Tips before getting companion birds

LeslieA

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This is SO hijacked but SO true!

Are you thinking about getting your first pet bird? This 13-step guide will emotionally and physically prepare you for what itā€™s like to live with one. If you follow this, you will have a fairly good idea what itā€™s like to have one of these lovely creatures in your house.

1. Take a big bite of carrot. Chew it up well, but donā€™t swallow it. Now go out to your dining room and spew it all over the wall. Leave it there until it dries. Get a sponge and a scraper and scrape it off the wall. Repeat at least three times a week.

2. Go to the bird supply store. Buy everything you need for the month. Then with the leftover money, go to the grocery store and pick up a five-pound box of macaroni, some parmesan cheese and some margarine. These provisions should last you about two weeks, and itā€™s about all youā€™ll be able to afford after all that money you spent at the bird supply store.

3. Take a newspaper to the bird supply store. Place it in the bottom of an empty birdcage. Read it while itā€™s laying on the bottom of the grate. This is how you will be reading the newspaper from now on.

4. Get some pelleted diet, some chopped up vegetables, borrow some bird poop from the bird supply store (theyā€™ll look at you funny, but they probably wonā€™t charge you for it), some parrot feathers, pieces of bird toy parts, some wood chips and some almond shells. Combine in a one-gallon container. Throw some of it on the floor. Now clean it up. Throw more of it on the floor. Now clean it up. Repeat at least twice a day.

5. Get a screwdriver from your toolkit. Make some gouges in the paint on the wall. And while youā€™re at it, use it to rip one of your lampshades and smack up a couple of picture frames.

6. Make sure you know the meaning of all of these terms: Cloaca, preen gland, PDD, PBFD, calcium to phosphorus ratio, polyomavirus, E.N.D., and boing. This task involves a lot of research. At least you'll be on your phone for a good reason.

7. Measure out a cup of flour and place in a sifter. Move about your house and lightly coat all surfaces with the flour. Now dust all the surfaces. Repeat at least three times a week.

8. Look up some wild parrots on YouTube. Turn the volume up on your phone to full blast and place it right next to your ear. Repeat at least three times a day for 15 minutes.

9. Take some of that bird poop you borrowed from the bird supply store and place it on a spatula. Now reach over your shoulder with the spatula and rub the bird poop on the back of your shirt. Let dry and then go grocery shopping. Count the number of people who either stare at you or tell you that you have bird poop on your back.

10. Do a little dumpster diving and collect odd items like water bottle caps, pieces of raffia, tree branches from bird-safe trees, pieces of cardboard and old plastic clothesline. With these items, attempt to make an interesting toy. You have 8 minutes. You may begin.

11. Save the wild parrot sounds onto your phone and set them as your 6 a.m. alarm. Make sure they are on the loudest setting possible. Repeat every morning for the rest of your life.

12. Get some bed sheets. Now take that screwdriver and make various beak-shaped holes in them. Take some of that bird poop and smear it on the sheets. Launder and repeat at least twice a month.

13. Find a reputable bird veterinarian and make his car payment for him. Repeat at least once a year for each bird you intend to get.

Do these exercises for as long as you can. If you can keep this up for at least six months without losing your mind, you just might be ready for a parrot.

From Bird Talk Magazine
 

LaManuka

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Yep story of my life, specially the stuff about poop & making my vetā€™s car payments... sigh!
 

GaleriaGila

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Leslie, that is great! It's one of those do-I-laugh-or-cry things. #8 and 11 are my personal favorites! I would add a corollary to #8... 'play these sounds at top volume while you are trying to have an important phone conversation'.
 

LaManuka

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Can I add Rule 14 - Forget About Having Anything Nice In The House? You can bet your bottom dollar that the one thing you donā€™t want destroyed will be the very thing your bird will find absolutely irresistible. And last night I had to discard a glass of very nice mineral water cos I went to take a sip and found a bird poop, probably Fangā€™s, somehow had landed in the glass. 10 out of 10 for precision bombing sir, I salute you!
 

Laurasea

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Have sine kids hide poop and have treasure hunt for bird poop! It ends up places I have no idea how it got there! I think my record for flung food was eight feet from a quaker!
 
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LeslieA

LeslieA

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Haha Someone said to tear open a down pillow to simulate molting. I say put some in your hair, mouth, food and pockets!
 

Sunnyclover

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I'm lucky mine don't wake me up...maybe because they have their sleep cages in their own sound insulated bedroom.
 

LaManuka

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Oh yes, you may well laugh now mister, but in coming here it shows you have already fallen under a birdie spell! One day youā€™ll get back to the Netherlands and youā€™ll want to buy a cockatiel, or maybe a conure or something a little bigger, and then the birdies will have you completely under their power and there will be no escape for you then my friend!! Mwaah ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa (Dr Evil type laugh ;) )!!!!!
 

Squeekmouse

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Another one they missed:


"Break off the handle of a feather duster, make sure there is still a sharp bit of wood left. Hold the feathered bundle in your non-dominant hand for at least 8 hours per day, You must now do everything with just your one free hand. Be sure to jab your fingers with the sharp bit at random throughout the day."
 

Jottlebot

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OMG. Soooo funny!!! So so true. I was laughing because it was funny, then laughing because I realised it was true and then laughing - in a slightly hysterical way I admit - when I realised this is what I put up with!

The only addition would be to wait until the end of the month (or whenever you're starting to get a bit sweaty and panicked about your bank account) and then buy a bag of pellets for a lot of money that you're pretty sure you already budgeted for and in fact bought once that month and then drop a pellet from about 3 feet onto newspaper approximately once every 17 seconds over and over and over and over just to get used to the sound...
 

Squeekmouse

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Lol!! So true.... buy pellets that cost as much as their weight in gold, then listen to them get flung around the room all day or pooped in....


My husband wants me to add:


Clip a clothespin to your ear and blow and air-horn in that ear every 15 minutes for at least one hour per day.
 
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LeslieA

LeslieA

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Glenn, IRN; Sherman, WCP; JoJo, budgie; Tommy, budgie; Daytona, Sunday; Sir Lancelot, GCC; Duchess, BCC; Chirps, GRP (Green-rumped Parrotlet)
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At the GROCERY store each week, put all the bird items together followed by yours. Ask the cashier to subtotal the first group. OMG, I spend about twice as much on the birds as me! That doesn't include the bird supplies!
 
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