Depression: How do you deal with it?

Kinny · Oct 26, 2013

So, I'm depressed. I've struggled with depression since I was 12, however its gotten worse recently, especially since I found out I'm pregnant again. I won't bore you all with the details, I just would like to know how you manage it?

I've been told to see a psychologist or psychiatrist however they treat everything over the top. And if they want to, even if they don't have good reason, they can put you in a hospital and take your kids away from you. Now, i do not want that. However a friend of mine is a little concerned as I've had self harming thoughts (though could never go through with harming myself, never have. Wanted to at 14 but couldn't do it.. Luckily!) since over a month ago (when i hit my head and had a temporary minor concussion... Stupid cupboard corners!)

So what way do you find helps? I cant talk to anyone in real (face to face) as they may try to do something unnecessary.

Squirt · Oct 26, 2013

I am not familiar with Australian laws, but here in the USA therapists and psychiatrists can ONLY share what you tell them if you say you are going to kill yourself or someone else. I have told mine that I felt suicidal but knew it wasn't an option and I wouldn't do it and she never alerted anyone.

Captsteve · Oct 26, 2013

Have you tried Sunshine and exercise? Getting out and getting some Endorphins stirred up might help. It's much better for you than meds and highly under-prescribed ( I guess the drug companies can't figure out how to charge for it)

crimson · Oct 26, 2013

I have suffered from depression since my teen years, but no longer suffer from it, thankfully.
Only when things get really chaotic and feel like life is getting out of control does it surface again, but that is rare.
my doctor advised me to get more sunshine, go for a walk, go to the beach, do something that will help you relax, and just chill.

He also gave me some very good advice, worrying solves nothing, it is the act of worrying that causes negative feelings, and puts us into a spiral of doom and gloom.
if you have a problem, try to resolve it.

problems build to a point where you feel like you cannot control your life any longer.
Capsteve is correct, endorphins help with depression, you really don't have to exercise, just walk a little more quickly than usual, go for a long walk with someone, go for a swim,, garden, do something that you like and enjoy.(I know there is not much to enjoy when you are depressed but really think about what u like to do)
depression is NOT a quick fix, and with you being pregnant it does make it more difficult to manage, try and hang in there, and keep connecting with us. were a good bunch of people who can help!!!

gizzygirl · Oct 26, 2013

Lots of water and sunshine! !!!!! That will help tremendously! !!!! After that starts to help add in the exercise even if it's just walking. I know when you're really depressed it's hard to get moving.

Betrisher · Oct 26, 2013

Why don't you ring Lifeline? It might sound corny, but Lifeline really is a lifeline. The people are trained to talk you through your problems and help you find the answer inside yourself. It's all anonymous, so no one can trace you (they don't do that anyway) and you can spit it all out with confidence. If you like a particular counsellor, you can ask to connect with them every time. I'm not ashamed to say I've rung Lifeline at times in my life when I felt helpless and they helped me a LOT. I hope this dark period is only a short one for you. Good luck!

Mike17 · Oct 26, 2013

I agree with Trish, try Lifeline or Beyond Blue. There are people out there willing and able to help. I don't agree that they'd try to take your kids off you, Kinny. While I don't suffer from depression myself, I've lived with it- one LT partner and one wife. It's probably ongoing, in fact. Actually, the LT was more likely a personality disorder (even worse to live with) and DOCS were far from supportive of me after she racked off with our daughter (who I didn't see for 4.5 months). Only when she totally failed (unconscious in the afternoon from alcohol, child wandering the streets) did DOCS step in and offer me any support. Anyway, worrying yourself that your kids will be taken off you because of depression is a route to further depression, in my view. Assuming you have your husband's help and support, that is a really, really distant possibility. Hope this has helped... I feel I've begun raving

Featheredsamurai · Oct 26, 2013

Are you just feelin depressed? If so, as said above, sunshine and exercise are excellent. Also going out and about with people who you enjoy the company.

Or do you have a chemical imbalance in your brain that causes depression? If it's the second one exercise and sunshine may not work. My best friend has this, she a needs to take pills to keep it under control. It's not your fault and you shouldn't beep bad about it.
I can always tell when my friends needs to refil her medication and her doctor is being to slow so she goes a week without it. She gets very depressed, and starts feeling like there's no reason for her to be living. This is only if she's alone though, on days like that she'll often spend the night at my house so she doesn't feel so hopelessly alone. We'll hang out and watch happy movies

PetoftheDay · Oct 26, 2013

Know that we are here for you, no matter what. Depression is difficult to manage, and not to be taken lightly. What is your daily routine like now?

Kinny · Oct 26, 2013

Squirt she sounds awesome. I had a counsellor once when I was a teenager, a lot of my problems were caused by my Mother, and so what did the Counsellor do? Tell my Mother every thing I said. -_- I was not pleased and have not seen any sort of psychologist etc. since.

