My Story

Hello,

I'm not exactly 'new', but I haven't logged in for just over a year and I had previously just joined. I wanted to take this opportunity to re-introduce myself and tell my story, which I hadn't until now.

First off, I apologize for the length. I tried to keep it as short as possible.

My name is Jonathan & I live in Maine. I am 38 years old and have struggled with mental illness practically my whole life (I'll leave it at that). The cause of all this is totally out of my control - and for a while, so were my actions. However, my responses later on in life were within my control and as a result, I made some very poor decisions over the years. My actions hurt a LOT of people including the birds I have owned.

I got my fist pet when I was 11. A parakeet named Sandy. My mom bought him for me for my birthday. I loved him and treated him very well. He lived for two years before he passed. His death was likely due to catching something after he flew away. Fortunately, we got him back two weeks later thanks to a wonderful elderly couple a few streets over. Unfortunately, he died shortly after.

After he died, my mom got me another parakeet named Sammy who was the light of my life and lived to be 11yrs old. I treated him like gold. One time, he got caught in a fly trap and I cleaned him off, and he was shivering. I wanted to keep him warm so I put a chair by the oven so I could let heat out. I made myself a pot of coffee and wrapped him in a towel and sat by the oven all night, holding him and calming him and keeping him warm. The vet said I probably saved his life as he would otherwise likely have died from shock.

But over the course of my life, I had many other birds - mostly parakeets - that did not get the level of care or attention they deserved. Many were given away, out of frustration. Some starved to death or were ignored. There were even several I let out the window out of frustration. These were all birds I was not bonded to because I didn't put forth the effort. I may never have hit any of them, but I might as well have since what I did do was no better. I live with this every day of my life.

In 1995, my mother and I went to visit a bird breeder in Brunswick. I bought my mom a cockatiel, she bought me one and then bought herself another one. After a few weeks, I could not deal with the one she had bought me and I gave him away to a neighbor who wanted one for her daughter. I was totally oblivious to the care they need. Then in 1996, my mom called me and said she couldn't deal with her birds anymore. I did not want them, so a friend of mine took them in. The following day, he called and said he couldn't deal with them, so I reluctantly took them in.

Turns out one of the birds would not shut up. It also turns out she just wanted to come out of the cage. I asked both my mom and my friend if they had tried that. Neither had. I discovered that the day I got her. That night, I forgot to put her back in her cage which was in the living room. When I woke up the next morning she was sitting on my pillow. It was the cutest and sweetest thing. I named her Peaches. Peaches came to me along with my mothers other bird - who I struggled to cope with. I could not handle both at the same time so I put the other bird in the closet and I forgot he was there. When I finally remembered a few days later, he was dead. I wasn't a child at that time. I was 19 and I should have known better.

I have learned from these mistakes and one thing I have learned is that I cannot deal with too many birds at once. It's just too much for me. Despite my good intentions of trying to help as many as possible. I lost many birds to starvation because I was trying to convert them to organic pellets and they wouldn't eat them. I never gave them the attention they DESERVED either.

I lucked out with Peaches because she took right to me. I didn't even have to try. For nearly 10 years, I fed her seeds, commercial pellets and table foods. Including bologna and doritos. During that ten years, she got respiratory infections regularly. I finally found an avian vet about an hour away. Turn out, she was severely malnourished with a Vitamin A deficiency. I changed her over to the organic pellets and she hasn't had another infection since. She just turned 20yrs old in March and is still very healthy and active.

Four years ago, I came across a parrot in a local pet store. He was beautiful. I did not buy him. Over the course of a few weeks, I paid visits just to look at him. One day, he came down to the window and started 'hopping' in front of me. I had never seen that before and I thought it was adorable. Then another customer came by to see and I stepped aside so she could see him. He immediately went back to his perch and ignored her. Her response was "why is it always the pretty ones that have no personality". After she left, I went back toward him and he came back down and started hopping again. I wanted to buy him right then and there. But a friend I was with, who knows my history, told me I should wait and give it some thought. So I did, I waited four days til I saw my friend again. I told her I could not stop thinking about that bird. She agreed I should buy him. She helped me make all the right preparations. The bird was a sun conure and to say he is much more work than I thought is an understatement. But he chose me, God only knows why. I named him Skittles and he, just like Peaches, took to the organic pellets immediately. I began to do research on suns and realized what I was in for.

