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Old 03-12-2019, 05:46 AM
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Off Topic - Work Vent

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I'm really, really sad about work. Sad doesn't quite fit, but upset feels like too much action and depressed has just been abused as a term.

I'm terribly sad how my colleagues are treated. How the cards were stacked against them from the start. How the politics are played, not even clever political manoeuvring, just drama politicking. How the innocent get hurt.

I'm upset that some colleagues saw my apparent stoicism as strength, when all it was was me being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm upset that they saw that and thought they should persevere in a situation I would have told a friend to leave asap.

I've tried to protect everyone, even the ones who now try to backstab me. I've defended everyone to the boss, arguing why the boss shouldn't make life a living hell for them to push them to leave. I gave reasons why they shouldn't be judged so harshly.

And the things I've had to put up with - the blatant insults, the snarky comments, the sly little daggers, the constant tearing down of everything you are and everything you've done, the things my partner is appalled to hear about - I can bottle them away. I grew up poor - I know how to tank through the tough times, to hold out because you need the job stability and the money. But I wish others didn't feel the need to do the same just because they saw me as a role model. I'm no role model. I'm just a person, biding her time, playing it safe, keeping her cards close to her chest. Maybe sometime soon I'll show my hand and be free from this place.

But what upsets me the most is my colleagues never had a chance. Even though I tried to shelter them. Just because of their faith, they never stood a chance. That's what infuriates me. Such kind, well-meaning, generous souls. Such wonderful people.

And the manipulation that goes on. I can see it, tangibly. I'm uncomfortably comfortable with it - had enough experience in politicking with more finesse. But this base manipulation is too transparent for me. The boss using people - pushing people out when they're no longer valuable, then sickeningly sweet to reel them back in when (oh shoot) they are actually needed these next few weeks. And (oh shoot), too many people are leaving so it looks bad, so the boss better go sweet talk everyone back into place. But the moment you've insinuated you're looking elsewhere, you're on death row - and you better not forget it. My silence is the one thing keeping me alive in this place. Loose lips sink ships, after all.

How can anyone trust someone who threatens to fire/push out people, then turns on you with barbed words and rude comments, then sugar talks when you as manpower are needed? It's a joke, and I'm only laughing when my humour turns black.

I just wish they wouldn't fall for it. Who can protect them, if I'm not around? Who else will hide the fact that office food outings follow religious dietary restrictions? Who else will hide the fact that for a few minutes at a time, they're missing from their desks for prayers in a room I made sure was quiet and out of the way for them? I worry.

I'm hoping to hear good news in a month's time, and I'm just holding onto that. But I'm also proud of myself in some moments. Maybe my father was right - that I am a strong person, able to bide my time until the better opportunity is secured. But I sure do look forward to my escape. I just hope my colleagues escape too.
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Old 03-12-2019, 06:27 AM
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Re: Off Topic - Work Vent

May your Work Vent bring you comfort...

An all to common Work Vent that has been around far far too long! It is a wonderful thing that individuals with a heart, by fate, find themselves in these places. When you leave and with hope, soon. Leave those with a heart, a smile and kind words and the others with silence.
One of my business beliefs: I came here a good person, I left a good person. Between those two points, I continued to build upon my Resume, which assured my leaving.
I always targeted Market Leaders, which built /sold the very best. It will never assure a perfect work place, but sure supports the likelihood.
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Last edited by SailBoat; 03-12-2019 at 06:38 AM.
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Old 03-12-2019, 07:27 AM
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Re: Off Topic - Work Vent

It hard to give any advise on this topic as we don't know your full situation, or options available to you. All I can say is been in your spot for close to 6 years and best thing I could have done was find a way out as could not take anymore and didn't look back. Now wishing I made the jump sooner. Don't let people like this cut you down as that what they do to make themselves feel better as your likely dealing with a psychopath. Learn to play the game enough till you find a way out and then make your move. No job worth it and in the end you be better off making the jump.
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Old 03-12-2019, 07:27 AM
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Re: Off Topic - Work Vent

Your best is all you can do .. and whatever happens: you did it.

I am with you in that I despise the so called 'office politics' and your boss already showed his unsavoury colours when he forced you out of the house and away from a sick birdie for his benefits alone.

So vent all you want if it helps you to stay strong (and smart) out there.
We hear you!
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Old 03-14-2019, 10:55 AM
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Re: Off Topic - Work Vent

Yeah, it's really starting to affect me. I used to be one of the highest performers, churning out stuff double the speed of others, juggling the work of three people, showing up early to contribute to projects, sacrifice my salary to help the company through tough times. And now, it's a struggle to wake up even. If we were in a financial position (and I was in a legal position) to quit, I would have long ago. I've taken sick leave because some days I can't bear the mental strain of the toxicity in the work place; some mornings I get mild anxiety attacks about facing the work place. Some of my colleagues try to climb the ladder of favour with the boss by putting others down, and they've successfully gotten a few people to quit by turning the boss against them. I can't take it anymore. I went from being the person who organised office lunch outings and paying interns' salaries out of pocket when the company couldn't to the person who is being forgotten during office lunches. I know I'm being ostracised. And to think I used to love going to work and contributing and building up the company - I'd work from 7am to 10pm when we needed to rush projects out, sometimes even 3am.

