn't feel right, but don't feel guilty for thinking of bringing another bird home tomorrow if you wish.

When Jackie passed away, the silence and emptiness without him only brought me more pain and sorrow... For me and my household, getting another bird soon after helped us heal from our loss (even though it still hurts), but I wasn't focused on the empty house and the pain I felt....Chili has in no way replaced Jackie, but Chili has enabled me to dump my love and care into her, and to focus on giving her everything she needs and deserves...and I couldn't do that without all the lessons Jackie taught me.

I am also a firm believer that everything happens for a reason; you will find your next baby when the time is right

HUGS!!!!

You've had a very hard time lately and if getting a new birdy will help ease some of that pain, I say go for it. Meet as many as possible - you're sure to find one that will speak to your heart and you will just know it is right. ((Hugs))

Another idea - do you have any bird rescues in your area? Maybe you could foster somebody. That way, you haven't committed to anything, you'll be helping somebody who needs it (bird and people) and if you form a bond you can convert the foster to a full adoption.

strudel said:

Another idea - do you have any bird rescues in your area? Maybe you could foster somebody. That way, you haven't committed to anything, you'll be helping somebody who needs it (bird and people) and if you form a bond you can convert the foster to a full adoption.

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^ This is an excellent idea.