Thriving or just surviving in your care?

Do you ever feel like your bird(s) isn't/aren't thriving in your care? If so, what do you do to rectify the situation, if anything?

I have a tremendously guilty conscience about my Lovebirds and the quality of their care. Due to the one's aggression towards me (and sometimes towards her own sister), I barely handle them any longer. I'm just so tired of getting charged at and bitten. Because I don't handle them much (read: 5-15 min/day), they don't get out of their cages as much as they used to and I feel really sad about that. They never let me touch or pet them. They are flighted so they come and go from my shoulder at will.

Granted, they eat a decent diet (chop is a constant battle with them) of pellets and some seed, and they have a constant supply of rotated toys to play with, I just feel like they're NOT thriving. I feel like they need more, and they deserve better care.

I love them both, despite Penelope's aggressive nature, but is love enough to keep them for the next 15-20 years? I have consulted a bird behaviorist about her and have made the changes that were suggested to me, but we have backslid and now find ourselves back at Square One in regard to her biting. I have also contacted a local rescue who is willing to take them both, and will keep them together, but I know they'll never be able to handle them. Would they be better off in a sanctuary for the rest of their lives or are they better off with me in this living situation as-is?

I moved their cage from upstairs to downstairs, and put it in the extra bedroom where the parakeets are located. They all sing, chirp, play, eat, and bounce around, but...I feel like something is lacking. They're just not happy. Truly happy.

I don't know what to do, and I feel like I'm on the fence about keeping them. I've had them since they were seven weeks old, and never did I think I'd send them to a sanctuary or rescue situation. But if I can't fulfill them and offer them a happy healthy home, then would it be best for them?

Sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out to have birds. I want to own a large parrot someday (years down the road), but how can I possibly even think about that when I cannot fully commit myself to keeping my girls long-term?

Please go easy on me. I'm really struggling with this decision. I don't want to rush to make any final decisions. Not to use this as an excuse, but my PTSD often causes problems with my impulse control. I'm on medications and in therapy for my psychological disabilities, but it's definitely not fool-proof. I still make grave mistakes in impulse control, and it is costing me a great deal in other aspects of my life. I have to file Ch. 7 bankruptcy this month...and that's another reason why I'm concerned about their care. I'm worried that I cannot afford the proper care for them that is generally required. That being said, it hasn't been a problem so far but if anything were to happen to either of them, it could be a real problem financially.

Take care that you are not placing your definitions of surviving on your birds. Yes, it would be wonderful in your interactions and time with them would be greater as would their time out of the cage.
That all said, the picture you paint of the activities in the bird room state that they are interacting with each other.
I'm an Amazon Snob and I know very little about the needs of this group of parrots. With that understanding, I have seen interactions turn around when the Humans define what they maybe doing wrong and correcting it. It does not assure a positive outcome, but increases the likelihood of a turn around in your relationship.
The real danger is that door number two maybe far worst then what they are experiencing now.

Okay- this is probably ging to be a mess, so, just read with me?

One.. I SO understand that you are sick and tired of being bitten.
It is no fun to have your love and devotion rewarded every day with agression and pain. It takes a very rare person to be able to handle that for years (and I know I am not one of them, so I will never blame anyone either).

Two - plze do noy buy into the fable that birds need us and interaction with us to lead happy, funfilled and fullfilled lives. I know this sounds extremely harsh because this is a forum dedicated to get the most out of interaction with those wonderfull species called parrots, but it is still a unnatural situation
(no matter how much fun it may be)

Birds like birds best unless conditioned/imprinted otherwise.


Your birds are extremely happy with each other- so you have that going for them and you.
I would just say: let them have the aviary life...where they can bird along and if they choose to interact with you thats fine, if they do not...that is fine too.
There are huge flocks of smaller parrots on the planet who live their lives that way (aviaries) and are perfectly happy.

The only one that is not...is you..., you wanted a nice cuddly interactive birdy, but unfortunately they developed other ideas. None of that is your fault. A person can dream!!


