I've had to give up

LordTriggs · Feb 28, 2018

I don't know what's so wrong with me. All day Saturday I was excited about getting a new avian friend. then in the evening and all the way through to yesterday I was having a mass on set of anxiety over it. Family and friends have told me I need to stop because I'm only making myself feel bad and I think they're right. So yesterday I messaged the breeder saying I wouldn't be getting one of his parrots.

I really don't know why I get this hits of deep anxiety. I've never felt like it before when getting a pet but my gut just seems to say no.

Just want to say a massive thanks to everyone here for helping me through everything

Aquila · Feb 28, 2018

There's nothing you need to feel bad about, it can be a big decision. It's much easier to get a bird later than to undo getting one if you're not ready. Volunteer at a bird shelter if you can to get your "fix" and it might help ease your anxiety, because you can still care for a bird without making a commitment. One day, you'll be ready again and you'll be able to make a confident decision.

SilverSage · Feb 28, 2018

Sometimes a bird just isn’t the right bird or it isn’t the right time. Sometimes your gut knows that before your conscious mind can figure out why.

That happened to me with the baby B&G I was going to get a few years ago. A breeder Freind of mine showed up at my door with a just feathered baby wrapped in her arms. I literally took the bird and started to cry! I wanted one soooooo bad; B&Gs were my first dream bird! I got in contact with the person she got him from and reserved a baby from the next clutch for $600 out of the nest (just in case someone who doesn’t know me reads this; I’m an experienced hand feeder, I do not support the sale of unweaned babies to the general public!). I was so excited, my dreams were coming true!!

But by a couple of weeks later I just had a stone of dread in my stomach. I called the breeder and canceled; 4 more of my friends ended up buying babies that were siblings of the one that my first freind brought to my door. As I helped her raise him and watched his siblings being raised I realized something very important; a macaw is NOT the right bird for me. You would think they would be since I am so smitten by Conures but they aren’t. My gut figured that out months before my brain understood why. Your gut may just be ahead of your brain on this one!

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T00tsyd · Feb 28, 2018

Very few decisions in life are permanent so don't beat yourself up about this change of heart. Too often people plough ahead and disregard those feelings that something isn't quite right. All credit to you that you have listened and acted promptly.

There will be another opportunity at a time when you feel ready and able to take it on and when that time comes you will recognise it and be a super friend to the right bird for you. I have great respect for you.

GaleriaGila · Feb 28, 2018

Good for YOU, for holding off if you aren't completely sure!
You aren't willing to take the chance of having to re-home, so you aren't doing it... yet.
Losing Rio was traumatic. I have a hunch you're anxious about going through it again.
You hang in there. Let your heart heal.
When the time is right, you'll know it.

itzjbean · Feb 28, 2018

I'm sad to hear this but also glad. You are listening to your gut instinct and that is so important to listen to. We would much rather you take a step away now when you have this time to reflect on your decision then get a baby and realize two months into ownership it isn't what you were expecting...

Don't worry about it LTriggs. Take a step back and breathe. This is a huge commitment that you have no need to rush into. When it's the right time, you will know it. New baby or not I still will look forward to your posts.

AmyMyBlueFront · Feb 28, 2018

M'Lord...Only YOU know whats best for you. No one here will ever beat you down for it. You're advice and input here has been immense and appreciated.
I think you will make an awesome parront,when you feel you can do it.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed dealing with Amy and Beebs then I think where would I be without them?
Just hang in there my friend! You'll know when the time is right

Jim

Scott · Feb 28, 2018

GaleriaGila said:
Good for YOU, for holding off if you aren't completely sure!
You aren't willing to take the chance of having to re-home, so you aren't doing it... yet.
Losing Rio was traumatic. I have a hunch you're anxious about going through it again.
You hang in there. Let your heart heal.
When the time is right, you'll know it.

So insightful, this resonates so true!

One door closes, another door opens. The good news is the door you just closed (or another just like it) can be opened whenever you choose. You are young enough to have the better part of your life ahead, very impressed with your maturity and introspection!

I am glad you felt comfortable enough to discuss here!

Inger · Feb 28, 2018

Ahhhh follow your gut, friend. Pets can be wonderful help with stress, anxiety, depression. But sometimes they also exacerbate things. My anxiety manifests by my brain coming up with all the possible and most horrible ways my pets could die. When everything else is in balance, there’s no problem, but if I’m tired or extra stressed or forget to take my meds for more than a day-then things go a little crazy. When the balance is right for you, you will know. Your bird is out there, or will be, when the time is right.