Now, I'm having a hard time focusing at work even. I know I'm not getting enough sleep - I start slipping into depression if I don't consistently get 8 hours of sleep - and I've only been sleeping 3-6 hours a night since November. And I sleep so late because I'm just struggling to destress and collect myself after every horrible work day. I'm working at half my normal pace, and my boss is expecting me to be the star performer I once was.

I'm just trying to keep my sense of self-worth after hearing day-in and day-out how I'm failing, how I shouldn't talk because I don't know what I'm talking about (despite him asking for my opinion), how I'm not listening. Every day my professional judgement calls backed by research and documentation are called into question and interrogated before ultimately going with the willy-nilly of the boss. Every day someone tells me to do something and I follow it, only for the person to turn around and say, "But I didn't say that," then letting me take the fall for it - including the boss. I've become a person who only communicates over text now, who just shuts up and doesn't stand up for anything anymore, who just accepts it when the boss snaps fingers in her face.

I can't take it. And it's affecting Cairo as well. We used to do his favourite training sessions every day. Now, maybe only once or twice a week. And I'm just dragging myself out of bed because with my partner's unstable salary and a new place that allows Cairo, I'm the sole breadwinner. And I can't quit without a backup job signed or else I'll be kicked out of the country.

Maybe I should be tougher. I grew up seeing my partners take all sorts of soul crushing jobs to get the family through. But it's just too much mental strain right now. And I can't tell anyone about this in person because this country is too small - the word would get around so easily. I know the boss would want to push me out, but he can't afford to right now. Plus, I know too much.

Ugh, luckily tomorrow is Friday. Just one more day til the weekend.
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  #6 (permalink)  
Old 03-14-2019, 11:33 AM
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Re: Off Topic - Work Vent

Oh dearest ...


I was reading an article about bosses who induce (guarantee) burnout in others, and I do not have to quote it here because you more or less summarized it all already.



It is *so* not your fault -- but he almost seems to be forcing you take the blame for everything that goes wrong overthere.



All I can say is : plan your "escape from Alcatraz" with care.
Ask your partner to help you to make sure your CV is up to date and there are ways to get out of this situation.
"Run away and save yourself" is really all you can do at this point.
You are a wonderfull 'larger than life' employee and you deserve to be treated far far better than this!
Your boss is not going to do that (obviously) so you need to take care of you.
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  #7 (permalink)  
Old 03-14-2019, 01:37 PM
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Re: Off Topic - Work Vent

Quote: Originally Posted by charmedbyekkie View Post
Yeah, it's really starting to affect me. I used to be one of the highest performers, churning out stuff double the speed of others, juggling the work of three people, showing up early to contribute to projects, sacrifice my salary to help the company through tough times. And now, it's a struggle to wake up even. If we were in a financial position (and I was in a legal position) to quit, I would have long ago. I've taken sick leave because some days I can't bear the mental strain of the toxicity in the work place; some mornings I get mild anxiety attacks about facing the work place. Some of my colleagues try to climb the ladder of favour with the boss by putting others down, and they've successfully gotten a few people to quit by turning the boss against them. I can't take it anymore. I went from being the person who organised office lunch outings and paying interns' salaries out of pocket when the company couldn't to the person who is being forgotten during office lunches. I know I'm being ostracised. And to think I used to love going to work and contributing and building up the company - I'd work from 7am to 10pm when we needed to rush projects out, sometimes even 3am.

Now, I'm having a hard time focusing at work even. I know I'm not getting enough sleep - I start slipping into depression if I don't consistently get 8 hours of sleep - and I've only been sleeping 3-6 hours a night since November. And I sleep so late because I'm just struggling to destress and collect myself after every horrible work day. I'm working at half my normal pace, and my boss is expecting me to be the star performer I once was.

I'm just trying to keep my sense of self-worth after hearing day-in and day-out how I'm failing, how I shouldn't talk because I don't know what I'm talking about (despite him asking for my opinion), how I'm not listening. Every day my professional judgement calls backed by research and documentation are called into question and interrogated before ultimately going with the willy-nilly of the boss. Every day someone tells me to do something and I follow it, only for the person to turn around and say, "But I didn't say that," then letting me take the fall for it - including the boss. I've become a person who only communicates over text now, who just shuts up and doesn't stand up for anything anymore, who just accepts it when the boss snaps fingers in her face.

I can't take it. And it's affecting Cairo as well. We used to do his favourite training sessions every day. Now, maybe only once or twice a week. And I'm just dragging myself out of bed because with my partner's unstable salary and a new place that allows Cairo, I'm the sole breadwinner. And I can't quit without a backup job signed or else I'll be kicked out of the country.

