Parrot Forum Header Left  
Go Back   Parrot Forum - Parrot Owner's Community > Community > General Parrot Information

General Parrot Information Post here for general parrot related topics

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21 (permalink)  
Old 03-01-2019, 01:46 PM
EllenD's Avatar
Senior Member
Parrots:
Senegal Parrot named "Kane"; Yellow-Sided Green Cheek Conure named "Bowie"; Blue Quaker Parrot named "Lita Ford"; Cockatiel named "Duff"; 8 American/English Budgie Hybrids; Ringneck Dove named "Dylan"
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: State College, PA
Thanks: 6,372
Thanked 7,416 Times in 3,032 Posts
EllenD will become famous soon enough
Re: Marching down an uncertain road

Sponsored Links
Wow, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, or rather constantly have it in the back of your head at all times, as I'm sure it is...But what you're doing right here, right now is EXACTLY what you need to be doing, figuring this out BEFORE it does become a full-blown issue that causes strain on your relationship with Eddie, or ruins your bond with Parker...I've found in my own life with many, many situations that the only reason they became HUGE issues was because I didn't address them when I first became aware of them becoming issues, and the only reason that they ended-up becoming emergencies or massive problems that seemingly had no good answers at all was because I chose to ignore them, hoping they would go away or sort themselves out. I can honestly say that there are quite a few situations that I have found myself in that would have NEVER even been blips on the screen had I just addressed them when I first became aware of them or sensed them. Everything has a possible positive solution, but it's up to YOU to take the bull by the horns and make those positive solutions actual possibilities...

I don't think the dog-sitting issue is going to be an eventual "re-home" situation Chris, just because if you really think about what is best for Parker in-comparison to where he would be if you did eventually re-home him, I think you'll also find that the negatives or "the cons" of dog-sitting and having to keep Parker inside of his cage a bit more often than you would otherwise will not EVER make re-homing him to another person or family a better situation for him overall. Regardless of what a great, loving, responsible person or family you could possibly find to re-home Parker to, that potential person or family will not EVER love Parker more than you do, and I can say with confidence that this also applies to Parker's love for you. We all know how intelligent our parrots are, how they are able to use logic and reasoning skills, but what we sometimes forget is that as intelligent as they are, they are also every bit as emotional and loving. They are "Flock Animals" who bond-deeply with their mates, whether they be mates with feathers or mates with skin. And you just cannot convince me that ANY other person or family being able to let Parker out of his cage a little more each day than you can due to you dog-sitting will be better for him overall than will be him staying with you, "his person" and flock-mate who he's bonded so closely with. Think about that for a while and I think you'll see where I'm coming from and totally agree with me. I can't imagine a young child who's parents work a lot of hours and who is often babysat while his parents are at work would be better-off in the long-run by being moved to new parents who are home 24/7 and able to be with them constantly. That little bit of extra time and attention will NEVER overcome losing the person or people who they love the most and who they count-on being there for them and with them at the end of the day.

So I think the "dog-sitting" issue isn't really an issue, just more of a concern that you're maybe making into more of a problem than it actually is, possibly because the other issue regarding Parker really could potentially become an actual problem, and maybe you're looking for other substantial reasons why it would be better for Parker if you were to re-home him. And that's understandable, that's how our brains work, constantly looking for justifications and evidence to "back things up", but again, just the fact that you and Parker are bonded so closely and that Parker loves you so much and expects you to be there with him always is way more important to him, to Parker, than some total strangers being there with him 24/7, 365.

As far as the issue with your partner and Parker, have you actually sat down with Eddie and had a serious conversation about this yet? You said that you can "sense" that it's an issue that Eddie has that is gradually becoming larger and larger, but how do you know that for certain? Has Eddie voiced this with you? Or is this something that you've been observing and that YOU ARE PERCEIVING to be a potentially huge issue for the two of you in the future?

