Leaving Jojo for college next year :-(

Hi all. Just want a bit of advice for the future. I'm a junior in highschool and after I graduate next year I'll be going to animation school. Either in california (across the country), or maybe somewhere even further. Its a bit selfish to have gotten a conure a year before I go to college, but I couldn't have helped it! I knew I would have regretted it forever if I didn't get him. He'll be in my mother and older sister's care for the 4 years I'm gone, and then, hopefully after I've found an apartment somewhere, I'll come retrieve him.

This thought makes me so sad and worried, though. I'm going to miss the everloving cluck out of him, and I'm worried he'll be angry with me, or even worse, depressed. He won't have me for a long time, and then when I come get him he'll be without my sister, which he also loves. That just seems so cruel

Obviously I'll visit him whenever possible, and my sister will visit him when I own him, but it just makes me sad that he won't have the both of us together anymore after next year.

You have no idea how tempted I am to smuggle him in, (actually, are birds allowed in college dorms? Cant find much info on that) but that would be incredibly stressful on both of our parts. Has anyone gone through this successfully, (or unsuccessfully) and do you have any advice for us? Luckily I have a year to think it over, but still..

I'll also be leaving Kirby(kakariki) and Shiro (cockatiel), but I'm not nearly as worried about them. I love them so much, but Kirby is more of a wild bird and isn't very attached to me, and Shiro more or less belongs to my sister, so she'll be alright.

I completely understand your issue, you must deal with the hear-and-now and next year! Everything else is water under the proverbial bridge.

Though you haven't chosen a college yet, might want to investigate the choices and make inquiries. Most colleges seem to prohibit, but we are in a time of greater recognition of the human-companion animal bond. While it would be most desirable for you to keep Jojo, you'll want to do what is best for your feathered friend. His safety in an environment that can be, well, chaotic, is primary. Seems you do have a great option for him at home!

Scott said:

I completely understand your issue, you must deal with the hear-and-now and next year! Everything else is water under the proverbial bridge.

Though you haven't chosen a college yet, might want to investigate the choices and make inquiries. Most colleges seem to prohibit, but we are in a time of greater recognition of the human-companion animal bond. While it would be most desirable for you to keep Jojo, you'll want to do what is best for your feathered friend. His safety in an environment that can be, well, chaotic, is primary. Seems you do have a great option for him at home!

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I was considering reaching out to my potential schools and asking, but a few things keep me from seeing bringing him as a good option. (1: He may be loud and disrupt roommates, 2: I can't really control whether my roommate will be using incense, paints, etc., and 3: As much as I adore him he may be a distraction and I may not have the time to properly care for him.) However I may live off campus 3'rd and 4'th year, so bringing him then may be an option.

happycat said:

Scott said:

I completely understand your issue, you must deal with the hear-and-now and next year! Everything else is water under the proverbial bridge.

Though you haven't chosen a college yet, might want to investigate the choices and make inquiries. Most colleges seem to prohibit, but we are in a time of greater recognition of the human-companion animal bond. While it would be most desirable for you to keep Jojo, you'll want to do what is best for your feathered friend. His safety in an environment that can be, well, chaotic, is primary. Seems you do have a great option for him at home!

Click to expand...

I was considering reaching out to my potential schools and asking, but a few things keep me from seeing bringing him as a good option. (1: He may be loud and disrupt roommates, 2: I can't really control whether my roommate will be using incense, paints, etc., and 3: As much as I adore him he may be a distraction and I may not have the time to properly care for him.) However I may live off campus 3'rd and 4'th year, so bringing him then may be an option.

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Going to be a big decision, so I'd suggest getting information of dorm bird-friendliness or the lack thereof. As the time approaches, you'll be busy and desire all available information!

Nice to see you are considering from many viewpoints as all your concerns are valid.

If you are electing to have Jojo stay at home with your mom and sis, I suggest letting them handle Jojo more and more as you approach your departure for college. Feeding him, cleaning his cage, training, cuddling, that sort of stuff. That way it won't be such a great impact for Jojo so there is less stress on him (and you too).

Once in college, maybe you can schedule to skype / face time with him several times a week Maybe even a remote cam set-up. I had a coworker with a cockatiel who had a camera pointed to him and a smart tv in front of his cage so she could 'visit' him any time she felt like it. The bird recognized her too.