However, this time I have dealt with it MUCH differently. I made changes to MY life to accommodate him and make sure ALL his needs are met. Trust me, they are. In spades. Skittles is free-flighted. He is out of the cage with me all day everyday and only in his cage when I have company (rarely) or when I go out (which is never more than a few hours). I know he loves me and is very happy. Because of Skittles needs, I have to take better care of myself. To quote a friend of mine - "buying him was the best (expletive) you ever did". Not sure if that's a compliment or not. LOL. But he is one of the biggest reasons I am in such a healthier mental state.

Peaches still comes out on occasion but she is very grumpy and the vet said it is likely due to her age and she just wants to be left alone. So I talk to her and pet her daily, but I don't take her out of her cage unless she wants to come out.

But how I treat them cannot make up for ALL the birds I failed. I can say 'thats not who I am anymore', or 'I wasn't in a healthy state at the time', but the truth is, sometimes I was and just didn't care. I may be totally different now, but that was still me who did those things. There are several occasions where I did very good by them - but that's not the issue at hand. I am trying to find closure and it is my way of hoping that wherever they are now, those birds I had forgive me for how much I failed them.

Thank you so much for hearing my story.

Wow.... That story really was something. Just shines light on what a bird could truly do for a person.

Hi Jonathan, I remember you, welcome back .

I think many of us can look back to a different period in our lives and see that we did not always do things in the the best or most responsible way. BUT the important thing is, that it is different now.

What really hurts me to this day, is what happened to my first parrot (cockatiel). I had a lutino male that I had named Terry. He was such a "good" bird. Good in the way that he was trustworthy enough to leave out of his cage during the day when the house was empty. He'd only be found in certain places, and never destroyed anything. He would reliably return to his cage by himself. Being a tiel, he would have night frights and break blood feathers regularly. Terry would pull all of his own blood feathers out by himself. Thank goodness, because it wasn't until later I had learned that humans were supposed to help or they can bleed to death. I realized then that most birds didn't do what Terry did. He was good natured, gentle, not too noisy. A very special bird looking back! I will never get over what I did... One day I got him a different cage (I have no idea now why I did it) one he did not like nearly as much as his favorite old one (it wasn't any bigger), and around that time I just plain got "tired" of him . I wanted a "real" parrot instead. I still have the "real" parrot, my beloved Red Bellied who I got as a juvenile back in 1994. I ended up giving Terry away to an acquaintance who said his relatives with kids wanted a bird. I shudder to think what kind of family Terry might have gone to. Was he happy at all? How did they treat him? I can't help but think that he didn't live to be 20 or even close . I didn't have a good feeling. I didn't care at the time. I feel sad when I think about over 20 years later.

I thought I'd share this to tell you that I, and I bet many other people as well, have these types of regrets.

We're fortunate nowdays for the fact that we have internet forums (or Facebook if you do that). We can get all the support and info that we need to have a happy, healthy relationship with our beloved animal family. It helps being part of a community... it keeps us connected and wanting to come back and chat with others who have birds also. I bet if they had forums back when I had Terry, it might have kept me more interested and connected with him.

Great to hear you're doing well these days, and that Peaches is still with you all these years later , and that your Sun conure Skittles is bringing you much happiness (and keeping you busy ). Do you ever find it hard to cope with the noise? The Sun conure calls are more than I think I can handle lol. Any chance of Pictures of Peaches and Skittles?

Thank you both for your thoughts.

@RavensGryf I cannot tell you how much your story resonated with me and how much it means to me that you shared it. So much of what you felt is how I feel. It's like that old saying 'I wish I knew then what I know now'. That philosophy really serves no good purpose because we can't go back in time. I keep trying to tell myself that in hopes that I will believe it one day. I really want to.

Truth be told, if I were the same person that I was then - not only would Peaches not still be alive but I never would have gotten Skittles.

