I know I haven't been around lately but I've had some issues I've been dealing with.
My son, who is only 9 years old, has a heart condition. He's had it since he was born and we were waiting until he was big enough to do surgery to fix it. In the meantime, he'd been maintained on medication to control his heart rate and keep it in the normal level. His heart will go from the 120-150bpm to over 300. The highest recorded was 366.
Last June he went in for surgery. It took 5 hours to get through and I have to admit, it was the most terrifying 5 hours of my life. He came through just fine and went home a few days later. We went back for his first post op checkup and the EKG looked good. Just Tuesday, we went back to the cardiologist again for another recheck and that's when he told me the surgery had failed and the problem was back.
He's scheduled for another surgery, which bears higher risks than the previous one on Nov 11. From what I can gather, there's a 50/50 chance he could come out of it on a pacemaker. They wanted to do it this week but I said no. I can't take Halloween away from him. He's suffering enough. Surely 2 more weeks can't make that big of a difference, can it?
He's 9 and probably the coolest kid I know. As a mother, it's only natural for me to be angry that he has to go through this again at such a tender age, much less at all. And to say I'm stressed is an understatement. It's hard for me to comfort him when he wakes in the middle of the night when I have the same fears he does. And I don't know how to explain to a 9 year old why this keeps happening, much less, 4 months after the last surgery. I want to scream, but I can't. I have to keep my frustrations to myself. I want to cry harder than I ever imagined, but I can't. I have to transfer my strength to him instead of my sorrow. And right now, I want to kick the doctor in the nuts for conveying all this information while my son was right in the room, but I can't. It's assault and battery, they say.
I just needed to vent. Life really isn't fair.
My son, who is only 9 years old, has a heart condition. He's had it since he was born and we were waiting until he was big enough to do surgery to fix it. In the meantime, he'd been maintained on medication to control his heart rate and keep it in the normal level. His heart will go from the 120-150bpm to over 300. The highest recorded was 366.
Last June he went in for surgery. It took 5 hours to get through and I have to admit, it was the most terrifying 5 hours of my life. He came through just fine and went home a few days later. We went back for his first post op checkup and the EKG looked good. Just Tuesday, we went back to the cardiologist again for another recheck and that's when he told me the surgery had failed and the problem was back.
He's scheduled for another surgery, which bears higher risks than the previous one on Nov 11. From what I can gather, there's a 50/50 chance he could come out of it on a pacemaker. They wanted to do it this week but I said no. I can't take Halloween away from him. He's suffering enough. Surely 2 more weeks can't make that big of a difference, can it?
He's 9 and probably the coolest kid I know. As a mother, it's only natural for me to be angry that he has to go through this again at such a tender age, much less at all. And to say I'm stressed is an understatement. It's hard for me to comfort him when he wakes in the middle of the night when I have the same fears he does. And I don't know how to explain to a 9 year old why this keeps happening, much less, 4 months after the last surgery. I want to scream, but I can't. I have to keep my frustrations to myself. I want to cry harder than I ever imagined, but I can't. I have to transfer my strength to him instead of my sorrow. And right now, I want to kick the doctor in the nuts for conveying all this information while my son was right in the room, but I can't. It's assault and battery, they say.
I just needed to vent. Life really isn't fair.
