Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them away

Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them away

I'm a 17 years old girl and I live in Jordan. I don't exactly remember when (I think October 2015, but I'm not sure), but my cousin caught a wild lovebird that accidently flew inside. His friend already had one as well (I don't know how he got it) so he gave it to my cousin along with its cage (Measurements: length: 29 cm. width: 22 cm. height: 35 cm.) My cousin put his bird in there and gave the birds to my family as a "gift". (One of them is a male and the other is a female).

At the time, I was retaking exams for highschool because I failed, and since I had to study, it was up to my family to take care of the birds most of the time. My family would leave the cage unclean for very long periods of time, and did not refill the cage with food and water in time. They'd also scream at the birds, put their hands on the cage even after knowing it terrified them, bang the cage in order to get them to quiet down, keep them covered in a blanket for long periods of time, swing the cage around...etc. Whenever I got the chance, I'd clean the cage (I was the only one that was willing to do so) and fill the containers with seeds and water, and sometimes sing for them just for fun. Another thing I'd like to add is my family is very aggressive, they scream all the time (mostly my mum) and they'd hit (not just my siblings fighting, but also my parents hitting us for "discipline" when the reasons weren't valid in any way).

I've recently finished highschool and got into university so I have more time to take care if the birds. I've just recently found out that they're a species of parrots, require a way larger cage, a larger variety of food (my lovebirds only eat seeds) and other accessories. When I told my family about this they thought I was insane, and refused to provide the items needed, saying it doesn't matter how their environment is as long as they're alive. My dad even said "they [the birds] are just accessories". But alongside of refusing to properly take care of the birds, they're refusing to set them free! Even if they do, they'd just let them out of the window and they'll probably die outside. We don't have a parrot/bird rescue centre in my country, and even if we did I'd be doomed if I set the birds free. My only option is to try and take care of them myself (I don't see it as a burden, I'd love to mother these birds). I can't afford a new cage and I don't know if my parents would approve if I could get one, especially that no one is siding with me on this (one of my brothers kicked the cage lightly to prove he doesn't care). One of my brothers told me we might have a larger cage in the storage room and I searched yesterday and found nothing, but I'm going to look again today. I've got plenty of unwanted wood lying around the house but I haven't got any wire to make a cage.

I've also been around them as much as I can, but whenever I walk in the room they quiet down, and when I leave they're no longer quiet. I never know if they're screaming because they need anything or they're just talking. When I get closer to the cage they back away instantly, and when I sit in front of the cage they stay where they are. Last night, before putting a blanket over them to get them to sleep, I got closer to the cage to measure it, but they didn't move and stayed their place so I assumed they liked me. But this morning, I heard them screaming so I walked over and they backed away. I just took them to my room and put them beside my bed since I was still tired, they were occasionally chirpping (I didn't mind) and when I'd open my eyes they'd stop. I want them to trust me enough so I can get them to leave their cage.

I also wanted to ask about food, since they lived in my house they've only been fed seeds. I tried giving them white rolled oats yesterday (uncooked but they refused to eat any of it. I then added seeds to the oats but they'd just eat the seeds. I just gave up and replaced the oats with seeds, since they refused to eat anything other than that. How do I get them to eat various food? I've waited a lot yesterday but they refused to eat any of the oats. Also, how should their sleeping schedule be? They don't seem to be getting any proper sleep. And lastly, is it okay to carry their cage around or will that make them more scared? I can't always be in my room so I need them to be with me so I can give them the attention they need. This is all really confusing to me and I really care about these birds and want them to have a good life.

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

Hi, I'm happy that you are willing to take care of them I'm quite new to birds to but I do have a bit of experience. Birds are pretty cautious by nature and your family's actions just made it more difficult. The wild caught bird will be hard to tame as well. I suggest that you just be in the same room as them and just talk to them for now. I got mine from a breeder and we are still having troubles after 2 months. Bonding will take a long time and it differs from bird to bird. Moving them around right now might not be the best choice. Put them in one room and let them get used to the surroundings first, then introduce them to the house bit by bit. It's good to give them a lot of attention but be careful about how much. Leaving for short periods of time will probably benefit you in the long run. You will not always be home so you don't want them to get the impression that you will always be with them. Birds get stressed easily, maybe by change of environment, people, etc. it's good that you have two so they can keep each other company. And for the food, I suggest u first eat it in front of them and make it a really big deal about how good it is. Then offer them a piece and if they don't take it after a while, keep eating it and try again. This usually gets my bird to eat anything lol. Just becareful to not let them eat anything you but since saliva is poisonous to them. Good luck!

