Would you believe this??

This evening, I answered the door to a woman I'd never seen before. She was going around our neighborhood door to door. She held up a picture of a baby/toddler (couldn't really see the small pic without my glasses). She said that her grand-baby had died yesterday. She said that this neighborhood had been 'very generous' so far, and she was hoping to get more donations.

I told her the truth, we have so many expenses right now and upcoming that I don't have anything to spare, and that I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

Then after I closed the door, I realized something. I realized that generally speaking, we as humans are so conditioned toward the 'knee-jerk' response of feeling deep sympathy in such a situation as the one she mentioned. The feelings of sympathy produce an automatic and powerful emotional response in most people when we hear such a thing. Such a powerful emotional response that it may cause otherwise cautious people to be caught off guard and open their wallets.

In a way I hope this wasn't true. No one wants to hear of such a tragedy. But I also hate to think that she was able stoop low enough to tell such a despicable lie, in order to more effectively 'pan handle'. Unfortunately, there is just so much dishonesty out there these days, that you really never know for sure.

I wonder how much she ended up getting tonight... I hate to think it's true, but how awful otherwise, you know?

I probably would have fell for it. I always want to believe people. But if they are lying that's on them not me.

I've become too cynical.
I'd offer a hot meal or some baking, to the family's home address. But not money.

Another thing, thinking about it now... She flat out said the word "died" not "passed away" as you'd think most people would say in the situation. She also said "yesterday" and didn't seem overly distraught, but I guess that doesn't mean anything since everyone reacts differently. It just raises an eyebrow is all.

At my age, i guess the world has made me too cynical also. So often i have fallen for panhandlers scams. I almost always give in and give folks the benefit of doubt. I'm tired of being preyed on. If she was someone i had seen around before , i might, otherwise no. I'm over it.

RavensGryf said:

Another thing, thinking about it now... She flat out said the word "died" not "passed away" as you'd think most people would say in the situation. She also said "yesterday" and didn't seem overly distraught, but I guess that doesn't mean anything since everyone reacts differently. It just raises an eyebrow is all.

Click to expand...

Sorry there's too many red flags in this for me to feel happy and would probably be on the phone to the Police to report it. Normal people don't go begging after just having lost a grandchild do they and certainly not the day after? To those of you who have shown kindness and compassion god bless you. I am very suspicious I'm afraid.

Wow, Julie!

Unfortunately I've become rather desensitized due to having fallen victim a few too many times. It's sad, actually. I no longer give the benefit of the doubt if they're complete strangers.

I'm not saying this was definitely a scam, but you're so right, if it was, she probably got a decent amount of money from God knows how many places she's walked through.

I seriously doubt it is true. We have been conditioned since we were babies to empathize and sympathize with others. It is the only way a society can work. However, this makes us prime targets for sociopaths and psychopaths to prey on that fact. I have had some recent experience witnessing that myself. Those people are scary! Anyhow, a person that really just lost a baby or grandbaby... why would they be going door to door? That does not make sense to me at all. However people are not going to call the police to check it out because they would feel guilty about possibly being wrong, which plays right into the predators hands. I think the same thing when I see these go fund me things. I think the idea is wonderful! However, anyone can say anything and start a gofundme, then pass it around on facebook. People read it, see it on a friends page, ASSUME THE FRIEND KNOWS THE PERSON, then donate, and then they share it... the cycle continues with their friends.
OMG! I never knew I was so cynical! UGH!

itchyfeet said:

I've become too cynical.
I'd offer a hot meal or some baking, to the family's home address. But not money.

Click to expand...

This is a must in cities like DC where I live. I have a story from a friend who gave $5 to someone at a gas station, on to watch them drive off 2 minutes later in a Mercedes Benz. With these panhandlers you never know who actually needs it and who doesn't. I'd rather give the money to a legit non-profit. Otherwise I'll buy them a quick meal. No money.

chris-md said:

itchyfeet said:

I've become too cynical.
I'd offer a hot meal or some baking, to the family's home address. But not money.

Click to expand...

