Help convincing parents

Iguana · Jan 25, 2017

Hey everyone, still continuing the journey to convince the parents to let me adopt a bird.
I've posted a couple questions already and i'm very thankful of all the helpful information.

I'm looking for any tips or advice to convince parents to allow me to have a bird, please keep in mind that I do have a well paying job, I own several "difficult care' pets already, and have the room for a large cage. So I believe that their issues with it are more ethical I suppose.

My parent's both love birds, and both have had experiences with them in the past. But they are under the strong belief that 'all birds belong free in the wild' too which I agree, but that isn't possible. And despite the fact than i've told them I want to adopt, and not contribute to the trade they hate, they still can't get past it.
They also disagree with caged birds. I tell them that it would be out whenever I am home, which would be very frequently. But the fact that it's still in a cage *some* of the time bothers them. Despite the fact I would get a huge cage, and stock it with toys.
I find the whole thing kinda hypocritical of them considering that they let me keep other pets in cages/tanks.
But if anyone had any facts, statistics, studies that could reassure them that a bird being in a cage for a few hours every second day or so, isn't the worst thing in the world, I'd really appeciate it.
Also if anyone else had the same experience with their parents feel free to share your story!

Thank you! :green2:

Billdore · Jan 25, 2017

I'm 36 and my parents friends and family all questioned my sanity in wanting to get a little grey monster. Well I said I just do. I love Timneh but she is very time demanding. I would suggest getting a bird that's not too demanding so you still have time for fun with friends. Timneh my African grey loves her cage and would be very upset if I were to remove it. She knows it's her and I think she knows it's safe time inside those bars.

Owlet · Jan 26, 2017

All animals need a house to call their own. In this case it'd be the parrot's cage. The cage would symbolize a safe place, somewhere they could retreat if they are scared or something. I usually leave the cage door open at all times but sometimes Lincoln is happy just relaxing in his cage. It's nothing abnormal.

plumsmum2005 · Jan 26, 2017

See if your parents would go along with you to just 'look' at what is out there needing a good home. If this doesn't tug at their heart strings nothing will. Yes there is something in all birds belong in the wild but there are many out there that wouldn't survive five minutes on their own and they need a good and loving home. I used to feel incredibly guilty until I realised that my Plum would be lunch in a blink of an eye. Good luck.

Why not try and get them to sign up on here they can learn a lot.

SailBoat · Jan 26, 2017

I find myself on both sides of this!

Regardless of your parents argument(s). At the end of the day it is their home. Its called Parents Rights!, Home Owners Rights! In the future you will come across Landlord Rights. Until you and a bank own it, those others have that Right!

Whether it is fair or not is not the issue. That is the reality of Rights!

There are a huge number of Parrots wanting a 'For Ever' Home. I know, this fact and heavily support anyone that will commit fully to providing an 'For Ever' Home.

That said, to provide a 'For Ever' Home, you have to have a Home of your Own.

Keep Saving! You will be shocked at how quickly time will pass and you will have Free Will to make Your Choice.

Kentuckienne · Jan 26, 2017

Sailboat has a very good point - your parents have rights, too, and one of those rights is choosing whether or not to live with a bird. A companion bird is a lifelong commitment, much like deciding to have a kid that will never grow past two! They make mess, make noise, require at a minimum several hundred dollars a year in vet and medical care, require toys, require attention. Right now you may have all you need, but you will probably at some point go off to college, have a romantic partner, have different homes including apartments where a loud bird won't be tolerated, etc. and it may be difficult to keep the commitment to the bird until life is more settled.

There's a great middle ground, though. Instead of buying a bird that you might have to abandon in the future or do without birds altogether, you can volunteer at a bird rescue or a vet's office. You might be able to volunteer at a zoo. Once you have some experience working with birds, especially large challenging birds, you might consider fostering a parrot that needs a temporary home. You would care for the bird, do what it takes to restore it to health, and give it love, nurturing guidance, training and socializing so that it can go to live in a forever home. Then you will have room to save another bird. If everyone in the house falls in love with the foster bird and wants to adopt it, well...