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

Welcome to you! I have little to offer, but there are a lot of really good folks here that can! Hang in there, and be determined you will break the cycle of what you have grown up in as you move on!

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

Hey Ashley,

Sorry you are in such a frustrating situation! The cage your lovebirds are in may not be ideal, but it's okay until you can do something better.

Most important is that you keep the lovebirds away from the family members that abuse them. You can move their cage and it shouldn't bother them too much. They seem to know you care about them, since they calm down when they see you.

Keep their cage as clean as you can manage. This will keep them healthy.

You can try sprouting their seeds. They will probably try the sprouted ones since they are their familiar diet, and as a living food they are much more nutritious than dry seeds. Midnight gave your some good ideas about sharing with them the food that you are eating.

Here's a how-to for sprouts using a jar: http://www.parrotforums.com/parrot-food-recipes-diet/57416-sprouting-made-easy.html

It is important that they can sleep at night. If you can have their cage in the room that you sleep, turn out the lights near them and have it be quiet for them around 7 or 8pm.

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

I think that the cage size is the least of those birds worried right now. Getting them away from the abuse is priority number one! It sounds like they would be much happier and healthier with you!

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

Thank you I've gained a lot of knowledge from both the wonderful replies and the website as a whole ♡

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

Piasa said:

Hey Ashley,

Sorry you are in such a frustrating situation! The cage your lovebirds are in may not be ideal, but it's okay until you can do something better.

Most important is that you keep the lovebirds away from the family members that abuse them. You can move their cage and it shouldn't bother them too much. They seem to know you care about them, since they calm down when they see you.

Keep their cage as clean as you can manage. This will keep them healthy.

You can try sprouting their seeds. They will probably try the sprouted ones since they are their familiar diet, and as a living food they are much more nutritious than dry seeds. Midnight gave your some good ideas about sharing with them the food that you are eating.

Here's a how-to for sprouts using a jar: http://www.parrotforums.com/parrot-food-recipes-diet/57416-sprouting-made-easy.html

It is important that they can sleep at night. If you can have their cage in the room that you sleep, turn out the lights near them and have it be quiet for them around 7 or 8pm.

Click to expand...

Thank you! I've decided to just keep them in my room since its the safest place for them to be at the moment. I've been properly protecting them and talking to them for only a few days, so I'm not really sure if they trust me or not, it differes everyday and time. The female bird has been acting up since yesterday and has been biting the bars and also the male bird and flying around violently, then feeds the male bird water, kisses him then starts bting him again. The female is more comfortable with me but the male is still really hesitant and afraid. I can't get them to sleep at 7 pm - 8 pm because the darkest/quietest room is my bedroom, and they seem to get mad if I turn on the lights for a bit or move around the room, and they're also not okay with me turning in my sleep :-/ Although yesterday they did have a good amount of sleep but I just felt they were still tired since they haven't properly slept before yesterday. Taking care of lovebirds is way harder than I thought, but I'm still going to give them as much as I can

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

Ann333 said:

I think that the cage size is the least of those birds worried right now. Getting them away from the abuse is priority number one! It sounds like they would be much happier and healthier with you!

Click to expand...

Thank you! I keep them in my room now to make sure they're away from my family. They seem much more at peace although they still seem to be hesitant around me and their opinion on me changes quite quickly.

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

Midnight said:

Hi, I'm happy that you are willing to take care of them I'm quite new to birds to but I do have a bit of experience. Birds are pretty cautious by nature and your family's actions just made it more difficult. The wild caught bird will be hard to tame as well. I suggest that you just be in the same room as them and just talk to them for now. I got mine from a breeder and we are still having troubles after 2 months. Bonding will take a long time and it differs from bird to bird. Moving them around right now might not be the best choice. Put them in one room and let them get used to the surroundings first, then introduce them to the house bit by bit. It's good to give them a lot of attention but be careful about how much. Leaving for short periods of time will probably benefit you in the long run. You will not always be home so you don't want them to get the impression that you will always be with them. Birds get stressed easily, maybe by change of environment, people, etc. it's good that you have two so they can keep each other company. And for the food, I suggest u first eat it in front of them and make it a really big deal about how good it is. Then offer them a piece and if they don't take it after a while, keep eating it and try again. This usually gets my bird to eat anything lol. Just becareful to not let them eat anything you but since saliva is poisonous to them. Good luck!