What about living off campus in an apartment that allows birds? Most of the time it’s actually cheaper to live off campus.

chris-md said:

What about living off campus in an apartment that allows birds? Most of the time it’s actually cheaper to live off campus.

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I think that most universities, or at least when I went to college (98-02), make at least Freshmen live in the dorms for their first year, and the only way out of that is if they live within commuting-distance and are going to stay at home with their parents the first year and drive back and forth. Otherwise I'm pretty sure most school require Freshmen to live in a dorm...However, most schools do have a certain number of "single rooms" available for certain circumstances, maybe, say, an "Emotional Support Animal"...something to definitely look into NOW, BEFORE APPLYING...

I think the bottom-line to this entire situation is that 4 years is an incredibly long time, and there is no way at all that you are going to be able to predict what is going to happen throughout your 4 years away at school, nor is there any way for you to make plans for 4 years from now. As you said you plan on taking JoJo to live with you after he lives with your sister, mother, etc. for 4 years and they are taking care of him, interacting with him, etc...Well, I hate to say this to you, but there is a possibility that JoJo may not be happy leaving them after 4 years of living with/being taken care of by other people. I'm sure you already know how intelligent, emotional, sensitive, and yes, stubborn parrots are, so I don't need to tell you what might happen to your relationship with JoJo after being gone for 4 years...

And I don't say this to anger you or scare you, not one bit, so please don't take it that way, I'm only saying this to you to prove my point, which is that you are what, 17 or 18 years old right now? You haven't even chosen the school you're going to go to yet, you don't know what is going to happen, you may be able to take JoJo with you, you don't even know that yet...You don't know if you'll get to whatever school you choose and hate it completely and decide to come home. You don't know if you'll get there are decide you want to change your major to something that will require you to change schools...You don't know if you'll absolutely love where you're living so much that you decide to not come home during spring break or even the long, 3-month summer break...And if you are reading this and saying to yourself "Wrong, wrong, wrong! I know what I'm going to do with my life, I know this and that and blah...", then take-it from people who were 18 and heading off to school once too, you don't know what awaits your next 4 years at all..not even your next 10 years...

My point is that you need to make your decisions now wisely, as wisely as you can, do your best to stay close to JoJo, but don't try to plan ahead for 4 years from now or start to worry now about what is going to happen in 4 years from now, because you'll drive yourself nuts and you still won't have any control over it...Just do the best you can to stay close to JoJo, do your homework on the schools you are looking at and your options for JoJo, and go from there...

I have to agree with Ellen on this one. Realize that with all these changes and Jojo will be spending one year with you, then 4 years with your mom and sister.... do you really think he will want to leave them?

To get him a year before having to go to college was not the best decision on your part... I'll say it. Although you plan to visit, it is clear that you did not think of the life-time commitment of this bird, if you were really committed, I think you would find a way to take him with you and make it work with him. Otherwise, I'm sorry to say but he may end up being your family's bird, and not really want to bond with you as much. Not trying to scare you, but it will be a very long time to be away from jo jo and to think that nothing will change after all that time is naiive.

I strongly urge you to consider taking him with you, otherwise he may not be 'your' bird after you leave home.

I was in your shoes once, I got a Jenday Conure 5 years before going to college...I had to rehome him because my parents and family did not want to care for him and I had to live in the dorms.. Do I regret getting him when I did? Absolutely. I could have spared him my sub-par care as a teenager and gotten him after college when I had a stable income and was totally responsible and in one place.

Great advice from everyone and many varied points of view. I'm more in the camp of letting Jojo stay with his mom and sister at home. I was just thinking over dinner tonight that I had the most changes in my life occur between the years of 17 and 22. I moved apartments at least six times! Six in 5 years, I can't even believe it! Vacations out of the city and overseas for 2 weeks to 2 months at a time. Very late nights, waking up past lunch. Very loud and rowdy visitors. There was so much chaos and broken routines. I reveled in this but I think a parrot would not appreciate it as much. They love a predictable life because it feels safe. I think living at home with his mom and sis would give him that comfort. Then again, I was not the most responsible teenager / young adult. He might better than me in this regard haha!

Just my 2 cents, Happycat. I wish you and Jojo success in whichever route you take!

