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Old 07-17-2014, 01:42 AM
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I had a Humpty Dumpty moment today.

I should like to begin my latest diatribe with a quotation from the Scots poet, Robbie Burns (as distinct from the Hebrew poet, Rabbi Burns, but that's another story).

"The best laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft agley
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain..."

The inexorable truth of this statement was borne out to me most vividly this afternoon as I lay prone upon my kitchen floor with my arms around the dog, my eye upon the Galah and squawking like a mad thing for my husband, who was naked (as is his wont) in the shower.

It all began like this.

I was tidying up my estates in Stronghold Kingdoms, my MMOG of choice. I have to humbly admit, my castles aren't quite what they should be and I have far too many idle peasants and far too few ballistae and seige engines. So. There was I, busily putting those devil-may-care peasants to work and adding in seige workshops. Suddenly, Dominic bellowed and flapped his wings!

I digress to say for those of you who don't know, that Dominic is our Galah whose domain is on top of the fridge. He is a free-range Galah and has a playgym suspended above the back door which contains all of his exercise equipment as well as his rummage basket where he retreats at times to turn various items into confetti. We reckon this is a Good Plan because it allows Dommie to spend time with his family and us to interact with him often. Which we do. Only thing is, Dom has to be watched carefully on account of two cats and one dog. We thought all that was well under control.

Anyway, to continue: Dom was flapping excitedly and 'p'snipping' for all he was worth. Fearing Dom might fly and hence provide an irresistible prey item for Miss Rox, I leaped to my feet. Rox, who had been sleeping the Sleep of the Just at my feet, leaped also realising something was up. Just then, Dommie did fly, but missed his mark and plummetted to the top of a small bookshelf and then bounced off. He was in the (unsuccessful) act of trying to claw his way back to his fridge as I reached desperately to cup him in my outstretched hands. Only, my foot got caught in the tiny ridge between the kitchen lino and the computer room floor.

DOWN I went!

Of course, Rox was filled with consternation on account of my sudden arrival at floor level and began to clean my teeth for me with her long pink tongue. Fully aware that Dommie was now on the floor as well and thus vulnerable to Rox, Seamus and Genevieve, I began to bellow for Hunn to come and save him. I had a half-nelson on Rox, who was quite happy about that as she'd transferred her attention from the no-longer-flapping Dommie to the shrieking me. My teeth got a REALLY good clean!

It was round about this moment that I realised I had fallen rather heavily on my right knee and so I began to wail words to that effect to poor Hunn who by now was hovering over me and dripping in a most affectionate and fellow-feeling sort of way into my eyes.

'Get up!' he exhorted. 'You can't stay there!'

'Save Dominic!' I bellowed, 'He's under the table and I can't hold onto Rox much longer!'

'P'snip!' said Dommie. 'P'snip, p'snip, P'SNIP!!!'

So, dear Hunn managed to get hold of Dominic and put him back on his fridge. Rox had ceased cleaning my teeth and I spat and spat with my stomach heaving. My knee was killing me and it took a good ten minutes before I could even think about how I would get myself up off the floor. Meanwhile, Hunn continued to rain Imperial Leather soapsuds all over me as he anxiously offered advice based on the solid principles of Physics. I told him to get back in his shower and I would work it out myself, probably with logs.

As Aristotle famously said, 'Give me a fulcrum and I shall move the world'. Thus it was that I was able to lever myself aloft by upturning a chair and using it as my fulcrum. I am now seated safely in my computer chair and I have no plans for leaving it in the foreseeable future.

Oh, and yes, my knee is aching miserably and I feel decidedly wonky, having swallowed half a bottle of industrial-strength Listerine.
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Old 07-17-2014, 02:33 AM
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Re: I had a Humpty Dumpty moment today.

Oh no! I do hope your knee is feeling okay Trish. Have you applied ice? At any rate, I'm glad you had Listerine on hand and Dommie is okay!