JBassset · Jan 26, 2017

As I just posted to another young member a large reason people don't like to see teens get birds is the fact that your life will change a LOT in the near future. You're going to want to move out, maybe go to school. Those first places you look to get into probably won't be cool with a bird which means your precious pet may get left with mom and dad. So in reality you're asking them to adopt a bird so you can have it for a few years.

Then, and this is the biggest issue, is the simple fact that your brain is not done growing. I know this sounds weird. But it's also super duper true. You know when people say "When you're older you'll understand" and that sounds like so much crap? Well that's a dumb way of saying that your brain isn't ready to fully process something.

It's not a knock against you or meant as a put down. It's just how biology works. At your age your brain is full of hormones of all sorts (OH jeeeze... he said the H word) and that makes it not exactly the most stable of brains out there. Again, 100% normal but doesn't sound entirely nice. But the truth is your brain is still growing and making paths to different thought centers and your decision making systems aren't all in place yet.

Things that seem like they're super critical today may not be in the future. I know that this is a long winded way of saying "you'll get it when you're older" but that really is true. Patience is HARD for anyone, but at your age it's nearly impossible. Your brain simply hasn't finished building those systems yet.

Beyond all of that I get stuck on the word "cage" In our language cage has a lot of negative meanings. So even though to our birds the cage isn't a bad thing we can't get passed the negative connotations. A better word would be something like "home" Our birds have large private homes. Or an "aviary" but that makes it sound kinda weird.

A lot of folks here call them "Bird homes" or "their house" instead of a cage. For the simple reason that they feel better about the term. Means the same thing but carries less negative weight.

So how do we help you convince your folks? I hate to tell you but that's not something we can help with. Regardless of whether we believe you'd be a good bird caretaker, we can't convince them for you. I don't want to discourage you but the truth is it's not our place to tell them what you can/can't should/shouldn't do.

You say you already have pets that require special attention. For now maybe be satisfied with them and just volunteer at a sanctuary for now?

Disappointing I know... sorry.

Iguana · Jan 26, 2017

plumsmum2005 said:
See if your parents would go along with you to just 'look' at what is out there needing a good home. If this doesn't tug at their heart strings nothing will. Yes there is something in all birds belong in the wild but there are many out there that wouldn't survive five minutes on their own and they need a good and loving home. I used to feel incredibly guilty until I realised that my Plum would be lunch in a blink of an eye. Good luck.

Why not try and get them to sign up on here they can learn a lot.

Good idea! That is how we got our last dog :^)
Exactly, most would be food within the hour in the wild, once they are domesticated they can't be released sadly.

Iguana · Jan 26, 2017

SailBoat said:
I find myself on both sides of this!

Regardless of your parents argument(s). At the end of the day it is their home. Its called Parents Rights!, Home Owners Rights! In the future you will come across Landlord Rights. Until you and a bank own it, those others have that Right!

Whether it is fair or not is not the issue. That is the reality of Rights!

There are a huge number of Parrots wanting a 'For Ever' Home. I know, this fact and heavily support anyone that will commit fully to providing an 'For Ever' Home.

That said, to provide a 'For Ever' Home, you have to have a Home of your Own.

Keep Saving! You will be shocked at how quickly time will pass and you will have Free Will to make Your Choice.

I understand that completely too, it's their house and they choose what get's to go in it, no arguments there! But they don't seem bothered about space, noise, mess or anything, just the ethics. So that's why I'm confused lol.

It'll be another 3-4 years before I move out, it just seems like good timing now because of my schedule for the next 4 years, will allow alot of free bonding time, and when I begin work I could take it with me.

Iguana · Jan 26, 2017

Kentuckienne said:
Sailboat has a very good point - your parents have rights, too, and one of those rights is choosing whether or not to live with a bird. A companion bird is a lifelong commitment, much like deciding to have a kid that will never grow past two! They make mess, make noise, require at a minimum several hundred dollars a year in vet and medical care, require toys, require attention. Right now you may have all you need, but you will probably at some point go off to college, have a romantic partner, have different homes including apartments where a loud bird won't be tolerated, etc. and it may be difficult to keep the commitment to the bird until life is more settled.