BoomBoom said:

Great advice from everyone and many varied points of view. I'm more in the camp of letting Jojo stay with his mom and sister at home. I was just thinking over dinner tonight that I had the most changes in my life occur between the years of 17 and 22. I moved apartments at least six times! Six in 5 years, I can't even believe it! Vacations out of the city and overseas for 2 weeks to 2 months at a time. Very late nights, waking up past lunch. Very loud and rowdy visitors. There was so much chaos and broken routines. I reveled in this but I think a parrot would not appreciate it as much. They love a predictable life because it feels safe. I think living at home with his mom and sis would give him that comfort. Then again, I was not the most responsible teenager / young adult. He might better than me in this regard haha!

Just my 2 cents, Happycat. I wish you and Jojo success in whichever route you take!

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You bring up very excellent points about the broken routine -- between the ages of 17 - 22 I was very much the same, routine was all over the place, visitors, vacations and flights, overseas twice, I don't think a bird would do well in that situation!

To the Op..... do you have choices for college yet and do you have any that are near home so you could come visit?

Can you get your own dorm room and how noisy is Jojo?

itzjbean said:

I have to agree with Ellen on this one. Realize that with all these changes and Jojo will be spending one year with you, then 4 years with your mom and sister.... do you really think he will want to leave them?

To get him a year before having to go to college was not the best decision on your part... I'll say it. Although you plan to visit, it is clear that you did not think of the life-time commitment of this bird, if you were really committed, I think you would find a way to take him with you and make it work with him. Otherwise, I'm sorry to say but he may end up being your family's bird, and not really want to bond with you as much. Not trying to scare you, but it will be a very long time to be away from jo jo and to think that nothing will change after all that time is naiive.

I strongly urge you to consider taking him with you, otherwise he may not be 'your' bird after you leave home.

I was in your shoes once, I got a Jenday Conure 5 years before going to college...I had to rehome him because my parents and family did not want to care for him and I had to live in the dorms.. Do I regret getting him when I did? Absolutely. I could have spared him my sub-par care as a teenager and gotten him after college when I had a stable income and was totally responsible and in one place.

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Thank you for opening my eyes to the possibly of bringing him. That may very well be what I do. I just want to do whats best for him. A single dorm is definitely pricier, but being in a single dorm with just my parrot for company might actually be the perfect thing for an introvert like myself.

I know it seems like a bad idea to have gotten him when I did, but I couldn't ignore the feeling that he was meant to be. Even if theres 4 years where I have to somehow make things work, its worth a 25-35 year life with him in my opinion. (and being from petco, theres no guarantee he would have gotten purchased by someone who would take good care of him)

eagle18 said:

Can you get your own dorm room and how noisy is Jojo?

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Much less noisy than the average sun conure. Only screams occasionally.

itzjbean said:

BoomBoom said:

Great advice from everyone and many varied points of view. I'm more in the camp of letting Jojo stay with his mom and sister at home. I was just thinking over dinner tonight that I had the most changes in my life occur between the years of 17 and 22. I moved apartments at least six times! Six in 5 years, I can't even believe it! Vacations out of the city and overseas for 2 weeks to 2 months at a time. Very late nights, waking up past lunch. Very loud and rowdy visitors. There was so much chaos and broken routines. I reveled in this but I think a parrot would not appreciate it as much. They love a predictable life because it feels safe. I think living at home with his mom and sis would give him that comfort. Then again, I was not the most responsible teenager / young adult. He might better than me in this regard haha!

Just my 2 cents, Happycat. I wish you and Jojo success in whichever route you take!

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You bring up very excellent points about the broken routine -- between the ages of 17 - 22 I was very much the same, routine was all over the place, visitors, vacations and flights, overseas twice, I don't think a bird would do well in that situation!

To the Op..... do you have choices for college yet and do you have any that are near home so you could come visit?

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I've got a few. If I end up going to the one in New York or Rode Island I would be much closer to him.

EllenD said:

chris-md said:

What about living off campus in an apartment that allows birds? Most of the time it’s actually cheaper to live off campus.