If you hadn't held onto Roxanne, do you think she would have tried to go after Dom?
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Old 07-17-2014, 04:24 AM
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Re: I had a Humpty Dumpty moment today.

Wasn't it nice of Rox to try to kiss you better? How kind she is
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Old 07-17-2014, 05:25 AM
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Re: I had a Humpty Dumpty moment today.

It's too cold to apply ice just at the moment. My knee feels a lot better now, thank you, but it's a bit stiff and bruisish. Sigh. Persons of magnificent proportions ought not to spend time on the ground. It just isn't worth it!

Beyond the first flapping, dear Rox never showed the slightest interest in Dommie. It was just me being ultra-careful (I'd die if anything ever happened to him!) and trying to forestall him landing on the floor. The worst part of all was the teeth cleaning, but Listerine took care of it in the end. Bleargh! Poor me!

Yes, Roxie is kind. Too kind! She kindly slept on my bed last night and I woke up at 4am with no covers on me and all the covers on her and Hunn! It's a conspiracy, I tell you! LOL!
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Old 07-17-2014, 05:46 AM
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Re: I had a Humpty Dumpty moment today.

Oh Trish, WHAT a visual. Many of them, too.

I'm glad you're not seriously injured, and hope your knee mends quickly and painlessly.

What a good girl Rox is! You had me ROFLMAO over her cleaning your teeth, as I'm quite familiar with those antics myself (our Ziva).

And of course I'm elated that Dom is all right.
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Old 07-17-2014, 07:50 AM
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Re: I had a Humpty Dumpty moment today.

I hope your knee heals swiftly and well, dearest Trish. And despite your stumble, props on your sweet take down tackle of Lady Rox!

As usual, your storytelling style kept me absolutely riveted. I'd read a treatise on the art of drying paint if it were written by you, my friend!

And as for the Listerine, I doubt anything less would've made you feel better after THAT! Haha! In fact, even the relatively new, more mouth friendly, minty version wouldn't have done it for me. I'd have gone back to the old school, yellow tinted Listerine that tasted like medicine and burned with an intensity that tested even the toughest and burliest of warriors! (Or so it seemed to me in my childhood, at least. )
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Old 07-17-2014, 10:49 AM
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Re: I had a Humpty Dumpty moment today.

Trish, I always love your stories, but I wish it hadn't ended with your knee hurting I am hoping it gets better quickly.
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Old 07-17-2014, 01:14 PM
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Re: I had a Humpty Dumpty moment today.

Trish, I am so sorry about your painful knee! I have tackled my Golden Retriever in just such a way to keep one of my winged darlings out of harm's way. I feel guilty that I enjoyed your creative writing so much under the circumstances. Your stories are always such a special treat. So glad it turned out well for Rox and Dommie.

Honestly, I think I would personally PREFER a big, sloppy puppy kiss to a mouthful of the original Listerine. I still hate that stuff from childhood.

It's been raining since yesterday afternoon and the monsoon has made my golden retriever nervous. When I woke up this morning, she was curled around my head and had brought six of her favorite bouncy balls and put them on the bed to keep them safe.
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Old 07-17-2014, 01:19 PM
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Re: I had a Humpty Dumpty moment today.

I love your story. The way you describe everything I feel as if I am in the room watching it all happen. Brilliant Hope your knee is ok.
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Old 07-17-2014, 01:43 PM
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Re: I had a Humpty Dumpty moment today.

Quote: Originally Posted by Allee View Post
Honestly, I think I would personally PREFER a big, sloppy puppy kiss to a mouthful of the original Listerine. I still hate that stuff from childhood.
Cleaned the living heck out of one's teeth & tongue though, didn't it? Scared the bacteria right out of your mouth! Haha!

Quote: Originally Posted by Allee
It's been raining since yesterday afternoon and the monsoon has made my golden retriever nervous. When I woke up this morning, she was curled around my head and had brought six of her favorite bouncy balls and put them on the bed to keep them safe.
Please tell me you IMMEDIATELY took a selfie!
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