Need to vent....then I need help....

So....long story semi-short...I went to my sister's house in Phoenix (I live in CA) over the weekend and got to see her 9 year old BG. He is living in bad conditions.....cage is a filthy disaster, no toys, dirty water (can't even remove the water dish to clean it), the cage itself has broken bars that have been patched up with wire to keep him from getting out, overgrown beak and nails, and being fed predominately sunflower seeds (no pellets or fresh food). She has three toddlers and I'm sure that has diverted attention away from the bird but there is really no excuse for the way he is living. He is also living outdoors with his cage on the shaded patio, which I'm sure he doesn't get much attention while out there. I am completely shocked that this guy hasn't plucked out every single one of his feathers!!

Of course, my natural reaction is to rescue the poor guy...I need to convince my sister that this is best for him. That shouldn't be too hard but finding a tactful way to do this is going to suck.

I do not want to own a macaw...I have two birds of my own and they are plenty enough. Macaws have always seemed like too much bird for me. My hope is that I can convince her that she needs to rehome him and let me take him for a bit. A vet visit, good food, and some TLC, not to mention a proper cage will be a good start. Thank god my husband is a saint and didn't start drawing up divorce papers when I brought up the subject of rescuing this BG...I wouldn't have blamed him.

I guess I'm not really asking for anything other than some helpful ideas on how to approach this with her. I hope she doesn't put up a fight on giving him up....I can't see why on earth she would because if she really loves him she'll let him go. He's a sweet guy (although probably not too hand tamed anymore) so I feel like it's my responsibility to find him a great forever home...I don't want to see him get bounced around at all.

Thanks!

Maybe show her the forum, there are numerous requests for a b&g. Sisters, very touchy subject. Would she accept a new cage if you sent it to her. Such a shame b&g's are such sweethearts.

It's going to take some time to think of the best way to approach her with this for sure. Unfortunately, I don't think it's as simple as offering up a new cage....I guess the way I see it, if it was just an issue of a cage I would have no problem offering help. But, putting everything together, she's just not doing her job and the bird is suffering.
Now that I feel "involved" (AKA- Because I know) I have that "Big Sister" urge to jump in and solve the problem myself. If she isn't taking care of him, how is she going to find a good home for him??

I guess age never voids the Big Sister duties!

i think you should just tell her you want the B&G to some spend time with your birds as "play time" then she will see how well you take care of him/her and hopefully see it your way when you tell her he/she needs a new owner?

well, you describe to her what the bird is going through, put her in the birds shoes. then put her in the birds shoes, but in the life the BG could have. tell her you dont blame her, but that macaw isnt getting the life it should. your an amazing person for doing this!

Just come out and ask her if she doesn't have time for the macaw and if she would let you take him.

i agree with mikey! honesty is best policy always, and if she makes it an *your always trying to rule my life issue, just simply reply with the issue is not YOU, but the welfare of this bird, and if you don't want me to have him, then at least re home him!

family rows have a funny way of pulling away from the actual cause, or what is best for the individual involved

and personally i think you are doin the right thing, and 3 kids or not she should be able to see herself that is no fit state to keep any animal, and she might just be to proud to ask for help and be thankfull when it is offered

I think you should be honest as well, point out what a great job she does with her kids and how that takes so much time and dedication etc, and compare that most people keep their parrots like children, and offer to help the parrot find a new home that is better suited so she can focus more on her family. The last thing you want is a fight over the bird. If you take the bird you are more likely to be able to find an appropriate home for it. Chances of making your sister realize her mistake is slim IMO, and is it a fight that is worth it? Let your hubby know it is temporary, take the bird, find out what it needs and find a great new home for it. Even if you can't provide everything in regards to time and space, it will be better than what it has now.
regards, kara

The bird will be grateful to you for speaking up about this. Perhaps offer her some educational material and internet sites on proper care of the bird and also mention the need for annual vet checks with AV. If she has any feelings at all she should want to change her bird ways.

i agree with spirt bird, try to inform her about things she can do to care for it and tell her she needs to spend time with it give her some pointers she might surprise you , if not just tell her if its too much you could take it off her hands that way she could be happy and the bird would too. if you were trying to rehome it you could say that you were going to find it its forever home and if money is tight for her or something she most likely paid alot for that bird so say something about a rehoming fee it might help
hoped i helped some =)

Bring it up something like this..."Wow, you really have your hands full with 3 toddlers! I'd like to help to get something off your plate. How about if I take (insert birdie name here)? I can find a great home for him then when the kids are bigger and more independent, you and I can find the perfect birdie for your family."

If she hesitates, bring up the lack of time she has to spend with him - talking and playing, etc. Then mention the expense of caring for a macaw - food, toys, cage, etc.

Approach it like you're helping her (which you are) and don't mention the deplorable conditions the B&G is living in unless you absolutely have to. Just my suggestion.

Thank you everyone for the advice and support....it's something I need to do for sure. I will call or e-mail her in the next day or two and propose a few different options that might help her (and her BG) out. I'm really hoping she knows the situation isn't ideal but has been too proud to ask for help....

If she were my sister I would just tell her the cage is disgusting & ask if i could help out & take it all outside & scrub it down. Be upfront I am sure she would appreciate the help. In any case i would still just clean out the cage. And then you can point out some better ways to care for the bird to keep it healthy otherwise the bird will get sick. You could also offer to take the bird if she finds her time is to limited with the children. An offer of help works much better I think.

I always say, money talks. With three toddlers, I'm sure she could use the money. Ask her if you can help find a home for the B&G and take sometime away from having to care for the B&G and spend more time with the kids.
You could foster the bird while actively looking for a good home. You can also contact local rescues in your sister's area who will take the B&G and care for it, rehab it and find a loving home. There are many rescues out there so do your homework to find the best one.
I agree with Mike who said that you may have to just come out with it and tell your sister that in your opinion, you believe that the B&G is not being looked after very well and could be in a more loving home with people who have the time, money, education to raise her B&G not to mention, what would happen if one of the toddlers stick their fingers into the cage and now the child has one less finger. Safty too is a factor here. Keep us posted. Joe

Ok, so here's the other point of view. Your sister, and your relationship with your sister, comes before the bird. You know your sister's hot buttons. You are the best person to figure out how to do what you need to do. Make a plan, then all you need is the intestinal fortitude to execute the plan.

The wimp's method is sometimes the best. How about if you get your husband to talk to her husband? That avoids the sister/sister issues.

Mike is very, very wise.

I had a problem like this when I worked wit ha dog walking business. I saw so many dogs who were kept in tiny kennels all day... even when the owners were home! They'd have us schedule walks even when they were home because they didn't want to take their own dog out. They loved the dogs but didn't know that it's exercise FIRST, love SECOND. Some owners would see the way their dogs cried and howled when I had to put them back in their kennel and leave, and at first they would get jealous, but eventually seemed to figure out how to make their dog love them. It was very tricky when it came to the business/client relationship... most owners are very sensitive about how they take care of their pets and don't want suggestions.

That poor baby macaw just doesn't sound healthy. Her mistreatment of the bird is an indication of her own stress levels. Ask her if taking care of the macaw is too overwhelming for her, and that you'd be willing to help her find another home for him if she need shelp. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your sister... has she seen your birds? Does she ever comment about how healthy or active your birds seem?