Timeout ??? Thoughts please...

Anyone else go through periods of feeling guilty not being able to spend enough time with your bird; or even more... simply feeling like you need a break ???

I know we go through the same feelings with our kids... just getting to the point where you need a break; but as I remember; the babies used to take naps! My Green Bean goes 90mph all day long and if she's not being entertained or hand held or interacted with; she will throw a fit; a continual fit! And yes... sometimes; she can just be downright aggravating and hard to put up with when she's nippy or in one of her bad moods.

So now I start just setting her aside in a bedroom for a while to just get some time to myself or try to get some work done here at home; and the feelings of guilt set in.

Anyone else go through this and if so; how do you deal with it or handle it ???

Thanks!

Yup. There are definitely times I'm banging my head into the wall asking why I decided to have a parrot (that or looking at the crockpot and having bad thoughts).

Everyone gets irritated with their birds sometimes. They can be highly irritating pets (like naughty 2 year olds who will never ever grow up). You just kind of have to take a deep breath and let it go. A few weeks ago, Kiwi for whatever reason refused to step up (I had him in the kitchen with me, but needed to turn on the stove, so he couldn't stay). I had a 15 minute standoff with him before he finally caved. All the time I was doing my best not to start screaming and yelling at him because I was so frustrated. Those situations happen but you can't let emotions overwhelm you or you could break the trust you've built with your bird.

With screaming particularly, it helps if you can mentally just tune it out. And let Greenbean throw a fit if thats what she's going to do. Let her holler until she gets a sore throat. Much like 2 year olds, if you just let them "cry it out" they probably won't be throwing too many tantrums in the future. She pitches a fit because she knows it will yield a reaction, even if you don't consider your reaction a positive one. That doesn't matter to her. You have to ignore it and let her realize throwing a fit gets her nothing. I'm sure you've provided her many toys and fun foraging options. Let her throw her fit and when she figures out you aren't going to pick her up, she'll get bored and start looking for other things to do...

Do you by any chance have a playgym? My sun conure used to be on me ALL the time...if I was home, he was on me. He was fairly new so I loved it and did not become aggravated by it. We made him (well him and Sassy but Sassy won't play on it) a play gym out of pvc and put lots of toys on it and he LOVES it! Now if he is on me, he will fly to it to play. Kind of makes me sad..lol..he'd rather be playing on it than on me. Anyway, the point is if you can get your bird more interested in playing by himself it would give you a break and he would still be happy.

I've had Robin since 1994, when he was 3 months old. I feel guilty now when I look back around the early 2000's for a span of several years.

I hate to say, as much as I still had love for Robin in my heart, I actually lost interest in birds/pets there for a while believe it or not . I was busy with life, lived alone, had more of a social life, though I wasn't super young and had no excuse. I made sure he had food and water, and said a quick hi. That's about it. He played with a few toys, ate, and slept. He waited for me. For years. I took for granted how resilient and go with the flow he was... Unusually so. He never developed any kind of problem from this lack of interaction. I'm so sad now thinking back, and it makes me cry and hurts my heart. Robin's an old man now. I wish I could take those years back.

Robin turned 20 this year. As the long-term friendship and close bond rekindled stronger than ever, I cannot express how deeply I love this bird. I had since (in about 2005) rediscovered a love for birds. A crazy love which is here to stay.
Since I first found Robin, I have NEVER found a bird quite as special, or quite as much as a soulmate if you will, as he is. I do love and have loved other birds, but Robin is a once in a lifetime animal/human relationship. Some of you get what I mean.

I don't think you really want to take quite that big of a break from your Green Bean LOL

No; I appreciate the comments, trust me... I don't mean that I want to take a break from her; I mean that I just can't spend every minute of my day with her. Some day's a fun play days and some days I am swamped with work. When / if I travel; she mostly goes with me. Heck; I even take her fishing a lot.
I just get to the point; like today... in the shower; trying to hurry to get to a work appointment, asking her to 'scrub the birdie' where she comes to me and takes a quick shower... this time, she just refused to come to me. I got frustrated and just put her back in her cage.

RavensGryf said:

I've had Robin since 1994, when he was 3 months old. I feel guilty now when I look back around the early 2000's for a span of several years.

I hate to say, as much as I still had love for Robin in my heart, I actually lost interest in birds/pets there for a while believe it or not . I was busy with life, lived alone, had more of a social life, though I wasn't super young and had no excuse. I made sure he had food and water, and said a quick hi. That's about it. He played with a few toys, ate, and slept. He waited for me. For years. I took for granted how resilient and go with the flow he was... Unusually so. He never developed any kind of problem from this lack of interaction. I'm so sad now thinking back, and it makes me cry and hurts my heart. Robin's an old man now. I wish I could take those years back.