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Carl_Power · Feb 28, 2018

Anxiety just sucks doesnt it. Sometimes doing the thing you fear can take it all away but there is a reason in your subconscious to make you feel this way which you will know. From reading your posts on here everything tells me any birdie would be lucky to have you. Its so easy to want them isnt it

Also many new things can cause anxiety. New job, becomming a parent, those kind of things. Maybe if you asked to adopt the bird for a few days, see how you feel if thats an option?

If you think you have made the right deciscion then you have because you are you x

Kentuckienne · Feb 28, 2018

Your gut feeling might be good advice, and it might be just fear. I signed on to work with a professional a couple years back, something I had just been handling on my own, and I called the next day to cancel. I told her I was anxious, and that if anything went wrong I would blame her for it, and I wasn't ready. She asked me to give it a quarter and see how I felt. It turned out being one of the best professional relationships in my life, and working with her made my life better in many ways. But I had that same pit of fear in the beginning.

Any commitment to the unknown, that will cost time or money especially, is risky and can be scary. You know I personally prefer it when people adopt a bird in need as opposed to buying one, but whatever you do ... listen very carefully to see if it's just fear talking, or if there is something that really makes you uneasy. I'm glad you decided to wait, because you can always get a bird in the future, when it is the right time and the right bird.

Soyajam · Feb 28, 2018

LTriggs, I did it before, and I understand.

It doesn't mean you're horrible or you're flaky, it means you seriously considered your choice to have a parrot.

If it is right for you, the time will come, even if isn't right now.

If you felt relief when you decided to cancel, then give yourself permission to feel relieved. It's OK, it really is.
I am still unsure if I did the right thing, and I've been in it 4 months now. So don't feel bad.

LordTriggs · Mar 1, 2018

Soyajam said:
LTriggs, I did it before, and I understand.

It doesn't mean you're horrible or you're flaky, it means you seriously considered your choice to have a parrot.

If it is right for you, the time will come, even if isn't right now.

If you felt relief when you decided to cancel, then give yourself permission to feel relieved. It's OK, it really is.
I am still unsure if I did the right thing, and I've been in it 4 months now. So don't feel bad.

I wish I felt relief. I just feel annoyance at myself. But like everyone here and family members have said my gut is clearly telling me something. On the upside I know I have permission from the LL in the future so I no longer have to worry about that

Jottlebot · Mar 1, 2018

Exactly. There's a big difference between gut instinct and anxiety (and I mean that 'clinically'). I wouldn't be surprised if there is some reluctance to open yourself up to the potential of going through the pain of a loss again after Rio. Which might cause some anxiety and as others have said "anxiety" usually isn't a good guide to listen to when making decisions.

That being said, this decision seems to come more from gut instinct and I (very unprofessionally!) think there is a lot to be said for this.

All you've actually done, even if it was a terrible decision and you change your mind back again in a day, is make yourself wait longer. In the grand scheme of things that's not quite the worst thing imaginable is it!

Kentuckienne · Mar 1, 2018

This is an interesting discussion. When is that sinking feeling a genuine warning, and when is it just a button getting pushed?

We are only aware of so much. Parts of our minds are below the level of consciousness, and many decisions are made at that level. There was a famous study, where participants were asked to click a button at the instant they made a decision, but the wires hooked up to them showed that they had already decided (hands or eyes were already moving) before they became aware of it. And our emotions are affected by our gut bacteria, of all things, and by hormones or other stimulants that reach the vagus nerve. The brain is the only source of thoughts, so these impulses arrive without thought attached to them - as feelings or impulses.

Sometimes we might ignore "facts" that we think we shouldn't believe ... say I'm walking down a darkish street, and see someone walking toward me. I might have an impulse to cross to the other side, but resist it because that would be showing distrust. It could be I'm just remembering being told that "stranger plus dark street equals bad", in which case the reaction is just a button being pushed, and may or may not be real information. After all, a dark street IS riskier than a well-lit one, so it's not a ridiculous idea. On the other hand, I may haves subconsciously observed something about the person - maybe they looked quickly around them, or moved hand into a pocket, or did something else that is a clear signal something is wrong. In this case, my "deeper" awareness picked up on something that didn't make it through the filters into conscious thought, and it would be a good idea to take precautions.

Both these feelings are similar. I'm sure other people have experienced this. I run into this all the time, because for some reason I seem to get into a lot of new things. How do YOU figure out if something is a real message, or a knee-jerk reaction? When is a new situation scary just because it's new, and when is there something going on that you can't quite put your finger on, but know it's there? How did you get to the base of it?