Click to expand...

Thank you so much! I've set them by my bed although they seem to get annoyed whenever I turn in my sleep or use my phone for a bit even though I have them covered in a blanket. Their moods change a lot too and so does their view on me, in a bit they'll let me get close to them but soon later they get terribly afraid. I guess the key is just to have patience... Will definitely try the food trick Thank you again!

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

My heart broke reading about your family, and soared reading about you. How wonderful it will be for these birds to be loved and cared for by you! Yes, get them away from the rest of the family. Yes, sprouting is PERFECT. Yes a larger cage would be good but it seems to be the least of their worries. Move and talk slowly, be patient, gain their trust. We are all rooting for you!

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

Thank you all for the replies, I've learnt a lot! Although I'm still having problems with them. I've gotten them away from the abuse and I've kept them in my room (I stopped carrying the cage around). After a few days of them just being in my room, the female bird started biting the bars of the cage, I solved that by using paper as the base of the cage, and she now enjoys shredding that instead of biting the bars.

But the male won't move, he stays where he is all the time. I don't seem to understand why. He's avoiding the female, too. She tries kissing him or getting close but he won't let her, he moves his head away or nudges her, but he lets her feed him water. I'm really scared for him, the female is very hyper and is very loud and is always seen doing something, but the male won't budge. Could he be depressed?

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

Great to hear the birds are away from the abusive family members and safe in your room. It could just be the change in environment. That tends to have an effect on the behavior. Some birds are more easy going than others and will adjust with no big deal, others take a move a bit more seriously and will take a little time to adjust.

How easy is it to access bird toys for them where you are? Can you get several from a pet store? They love to shred and chew, and I believe they need more toy items to keep them stimulated and occupied. How big is the cage for the two?

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

The only pet store I know about in my area is about 20-40 minutes away, but I haven't got anyone willing to drive me there. I've looked up some bird toys I could make at home but most of them require a large cage. There was this one toy where you pinch a hole in several small pieces of papers and tie a thread and hang it in the cage, and I've tried that but my birds got very scared and started flying around violently so I removed it.

The size of the cage: length: 29 cm. width: 22 cm. height: 35 cm. I know its very small but this is the only cage I can provide. I've tried getting them out of the cage to fly aroubd but they refused to get out, although I always feel like they feel trapped inside their cage since its too small.

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

Well, given the circumstances for now, I commend you for doing the very best you can for the little guys .

You might have to start (with the toys) by introducing them slowly and teaching them how to play. Try hanging them on the outside of the cage, or a little farther away if it still scares them. When you have the birds' attention, play with the toy yourself, look at them and point to it, say 'good birds' (or whatever) in a positive upbeat manner, and you should see your birds look at you. You can move the toys closer little by little depending on their reaction.

You can try clean paper towel rolls cut into shorter pieces, plastic straws, folded or origami paper, plastic bottle caps, etc. If you have any doubt as to whether something is bird safe or not, just ask .

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

Hiya. I'm sorry for you situation but like everyone, thanks so much for doing your best to help your little birds. If you have plain paper and scissors then this is a small paper toy yu can make (Video link to show you how to make them):
[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4Woj9oP3AI"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4Woj9oP3AI[/ame]

I believe these are great for small (and medium) birds as we can make them as big or small as we like. As for introducing this, what I suggest is basically the same as RavensGryf. Make them while your in your room with your birds, so they can see where they've come from and have a small dish/extra food bowl ready in the room (so the birds can see it). Make a few and keep them in the dish for now in sight of the bird (move it away from the birds if they are uncomfortable but gradually move it closer as they get used to it). Once you can get the bowl next them with the stars, then you can see about introducing it to them.

Once they get used to the stars and/or play with them, you can put seeds in them as extra treats.

Hope this is some kind of help.

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

MAJOR UPDATE:
From the last time I posted, I've tried to start to teach the birds to play just as suggested by RavensGryf and ZephyrFly, but the birds still seem to be very reluctant even though I was just simply using small pieces of paper and tissues.

Ever since I put the birds away from my family, they've been more vocal and demanding; they start screaming when they need food or when the cage is slightly dirty or they want some music on, and I'm starting to understand what they exactly want.