I dislike sunlight, however I have been out in it a fair bit recently due to birds, kids, a nice lawn and sunny weather. It hasn't really helped at all. I'm trying to do more exercise but I don't want to overdo it.. Just walking one round through the house makes me feel exhausted and breathless and faint. I've been feeling like this for a few weeks.. in fact I feel exhausted just putting washing on or doing the dishes.

I refuse to take meds, because to me, that's not dealing with the issues/my issues. I think it's mostly to do with the stuff my parents put me through, their (mostly mental) abuse started when I was 8, them bragging to visitors about my creative artwork and talent, then when the people are gone it's back to calling me stupid, an idiot, worthless, a burden etc. The main thing I think was confusion. Especially when my father smacked me at about 11 years old with a plastic spoon for taking an extra cookie, which snapped, so he continued smacking with a metal spoon and my thighs then bled, were bruised and swollen. And then him and my Mother saying "We only do this because we love you." All that sort of stuff, it's just frustrating because now whenever my husband says anything like what my parents used to say even if it isn't bad, I instantly get a little hostile towards him.. I'm very rebellious *embarrassed face* Not always in a good way..

I would call Lifeline but my husband studies at home so there's never really enough time to say anything to them before he walks out.

In fact it was my husband who is causing me some worry (i don't want to blame him though, because he didn't mean for me to take it this way) because he was the one who said he does NOT want me talking to psychologists etc and he told me all the kids taking away etc. Because that's what happened to him, he got put in Hospital against his Mothers will and no one was allowed to see him for weeks. I don't mean to poke my husband but he has caused me half of my current concerns. He wants US to talk and deal with stuff, but then when I do start to talk about stuff of course it's kind of like complaining, and he doesn't want to hear complaints. -_- Eh..

Mm.. I try not to worry, but it just doesn't seem to be working. Mmm. Well I suppose this nausea isn't helping.. it's very difficult to eat and drink at the moment. I've had MANY dark spots through out the years.. this one is just much worse.

My husband does help in some ways, but then also in other ways him trying to help makes it worse.

Copperarabian.. I really don't know. O.O But I do know I honestly whole-heartedly believe I am stupid and worthless. Part of me thinks/knows it's not true.. but deep down I believe it.. That's one of my biggest things I have to struggle with. Awww! I wish I had friends round here. All my good friends are in different states (VIC and QLD).

Feeding kids, me, birds, cleaning (if i have the energy) kids again, cleaning again, a rest which is really not enough and then other work doesn't get done because I'm resting, I would do art but i have no table and i'm really sick of sitting on the couch hunching my back over to draw on my tablet.

My old pet bird Muta was my stress reliever.. whenever I was feeling depressed he would come to me and give me cuddles and just sit with me all day. (and he was extremely hyper and NOT a cuddle-liking bird).

I've struggled much harder with depression since he died last year.

Eh.. I could speak for 2 hours straight and I still wouldn't have covered even a 10th of my troubles.

I think it's also hard because I don't have anyone I trust enough to talk to.. I mean I could talk to my husband but I really feel like I can't at the moment.

....That's a lot of text. O.O

legal_eagle · Oct 26, 2013

Here are two books you might find very helpful:

[ame=http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382829209&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good]Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy: David D., M.D. Burns: 9780380810338: Amazon.com: Books[/ame]

[ame=http://www.amazon.com/Ending-Struggle-against-Yourself-Workbooks/dp/0874777631/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382829269&sr=8-1&keywords=ending+the+struggle+against+yourself]Ending the Struggle against Yourself (Inner Workbooks): Stan Taubman: 9780874777635: Amazon.com: Books[/ame]

MikeyTN · Oct 26, 2013

Do you have good trust worthy friends you can talk to??? You basically need to let out some steam and talking about it really helps to do that. Then you need to do some breathing exercises and burn vanilla candles while taking a nice hot bubble bath and just relax. Let out a good cry if you need to. You just need to open yourself up. Read a book, it's small things all small things, don't over stress yourself and don't let everything bother you. Learn to forgive and forget! Once you reach there you'll be in a much better shape!

Mike17 · Oct 26, 2013

Kinny said:
Squirt she sounds awesome. I had a counsellor once when I was a teenager, a lot of my problems were caused by my Mother, and so what did the Counsellor do? Tell my Mother every thing I said. -_- I was not pleased and have not seen any sort of psychologist etc. since.

I dislike sunlight, however I have been out in it a fair bit recently due to birds, kids, a nice lawn and sunny weather. It hasn't really helped at all. I'm trying to do more exercise but I don't want to overdo it.. Just walking one round through the house makes me feel exhausted and breathless and faint. I've been feeling like this for a few weeks.. in fact I feel exhausted just putting washing on or doing the dishes.

