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Old 12-03-2009, 09:11 PM
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Unhappy My Sun Conure Hates me

Hi to all,

I am no longer a little bewildered I'm feeling remarkably put out. Please can i have some advice. I posted on here recently as A little bewildered, and having difficulties in dealing with my new Sun Conure, Baxters less than stella behaviour. I had some advice from one of the senior members which was very helpful. My little bird is back to being playful loving and cudddly......with my husband only, not me. At least before he wasn't discearning when it came time to deal out his aggresion but now he seems to reserve that "pleasure" just for me. I know he is molting, and it is breeding season and he is new settling into his rehoused home, however is there anything I can do to help improve the bond between Baxter and myself. He runs away from me when I approach the cage. He lunges and bites when I try to get him to step up. He happily stands in bliss getting his back scratched through the cage, if I approach he takes off. I have no idea what to do with this little bird that was my birthday gift. He was raised for 2 years by a woman owner who gave him up. The shop where i got him informed me that he din't really like men. Baxter exhibited such loving behaviour in the beginning but it all seems pear shaped now. All suggestions on how to improve our bond would be appreciated
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Old 12-03-2009, 10:05 PM
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Re: My Sun Conure Hates me

I know this is not what you want to hear most likely, but sometimes it just takes time. We have a Cockatiel (and a GCC and B&G Macaw) that we have had since September and he is just now getting to where he will step up (more like run over) on your hand without drawing blood, on good days. When you go over to the cage do not try to touch him, just talk to him, maybe bring him a treat. Is your husband in the room when you try to interact with him? If he is you might try having him leave the room. If he has bonded with your husband he may see you as the enemy when your husband is around.
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Old 12-04-2009, 06:22 AM
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Re: My Sun Conure Hates me

Hi Pepper
I agree with parrotparent, it just takes time.
He is still "finding his feet", it takes them ages to settle down.
Try spend quality time alone, with Baxter. Even if you just sit nearby and talk.
After each "visit" sit closer. Eventually leaving the cage open, sitting there he will eventually come out to you. It will seem like a lifetime, but he first has to gain your trust.
Good luck
Keep us posted
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Old 12-05-2009, 03:06 PM
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Re: My Sun Conure Hates me

Yes spending time with him is most important. Pull up a chair next to the cage, open the cage door and sit in the chair and read a book outloud to him. Do this several times a day until he appears more relaxed. You can move the chair closer when he does. Don't be in a hurry because he will know. He will also feel any frustrations you may have. They are very good at mindreading.
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Old 12-05-2009, 04:48 PM
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Re: My Sun Conure Hates me

Lots of great responses already. The only other thing I can think of is about who feeds and changes the water? Often (but not always) the main caretaker is the one the bird bonds with most readily. In a family environment it is good to balance out these duties, but when the bird has bonded very well with one person and is still aggressive to another you can change things up: if you are the primary care giver for a while (if not already) and your husband spends a little less time with Baxter (just temporarily) then he may warm up to you more.

Although this is all conditional, if you are already the one primarily taking care of Baxter and spending more time with him than your husband it may just take time for Baxter to adjust - then patience is the key. He is distrusting of you for whatever reason - perhaps you remind him of someone who treated him poorly - don't give him any reason to confirm his suspicions, just wait for him to warm up to you.

Also be very observant, see if there is anything you and your husband are doing differently: how do you approach baxter, how do you hold your hand/arm when picking him up, what is your posture like when picking him up, etc. Observe all you can and you might see something that may explain it.
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Old 12-05-2009, 06:07 PM
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Re: My Sun Conure Hates me

Thank you for all your replies. I am all the birds main caretaker however once my husband is home from work he handles them with greater confidence than i do. I believe the conure has been taking the mickey out of me because he senses my apprehension with him and my husband goes in expecting to get bit. I know I need to get more confident but it appeares Baxter doesn't suffer fools easily and he knows im trying to fool him lol. I will keep trying, at least the ekky and my favorite little cockatiel havn't followed Baxters example, however hubby and and our ekky Oskar have been on this forum a few times recently lol
Thanks again
Pepper
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Old 12-05-2009, 09:41 PM
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Re: My Sun Conure Hates me

Have you tried rubbing the conures with some Re-Homing lotion? And that makes 60 posts for the Toast
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Old 12-07-2009, 06:38 PM
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Re: My Sun Conure Hates me

i had the same issue with an old bird of ours. he loved my husband and not me. he would come out of his cage and dive bomb me everytime. he even got so bad he attacked the dog but was so sweet to my husband. i never had anybody help me then so i am so glad we have a forum where now i can go to for help and help people with my experiences. patience is a huge thing. i know it is fustrating trust me i know. we currently have a female cockatiel that wants nothing to do with me but for anybody else she is fine,unless anybody but my husband goes into her cage. auggie's dad and others are right sit close by and just talk to your bird it sounds kinda silly to some but it does work wonderfully.
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