I love Peaches with all my heart, but she is getting older and has always been a very docile bird. I would joke with people that I can toss her around like a football (I don't), because she's that laid back. She doesn't bite me or anyone. I'm not even sure if she can, her bites are more like nibbles and always have been.

Peaches had a night fright a few years back and ended up puncturing herself under her wing. That was a $300 vet bill I didn't have planned. LOL.

I have always wanted a 'real parrot' ever since I was a kid. But I live in an apartment and it wouldn't be fair to have a large bird living here. I live in a well insulated building. Peaches is actually noisier than Skittles, but he is DEFINITELY louder. The first few years I had him, he was a handful and getting his 'behavior', under control was a VERY difficult task - but thanks to the internet I was able to do it. I've no doubt if we had the internet/forums twenty years ago, I too would have made better choices. At least I hope I would have.

Skittles used to go on for hours. I had to buy a 'timeout' cage and put him in the bathroom for ten minutes each time. He doesn't do that anymore so I got rid of the timeout cage. He is VERY responsive to vocal and hand commands and we communicate well. He has his own way of telling me what he needs. For example, when he is thirsty - he sticks his tongue out and 'wags it'. If he wants a bath, he will go sit on the faucet and ruffle his feathers and sneeze. And when he feels like being manipulative to get his own way, he makes 'kissy noises'. He usually makes them after his 'time out'. But now his timeouts are in his own cage with a cover on and rare. I have to keep him covered when I have company though. Unfortunately, he won't let anyone near me and if anyone comes within 6 feet of me he'll 'attack them', after biting me. I don't like that, but I know why he is doing it.

I guess to answer your question, lol, is this. I can deal with the loudness, as long as it's not constant for hours every day. I'm so used to the noise I can usually tune it out. Skittles was like that for the first year or two I had him. Luckily, I handled it much differently. To be honest, I like that he is so much work. He's like a toddler. It keeps me on my feet and in a good place.

PS: I'll get some 'recent' pics of the two and post them.

Please do post pics of the two. Skittles is adorable

Here are some pics of the babies. I have to get warrant from the High Parrot for newer pics, so for now I am posting their mugshots.

Skittles is a real beauty! Is he a red factor Sun by any chance? Love his color! I had to say "aww" when I saw Peaches... she is absolutely adorable! Such a sweet little face.

I'm glad my post helped you. Sometimes it's nice to see that we aren't the only one feeling a certain way.

I think that Peaches and Skittles are very lucky to have you, and you are lucky to have them in your life as well .

Your story did help for sure and I thank you again. It really helps to know that you're not alone with these struggles. I've been struggling with my own issues of this for some time now and have only recently gotten to a point where I can deal with them. It was always very hard for me to take the compliments I would get from friends and so on because of how I treat my birds now, when I know how I was back then. I felt like I was 'hiding' the evil former me. But it is my hope that I will be able to put that all to rest.

Skittles is not a red factor, but he does have a LOT of deep orange. His coloring is like 'neon'. He stands out for sure. His breeder said his parents both have lots of orange too.

I will upload some newer pics when I get a chance to get some really good ones.

Glad that you're back! I remember skittles. Peaches is so cute♡♡♡

When I was about 9 years old my mother bought me 2 parakeets.

I really didn't know anything about birds at all, and wanted to hold them. Of course they would bite really hard and draw blood.

I would get a little towel and dampen the tips of their wings with water so that they wouldn't fly away from me.

Then, I would place them on my bed where they would sit next to each other with Barbie dolls lined up on either side of them.

They enjoyed music and would "squeak squeak" along to Olivia Newton John or Fleetwood Mac but they did not like anything super loud or fast.

Michael Jackson and Alvin and the Chipmunks did not satisfy their refined musical tastes.
The feathers on their heads would poof, poof up and they would screech angrily.

They were so adorable and survived for several years despite me, and being on an all seed diet.

We all make mistakes and it really sounds as if you've learned from the ones you made when you were younger.

It is truly amazing what birds can do to help someone with mental illness.

My conures have really helped pull me through some very difficult times with depression.

It's awesome that you're back!

Welcome back, and you're not the only one who has accidentally done wrong to undeserving lives. I always loved birds, since I was a kid, and that's when I got my first cockatiel.