I don't know either of you personally, but I do know how much you love and care for Parker, and the kind of bond the two of you have. I'm pretty sure that all of the more senior-members of this forum would agree with me on that...And if people who don't know you personally, who have never met you or even spoken to you on the phone know how much you love and care for your bird and that the two of you have a very strong bond and relationship, then I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that Eddie probably knows this very well too! And when someone loves you, or is in-love with you, they not only recognize the persons, places, and things that are important to you, but they also respect those things that are important to you. So even if Eddie "isn't a bird person", and even though he might get annoyed when Parker gets loud or has his moments, as all pets and people do sometimes, I highly doubt that he's ever even had the thought of "re-homing Parker" cross his mind, at least not seriously, simply because he loves you and he knows how much you love Parker, and how important he is to you and your life. And while it's amazingly selfless that you would even consider re-homing Parker just to please your partner, I highly doubt that he would ever expect you nor want you to do so for him. You have to remember Chris that as much as you're worrying about Eddie's feelings and wanting him to be as happy as possible, Eddie is most-likely thinking the exact same thing in-regards to you and your happiness. And that's what makes intimate relationships work, two people who want each other to be happy in life, and the two of them reaching compromises and both of them giving AND taking. So you have to keep in-mind that Eddie certainly does not want you to be unhappy or be put in a position where you're having to think about making a horribly painful and traumatic decision about re-homing your parrot simply because you want him to be happy, whether it's at the expense of your own happiness or not. That's not something that anyone in a committed, loving relationship wants their partner to do for them.

And one more possibility that you need to really think about long and hard is what re-homing Parker due to Eddie not liking him or being annoyed by him, or simply because you care about him so much that you are willing to do one of the most unselfish, selfless things you could possibly do FOR HIM would eventually do to your relationship in the end. Resentment is a emotion that no one ever plans on feeling, nor even really ever thinks about until one day they suddenly feel it. It's not a feeling that we usually consider before we make very difficult decisions for someone else, and maybe we should, because if we thought about the potential for resentment rearing it's ugly head sometime in the distant future, we would probably be able to avoid it completely a lot of the time. As someone who has been in a completely "one-sided" relationship with regard to looking out for my partner completely and always putting myself and my feelings second, I can tell you that even 5 years after that relationship was ended (by them I might add, pathetically), I still catch myself regretting decisions that I made totally at my own expense, simply out of concern for the other person. There are things that I did at my own detriment that to this day I just find myself begging to take back...but I can't take them back, they just exist and the "what-ifs" for myself just hang out there like a carrot dangled in front of me that I'll never, ever be able to catch.

So not only do you need to sit down soon, in the present, and discuss this with Eddie in-depth before you worry yourself crazy and before these little "annoyances' that you think Parker is causing him on a regular basis become actual issues, but you also need to sit down with yourself and try to imagine a future-life where you and Eddie are still together, living together and in a committed relationship, and where you have already made the decision to selflessly re-home Parker and give him away to someone else for him to bond with and learn to love (maybe, maybe not, there's the issue of the unknown for what would become of Parker to consider too), and try to decide whether you can see your own resentment of Eddie growing slowly over time, possibly ruining your relationship at some point anyway. Every time you see an Eclectus are you going to remember Parker, look at Eddie, and then feel that resentment poking at you, little by little, bit by bit, until you start thinking "I gave my baby away for you, but what have you ever done for me that was so selfless and painful?" Again, we don't ever think that this is going to happen between us and the person that we love, especially since it would be completely your decision to re-home Parker and not something that Eddie would have done, but unfortunately resentment isn't typically an emotion we can choose to not feel; we can only suppress it over time until it explodes. And then where will you be left?

Sit down and talk to Eddie. Tell him exactly what you're worrying about, ask him how he feels about it, but most-importantly you need to tell him truthfully how you feel about it. And try to find solutions to these issues that presently don't seem to be any that you can't overcome and work-out without anyone leaving the picture.
__________________
"Dance Like Nobody's Watching".
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to EllenD For This Useful Post:
chris-md (03-02-2019), Scott  (03-30-2019)
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 03-01-2019, 02:21 PM
EllenD's Avatar
Senior Member
Parrots:
Senegal Parrot named "Kane"; Yellow-Sided Green Cheek Conure named "Bowie"; Blue Quaker Parrot named "Lita Ford"; Cockatiel named "Duff"; 8 American/English Budgie Hybrids; Ringneck Dove named "Dylan"
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: State College, PA
Thanks: 6,372
Thanked 7,416 Times in 3,032 Posts
EllenD will become famous soon enough
Re: Marching down an uncertain road