Kiwibird · Mar 1, 2018

I am sure it was a difficult choice for you to have to make. Do know whenever you do choose to buy a bird you WILL make a wonderful owner because you have the knowledge and genuine care for these amazing animals necessary to provide one a good home

bug_n_flock · Mar 1, 2018

Ultimately you know you best and if you think you made the right call; you did. As everyone else has said, you always have the rest of your life in which to get a bird.

Tho I have to say, please don't leave the forum because you have decided to wait. You definitely contribute to this community and it would be poorer without you.

From phone

Flboy · Mar 3, 2018

A different spin on what you’re going through, me!
Our beloved Tango was killed by our dog about 9 years ago, right in front of my wife! Because of a chain of events that led up to the tragedy, I felt responsible! Last hit on a damaged relationship, my wife moved out into her own place and about a year later, got Bongo.
Three years ago, after watching me agonize over every bird I saw, they decided to ‘surprise’ me with JoJo, whom I had met in a local rescue. For the year that he was there, no one could handle him! Knowing nothing about his history, I walked in and he jumped up on me and cuddled! After visiting him every other day for a month, I introduced my daughter to him and he had the same reaction to her! At this point, I still knew nothing about his dark side with everyone else!
When the family put us together, I was a basket case for a month. I was having horrible panic attacks, and ‘knew’ something was very wrong!
The wrong, was me! I realized I felt(feel) unworthy and incapable of being able to be responsible for this precious life! The accident that took Tango’s life was avoidable, and was a bitter lesson that couldn’t be undone!
I know I made a difference in JoJo’s life, and to this day JoJo is still making a difference in mine!

Short, I feel your anxiety and self doubt! You have more good than risk to offer to a precious life! If others didn’t make the choice for me, I know I would have never taken this road!

Scott · Mar 3, 2018

LordTriggs said:
Soyajam said:

LTriggs, I did it before, and I understand.

It doesn't mean you're horrible or you're flaky, it means you seriously considered your choice to have a parrot.

If it is right for you, the time will come, even if isn't right now.

If you felt relief when you decided to cancel, then give yourself permission to feel relieved. It's OK, it really is.
I am still unsure if I did the right thing, and I've been in it 4 months now. So don't feel bad.

Click to expand...

I wish I felt relief. I just feel annoyance at myself. But like everyone here and family members have said my gut is clearly telling me something. On the upside I know I have permission from the LL in the future so I no longer have to worry about that

Ah, but you have made progress. Your anxiety was composed of several factors, including concern for LL permission. That is now cleared, so next time you contemplate adopting a bird, one less item to debate.

Scott · Mar 3, 2018

Kentuckienne said:
This is an interesting discussion. When is that sinking feeling a genuine warning, and when is it just a button getting pushed?

We are only aware of so much. Parts of our minds are below the level of consciousness, and many decisions are made at that level. There was a famous study, where participants were asked to click a button at the instant they made a decision, but the wires hooked up to them showed that they had already decided (hands or eyes were already moving) before they became aware of it. And our emotions are affected by our gut bacteria, of all things, and by hormones or other stimulants that reach the vagus nerve. The brain is the only source of thoughts, so these impulses arrive without thought attached to them - as feelings or impulses.

Sometimes we might ignore "facts" that we think we shouldn't believe ... say I'm walking down a darkish street, and see someone walking toward me. I might have an impulse to cross to the other side, but resist it because that would be showing distrust. It could be I'm just remembering being told that "stranger plus dark street equals bad", in which case the reaction is just a button being pushed, and may or may not be real information. After all, a dark street IS riskier than a well-lit one, so it's not a ridiculous idea. On the other hand, I may haves subconsciously observed something about the person - maybe they looked quickly around them, or moved hand into a pocket, or did something else that is a clear signal something is wrong. In this case, my "deeper" awareness picked up on something that didn't make it through the filters into conscious thought, and it would be a good idea to take precautions.

Both these feelings are similar. I'm sure other people have experienced this. I run into this all the time, because for some reason I seem to get into a lot of new things. How do YOU figure out if something is a real message, or a knee-jerk reaction? When is a new situation scary just because it's new, and when is there something going on that you can't quite put your finger on, but know it's there? How did you get to the base of it?

Hypnotherapy is a wonderful tool to debate with your hidden "board of directors" of the subconscious. When administered by a skilled professional, the results can be life changing!

I've had to give up

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