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And I don't say this to anger you or scare you, not one bit, so please don't take it that way, I'm only saying this to you to prove my point, which is that you are what, 17 or 18 years old right now? You haven't even chosen the school you're going to go to yet, you don't know what is going to happen, you may be able to take JoJo with you, you don't even know that yet...You don't know if you'll get to whatever school you choose and hate it completely and decide to come home. You don't know if you'll get there are decide you want to change your major to something that will require you to change schools...You don't know if you'll absolutely love where you're living so much that you decide to not come home during spring break or even the long, 3-month summer break...And if you are reading this and saying to yourself "Wrong, wrong, wrong! I know what I'm going to do with my life, I know this and that and blah...", then take-it from people who were 18 and heading off to school once too, you don't know what awaits your next 4 years at all..not even your next 10 years...

My point is that you need to make your decisions now wisely, as wisely as you can, do your best to stay close to JoJo, but don't try to plan ahead for 4 years from now or start to worry now about what is going to happen in 4 years from now, because you'll drive yourself nuts and you still won't have any control over it...Just do the best you can to stay close to JoJo, do your homework on the schools you are looking at and your options for JoJo, and go from there...

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That doesn't upset me. I appreciate your honesty. I don't pretend to know what the next 4 years will bring. All I can do is make predictions. The only set in stone thing is that this time next year, I will be going to a college that is not in my state.

I'm going to contact the schools this week and ask. Honestly, I would be so ecstatic if they would let me have him.

(.p.s. He is as close to my sister as he is to me, so I just wanted to let ya'll know that if he stays it would be with someone he trusts)

Ok so I know the deal for one of the colleges.

It says no pets allowed in the dorms, even comfort animals.
So if I end up going to that college, the options would be A.) Get a dorm and have Jojo stay at home for a year, and assuming I like the school getting an apartment off campus for the other years and bringing him with me then. pros: Less stress for me to live on campus and with a roommate until I'm used to college. Cons: Separation from Jojo for a year or more.
or B.) getting an off campus apartment for the first year and bringing him right away. pros: No separation from Jojo. Cons: more stressful for me and him, more expensive (its a california beach, what do you expect)
Any input?

I’d throw that right back at you. What do YOU think? How you plan you college experience really isn’t for strangers on a forum to decide.

chris-md said:

I’d throw that right back at you. What do YOU think? How you plan you college experience really isn’t for strangers on a forum to decide.

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Oh yeah, good point.

I'm asking less about me. I have no idea how a bird would react to their owner being gone for a year. I'd be fine for a year, but I don't know if conures are the type of birds that would hate their owners after a year or what. Does anyone have experience with leaving their fids for a long period of time?

This thread put me at a bit of ease: http://www.parrotforums.com/conures/50675-leaving-five-months-worried-my-conure-will-forget-me.html

I just worry, ya know? I'd never do anything to lose the love of my fids

Are you certain that this school in Cali allows Freshmen to live off-campus if they are not commuters? I don't know, maybe things have changed since I was an undergrad, which was from 1998-2002, but back then most colleges and universities, especially 4-year ones, didn't allow Freshmen to live off-campus unless their parents/guardians lived locally and the Freshmen was going to live at home with them and commute to school every day. Otherwise most schools required Freshmen to live in the dorms, the idea being that students need to live in the dorms during their first year of school so that they can get used to living away from their families and on their own, yet still be in a semi-controlled environment with some supervision. I remember some schools that I looked at actually requiring that students live in the dorms for their first 2 years unless they commute...The other Freshmen requirement for most schools used to be that they couldn't have a car on-campus either, unless they were commuters who lived at home. Otherwise you couldn't keep a car on-campus during your Freshmen year...Now that one you can easily get around, I knew tons and tons of Freshmen who weren't from the area and lived in the dorms but still brought their car with them, they just parked them off-campus somewhere so they didn't need a parking permit from the school to park in one of the school lots. They either found a free parking place in the area that was within walking-distance from campus to park their cars, usually a residential area/neighborhood where they could just park their car on the street by the curb, OR they would just pay a monthly fee, usually like $50-$100 a month, and kept their car in a parking garage. There's no way that school officials would ever know that they had a car in-town, and that way they didn't have to stay on-campus constantly, spend money all the time eating on-campus, and they could go out at night and take weekend road-trips. Not that I'm trying to give you any bad ideas, lol..I don't know what would happen if the school found out that a Freshman was keeping their car in-town anyway, what are they going to do them, lol, it's not like they're parking on-campus without a permit.