Just to clarify, as you can see I typically take the side of the bird, lol. Or at least try to think of things from the bird's perspective rather than from my own or someone else's perspective. I think that's because they can't really speak for themselves on these issues, and also because my personal feeling, for myself anyway (not putting this on anyone else at all, this is how I feel for my own situation and life) is that when it comes to "pets" in-general, I think of them just like human children, that they are my responsibility that I willingly and purposely decided to take-on. So it's always going to be my responsibility to do what's not only best for them, but also what I can be certain is the safest for them...When you re-home any pet there is always going to be that doubt whether or not you did the right thing and made the correct choice, but there is also going to be the constant wonder about whether or not they're okay and whether or not they are being properly taken care of and loved, and that's something that you not only can't really know for certain in most cases, but it's also something that you can no longer control or do anything about after the fact. So I guess my feeling is that there are always going to be problems that come up, situations that aren't ideal, situations that cause "issues" and stress on us and our partners, but that there is also always a solution to if everyone is able to sit down and talk it out, and make little changes here and there to make it work. I'm also probably unfairly-jaded by already being in a relationship where I gave up things that were extremely important to me for someone else's well-being and found out that in the end it didn't matter to them and only caused me pain and heartache...And that ALMOST included Lola, my Australian Cattle Dog...Notice who is still here 5 years later and who's not...
__________________
"Dance Like Nobody's Watching".
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to EllenD For This Useful Post:
chris-md (03-02-2019), Scott  (03-30-2019)
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 03-02-2019, 11:38 PM
chris-md's Avatar
Senior Member
Parrots:
Parker - male Eclectus Aphrodite - red throated conure (RIP)
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Maryland - USA
Thanks: 1,235
Thanked 5,111 Times in 1,974 Posts
chris-md is on a distinguished road
Re: Marching down an uncertain road

Everyone thank you so much for the words of encouragement and advice from all corners and perspectives. I’ll be honest and say I’m intentionally avoiding responding directly to individual answers - I’m finding incredible value in simply sitting in the responses. The totality of what everyone has offered has been very thought provoking. It has made me take a look at this situation with different eyes. There might be a few tweets I can make to our routine and environment

Eddie will be a whole other factor. Things with him are perhaps more complex than reducing it down to annoyance with the noise. Eddie is truly Parker’s favorite, and on some level I think Eddie appreciates that. He very active in Parker’s life and care, except cage cleanings and training. He’s shown on many occasions that he is very sensitive to Parker’s attention needs and caring about just how much out of cage time he’s had or not had.

It’s something I need to find ways to cultivate a bit more.

Well get there though. Thanks you you all!
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to chris-md For This Useful Post:
dhraiden (03-05-2019), Scott  (03-30-2019), SilverSage (03-03-2019), Terry57  (03-31-2019)
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 03-30-2019, 10:53 PM
chris-md's Avatar
Senior Member
Parrots:
Parker - male Eclectus Aphrodite - red throated conure (RIP)
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Maryland - USA
Thanks: 1,235
Thanked 5,111 Times in 1,974 Posts
chris-md is on a distinguished road
Re: Marching down an uncertain road

Major development on this front I wanted to share, put a nice big bow on this thread.

Through a series of stressors tonight That could have dramatically accelerated Parker’s rehome, eddie and I finally had this conversation. LOTS of tears...lots. Eddie made abundantly clear that Parker is very much a member of our family and we would never do that to him. That we can work through his growling (Parker’s developed a habit of often growling almost as loud as a scream. So might as well have a screaming problem. It rattles eddie to the core every time).

Unequivocally, Parker is not going anywhere.

Now I’m going to bed because the last couple hours have been emotionally draining. We’re both STILL looking through tear filled eyes.

Last edited by chris-md; 03-30-2019 at 10:58 PM.
Reply With Quote
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to chris-md For This Useful Post:
charmedbyekkie (03-30-2019), ChristaNL (03-31-2019), HEEDLESS Supporting Member (03-31-2019), Inger Supporting Member (03-31-2019), Jen5200 Supporting Member (03-31-2019), noodles123 (03-31-2019), reeisconfused (03-31-2019), SassiBird (04-01-2019), Scott  (03-30-2019), SilverSage (03-30-2019), Squeekmouse (03-31-2019), Terry57  (03-31-2019)
  #25 (permalink)  
Old 03-30-2019, 10:54 PM
SilverSage's Avatar
Senior Member
Parrots:
Eclectus, CAG, BH Pionus, Maximillian's Pionus, Quakers, Indian Ringnecks, Green Cheeked Conures, Cockatiels, Lovebirds, Budgies, Canaries, Zebra Finches, Gouldian Finches, Society Finches
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Columbus, GA
Thanks: 2,662
Thanked 8,137 Times in 3,371 Posts
SilverSage will become famous soon enough
Re: Marching down an uncertain road

