wedding help!!!!

well i finally agreed to set a date (possibly 2014)

phil has been asking for years, we have been together over 17years. i have always put off getting married, mainly because of family differences. its not that they don't get on, i've never allowed them to mix!

simply as phils white (pardon the term, as to class him as english would kinda moot what i am) and i am chinese, born in the uk, i don't speak chinese and shunned all things chinese while growing up in order to be considered more english, in white inner city council estate

i have no idea how to proceed with things

i want a traditional chinese wedding feast, this would lead to phils side of the family starving at the table or worse behaving badly (there slightly zenophobic) though i could do a english type meal gathering, its not something i want

the night do, won't be a problem as it'll be a case of all are welcome, more the merrier

i could do 2 day receptions, but that just means keeping the families apart, i am currently looking for a venue that could do both, but we will be eating while the others have finished

i have mentioned getting married abroad without either family involved but phils put his foot down on that one!

thanks for any suggestions

I think its great that your getting married and I don't see the problem of you being Chinese you may look it but if you were born in the UK that makes you English in my eyes it would be different if you were born in china and your parents never regestered you in the UK with in 72 hours then you would be classed as Chinese but you were born in the united kingdom and regestered so you are English I'll stop rambling on now lol and Congrats I hope you both have a great day when it comes

Congratulations Sue, didn't realise you two were engaged. Could you not have a typical chinese feast but with a very english alternative? Such as whatever you're planning (sorry, not really up to date with Chinese stuff ) and then chicken/beef option for his side of the family?

I'm sure if given the chance at your wedding the family would be more likely to get along, they're there to see you happy and married, so surely the bickering could stop for an evening?

Let us know how the planning goes!

Congratulations!

Why not a separate buffet for the English side, and traditional Chinese for your side? This way everyone would eat, and maybe they might get adventurous and try some of the things they aren't comfortable with. Also with a buffet, they could continue dinner for as long as the Chinese feast lasts...so everyone eats together.

Congrats Sue on finding a man who you would still marry after 17 years

You could go a few different ways to please everyone. Plan the reception the time of day that you want to feed. Dinner time, a full meal; Late evening, cocktail, etc.

A cocktail selection would allow you different 'stations' of either traditional English or Chinese. It would also be possible to do a 'dessert reception' & feature favorite gourmet dessert selections from both cultures. Everyone loves sweets & makes it possible to please everyone while still representing both cultures. This is something I've always wanted to do.

It is also possible to do a served meal w/2 or 3 choices. Your guest would rsvp w/their dinner choice. This is a crap shoot, I've had alot of people change their mind after seeing the other choice, possibly making the original choice short for serving.

I would also recommend plenty of alcohol Well lubed guests would make a better party, although it could work the other way, this would dull your senses to any misbehaviour of any relatives.

thanks lol gonna talk it out a bit more but i like the buffet stations idea, keep it off face book for now lol

got wedding favour boxes already lol

if i knew weddings ment chopping i'd be hitched by now lol

Stay single, why screw up a good thing, LOL Did you see the thread in the Off Topic section titled "Upgrading Operating Programs" ? A must read for you.

henpecked said:

Stay single, why screw up a good thing, LOL Did you see the thread in the Off Topic section titled "Upgrading Operating Programs" ? A must read for you.

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hahahahahaha I agree with Richard. Why take the chance after 17 years.

But if you still want to go through with it, go greek that way neither one of you gets what you want.

I don't think the "guys" are giving the advice she's looking for. LOL

Congrats! I knowbringing to completely different families together can be Hard and awkward. My family slow middle class but very laid back and open. My in-laws are high middle to high class withlots of kids and no offense kinda stuck up unless they've been drinking lol. We tried to do an agreeable reception wherewithal hishncles huge house and his family made the food (they insisted to have their touch) and tomkake it so they wererant controlling the wedding we turned it into a party/barbecue so it was laid back. In the end our families stayed separate with a little mingling but no one felt akward or wanted to leave. His family got to brag about their food and house and mine got to just sit back and relax. Be calm and it will all workout.