I refuse to take meds, because to me, that's not dealing with the issues/my issues. I think it's mostly to do with the stuff my parents put me through, their (mostly mental) abuse started when I was 8, them bragging to visitors about my creative artwork and talent, then when the people are gone it's back to calling me stupid, an idiot, worthless, a burden etc. The main thing I think was confusion. Especially when my father smacked me at about 11 years old with a plastic spoon for taking an extra cookie, which snapped, so he continued smacking with a metal spoon and my thighs then bled, were bruised and swollen. And then him and my Mother saying "We only do this because we love you." All that sort of stuff, it's just frustrating because now whenever my husband says anything like what my parents used to say even if it isn't bad, I instantly get a little hostile towards him.. I'm very rebellious *embarrassed face* Not always in a good way..

I would call Lifeline but my husband studies at home so there's never really enough time to say anything to them before he walks out.

In fact it was my husband who is causing me some worry (i don't want to blame him though, because he didn't mean for me to take it this way) because he was the one who said he does NOT want me talking to psychologists etc and he told me all the kids taking away etc. Because that's what happened to him, he got put in Hospital against his Mothers will and no one was allowed to see him for weeks. I don't mean to poke my husband but he has caused me half of my current concerns. He wants US to talk and deal with stuff, but then when I do start to talk about stuff of course it's kind of like complaining, and he doesn't want to hear complaints. -_- Eh..

Mm.. I try not to worry, but it just doesn't seem to be working. Mmm. Well I suppose this nausea isn't helping.. it's very difficult to eat and drink at the moment. I've had MANY dark spots through out the years.. this one is just much worse.

My husband does help in some ways, but then also in other ways him trying to help makes it worse.

Copperarabian.. I really don't know. O.O But I do know I honestly whole-heartedly believe I am stupid and worthless. Part of me thinks/knows it's not true.. but deep down I believe it.. That's one of my biggest things I have to struggle with. Awww! I wish I had friends round here. All my good friends are in different states (VIC and QLD).

Feeding kids, me, birds, cleaning (if i have the energy) kids again, cleaning again, a rest which is really not enough and then other work doesn't get done because I'm resting, I would do art but i have no table and i'm really sick of sitting on the couch hunching my back over to draw on my tablet.

My old pet bird Muta was my stress reliever.. whenever I was feeling depressed he would come to me and give me cuddles and just sit with me all day. (and he was extremely hyper and NOT a cuddle-liking bird).

I've struggled much harder with depression since he died last year.

Eh.. I could speak for 2 hours straight and I still wouldn't have covered even a 10th of my troubles.

I think it's also hard because I don't have anyone I trust enough to talk to.. I mean I could talk to my husband but I really feel like I can't at the moment.

....That's a lot of text. O.O

Kinny, I realise you had a very bad experience with a counsellor when you were young(er) but don't let that put you off for all time. They are much better now, accredited and with longer training. I have two friends over east (one now retired) who are counsellors and they are/were excellent. Both have many uni qualifications up to Masters level (in Psychology). I've had bad experiences with "counsellors" myself, I had a couple of visits to a "domestic violence counsellor" employed by the local Shire, she turned out to be a complete man-hater, and her only qualification was a TAFE course. My partner and child ended up in a shelter, 400km away, incognito, but it was the partner who ended up on a bond for assault (on me). I have had no problem talking to counsellors since although my present wife did have issues with one in a remote locality who was also only TAFE trained- so it pays to check their training and accreditation.

As for medications- it's my understanding that clinical depression is caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, and you'd need to see medical specialists to determine if this is the case. If so, it can be difficult to control the darker sides of depression without medication, and I think from your posts that "coming to terms with it" is not working. Also, my concern would be after the birth of your child, as post-natal depression can hit women with little or no history of depression, so it could hit you with double or triple force.

As for your husband's experiences- they are ancient history and not relevant to current procedures. Children are very rarely taken away from couples in a stable relationship unless there is a proven history of harm, neglect or abuse. DOCS are completely snowed under in any case and if they have had no notifications with regard to you or your children, you'd not even be on their radar.

I sympathise with your childhood issues, too. Despite coming in top ten in a form of 450 students in year 10 I was beaten for poor marks (pointing out I came 3rd in class meant nothing, they just couldn't get it into their heads that it was a hard exam). Didn't help that my father was elsewhere, and it was a **** of a stepfather doing the beating. In fact, I didn't see my real Dad from age 9 to age 17! I also had to leave school aged 15 and go out and work in a factory (despite high academic achievement) and now working on 4th degree at uni, all done as an adult/distance student. So difficulties can be overcome- I have to say I had help and encouragement from lifelong friends (not, I might add, from spouses/partners

) as well as psych counselling spanning many years.