While raising me, my mom treated animals as objects. Except their dog, of course, who was their "first daughter", and I'm just their first human. If I had a pet, and wanted another, I had to "get rid of one" to make it fair. Me, being a kid and not very independently moral, thought that was normal. I got my first cockatiel, Diddy, from a family member. I went to visit and let her out, and she broke one of the boys' prom trophies. They told me I could take her otherwise they'd put a bullet in her. So, I took her.

A while later she was attacked by my grandparents'(they were living with us) doberman. She had a broken wing and needed stitches, a splint, and antibiotics by shot daily for weeks. But she survived, and even learned how to fly again. When I got her she was about 20. When she passed away I cried for a week.

I have a blurry, vague memory of a Fischers Lovebird. I was probably 10 or 11. I think I let him go on purpose, but I don't remember my reasoning. My parents got him to help me get over my late cockatiel, but apparently I wasn't having it. To this day I feel terrible thinking of the poor little lovie.

Then, they got me another cockatiel. Then I rescued a cockatiel my friend found in her garage. I decided I just couldn't have cockatiels anymore, it reminded me of my first girl, and gave them to a friend, who still has them to this day. After that I promised myself no more cockatiels. I was probably 14 at this time.

At this point I was old enough to think for myself, and really studied bird ownership. I thought being book-smart was enough, until I realized that while I still lived with my parents, they could make me give my pet(s) up at any time. I found this out after my dad made me "get rid of" a jenday I had. Just because he pulled his hair, while preening him. The last birds I re-homed were my two conures, they had bonded and couldn't have out-of-cage-time without terrorizing the apartment. I found them a home with a nice boy and his dad who can let them be the "only birds" and give them adequate space and care.

Today I have my pionus, and an IRN a friend gave me as a wedding gift. Pascal, my pionus, helps me with my anxiety in ways I can't even describe. He helps me get up in the morning and stick to a routine. And if I'm fighting off a breakdown, he won't leave my side(or shoulder) until he knows I'm better. My IRN, Kona, is rather independent. But I appreciate his company. He makes the apartment sound more lively, since my Alexandrine unfortunately escaped from my husband, things have been quiet around here. I have bad days where I really am upset by the past, but I try to take that energy and put it toward something good. A drawing, making a new toy, cleaning the cages, just a little something to "make up for it" I guess.

Thanks for sharing your story. It was emotional to read, but I'm glad I took the time to do so.

FaeryPhoebe & Sterling, thank you so much for reading my story and for sharing yours. Like I said to Raven, it means so much to know there are others out there who have had similar issues and I cannot tell you all how healing this is for me.

Sterling, I honestly don't know what I would have done in your situation. Fortunately, my mom is a bird lover too and when I was in the group homes she took care of my parakeets for the first year. Then the people at the group home let me have them there with me cause they knew how 'healing' my birds were for me.

One of things I struggle with is a mood disorder and the slightest of stressors can completely screw up my routine. Knocking me off my sleep schedule which then knocks me off my med schedule and so on.

Since getting Skittles, I have been nearly 98% med compliant and the days of staying up all night and sleeping all day are pretty much gone. Skittles is extremely 'interactive', which helps so much with my anxiety as well.

I adore Peaches, my cockatiel. But she has always been a very quiet and laid back bird. I could leave her out of her cage all day and she won't ever get into trouble. However, Skittles cannot be left unsupervised. I learned that the hard way. He chewed through two spice racks, a lamp and four shelving units. Replacing all of those was NOT cheap, but in all actuality it was partially my fault. I knew he was capable of it and didn't keep an eye on him. He doesn't know he's not suppose to chew on those things. It's all wood (except the lamp of course). I got him a big playstand, he also has a playstand atop his cage and a hanging rope toy that hangs from the ceiling. He has plenty to chew on now so he leaves the rest alone.

When I was 18 I got a parakeet. I had it for a few months and let it out all the time. It would come eat off ofmy plate. I accidentally killed it by burying it under a pile of clothes. I also had another parakeet that died because I didnt know to turn the ceiling fan off when it was out.

I really want to thank you all for sharing your stories. It has really helped. I wish I had thought of this earlier, but I suppose I was not in the right place at the time.