Robin turned 20 this year. As the long-term friendship and close bond rekindled stronger than ever, I cannot express how deeply I love this bird. I had since (in about 2005) rediscovered a love for birds. A crazy love which is here to stay.
Since I first found Robin, I have NEVER found a bird quite as special, or quite as much as a soulmate if you will, as he is. I do love and have loved other birds, but Robin is a once in a lifetime animal/human relationship. Some of you get what I mean.

I don't think you really want to take quite that big of a break from your Green Bean LOL

Click to expand...

Aww, that's a sweet story about how Robin waited for you.♡♡♡
We change so much as young adults, then a bit older and then middle age.

Right now I want to spend more time with my parrots than my teenagers, lol. But yes, I can relate. Especially, during very stressful times.

faeryphoebe1 said:

RavensGryf said:

I've had Robin since 1994, when he was 3 months old. I feel guilty now when I look back around the early 2000's for a span of several years.

I hate to say, as much as I still had love for Robin in my heart, I actually lost interest in birds/pets there for a while believe it or not . I was busy with life, lived alone, had more of a social life, though I wasn't super young and had no excuse. I made sure he had food and water, and said a quick hi. That's about it. He played with a few toys, ate, and slept. He waited for me. For years. I took for granted how resilient and go with the flow he was... Unusually so. He never developed any kind of problem from this lack of interaction. I'm so sad now thinking back, and it makes me cry and hurts my heart. Robin's an old man now. I wish I could take those years back.

Robin turned 20 this year. As the long-term friendship and close bond rekindled stronger than ever, I cannot express how deeply I love this bird. I had since (in about 2005) rediscovered a love for birds. A crazy love which is here to stay.
Since I first found Robin, I have NEVER found a bird quite as special, or quite as much as a soulmate if you will, as he is. I do love and have loved other birds, but Robin is a once in a lifetime animal/human relationship. Some of you get what I mean.

I don't think you really want to take quite that big of a break from your Green Bean LOL

Click to expand...

Aww, that's a sweet story about how Robin waited for you.♡♡♡
We change so much as young adults, then a bit older and then middle age.

Right now I want to spend more time with my parrots than my teenagers, lol. But yes, I can relate. Especially, during very stressful times.

Click to expand...

Thank you. He truly did wait for me. It did make me cry thinking about it. I love that boy more than I can say, and I wish I can go back. Actually I had a more "stable" life as a much younger adult lol. Life just got harder thereafter haha. I've never had the desire for human children, (which is probably why I've always been very youthful myself) and having only parrots is just fine with me!

And yes; Green Bean is spoiled with lots of toys and I always keep music on for her if she's left alone for any length of time. Honestly though; even if I'm away from home working, the wife is always here and the kids, etc. = there's always activity around; it's just sometimes we're too busy with legit stuff to not have lots of play time. Some days are fun filled, some are busy.

I think you really need to start encouraging more independent play. Have you taken any steps in letting her learn how much fun self-rewarding playtime can be? It's obvious you love Greenbean very much and want whats best for her, but I think she's getting a tad spoiled. It's great that you spend a lot of time with her, but no one can spend ALL their time with their parrot. She really needs to learn to entertain herself or those little issues are going to become major ones. Independent play is NOT natural to parrots and Greenbean's clingy behavior IS the natural way they interact. They are flock animals, and being alone in nature is dangerous/avoided at all costs. Entertaining themselves and being ok with being alone is a learned skill (as is recognizing their flock members will return if they go out of sight/earshot for a while).

I'm home all day too, but I still let Kiwi play by himself a couple hours every day (even though most of the time, I'd really love to have him with me). It's important for him not to loose that skill of self entertainment. He loves hanging out with us, but he also loves his alone time to forage and destroy and take adorable naps. A happy, well adjusted pet parrot needs that independence from humans right along with the desire to be a companion.

1. I don't feel guilty about it... you need you time too. Even though there is work and responsibility involved, the birds are supposed to enhance your life, not control it!

2. Mine are spoiled, but tantrums are not tolerated in this household. (From humans or birds!) That is a "time out" around here...

3. They adjust just fine. I've boarded mine. Gone on vacation. Had people come in and feed them. Occasionally had to work long hours. My birds did just fine. And they are just as spoiled as they ever were.

They may be clingy for a day or two afterwords, but that's normal... it means we love you, we were worried, and we missed you.

Sounds like Green Bean could use some alone time to learn to play by himself anyway. It's important for birds to have coping skills, since we can never guarantee what will happen. What if you get sick and stuck in the hospital? If he knows how to amuse himself, he'll be fine if you just send care instructions. Otherwise it might be hard for him.