Hope this helps.

kc_y0 · Oct 27, 2013

I suffer from depression (I have bi Polar) and I have been on all sorts of medications.. but let me tell you, walking and sunshine honestly are the best.. One walk wont cure you, but if you do it on a regular basis, you will feel great. I go for a walk every single day. There was two weeks there where I didn't go for a walk and I was miserable. Thats not to say that I still don't have my bad days, but I am much better after walking!
Also Fish Oil & Multi vitamins will help too, but again its an every day thing, not an instant cure!

Betrisher · Oct 27, 2013

Oh Kinny! I'm so sorry you feel so cornered at the moment! That's awful!

The first thing I'd be doing is whittling down your daily work into a manageable bundle. Only do what's absolutely necessary for now, at least until the nausea and faintness pass. Is there anyone who might help you do some of the harder stuff (like vacuuming or other bigger jobs)? If not, maybe you could simply ask your husband to do it for you while you do something more necessary, like washing.

With your birds, one thing I do to make it easier is to put down a hunormous layer of newspaper in the cages. Then, I just remove the dirty top layer each day. This is good when you know there won't be a thorough clean for a little while. Are your kids old enough to fill the food containers and change the water? It's a good thing for kids to help by doing little jobs when they can. Makes 'em feel important and helps you too.

Finally, if you're really at that dreadful point where just putting one foot in front of the other is a problem, you need to see someone for help. There's no need to suffer and no reason to be afraid of any consequences. I had black bouts of depression after having both my kids. With my son, it was six years before I finally got well again. With my daughter, the depression never really took hold because I had good treatment from the beginning. I still have periods of depression all these years later, but I'm not afraid of it any more as I know I can beat it with the right tools.

See your GP and ask for a thorough checkup, both physical and emotional. There are bulk-billing programs (at least, there are here in NSW) that give you six free sessions with a specialist and then another six if you need them. The whole notion of confidentiality was taken care of when they brought in the Privacy Act. Nothing you say can be shared with anyone else and that's that. (Well... unless you say you're about to murder someone or blow up Parliament or something).

Whatever you do, don't just wait and suffer in silence! The longer you wait, the longer it'll take to get you well. I hope you can find a way to feel well again and enjoy this pregnancy. The little baby who's coming wants a happy Mummy!

916animal · Oct 27, 2013

With your prior pregnancy's did you have any symptoms or signs of depression? Before I had my daughter sure I had depression and I even clearly remember having bad anxiety as a young child. But my depression before my pregnancy was manageable. When I got pregnant it got really bad. And as soon as I had my daughter it doubled. I didn't have any thoughts of hurting my baby. I wanted to just go to sleep and not wake up, but in the back of my mind I had this beautiful baby that deserved a mother and a father. My baby and my husband are what kept me going. Why don't you go ahead and pm me, I would. Be happy to be an outlet for you. Just know that you are a person of extreme worth and needed and loved by others. Take care and please don't hesitate to message me!

gizzygirl · Oct 27, 2013

Take vitamin D, it's been helping my grandma. Are you in the USA??? Knowing just what country you're in can help us to help you better. This is simply said and not easily done but you need to change the things in your life that is causing your depression. I've had to do it. I went the therapy and pill route and it didn't work because things in my life were still the same and depressing. When my husband severed ties with his mother and sister he was able to stop taking antidepressants but still needs therapy for all the past emotional and physical abuse. You also could have a chemical imbalance that just requires meds but from what you've said I doubt that but I'm not a doctor.

JerseyWendy · Oct 27, 2013

You've received some outstanding and sound advice, Kinny. The ultimate step to DO something about how you are feeling is UP TO YOU!

Depression is not to be taken lightly.

Could it be possible you are also suffering from postpartum depression?
Please have a look at this link. Depression during and after pregnancy fact sheet | womenshealth.gov

There IS help out there, you are not alone in this, and there are MANY qualified people who can help you - if you only give one a chance.

Captsteve · Oct 27, 2013

"I do know I honestly whole-heartedly believe I am stupid and worthless. Part of me thinks/knows it's not true.. but deep down I believe it.."

I have just read 2 pages of replies from people who do not think that you are stupid nor worthless. This may just be a nebulous thing in cyber-space but you have some truly caring friends here that want to help you. It seems to me that you have found a sounding board full of people willing to listen and talk to you that share some of the same interests as you.

So force a smile on your face or we will all migrate to Aussie land and tickle you with some Mac feathers!!!

Mayden · Oct 27, 2013

Kinny, have you ever had cognitive behavioural therapy? I found that my anxiety and depression reduced significantly after I was able to apply the techniques used in day to day activities. If you PM me, I might be able to point you towards some techniques. Mainly 'breaking the cycle' of the negative thoughts and such. xx

Depression: How do you deal with it?

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