This is a must in cities like DC where I live. I have a story from a friend who gave $5 to someone at a gas station, on to watch them drive off 2 minutes later in a Mercedes Benz. With these panhandlers you never know who actually needs it and who doesn't. I'd rather give the money to a legit non-profit. Otherwise I'll buy them a quick meal. No money.

Click to expand...

I fell for the gas thing ten years ago. While I was pumping gas a girl in her early twenties asked me if a had a couple dollars for gas, she was trying to make it home, etc. I thought of my own daughter and filled her tank. I didnt give her money but I used my card to fill her tank and after I was done her boyfriend comes out of the store with a large drink and a pack of cigarettes. Lesson learned. Falling for things like this does not mean you are stupid, it means they are a bad person.

henpecked said:

At my age, i guess the world has made me too cynical also. So often i have fallen for panhandlers scams. I almost always give in and give folks the benefit of doubt. I'm tired of being preyed on. If she was someone i had seen around before , i might, otherwise no. I'm over it.

Click to expand...

I feel 100% the same. Having lost a child I can tell you there is no way any member of my family could have gone door to door asking for anything

This is one of the reasons I hate the gofundme crap. So may people just flat out lie sad

Nope, would not have bought it. Have seen that scam one too many times. I'm even skeptical of non-profits because so many "legal" charities misappropriate funds.

Wow, for some people there are no depths to which they won't sink for cash.

Christine, I am so sorry for your loss.

Christine, my deepest condolences.

As for me, it doesn't really come down to belief or not. Most times there's really no way to know for certain, so I tend to approach it in a similar way to what Ann said. I'll try to help out if I can, and if they're lying it's really on them.

Doesn't change the fact that I acted with the best of intentions. And doesn't make me feel like a sucker for trying to help. At the end of the day, the scammers and con-artists have to live with who they are. That's probably punishment enough.

Christine, sorry for your loss. I have had a couple of people in my family lose their children at young ages and it is sad and difficult thing to go through. It would be terribly sad for a human being to take advantage of these strong feelings in order to scam somebody. I hope it wasn't the case, but it does seem odd that someone would have the ability to go door to door the very next day after losing a child. My philosophy is to act with your best intentions and the rest will take care of itself

So sorry for your loss, Christine.

I too doubt the veracity of the ladie's story. Very sad the worst of human experiences can be harnessed for false sympathy. That said, I leave the door of possibility just slightly cracked.

Thanks for the responses. It's interesting to hear everyone's opinions. The more I think about how she came across... I don't want to judge people by outward appearances, but based on the entire presentation of it, and how she sounded was hm, very suspicious. Then part of me felt guilty for doubting. It feels good to help someone, but so many dishonest people out there ruin it for the rest. Those GoFundMe pages too. You either have to know the person well enough, or just go on faith that it's legit since they're not verified.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss Christine.

Julie, I had a woman beg for money from my boyfriend and I because she "desperately needed to take the bus across town and go get her son". According to her story, she was dropped off but her ride could no longer bring her to her son.

Shortly after we gave her enough fare for two people to take the bus, she went and asked the next person. And the next. Then we saw her months later begging others for money. So I don't blame your doubt.

And I'm so sorry Christine, loss is never easy.

I would have believed her in the moment, because I'm a total sucker. Then, upon later reflection, I would be mad at myself for buying her story. Sick mother, sick child, dead mother, dead child - all common conman ploys.

Once I had a man come up to me in a parking lot, very upset and crying, approached really carefully, wouldn't come too close to the car because he "didn't want to alarm or scare me," then told me how his mother had a heart attack and he drove all the way from [a far city] to visit her and went to her house to get some personal things to make her more comfortable in the hospital, but didn't have enough gas to get them back to her. It all seemed so nice and genuine and plucked my heartstrings. I gave him $10 for "gas money." Apparently he was a good actor and story crafter because I saw his picture in the local newspaper a week later, arrested for possession and using heroin. Made me feel like an a$$.

There was something on the TV here a while back about a homeless man, begging on the streets who had purchased a house from his 'occupation' and was still doing it. Tar and brush for me I'm afraid.