Iím sorry youíve had a rough night but Iím so glad this threat has come to an end and wonít be hanging over your head! Get some sleep!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
I don't like to think about where I would be if that little budgie had never fluttered into my life.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to SilverSage For This Useful Post:
Scott  (03-30-2019)
  #26 (permalink)  
Old 03-30-2019, 11:12 PM
Sunnyclover's Avatar
Senior Member
Parrots:
Sun Conure - Ollie- Hatched 08/18/16* Nanday Conure -Finley- Hatched 10/07/17* Turquoise Yellow Sided Green Cheek Conure -Paris- Hatched 03/03/18* Black Capped Conure -North- Hatched 10/10/18
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: New Jersey
Thanks: 874
Thanked 2,663 Times in 1,060 Posts
Sunnyclover is on a distinguished road
Re: Marching down an uncertain road

Yay! I'm so happy to hear this. I do have a suggestion about the dog business. Can you move it to another location of it's becoming so big and successful? Perhaps make it a full time thing and hire some employees and stuff?
__________________
--Desi
We invite you to follow along with our story as we bird through life one screech at a time:
http://www.parrotforums.com/incredib...re-s-tail.html
My YouTube channel featuring Ollie and Finley :
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwK...dZ2smJNGO9Lhkw
Add me on Snapchat! Username: desieagan https://www.snapchat.com/add/desieagan
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Sunnyclover For This Useful Post:
Scott  (03-30-2019)
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 03-30-2019, 11:44 PM
Scott's Avatar
Super Moderator
Parrots:
Goffins: Gabby, Abby, Squeaky, Peanut, Popcorn / Citron: Alice / Eclectus: Angel /Timneh Grey: ET / Blue Fronted Amazon: Gonzo / RIP Gandalf and Big Bird, you are missed.
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: San Diego, California USA, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy
Thanks: 67,590
Thanked 34,060 Times in 12,334 Posts
Scott is on a distinguished road
Re: Marching down an uncertain road

Wonderful news, Chris!! Eddie's willingness to work with Parker's issues is a powerful affirmation of your relationship.
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Scott For This Useful Post:
SassiBird (04-01-2019), SilverSage (03-31-2019), Terry57  (03-31-2019)
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2019, 02:26 AM
Banned
Parrots:
Sunny a female B&G macaw; Japie (m) & Appie (f), both are congo african grey; All are rescues- had to leave their previous homes for 'reasons', are still in contact with them :)
Join Date: May 2018
Location: NL= the Netherlands, Europe
Thanks: 4,355
Thanked 7,740 Times in 2,753 Posts
ChristaNL is on a distinguished road
Re: Marching down an uncertain road

Wow, Eddie really rules!
Its never easy to commit to something that touches you but also bothers you big time.
So glad you cleared the air.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ChristaNL For This Useful Post:
Scott  (03-31-2019), Terry57  (03-31-2019)
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2019, 03:14 PM
Terry57's Avatar
Super Moderator
Parrots:
Hawkhead(Darwin),YCA(Dexter),VE (Ekko),OWA(Slater),BHP(Talli),DYH(Calypso),RLA(Kimera),Alex(Xander)CBC(Phoe),IRN (Kodee,Luna,Stevie),WCP (Pisces),CAG(Justice)GCC (Jax), GSC2(Charley)
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Spruce Grove,Alberta, Canada
Thanks: 64,501
Thanked 57,238 Times in 19,328 Posts
Terry57 is on a distinguished road
Re: Marching down an uncertain road

Chris, this made my day! I am so glad you and Eddie had this conversation. I have no doubt that the two of you are going to be able to find a solution together.
__________________


In rescuing birds, I lost my mind but found my soul.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Terry57 For This Useful Post:
Scott  (04-01-2019)
  #30 (permalink)  
Old 03-31-2019, 03:24 PM
Senior Member
Parrots:
Umbrella Cockatoo- 11 years old
Join Date: Jul 2018
Thanks: 3,008
Thanked 4,846 Times in 1,985 Posts
noodles123 will become famous soon enough
Re: Marching down an uncertain road

SO GLAD Eddie is invested too!!!!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to noodles123 For This Useful Post:
Scott  (04-01-2019)
Reply

Lower Navigation
Go Back   Parrot Forum - Parrot Owner's Community > Community > General Parrot Information
Remove Ads

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Should I take this Green Cheek I am feeling uncertain VJB Conures 6 08-04-2018 12:47 AM
I've hit a road block! jessykai Cockatoos 13 04-13-2016 07:29 PM
Road trip!!... kq_fan Questions and Answers 4 04-14-2015 11:27 AM
On the road again. horsesculpter Macaws 12 10-06-2012 10:14 PM



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.