Parrot Jokes

I came across this in my current Readers Digest issue, and thought it was cute. Anybody else have any good parrot jokes? It's always nice to get a good laugh for the day!

A woman tells her priest, "Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi cutie. Wanna have some fun?'"

"Don't worry," says the priest. "I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage - your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase."

The next day, the woman takes her parrots to theh priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. when the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, "Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?"

One male says to the other, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"

LOL!!!!
I've never heard a parrot joke
Im going to look for them now

[SIZE=+1]OK, so I googled parrot jokes and found tones. I thought this one was cute. [/SIZE]
Im sorry I cant remember the site....good clean bird jokes.....IDK

[SIZE=+1]GOT ANY GRAPES?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]One day a parrot walked up to the counter inside a convenience store. The parrot said to the clerk "Got any grapes?"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=-1]"No" replied the store clerk. The parrot smiled and walked out the door. A little while later the parrot returned and asked "Got any grapes?" The clerk replied "No! I already told you 15 minutes ago, i don't have any grapes!" [/SIZE][SIZE=-1]The parrot smiled and once again walked out of the store. Ten minutes later, the parrot returned and asked once again "Got any grapes?" The irate clerk yelled "No! We didn't have any, we don't have any and we're not going to have any! If you come back in here again, i'm going to nail your feet to the floor!" The parrot smiled and walked out the door. Later that day the parrot returned and asked "Got any nails?" The clerk said "NO!". The parrot replied "Good. Got any grapes?"[/SIZE]



Found the link
www.plannedparrothood.com/jokes.html

A lady takes her parrot to the Vet. The Vet takes one look and says,
"I'm afraid your parrot is dead."
"That's terrible," says the woman, "How can you know that. You haven't
examined it or anything."
The Vet heaves a long-suffering sigh, places the parrot on the
examination table, opens the door and whistles. At this, a labrador dog
bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, sniffs at the parrot,
looks up and shakes its head sadly. Then the Vet gives another whistle
and a cat comes into the room, springs up onto the table, sniffs the
parrot and then shakes its head sadly.
"Well I'm terribly sorry Mrs Jones but there can be no doubt about it.
Polly is dead."
"Well, it's devastating news but thank you. How much do I owe you?"
"That will be six hundred and forty two pounds please."
"How much?" cried the woman in shock. "That's far too much money!"
"Well it's your own fault," Said the Vet, "If you had believed me in the
first place it would only have been twenty pounds. But you insisted on
a Lab report and a Cat scan!"

A young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. The parrot would always give away the tricks saying things like, "he has a card up his sleeve" or "he has a dove in his pocket."
One day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat. For a couple of days, they just sat there looking at each other. Finally, the parrot broke the silence and said, "Okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship?"

Mrs. Broomfield's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman. He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment,and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!" When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Broomfield's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen. But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant squawking and talking. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid bird!" To which the parrot replied: "Get him, Brutus!

mellykyitus said:

Mrs. Broomfield's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman. He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment,and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!" When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Broomfield's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen. But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant squawking and talking. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid bird!" To which the parrot replied: "Get him, Brutus!

Click to expand...

HAHA, love that one.

Might teach my guys to do something like that one day. :54:

So there's this man with a parrot.

And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.

The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.

For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.

Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

A man breaks into a house and starts filling his bag with stuff when he hears "Jesus is watching you." He swings his flashlight around and sees nothing. He goes back to his business and a few minutes later again hears "Jesus is watching you." Again he looks for the source of the voice and finds nothing. He continues his work and once more he hears "Jesus is watching you." He looks around and this time sees a parrot in a cage. He goes over and asks, "Are you Jesus?"

The bird replies, "No I'm Moses."

And the burgular asks, "What kind of idiot would name a bird Moses?"

To which the bird answers, "The same kind of idiot who would name a rottweiler Jesus."

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00, which seemed awfully cheap.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Bob!"

these are great! thanks guys!
i use to know one about a pawn shop parrot...cant think of it for the life of me now!

A man walks into a pet store and sees three identical parrots. He asks the ower "How much for the one on the right?"

"$500"

"Why so much?"

"He does leagal research."

The man agrees that this is impressive and asks about the parrot on the right. And the owner says: "He's a thousand, because he will file unbeatable leagal briefs."

The man then asks about the third bird.

"He's $2000"

"Wow! What does he do?"

"Well to be honest I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him senior partnet."

mele said:

[SIZE=+1]OK, so I googled parrot jokes and found tones. I thought this one was cute. [/SIZE]
Im sorry I cant remember the site....good clean bird jokes.....IDK

[SIZE=+1]GOT ANY GRAPES?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]One day a parrot walked up to the counter inside a convenience store. The parrot said to the clerk "Got any grapes?"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=-1]"No" replied the store clerk. The parrot smiled and walked out the door. A little while later the parrot returned and asked "Got any grapes?" The clerk replied "No! I already told you 15 minutes ago, i don't have any grapes!" [/SIZE][SIZE=-1]The parrot smiled and once again walked out of the store. Ten minutes later, the parrot returned and asked once again "Got any grapes?" The irate clerk yelled "No! We didn't have any, we don't have any and we're not going to have any! If you come back in here again, i'm going to nail your feet to the floor!" The parrot smiled and walked out the door. Later that day the parrot returned and asked "Got any nails?" The clerk said "NO!". The parrot replied "Good. Got any grapes?"[/SIZE]



Found the link
www.plannedparrothood.com/jokes.html

Click to expand...

Check this out, there are actually three videos that coincide with each other but it's very cute. It's become a long running joke between my brother and I, I will randomly text him and just say "Hey..." when he replies back with "what?" I say, "...got any grapes?" lol.
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q]The Duck Song - YouTube[/ame]
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jjcAuEYW9M]The Duck Song 2 - YouTube[/ame]
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru4a-js4My4]The Duck Song 3 - YouTube[/ame]

IcyWolf said:

mele said:

[SIZE=+1]OK, so I googled parrot jokes and found tones. I thought this one was cute. [/SIZE]
Im sorry I cant remember the site....good clean bird jokes.....IDK

[SIZE=+1]GOT ANY GRAPES?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]One day a parrot walked up to the counter inside a convenience store. The parrot said to the clerk "Got any grapes?"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=-1]"No" replied the store clerk. The parrot smiled and walked out the door. A little while later the parrot returned and asked "Got any grapes?" The clerk replied "No! I already told you 15 minutes ago, i don't have any grapes!" [/SIZE][SIZE=-1]The parrot smiled and once again walked out of the store. Ten minutes later, the parrot returned and asked once again "Got any grapes?" The irate clerk yelled "No! We didn't have any, we don't have any and we're not going to have any! If you come back in here again, i'm going to nail your feet to the floor!" The parrot smiled and walked out the door. Later that day the parrot returned and asked "Got any nails?" The clerk said "NO!". The parrot replied "Good. Got any grapes?"[/SIZE]



Found the link
www.plannedparrothood.com/jokes.html

Click to expand...

Check this out, there are actually three videos that coincide with each other but it's very cute. It's become a long running joke between my brother and I, I will randomly text him and just say "Hey..." when he replies back with "what?" I say, "...got any grapes?" lol.
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q"]The Duck Song - YouTube[/ame]
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jjcAuEYW9M"]The Duck Song 2 - YouTube[/ame]
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru4a-js4My4"]The Duck Song 3 - YouTube[/ame]

Click to expand...

LOL! I think that duck wins the "Most Annoying Duck Ever Award"!