My birds are out of their cages (if they want, 3 of the six prefer to be in actually. They are weirdos) almost all the time I'm home, but they are only snuggling a small portion of that. My neediest birds, the conures, have each other to love up on so it helps immensely. They are louder than just one was, but its totally worth it. I can love up on them for an hour or ten minutes or just stop by and say hi between chores and they are happy either way. My BFA isn't into touching, but loves to be sung and whistled to, so she hangs out in my office or the living room and watches TV and sings and loves cartoons with my daughter. But she plays with toys (she's still sort of lazy though, working on it) and entertains herself plenty.

But overall, I'm careful to not get too "scheduled" with my birds. Today I woke up late and barely had time to feed and water everyone before work. No one got anything else. Sunday morning we snuggled and played for hours. They are okay with both because I make sure every day isn't the same on purpose. The only think I try to be strict with is getting enough sleep.

Good advice, gals and guys! I think this is part of LEARNING the unique challenges of owning a pet parrot. She indeed has been spoiled; no question. And for the longest time in my new job; I've had a lot of work from home time where I could stop and play with her most any time I wanted. Travel was limited and I often take her with me on trips. Alone time revolves around my bass fishing hobby, which too involves the wife and Green Bean coming along 50% of the time.

I've just entered a new time in my job now where the end of the year 'rush' is upon me and there are a lot more things to do, more jobsites to get out to, etc. etc. thus not as much time to spend playing with her. I'm sure you all understand what I mean.

Green Bean also gets very jealous of time spent with the wife... we laugh sometimes; but sometimes it really does get weird and she acts aggressive towards the wife. So much; we limit our 'alone time' to ensure we are away from the bird... if you get my drift. Kinda goofy; but it just avoids that weirdness where the bird starts acting all hormonal, etc.

Do you have other birds? The easiest way to make your bird entertained not by you only is to get him/her a feathered friend. I have a flock of 5 birds, and although they love when I'm around they can be perfectly fine by themselves for many hours. Luckily they all love each other (except the cockatiel who is new), and it's very cool to watch them interact.

I was just sitting down, having come home from work, finished cooking and feeling super tired. So was having a lie down and my poor tiger is just waiting patiently for his time! Tiger is either still to young just to sit on me while I close my eyes or its just not in his nature, whereas sunshine loves that quiet time with me.

Its also easier to walk around the house and do wat I need to do with sunshine sitting on me, and even that makes me feel guilty because i can't really do this with tiger, who is quite a bit heavier n his claws are abit bigger, plus he doesnt have his full balance yet.

Iv had sunshine 3years now and tiger just three weeks. Im trying to teach tiger about quiet time lol. But I must say, for a baby he is very good n is happy to play on his own as well. He lets me know wen he needs more attention from mommy tho and iv already put my foot down wen it comes to tantrums. Everyone is allowed to act out, but it doesnt me you'll get attention for it.

So I think it's perfectly natural, altho I know we still feel bad and end up running to play and cuddle

bgriffin70, I'm glad to see you posting again! I have been wondering how green bean was after your post a few months ago about her aggression and behavior problems...how are you doing with her now?


I think structured 'alone time' every day is important for them, in any case. They need to know how to entertain themselves- you shouldn't feel guilty about putting her away so you can get a break.

Does green bean like music, tv, radio? if she feels like she's being put aaway because she's being naughty, she'll see it as a punishment and it might make her cage an area that she associates with negative feelings and bad behavior. That itself could hinder her ability to play happily on her own because she won't be in a good state of mind when she does in there. Try playing music or putting the TV on. When I put sootie away for 'alone time' I always accompany it with a treat in her cage, which distracts her from thinking she's being isolated. I play music, which she sings along to. Sometimes if she's really clingy I just take 5 minutes to play with the toys hanging in her cage with her, get her distracted with one, then close the door and leave her to it. Anything just to not make her think you're chucking her away and turning your back, so she doesn't feel abandoned.

And of course, when she does quiet down and start playing, remember to go back in now and then, give her a little treat and a scratch through the bars. Make her learn that quiet play time results in treats, scratched, and eventually out of cage time, whereas screaming and tantrums go ignored

One thing that also seems to help with the aggression thing is to regularly keep her beak and nails trimmed. I guess she feels more independent and 'alpha' ??? We haven't had her nails trimmed in quite some time and she's developed this habit of climbing down her cage and jumping onto the floor... cut to watch; but not so cute with two cats running around the house !!!

Maybe a playmate or another Lorikeet would help? Our munchkins take out a lot of their playful energy on each other and barely notice we are around all the time. Or we let ours do a lot of flying around the house too which helps.