MickeysMom said:

Congratulations!

Why not a separate buffet for the English side, and traditional Chinese for your side? This way everyone would eat, and maybe they might get adventurous and try some of the things they aren't comfortable with. Also with a buffet, they could continue dinner for as long as the Chinese feast lasts...so everyone eats together.

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I second this idea. Great advice!

Congrats! There's been some great ideas. I love having a little bit of everything! Good luck!

Congratulations! I waited until my mid-forties to get married. Which means we were running out of the parental generation, but that allowed us to focus on a ceremony and reception that were meaningful to US and I'd strongly encourage you not to forget to do that!

I third or fourth the notion of doing a buffet offering both traditional Chinese and traditional English foods. And I would not put them on opposite sides of the room! I would try to avoid the "separate but equal" dynamic if at all possible, while not actually forcing people to interact.

I don't know any of the folks involved, obviously, but I think once a commitment has been made and the union is inevitable, you may find both sets of parents seeking ways to connect after all.

Why wait for a wedding? You could have an open house or something, and break the ice.

lmao @ go greek mike!

thanks all, my house is not big enough to house the guests

thinking trad chinese banquet but with english food courses etc, i was saying to a friend i can have settings for 50 people but only 30 will be eating!! save on the £££ lol

hi, suebee and congrats! i was engaged for over 8 years dreading a wedding because my hub and my family are so different. :16: we didn't do a big guest list, either. we got married in Central Park in NY and went to 5 star restaurant for lunch. we had a nondenominational ceremony and adding some personal touches including the people that couldn't be there and since his side is Buddhist. we added a blessing/prayer for our parents that are gone. it was really weird cause a bird flew in the restaurant and stayed the entire time. the restaurant said that never happened. everyone kept saying the bird was my dad lol :jumping40

the wedding party had less than 30 ppl, just really close family and friends. our friends sat with us, his family had their table, and mine family had their own. i wanted it really short lol with the ceremony in the Park with family pictures was 45 mins then we went to eat. the lunch was like 2 hours. my hub and i did our wedding portraits pictures before the ceremony. i hate when ppl take pictures after the ceremony and make their guests wait like an hour or 2 before cocktails. :17:

i think after my experience, it was sort of easy. we really did try to add a range of food that people would like and added different desserts. great booze helps! however, i did not drink at my wedding cause i didnt want to look buzzed in the pictures lol:18_crazy: i have seen drunken pictures of other people sadly.

maybe you can wear the red chinese dress during the cocktail hour /reception and the traditional wedding dress for the ceremony? i have friends who are chinese or married someone chinese and that's what they did for their weddings. they also sent 2 invitations together, 1 was english and the other was chinese with the double happiness. if you make a few personal touches with your culture, your family will appreciate it and be happy. good luck!

Congratulations! I didn't realize you two weren't married, from the way you talk about him.

I like the idea of having the Chinese and English options, but having them together, not "separate but equal". Maybe it could help to unite the two families.

Now I want to try real Chinese food. I am afraid that I've only had Americanized Chinese food, which tastes delicious but is terrible for you. When the US gets their hands on food, their version tends to be pretty unhealthy.

lol found out cost per table for banquet and as i am self funding, and already my dad has a lot over here, and then my mother wants her church invited and i don't know all these ppl!!!

i can see now how wedding planning is stressfull

conuregirl your do sounds like what i have in mind

so its back to the drawing board, wonder how many plans are gonna get thrown out lol

lol remy phil wants the suckling pig, lobster, seabass for his wedding dinner, i flipped at the mention of sharks fin soup (huge NO NO)

its early days an i feel the bridezilla already at stupid little things

ugh when parents plan their kids weddings.... my mom tried to get me to invite more ppl and add to the wedding party. i had to put draw the line in the sand, seriously! my mom was being pushy and copying her friends' daughters weddings because she thought it was nice.