I'd make-certain that at this school in Cali that you're interested in that you can actually live off-campus in an apartment during your Freshman year first, because if you can't then that eliminates that as a possibility...If you are allowed to live off-campus in your own apartment during your Freshman year, then you just have to weigh the pros and cons...Honestly, if it was me in that situation and I was able to afford an apartment and was allowed to live off-campus my Freshman year, I would do it anyway, regardless of whether or not you bring your bird. That's just my opinion, because living in the dorms is a nightmare, or at least it can be, especially if you are serious about your studies. I was a pre-med major and the dorms were constantly loud, and I mean loud, there were always people in and out of everyone's rooms at all hours of the day and night, and since you don't know who your roommate is going to be, you can either get very lucky or very, very, very unlucky. I don't think there's any in-between. I swear, I ended up with the typical "party-girl" that was the total opposite of me. She listened to country music and also pop-crap, like Brittany Spears (no offense to anyone who likes country or pop music, but she was a little bit country, and I'm not... And she constantly had other people in our room, in and out and in and out, the door was a revolving door. She stayed out until after midnight every single night, if not until 3 or 4 in the morning, and would come stumbling in drunk, it was a nightmare. I couldn't study in our room, I had to go to the library or the Student Union Building to read or do homework, and whenever I spoke to her about it she told me I needed to "loosen up". I went out on the weekends as much as anyone, I played guitar in a punk band for god's sake! But there's a limit...I got a tiny little apartment downtown that was a 15 minute walk from campus for $300 a month my Sophomore year, and it was amazing...And ironically I also bought my very first dog that was all my own, my Australian Cattle Dog, Cleo.

Actually I hadn't thought of that, I actually did get my Blue Heeler as a 9 week old puppy during my Sophomore year, actually in October of my Sophomore year, so I didn't wait very long to do so. And having her there with me made my college life better all the way around. Something you don't realize right now is the amount of down-time you have in college, it's not at all like high-school. If you carry an average of 15 credits, that's 5 classes (which is a normal class-load). So typically you'll have those classes either 3 times a week for an hour, or twice a week for an hour and a half. So I always scheduled my classes together, all in a row if I could, or at least all on the same days. So I would have 5 classes on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays from 8:00 a.m. through to like 2 or 3 in the afternoon, with an hour or two off in-between. So I was done with classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday in the early afternoon, and then either had Tuesdays and Thursdays off, as well as both Saturdays and Sundays, but or I might have a 3 or 4 hour lab once a week on Tuesday or Thursday morning, and that was it. So if you do your schedule that way, you can basically get all of your classes done so you are free from the early to mid afternoon on, and have not only the weekends off, but also have a couple of days off during the week too. I was one who would go home after class and study what we went-over that day for an hour or two, then I was free the rest of the night and on my days off, so I had a ton of down-time. That's when having a pet there with me was awesome. And I had a puppy, that's a lot more work than a Green Cheek. Actually looking back on it, having a parrot with me would have been amazing, as they love to just be out of their cages and in the same room as I am, while they play I would have studied. So it's something to think about for you...

I'd say that if you are able to get an apartment of your own then you should take your bird with you. Not only will it keep you closely-bonded with him, but it will probably be good for you too, as well as for him. It's not like you can't go out to a party and leave him at home once in a while, or do anything else in your free-time, that doesn't change from what you do now. I'm sure you go out with your friends and do things now and leave him at home alone, we all do that from time to time. I'm single and live alone now, and I go out and do things without my birds. I just make sure that I spend as much time with them at home as I do going out and doing things without them.

happycat said:

Ok so I know the deal for one of the colleges.

It says no pets allowed in the dorms, even comfort animals.
So if I end up going to that college, the options would be A.) Get a dorm and have Jojo stay at home for a year, and assuming I like the school getting an apartment off campus for the other years and bringing him with me then. pros: Less stress for me to live on campus and with a roommate until I'm used to college. Cons: Separation from Jojo for a year or more.
or B.) getting an off campus apartment for the first year and bringing him right away. pros: No separation from Jojo. Cons: more stressful for me and him, more expensive (its a california beach, what do you expect)
Any input?

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"No pets allowed, even comfort animals"
is actually illegal to say believe it or not. ESA's (emotional support animals) or 'comfort animals' are protected under the fair housing act (federal law)
https://www.animallaw.info/article/faqs-emotional-support-animals

But that's besides the point it doesn't seem like Jojo is an ESA to you so this won't help any just thought I might point it out.