But last Friday, I was incredibly shocked by the behaviour of the birds. I don't know if I've said this before, but the birds seemed to be more content with the base of the cage being a sheet of paper instead the actual base so I switched it, and put them on a small table beside my bed. Whenever I needed to clean the table, I'd quickly put the cage (thats baseless) on my desk (thats VERY close to the table, and the birds were too scared to move anyway), clean the table then set the cage back on it. Although last Friday, as I was movig the cage to my desk the female bird flew out! This took me at shock since I would have never thought it'd be brave enough to do so and the male bird didn't move a muscle. I thought it could fly around a bit then it'd get hungry and try to get back in the cage, but it kept flying around violently and bumping into the walls and closet. I called for my brothers to come help since I was terribly scared I might hurt it, and after about 10-15 minutes it hit the heating system and lay down on the floor weakly, one of my brothers gently grabbed it (it didn't protest) and put it back in the cage. After a few minutes of being in the cage, the female bird started fighting with the male bird, then they both started biting on the bars of the cage violently. I played some of their favourite songs on my phone and that seemex to calm them down, but ever since then they both seem to despise me, and whenever I want to remove the bowls of food or change the sheet of paper under their cage, they both look at my hand in lust, waiting for the perfect chance to get out. The thing is last week I willingly opened the cage door for them to get out but neither of them budged, so this is incredibly odd.

Another thing is when the female bird was out of the cage and flying around violently, I tried calming it down by talking to it but it wouldn't listen. I talk to them at night when they have night frights and that helps them calm down, but it seemed to not listen when it was out. Also, at some point when it was out and my brother was trying to catch it, I sat down to try to calm down and figure something out and then my brother sat down a bit further away from me, then after a bit the bird landed between us and my brother tried to take that as a chance to catch it and it kept getting closer to me, but when I was trying to talk to it again it would get away from me, but come back when my brother was trying to catch it. The female bird is physically fine by the way.

So now my birds hate me and I'm clueless to what to do. I take full responsibility of what happened and that was very careless of me to get my bird to get out of the cage like that. I want to get them out of the cage but I can't do so if they keep hiting the walls and refuse to get back in the cage, and how can I bird-proof my bedroom?

Alongside that, I found out there are some pet toys in a store (not a pet store) nearby me that I can get. The only bird toy they had was something called a "clutterbone" thats apparently a bone that birds chew on for stronger beaks and calcuim (it says its for all kinds of birds), but I need to install it INSIDE the cage and from what happened on Friday I obviously can't do that; and it would take up a huge amount of space in the cage anyway and its already too small. The only pet toys that store has are for dogs, cats and wood sticks for hamsters. Are there any dog/cat toys I can get for my birds? I heard I could get dog rope as long as its not flavoured but its too big, do I get it and shred it/try to cut it up in some sort of way?

My biggest concern right now is getting on good term with the birds. My siblings admitted to me last week that they go in my room to scream at the birds but the birds don't seem affected. And the male bird still won't move or fly around and refuses kisses from the female bird, although he would chew on the paper base on rare occasions when he thinks I'm not around. I'm really desperate and taking care of these birds is getting more frustrating but I know I have to do it, and I want to as well but I'm really losing hope to be able to get them to like me enough so I can give them more privileges like getting out of the cage.

Re: Family abusive to lovebirds & won't provide proper enviroment. I can't give them

I would not try to use the toys from the store or modify rope, it's too easy for them to eat a part or get tangled. Try natural things like tree branches or leaves from fruit trees, or cut squares of cardboard (something without too much ink is best), popsickle sticks, even tissue. Leafy vegetables can also be toys, clip to cage with a wooden clothespin (also toy).

Ignoring your brothers' bad behavior might get them to stop. If the lovebirds are no longer reacting, the boys may get bored of tormenting them. Just try your best to keep your room to yourself and the birds.

Your lovebirds don't despise you, they just are scared and doing what a scared bird does. I know it's hard not to take it personally, but really that is all you can do. They may warm up to you with time, they may not. But they do have each other for companionship. I guarantee when things are calm, they enjoy listening to music with you and hearing you talk nicely to them.

Don't stress the cuttlebone, it is not necessary. They don't really get much if any calcium from them as it's not in a form that's bioavailable.

If you can plant some watercress or lettuce, dandelion, or some herbs in small pots and put beside their cage, you can slip a few leaves through the bars also for them to play with/eat. Dandelion has lots of calcium and is very healthy.

If you can focus on just taking care of them and not have any expectations, this might make it less stressful. Just enjoy their beauty and antics with each other. You are doing great, whether you think so or not