Sorry to read you have a lot of work to do with/within yourself- that is a long and hard road, but you can do it. I wish I could magick up the perfect birdy to help you, but maybe these two are there to help you to keep fighting for what is truely worth fighting for. Attack each day and protect that what you want to keep best- is not a bad lesson to learn, and they do keep telling you...
Having a pet to cuddle with and that is there for you sounds great, but maybe you actually have the birds you need, not the one you want?


Maybe Santa can find you a very, very large cage so everyone is okay with the situation as it is, but if it continues to bother you and you feel deep down it is not working out..there is always the rehoming option, but they will have a hard time finding anyone as nice as you!

I think sometimes people hang onto parrots when they really should be re-homed. But I don't think that is the case for you, unless you think so. Love birds are hard from all I have read. What about letting them fly around and be out, and return to their cage on their own? My parakeets ate very happy to do this, they play , explore, fly for fun and sing their hearts out....it has even led to one seeking me out. The first time I just let them out I worried, how in the heck to get them back k in, but decided to see how it played out, at the end if the day they just put themselves back. So now I just let them out everyday. So I think if your guys have each other, good food and care, and you are able to let them out of the cage, they would be great with you..I set up foraging places through out the house, and make spots they want to be, that way I can place peppers underneath to catch any mess..

I agree with what’s been said above. From the sounds of things - your lovies have a good life with you. I’ll share my experience - but ultimately you know you and your birds best and will make the best decision.

I have several conures and a cockatiel. They are all different in what they need from me. My green cheek Tango specifically I had to really think about what I was doing - I felt like I was failing to build a bond with her and wondered if she was happy. What I discovered when I really paid attention - was that she just enjoys the company of other birds more than interacting with people. She’s interested in me, and sometimes chooses to sit on my shoulder - but bites if you try to scritch her or ask for step ups when she’s into something else. She’s happy being out flying around the house, playing on the play stand, and interacting with other birds. I had to adjust my definition of “happy”. Tango plays (not with me), yaps and preens with the other birds, flies, explores, talks to me and sometimes follows me around and occasionally sits on my shoulder. Tango and I have figured out what the boundaries are and enjoy each other’s company within those boundaries. I doubt that Tango will ever want much hands-on but I think that she’s happy, healthy and safe with me - even if she doesn’t want a snuggly, “best friend” type relationship and I’ve adjusted to be fine with that.

I hear what you're all saying. Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself and projecting my issues onto my birds. That is likely.

Maybe Penelope would be content to live in her cage for the rest of her life, and keep things as a steady routine. However, I'm not okay with it. I want more for her. I want her to be happy, and I feel like there's something really bothering her. Am I just way off-base here? It sounds foolish when I type it out.

In other words, I feel like whatever is bothering her is manifesting into aggression...but perhaps that's not the case at all. Maybe she's just sexually mature and that's how her personality has formed and I should consider myself lucky to have a healthy bird and leave it at that. Ohhh, the frustration I feel!

I will give it more time. I will continue to work with her. I will allot for more time outside of the cage when they can fly around the room as they used to do. Perhaps these changes will improve things, at least a little. If not, then I have some serious thinking to do about my situation.

I won't rehome them. If anything, they'll go to the sanctuary where they'll be understood and accepted for who they are. I'm supposed to go there later this week to view the grounds and talk to her. She'd like me to volunteer for her so perhaps that would give me the opportunity to still spend some time with them. Not sure that's a good idea. I just don't know what to do.

Just take all the time you need, birdwise or other.


Just dont get tempted to guildtrip over this one: your birds are doing great, you are a fine parront. :heart:
You care so much about them and want the best of the best, but plze remember that "pretty darn good" is good enough for (almost) everyone.

I think what you need to keep in-mind here is that you brought home 2 baby Lovebirds that bonded extremely closely with one-another, and like ANY species of parrot, if there is another one of them in their lives and they like/love/bond with them, then they are going to usually choose the bird as their flockmate rather than the person/people...And Lovebirds in-particular are almost always better to not get in pairs IF you want a pet bird that is closely bonded with you, because they very often bond with each other and exclude themselves from the flock of people in their home...Doesn't mean they aren't happy and healthy, in fact it sounds to me like both of your Lovebirds are extremely happy with their lives,,.But the way it has worked-out isn't what you expected to happen...I understand that, it happens a lot when people "buy a friend" for their parrot for when they aren't home to be with them, and then they end-up losing their close bond with their bird...and it devastates them...