There's a great middle ground, though. Instead of buying a bird that you might have to abandon in the future or do without birds altogether, you can volunteer at a bird rescue or a vet's office. You might be able to volunteer at a zoo. Once you have some experience working with birds, especially large challenging birds, you might consider fostering a parrot that needs a temporary home. You would care for the bird, do what it takes to restore it to health, and give it love, nurturing guidance, training and socializing so that it can go to live in a forever home. Then you will have room to save another bird. If everyone in the house falls in love with the foster bird and wants to adopt it, well...

Thank you for all the info

We've had a budgie before, (that died of old age), and they didn't seem to mind it too much.
I can see where you are coming from with the commitment, birds are a huge commitment, I would have this guy until it died.
I own pets that live to be 20+ years old, and while they may not be screaming featherballs, I'm already okay with commitment like that. The bird I would like to adopt would be a Green Cheek Conure, I wouldn't get a Macaw, African Grey, Cockatoo etc or anything like that.

I really like the idea of volunteering at a shelter/resuce etc and fostering especially. The only issue is that there is only 1 Bird shelter near me, but I don't believe it takes inexperienced volunteers. But hopefully they open up spots. Thanks for the suggestion though, i'll look around some more and see if people need foster carers.

Iguana · Jan 26, 2017

JBassset said:
As I just posted to another young member a large reason people don't like to see teens get birds is the fact that your life will change a LOT in the near future. You're going to want to move out, maybe go to school. Those first places you look to get into probably won't be cool with a bird which means your precious pet may get left with mom and dad. So in reality you're asking them to adopt a bird so you can have it for a few years.

Then, and this is the biggest issue, is the simple fact that your brain is not done growing. I know this sounds weird. But it's also super duper true. You know when people say "When you're older you'll understand" and that sounds like so much crap? Well that's a dumb way of saying that your brain isn't ready to fully process something.

It's not a knock against you or meant as a put down. It's just how biology works. At your age your brain is full of hormones of all sorts (OH jeeeze... he said the H word) and that makes it not exactly the most stable of brains out there. Again, 100% normal but doesn't sound entirely nice. But the truth is your brain is still growing and making paths to different thought centers and your decision making systems aren't all in place yet.

Things that seem like they're super critical today may not be in the future. I know that this is a long winded way of saying "you'll get it when you're older" but that really is true. Patience is HARD for anyone, but at your age it's nearly impossible. Your brain simply hasn't finished building those systems yet.

Beyond all of that I get stuck on the word "cage" In our language cage has a lot of negative meanings. So even though to our birds the cage isn't a bad thing we can't get passed the negative connotations. A better word would be something like "home" Our birds have large private homes. Or an "aviary" but that makes it sound kinda weird.

A lot of folks here call them "Bird homes" or "their house" instead of a cage. For the simple reason that they feel better about the term. Means the same thing but carries less negative weight.

So how do we help you convince your folks? I hate to tell you but that's not something we can help with. Regardless of whether we believe you'd be a good bird caretaker, we can't convince them for you. I don't want to discourage you but the truth is it's not our place to tell them what you can/can't should/shouldn't do.

You say you already have pets that require special attention. For now maybe be satisfied with them and just volunteer at a sanctuary for now?

Disappointing I know... sorry.

Thank you for this detailed reply

You've given some great advice, but I'd like to point out a couple things on my side if that's alright!

I already have 3 reptiles, so no matter where I move it has to be pet friendly regardless, and I'm fortunate that I live in an area with many pet friendly houses. I can't really move around a lot, or take many holidays (because of the reptiles) and the bird I would like to adopt isn't particularly big or loud.

I understand the whole brain thing too, I know what you mean

We studied in in psychology, how the pre-frontal cortex AKA decision center, doesn't fully develop until mid 20's or something like that lol and again I see where you're coming from, teenagers make a ton of dumb choices, god knows i've made some!
But, I'm almost 18, and while I don't have a ton of experience with birds as of yet, I'm certain that If I did get one, I would keep it for it's entire life no matter what.

I agree patience is hard, the reason I would like to adopt one soon (mid next year), is because of timing. I have alot of free time to build a bond with the bird and get it settled in. But if need be I can always wait until i'm older.

