Glossary of Parrot Bites

The Introductory Bite: Parrot looks at you cheerfully, then looks down at your outstretched hand. As you try to make eye contact, he takes advantage of the moment and delivers an ordinary painful pinch to the side of your hand, just by way of saying 'Hello!' Afterward, he gives the definite impression of smiling at you in a knowing way. No treatment required, but you'd be well-advised to remember this moment as time unfolds.

The Common or Garden Variety Bite: Parrot looks at you. Bites you. You bellow. Parrot shrieks. Life goes on.

The Prophylactic Bite: You approach parrot with hand outstretched saying 'Step up' or 'Come here' or some other damfool thing. Parrot looks you in the eye, bends slowly toward you as if to step up and removes first two layers of skin on your hand. No stitches required; apply antiseptic and purchase clicker and a long stick.

The Accidental Bite: Parrot is climbing on his cage. You reach out to step him up and he reaches to balance on you with his bill. As his upper mandible meets the lower one inside your flesh and you howl in response to the pain, he looks at you as if to say 'Wha-aa-at!? Did I bite you?' No treatment required beyond a stiffish drink.

The Hormonal Bite: Parrot pins eyes at you, looks seductively into your eyes and fluffs out his feathers, stretching his wings, bowing toward you and filling you with love and admiration for him. He approaches you with an open beak and may vomit a small amount in front of you. He vibrates with apparent love for you! If you're stupid enough to still be there, he will climb onto your person and make a series of painful bites in a row along your flesh, almost as if he's attempting to make perforations that can be torn off later. Like toilet paper. Application of adhesive dressing(s) should suffice.

The Fearful Bite: Parrot takes immediate fright at a sudden noise or movement. For an instant, you believe he's rushing to you for refuge and protection, but instead he takes hold of the nearest available piece of your exposed flesh and clamps onto it for dear life, squawking fit to wake the dead and fluttering his wings wildly to let you know he is not best pleased. No stitches required but counselling may be helpful for the loss of trust.

The Happy Bite: Parrot is dancing and bobbing his head for joy, wings outstretched. Music may or may not be involved. You have recently given him a treat or an unusually nourishing meal and he is feeling FINE. Then, he bites you. No questions asked, none answered. Just a bite for the pure joy of it. Apply antiseptic ointment and be doubly cautious next time he's in such an unusually good mood!

The Exploratory Bite: Parrot nibbles at your hand. Aaaawww - cute! Nibbles get a bit harder - he loves you! Nibbles getting more frequent and he's testing the resilience index of your flesh - ow! Nibbles get a bit painful - Yowch!. You reposition parrot on other hand and nibbling is resumed. You realise nibbling is getting to be more than painful it actually bloodymongrelbastard hurts!!! Parrot is biting ever harder and you're trying to shake him off. He's now clamped on like a bulldog clip and still making his snuzzly little baby noises, clearly unaware of your discomfiture. You call for help and Someone Else removes parrot from your person. Bandaid City.

The Kiss: Parrot sidles up on your shoulder, looks at you sideways in a seductive sort of way and nibbles only a small chunk out of your face. No or minimal stitches required.

The Punitive Bite: Parrot shrieks in response to whatever it was you just did, runs or flies after you and takes massive hunk out of your flesh. Numerous stitches or minor plastic surgery required.

OR

Parrot looks at you for a long moment, takes one step, appears to reconsider then runs or flies after you and takes massive hunk out of your flesh. Numerous stitches or minor plastic surgery required.

The Aggressive Bite: Parrot is on table, cage or other flat surface. You happen to walk by. Parrot immediately leaves whatever he was doing and chases after you, bobbing his head, flapping his wings and reaching toward you with his beak. He is still there when you come back, beak reached desperately toward you and the clear desire to murder you shining from his beady little parrotty eyes. Evacuate! Evacuate! Evacuate!

LOVE IT!!!!

Was that glossary of bites or play by play for a visit with Folger ????

I loved it tho, was funny to wake up and read that first thing in morning!!

Thank you for that! So funny and so true! It's obvious you have spent a lot of quality time around parrots.

Hilarious!!!!!!

Way better than Sunday comics

ROFL!!!!!! That is hilarious!!! And so very very TRUE!!!

Thank you everyone. I forgot to add that members have probably got many other kinds of Bites they could add to this. Just as a reference, y'know. So please feel free if you've experienced a Bite which I have not. I expect some of the Mac owners will want to add definitions for the Amputatory Bite, the Disembowelling Bite and so on? The Budgie and Lovebird owners will want to include the Pincer Bite and the Microsurgery Bite I'm sure!

Yes, I have spent many hours with parrots during my lifetime and most of them were Quality hours. Others, not so much.

I just about died laughing when I read this!

What about the :Gila Monster" bite- when they latch on and won't let go until someone comes and pries them off. Cockatoo owners specifically-I think you may know what I'm talking about here! I know I have many scars from this type of bite, courtesy of the crested demon, erm, I mean well behaved and loving goffin

LOL! I don't fancy that Gila Monster Bite! It sounds fearsome! We only get Goannas here in Oz. Mind you, Goannas can be pretty fearsome in their own right... since they eat carrion, they have unspeakable bacteria in their mouths, so when they bite you, you get the full blast of infection, blood poisoning etc etc. I do know Gila Monsters and Mexican Beaded Lizards are supposed to be the only poisonous lizards - or were until recently. I think they're quite lovely meself.

The Displacement/Jealousy Bite : Parrot is visiting peacefully with you, bowing his head for scritches/help with pin feathers/prayer for forgiveness for a previously mentioned bite.
Another member of the household/another pet/an invasive insect/a bloody ghost/whatever appears. Parrot is unable to deliver the Punitive Bite to the Intruder and since holding onto anger and frustration may cause plucking, lashes out and delivers a painful bite to the nearest warmblooded thing...usually you - the scritcher. Shooing away of the Intruder is usually sufficient to bring about the ceasation of hostility.

I can add 'don't TOUCH ME' bite?

Your bird is being a doll, hopping around, being absolutely adorable. as time wears on, she gets sleepy and snuggles up on your shoulder. You cherish this moment, yet someone calls your name, or for whatever reason, you turn your head. A small drift of wind touches her, and suddenly you find you are missing a chunk of face.


Mango does this quite often

Gila monsters are lovely reptiles and VERY VERY slow moving. I saw a few out in the desert growing up in Arizona. I think you would have to really provoke one while holding your hand completely still right in front of their mouth to get bitten by one. That cockatoo on the other hand, he was quick and struck without warning (and would sometimes hunt you, striking by air). Some of my earliest memories are running around screaming bloody murder for my dad with that darn bird dangling off me. He adores my dad, and everyone else better watch out. Never have been terribly fond of toos' because of Alfie.

The I forgot where I was bite: bird so relaxed with you giving him head scratches or being preened eyes closed then suddenly opens his eyes and something is touching him. He delivers a quick bite and then looks at you like it was your fault for touching him/scaring him. When you ask what? he lunges again to get his point across.

Ok so the last part might only be Wesley but that's what I got yesterday.