I too think that you need to really take into consideration what will likely happen to your Lovebirds if you re-home them, whether to an Avian Rescue or to a new home...With a Rescue they will be rehomed together, and then will be in the same situation as they would if you just re-homed them to a private person...They will be a pair of Lovebirds that is to be watched, not interacted with at all, and with that usually eventually comes boredom and the owners getting tired of buying food for 2 birds they can't even interact with, and then they will be rehomed again, and again, and again...And I guarantee that no one else in the world is going to care for them the way you do, simply because you've raised them and are attached to them and love them...

If I were you I wouldn't worry about them being unhappy, because in reality they are probably happy little clams because they have each other...You are perceiving them as being unhappy because you are unhappy with the way they interact with you, which is totally understandable, but if your concern is solely about their happiness and more importantly their welfare, then I'd keep them...If you can't afford to keep them any longer then that's a totally different story, because they will eventually need Avian Vet care at some point, and it's not fair to not get that kind of care when they need it...But only you can make that determination...

I visited the sanctuary today. It was very nice, clean, well organized, and the lady who runs it was also very nice. I had a good feeling about the place, but ultimately decided to keep them with me. They are no better or worse off here at home than they would be if they were uprooted and moved to a totally new environment with over 200 other birds (most of them cockatiels). So, it's settled. I have made my decision to keep them with me for the long-haul and to offer them the best life possible. I hope they will be happy lil' chippers throughout their lives.

Thanks for the feedback from those who offered advice and kind words. It's greatly appreciated and it helped me make a rational decision without focusing too much on my impulses. Again, thank you!

I’m glad you’ve decided to keep them, and I’m sure that they’ll be happy in your care! I’m also glad that you are they type of owner that was so worried about their well-being that you considered all of the options to decide what is best for them....that says a lot about the type of person you are

Thought-provoking!

I'll add my little dos centavos...

I was in college when I got him (pure foolish impulse, plus a freshly-deposited work-study check as I was visiting the bird store), and then grad school, so I spent LOTS of time with him. Then it was time to go to work!
There were years (about 25 of them) when 5-6 days a week, I was gone at 7:30-ish and back at 6-ish.
Some did and will consider me wrong and think I should have re-homed him.
Anyway, here is what I think made it work.
I moved and got new jobs maybe 5 times or so. BUT...
Every morning, he had at least ten minutes, and every evening, he had 20 or so. I have always kept him on a natural light schedule, in a separate room, so sometimes those times together were in the dark. During the day, he had a big window looking out on something interesting, a television on one of his favorite channels (Music channels, news channels - he loves talking heads), a biggg cage, lots of fun foods, and a few toys that I changed out regularly).
He KNEW he could count on those two crumby sessions a day. Somehow we both made it.
I'm now retired and times are good again. I can't imagine not having him in my life, and for better or worse, he has had a forever-home since he was three months old.

I think this is a good topic to re-examine every now and then. Just to make sure we're staying open-minded.

I think that you made the correct decision, especially for their own welfare. Like you said, they aren't any better-off in a place like that at all, in fact much worse if its a rescue-like "Sanctuary"...nothing at all wrong with places like that, but as you said, they are not one bit better-off, only worse-off because they'd be "uprooted" and stressed...

This is an excellent, honest topic. Thank you for posting it.

I think aggression (biting) does not mean she is unhappy. She's communicating that's all and you can guarantee she knows you'll understand!

From what you've written the only thing I think you should try is to allow them more time out of their cage to fly and exercise, or get them an aviary cage as has previously been suggested.

The other issue I think is what you want from the relationships. If you want them to be happy I think you have that and you need not worry about it. If you want to be able to physically interact with them then I understand your disappointment and why you want to start working with them again. Could you be happy with them as your little wild things?