Maybe I should be tougher. I grew up seeing my partners take all sorts of soul crushing jobs to get the family through. But it's just too much mental strain right now. And I can't tell anyone about this in person because this country is too small - the word would get around so easily. I know the boss would want to push me out, but he can't afford to right now. Plus, I know too much.

Ugh, luckily tomorrow is Friday. Just one more day til the weekend.
It call you being burned out.The best thing you can do is to try to first to communicate with your boss, to see if you can meet in the middle if you really want to keep the job, or to quit soon start looking for other work, if you already tried that then just quit ASAP!! You will surprise yourself and how fast you fix the temporary bad situation and when you have free time you likely find other work quick, or may even work for yourself and do something you enjoy more?

I Know this as I was in your spot years ago and had no other income at the time to rely on. So stuck around as at the time jobs were not easy to come by and barely wanted to get up in the morning and wanted to deal with people after work. I hated being at that place as boss was screw up and had no morals, it was just about him. My friend that known for taking risks and getting into trouble at times and I have myself as been down that path. He kept telling me sure have quit a long time ago. One day I did and best thing I did was when I finally decide enough is enough and walk out. I wish I now this this years ago?

I did struggle for a short while, but did do side jobs to get by for time being and started getting more work slowly in the few months and then started getting into other things I enjoyed more doing restorations and ETC and that when I started making way more money then I was working a 9 to 5 and made a little over 1m in a couple of years. I learned that if you focus your mind to something and especially something you enjoy, you can do what you would have believed was impossible. I learn to accomplish my dreams not someone else's. It took me over 8 years to learn this. Don't let others drag you down and screw up your core values.

As far as the company I worked for they when under about 8 months later

Last edited by ParrotGenie; 03-14-2019 at 01:52 PM.
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Old 03-14-2019, 01:52 PM
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Re: Off Topic - Work Vent

I really, really wish I could follow your recommendation. I

If I communicate to my boss that I'm getting burned out, he'll just say, "What have you been doing to get burned out?" Then make work life even worse for me, putting me down to everyone. It's what he's done to others before. I've seen it happen so many times.

And if I quit with no new job in line, I'm immediately kicked out of the country. It's incredibly demoralizing also because fewer jobs here are open to foreigners. Xenophobia is on the rise worldwide.
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  #9 (permalink)  
Old 03-14-2019, 02:27 PM
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Re: Off Topic - Work Vent

Quote: Originally Posted by charmedbyekkie View Post
I really, really wish I could follow your recommendation. I

If I communicate to my boss that I'm getting burned out, he'll just say, "What have you been doing to get burned out?" Then make work life even worse for me, putting me down to everyone. It's what he's done to others before. I've seen it happen so many times.

And if I quit with no new job in line, I'm immediately kicked out of the country. It's incredibly demoralizing also because fewer jobs here are open to foreigners. Xenophobia is on the rise worldwide.
He definitely taking advantage. It is common practice for people to use foreigners unfortunately. You have to look at your skills and what you enjoy and see how you can self market yourself and maybe forget trying to work for someone? Just brand yourself some way. It just depends on what you are capable of doing and full situation?

I not sure what you are skilled at, or enjoy doing to give advise on this as it is case by case? I did pictures and videos of restoration work, plus help others figure out issues they could not figure out and word got around and started also selling online. Some do videos on YouTube and Facebook for self promotion. You have to figure out what your niche is and where you fit?

You also have to figure out a reasonable plan then set a goal and make your move. As ChristaNL put it? "Plan your escape" You may not able to quit yet, eventually you will have to make the move? It will be hard no doubt at first and may even change goal mid process, but once you find your niche, things have a way to fall in place. Just don't give up and do your best Something will stick.

Last edited by ParrotGenie; 03-14-2019 at 02:41 PM.
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  #10 (permalink)  
Old 03-14-2019, 03:05 PM
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Re: Off Topic - Work Vent

I did go for a second round recently and was given tentative greenlight, depending on how they were restructuring the company. I'm supposed to hear back from them by the beginning of next month whether or not they'll hire for the role.

I've got my resume out and circling with recruiter friends. I've been applying to jobs, often when I have a bit of a mental breakdown and take sick leave. In this country, I do have to have an employer to enable me to legally stay here - freelancing as a foreigner is illegal, I'm not supposed to have any side jobs. So I'm just biding my time until either I get an offer at the beginning of next month or another company offers.

So stressful though because I know the boss never gives a good recommendation. Ever. I've seen a lot of people go. Not one received a positive recommendation. And he blatantly tells people that he didn't give so-and-so a good recommendation because [citing all the negative things he can attribute to the person]. It's scary. People try to leave on a positive note like you're supposed to when you leave a job. But it's just a facade from him.

It makes me want to move back. But I've (figuratively) built a home in this country.
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