I like your point on the word 'cage' I agree, it's got so much negative connotation with it. I'll use house from now on

No problem, was just seeing if anyone had any tips or anything, of course i'll be doing all the convincing and such. Don't get me wrong i'm not looking to hoard pets haha, I've just wanted a Green Cheek for ages, and next year is looking like a good time to adopt one. The animals I have already aren't particularly demanding in terms of time, they just need specialist care.

Thanks again for all your points, you've given me alot to think about :green:

SailBoat · Jan 26, 2017

Iguana said:
SailBoat said:

I find myself on both sides of this!

Regardless of your parents argument(s). At the end of the day it is their home. Its called Parents Rights!, Home Owners Rights! In the future you will come across Landlord Rights. Until you and a bank own it, those others have that Right!

Whether it is fair or not is not the issue. That is the reality of Rights!

There are a huge number of Parrots wanting a 'For Ever' Home. I know, this fact and heavily support anyone that will commit fully to providing an 'For Ever' Home.

That said, to provide a 'For Ever' Home, you have to have a Home of your Own.

Keep Saving! You will be shocked at how quickly time will pass and you will have Free Will to make Your Choice.

Click to expand...

I understand that completely too, it's their house and they choose what get's to go in it, no arguments there! But they don't seem bothered about space, noise, mess or anything, just the ethics. So that's why I'm confused lol.

It'll be another 3-4 years before I move out, it just seems like good timing now because of my schedule for the next 4 years, will allow alot of free bonding time, and when I begin work I could take it with me.

Be very happy that your Parents have something that resembles 'ethics!' It is becoming a very rare thing in today's World. Almost to a point that many seem unable or unwilling to see it!

Inexperienced volunteers: They all need someone with a strong back and a willingness to WORK. Yet, another thing that is becoming very rare today! And, that is your 'Key Words' of the day! I have a Strong Back and I am willing to Work! Then it is up to you to prove you are worth their time to teach you more!! Be there ahead of time, work hard, don't watch the clock and leave not sooner than after your scheduled time. Breaks do not exist, etc., etc., etc. And Enjoy!!!

FYI: All Birds Are Loud!!! Its just a matter of when!

JBassset · Jan 26, 2017

SailBoat said:
Iguana said:

SailBoat said:

I find myself on both sides of this!

Regardless of your parents argument(s). At the end of the day it is their home. Its called Parents Rights!, Home Owners Rights! In the future you will come across Landlord Rights. Until you and a bank own it, those others have that Right!

Whether it is fair or not is not the issue. That is the reality of Rights!

There are a huge number of Parrots wanting a 'For Ever' Home. I know, this fact and heavily support anyone that will commit fully to providing an 'For Ever' Home.

That said, to provide a 'For Ever' Home, you have to have a Home of your Own.

Keep Saving! You will be shocked at how quickly time will pass and you will have Free Will to make Your Choice.

Click to expand...

I understand that completely too, it's their house and they choose what get's to go in it, no arguments there! But they don't seem bothered about space, noise, mess or anything, just the ethics. So that's why I'm confused lol.

It'll be another 3-4 years before I move out, it just seems like good timing now because of my schedule for the next 4 years, will allow alot of free bonding time, and when I begin work I could take it with me.

Click to expand...

Be very happy that your Parents have something that resembles 'ethics!' It is becoming a very rare thing in today's World. Almost to a point that many seem unable or unwilling to see it!

Inexperienced volunteers: They all need someone with a strong back and a willingness to WORK. Yet, another thing that is becoming very rare today! And, that is your 'Key Words' of the day! I have a Strong Back and I am willing to Work! Then it is up to you to prove you are worth their time to teach you more!! Be there ahead of time, work hard, don't watch the clock and leave not sooner than after your scheduled time. Breaks do not exist, etc., etc., etc. And Enjoy!!!

FYI: All Birds Are Loud!!! Its just a matter of when!

And put your phone away! I don't know how many people (not just milenials these days) that are just absorbed by their phone the entire day.

Go volunteer. You might meet "YOUR" bird. Never know.

Help convincing parents

Iguana

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Owlet

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JBassset

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